❝I once believed love would be burning red, but it's golden.❞

XLI. COMMUNICATION

"Ready for our date?"

Gyeoul grimaced, turning away to hide her expression from Yongsik, but he already noticed it.

"Don't get too disappointed. Judging by the look on your face, this might just be our last date. So, that's worth celebrating," he chuckled, making her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "Let's talk about this in the car."

She didn't waste any time getting in, her eyes blown wide even after the few seconds Yongsik got in the car. A part of her wanted to be relieved that he was able to read her, but the guilt was eating her up. She wanted to end it all already, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings. But she had to suck it up and be straightforward like him

"I still have feelings for Taehyung."

Yongsik grinned, "So, you're breaking up with me for him? Did you find out that he has feelings for you?"

"Regardless of whether or not he has feelings for me, which he probably doesn't, I still feel the need to do this because it's not fair to you," Gyeoul further explained, keeping her pace slow. "You should be with someone who will wholeheartedly appreciate you and love you for all your being, but I have to apologize, I'm afraid that someone will never be me."

He sucked the inside of his cheek, looking down at the steering wheel as he sunk in her words. "I know. I've known since I saw you and Taehyung together in your house last year. I realized that there was no space for me in your future." He laughed humorlessly as he ran his fingers through his hair, "To be honest, I think I should apologize to you too. I guess I was too desperate to replace someone."

"Are you talking about that woman we ran into the other day? Diana, was it?"

Nodding, he responded, "I mean, I really do like you, but the love I have for Diana is different. I got so mad that she left me to study abroad and pursue her dream without planning to keep me with her in the future."

Gyeoul frowned, "Was that the reason you broke up?"

"No, she broke up with me because of the difficulties of maintaining a long-distance relationship, but I found out the other day that she broke up with me because of me complaining about the same thing. I was the problem all along and it's stupid. I'm stupid."

She stayed silent, not knowing what else to say that might comfort him.

He sighed, leaning back on the bench, "It's just — long-distance relationships don't often work out. I had one when I was in college and just got my heart broken."

"I've had a ton of relationships with people living in the same city as I do and that shit didn't work out either," she joked, making him laugh slightly. She grimaced, "Sorry, you may continue."

"Last month on one of our earlier dates, I thought I saw a ghost. She was at the park, not in Stockholm. I thought I was seeing things so I ignored it. But then she appeared the other night and everything clicked. We argued for a bit and I found out that she left her dream for me. She came back for me hoping to repair what's left of our relationship."

Gyeoul sighed, looking down at her hands, "I'm sorry for getting in the way."

Yongsik straightened his posture, looking at her with wide eyes, "No!" The sudden raise of his voice made her jump. "Sorry about that," he smiled sheepishly. "It's all my fault. Sure, I was mad at her for leaving me for a dream, but that anger can't conquer my need to keep her happy, you know? It's stupid, but I thought that she wouldn't feel bad about leaving if I showed her that I was doing fine without her."

The other dancer was floored, finding herself speechless. She blinked, unsure of how she should feel about his reasoning. It felt like something she would see in a teen movie, never had she encountered such a situation that felt like it only happened in fiction.

"You were the best choice, as horrible as that sounds," he admitted, looking at her apologetically. "Other dancers already shipped us before we formally danced in a duet, and you're pretty famous. Who would be a better candidate than you? I'm sorry for using you like that. I really do like you, and I respect you a lot as a dancer."

She shook her head, "It's fine."

"I guess it all backfired since she came back. My last resort to make her go back to Stockholm was to ask you to be my girlfriend. I even asked Taehyung for some advice this afternoon."

"You asked Taehyung for advice," Gyeoul couldn't help but laugh. She shook her head with a smile growing on her face, knowing that her friend must be sick of people asking him for advice.

"He cares about you a lot. You'd know if you heard what he said earlier."

She nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "I know he does."

Yongsik drew in a sharp breath, "This is it."

"This is it. But still, I should thank you. I had fun hanging out with you."

"Wish I could say the same about you. I'm not acknowledging someone who'd choose a cheesy film over Wild Child." He playfully rolled his eyes, doing a 'shoo' gesture with his hand. "It's been fun having you around, Gia. You should talk to Taehyung. I'm sure if you call him right now, he'd drop everything and answer your call, I'm not kidding. I feel like you'd be surprised by what he has to say."

"And you have some things to talk about with Diana. I hope it goes well between you two whether or not you choose to start over again."

Clapping his hands and rubbing them together, he started the car, "Where's your stop?"

She picked at her nails, willing courage to dawn upon her, "The nearest place that sells churros."

❅

Her eyelids were heavy and she could barely walk in a straight line at how sluggish her movements were. Everything was bright and dark around her at the same time, she couldn't really tell since her eyes were half-open and sleep was still heavy in her system. She couldn't imagine the capability of fully waking up even if one would douse her in cold water. The iced coffee she bought in the building's cafe was of no help.

"Good morning, pengweng."

Last night, when Taehyung got home, they agreed to see each other in the morning (way before the usual time he got to work) in one of the empty studios. In case someone would walk in on them alone, they could use the excuse of Gyeoul training him as she usually did with the other idols in the company.

Gyeoul picked her head up, her whole body language brightening up as she saw Taehyung smiling at her through the mirror.

Oh, what a good morning indeed.

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards. She started to walk with a spring in her step towards her boyfriend, placing her bag by her feet before snaking her arm that wasn't holding her drink around his waist from behind. Lazily peppering feather-like kisses on the nape of his neck, she grinned widely, placing her cheek down on his shoulder.

"You didn't sleep well last night?" he asked, taking her coffee so she could wrap both arms around him.

She hummed, tightening her hold on him and smiling at him, "How can I? You've been in my mind all night."

"Dreaming of me?"

"Thinking of you," she corrected. This was her loving him willingly, this was her choosing to love him. Of course, dreams about him were inevitable, she had them all of the time. But she wanted to show Taehyung that she was loving him consciously. She fell in love a long time ago, and now she was walking into love, in some sense. "What about you? How was your sleep?"

Taehyung grinned, "I slept well knowing that I'm the one you're thinking of."

Normally, Gyeoul would have cringed and pulled away, probably running out of the studio to get the disgusted shudders out of her system, but today, she merely scrunched her nose and turned away from him to hide her smile. Taehyung noticed her reaction and laughed, placing her coffee on the floor and pulling her into a proper hug.

"Good morning," she uttered as she stared at his cheekbones instead of his eyes, feeling unable to meet his eyes without combusting.

"It really is," he breathed out, finding her sudden shyness adorable. Scrunching his nose at her, he kissed her forehead. Her smile only grew wider at the action. Happiness looked good on her. The more pessimistic side of his brain wondered just how long that happiness would last, but his positivity fought against it. "Have you told people about us?"

"I thought about telling my parents when I saw them this morning, but I thought against it," she answered, not oblivious by the way the corners of his mouth twitched downward for a second. "It's something I felt like we needed to talk about first."

Taehyung sighed, his arms adjusting from around her waist so he was holding her waist with his hands. "We have a lot to talk about." He pursed his lips into a sad smile, the light in his eyes slowly dimming as he gently drew small circles on her waist with his thumbs.

"Do you regret it?"

"Absolutely not. Asking you to be my girlfriend is the best decision I've made in a while. It's just a bit worrying, I feel like I didn't think this through enough. I feel like I'm going to ruin what you worked so hard for—"

Gyeoul pecked his lips, pulling away with a sweet contagious smile, "You're not." Just two words to make herself clear. But he didn't seem too convinced.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pecked his lips again, and again, and again, and kissed him longer on the fourth. Taehyung smiled into the kiss, delicately brushing his thumbs against her cheekbones and tucking stray strands of hair back behind her ear.

She pulled him by the collar, trying to bring him closer to her. Taehyung couldn't help but laugh for a moment, wrapping his arms around her and deepening the kiss.

Before everything happened, there were times when she would stare a second too long at his lips, wondering what they would taste like. He tasted like how she imagined starlight would taste like. There was no comprehendible explanation for it. Taehyung was simply a wonder of the cosmos. She loved the feeling of it on hers, she could spend an entire day, a millennium, just kissing him. Being in with him in such an intimate way made her feel like she was floating into a bright yet comfortable light.

Taehyung pulled away all too soon, afraid that things would suddenly escalate if they would lose more of themselves to each other. "You're incredible," he breathed out, lightly brushing his nose against hers.

Smiling, she replied, "You've told me that before."

"I haven't told you enough."

Someone gasped from the door, making them pull away with lightning speed.

"Oh man, holy shit," Hyeonsu gasped, accidentally dropping his phone. He smacked a hand over his eyes, crouching down to blindly find his phone on the floor. "I'm sorry. I saw nothing!"

With that, he exited the studio, making sure to lock the door behind him.

"He must have needed the studio," Gyeoul frowned, taking her bag and coffee from the floor. "We should probably move, there's a lot of other people that could be using the dance studio right now."

"But we are using it," Taehyung pouted, but he was already getting his bag anyway.

She chuckled, "Doing anything but dancing." Placing a kiss on his cheek, she patted his chest, "Come on, we still need to have our sense of professionalism."

The idol's intuition could already foresee that in less than thirty seconds of them walking together outside in the halls, someone will approach them and ask for them, Gyeoul, most especially. Even if she didn't notice it, the performance director was in high demand everywhere she went. He was so deep in the honeymoon phase with her that he wasn't so willing to leave her. Knowing all this, Taehyung caught her wrist before she was out of reach.

"One last," he whispered, bringing himself forward and pressing yet another kiss on her lips. He smiled as he pulled away. Coffee was a drink he hated with all his being, but tasting a hint of it from her was becoming his favorite thing.

Gyeoul patted his head, chuckling, "I'm all yours, Kim Tae, you can do that anytime after work." Though she said that, she leaned in and pecked his lips one last time before making her way out of the studio with him following closely behind her.

It took him every ounce of his self-control not to reach out and hold her hand as they strolled along the hall. No. He can't risk it.

Just as Taehyung predicted, not ten seconds later, Sungdeuk and Jaehui walked out of one of the rooms and saw them. They smiled widely, nodding at Taehyung and waving at their junior.

Taehyung sighed dramatically, taking that as his unfortunate cue to leave. He nodded back at the two other performance directors as he placed a hand on Gyeoul's back to silently announce his departure. The dancer smiled at her boyfriend as if to say 'see you later' and playfully punched his shoulder before making her way to her seniors.

"You two really are good friends," Sungdeuk grinned, nodding his head at Taehyung's retreating figure. "I swear I would have thrown my friends away if we were stuck at the hip for more than a minute. They get a little too unbearable sometimes. If my relationship with my friends is a fraction of how you and Taehyung are to each other, their worlds would be a better place."

Jaehui nodded in agreement, "Me too. I saw that V LIVE last night and I remember myself thinking that if my friends don't describe me as the gentle daybreak that opens their eyes in the morning, I will riot."

Gyeoul tried to hide her smile, "You're the gentle daybreak that wakes me up, sunbae."

"Aw," Jaehui cooed, holding a hand to his heart. He scrunched his nose, "But it sounds really fake coming from you to me."

"That's because that description is reserved only for her best friend," Mina retorted, walking out of the room the two came from and slinging an arm around his shoulder. "You're no daybreak, you're an absolute pain in my ass and I want to pinch your ear for taking all of the snacks in the lounge."

And thus, that scene started a ton of 'they're such good friends' comments from other people.

It was funny. Back when they weren't together, they were always seen as a couple, but now that they were together, they were seen as friends. As the hours went by, and whenever Taehyung and Gyeoul would pass each other in the hallway of the second floor, they would smile at each other and their hands would discreetly brush against each other.

Even the other idols thought they were friendship goals. Some members of SEVENTEEN and ENHYPEN saw their interactions in between work and would often fawn over how close they were.

At rehearsals for Butter, Gyeoul was the one tasked by her seniors to film the performance on her phone and they would all later screen it to see what they had to improve on.

The members huddled around her phone, attentively watching the video. Hoseok and Taehyung were looking over her shoulders, the latter being closer with his chin propped up on it. Taehyung brushed her hair back, seeing that some strands were sticking to the back of her neck due to sweat. He took his hair tie from his wrist and pulled away from Gyeoul, gently gathering her long hair and tying it into a ponytail. He parted it and pulled the sections apart to tighten it, making sure not to do it too tight.

Jimin was no longer paying attention to her phone screen, watching Taehyung tying her hair, "Why don't any of my friends do that for me?"

Beside him, Jungkook looked at him incredulously before turning back to the couple with the same brazen look. Did they not see something obviously different in the air between the two childhood friends, or were they just blind? Or perhaps it would be the fact that Jungkook was the one who interrupted what might have been their first kiss in Taehyung's studio yesterday? He didn't blame Jimin for thinking such since Taehyung did all those kinds of stuff for her all the time. But it had romantic undertones that felt like he can only see.

"Hyung will do it for you, don't worry," Seokjin offered, already moving to tie Jimin's hair. He turned to Gyeoul, "Can I borrow your hair tie?"

Without taking her eyes off of the screen, Gyeoul held out her wrist for him. Jin took the elastic and started to tie Jimin's hair for him.

Jungkook pursed his lips, "Yes, what a nice friend you are. Almost as good friends as they are."

Eyes widening, Taehyung picked his head up to raise his eyebrows at Jungkook, silently asking him what was the necessity of his last comment.

Hoseok clicked his tongue, the sound immediately bringing everyone's attention back to the phone screen. He gave each one of his members a pointed look before nodding his head at Gyeoul, "Will you please rewind it to the second chorus? I don't think we all saw the mistakes on that part."

She hummed in response, rewinding the video and outstretching the phone more in the middle since she already saw it in full. "We need to work more on the tension and release in the dance break. There has to be a clearer contrast between the fast and slows to show emphasis on the dynamics. And there are parts in every chorus where you dance before beats, so please be mindful of that when we run it again."

"Let's run it again without music to focus on the counts," Hoseok proposed as the video ended, adjusting the cap on his head.

Suddenly, her screen changed and showed that her aunt was calling her. She smiled sheepishly at the members and pressed the power button once to end the call, slipping her phone into her pocket. She patted the top of her head, signifying that they were running the piece again from the top. Turning to Sungdeuk, she nodded and raised her fist, lifting her fingers to silently tell him that they were doing it without music.

Thoughts of her aunt floated at the back of her mind, wondering if she did the wrong thing by not prioritizing her call. She tore her eyes away from the idols and pulled her phone out of her pocket to check if her aunt messaged her.

AUNT DAJUNG
I see you're probably busy with that job of yours, my apologies if I bothered you. I just landed in Incheon. See you in two weeks.

Gyeoul quickly pocketed her phone with a sigh, placing her phone back in her pocket and focusing her gaze on BTS.

If her aunt ever finds out that she was dating Taehyung, she was in for a scolding session, it didn't matter if he was xiaolongbao or not. She was so against her getting involved with idols in the first place. If they were still hiding their relationship from everyone two weeks from now, then it would do nothing because her aunt knew her better than anyone else. The moment she gets a whiff of something the slightest bit suspicious, she'll figure it out sooner or later.

❆

"My aunt landed in Korea today."

"Oh?" Taehyung raised his eyebrows, "I didn't know she was coming home."

"Neither did I. She'll be coming to my mother's birthday brunch, so you and your family will see her there."

Gyeoul laid her head back on the armrest of Taehyung's couch in his apartment, resting her arm over her eyes. He got off of the floor and picked her legs up, sitting down and draping them over his lap. She smiled slightly as he ran his hands up and down her outer thigh in smooth and gentle motions.

"She can read me like a book," she groaned, adjusting her arm back and looking at the ceiling with a pout. "I could never hide anything from her, even if I put all my acting skills from my drama classes from high school to use. I'm afraid that she'll instantly know that we're together, and it'll cause a ripple effect that will let our families know."

Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek, thoughtfully looking over at her, "How long do you think we have to hide our relationship from our loved ones?"

The conversation that they needed to have was starting right there at that moment.

Gyeoul sat up with her legs still bent over his lap, leaning her elbow on the headrest. "I'm ready to tell anyone that I'm with you," she smiled, poking his cheek. "But I want to make sure that you're okay with everything before we do. Especially if we tell our parents. I feel like if we tell them, they'd start planning a wedding, you know? I don't want to set them up for disappointment if by chance you don't want to get married. Plus, you're an idol so I know the thought is heavy to bear."

Narrowing his eyes at her, he huffed, "Okay, first of all, thank you for being so thoughtful." He smiled when he finished his first statement and leaned forward to press a kiss on her forehead. "Second of all, I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want to marry you, 'cause I've been imagining it a few months into liking you."

My heart can't take this, Gyeoul thought, scrunching her face to control the way she wanted to pinch and kiss Taehyung's cheeks because he was too damn adorable. She tried to pull away, but he already knew what she was thinking and kept a firm hold on her thighs to keep her from running away, grinning cheekily at her.

"And third of all," he continued, his bright features slowly dousing in negativity. He ran his tongue on the inside of his cheek, looking away from her. "I'm sorry you have to think of the consequences of being with me because of who I am."

Her features softened, "Taehyung, look at me, please." The moment he turned his head to face her, she pecked his lips. "There's nothing to be sorry about. We can't change the way things are, but I can love you." She laughed slightly, pushing back his hair, "I get to love you, that's the most important thing to me. It's you that I want."

"I love you too— but still! If you have any second thoughts about being with me, I won't blame you, and I'll let you go right now if you do. There are so many restrictions, and I don't want to be selfish and have you all to myself when you could be happier with someone else."

"Is that why you rejected me back then?"

He sighed, "Yes."

Taking one of the hands he had resting on her thigh, she laced their fingers together. "I've thought about this way before I confessed to you. Do you remember last Christmas when I gave you that record?" He nodded. "I was supposed to confess to you that time with the color mostly used in the co—"

She cut herself off, now realizing how stupid her reasoning was.

"Don't leave me hanging," Taehyung whined.

"I'll tell you next time."

He made that face again where he'd look like a child with a faraway look in his eyes but didn't say anything to press on the matter, knowing that Gyeoul would tell him in her own time. She smiled at him, moving to stand up to clean their dirty dishes on the center table.

"Hey," he called, catching her wrist and standing up. "I want to tell people." He raised her wrist to his lips and kissed the area above her pulse. "But we have to tell the company. Would that be okay with you?"

She nodded and he smiled widely, pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her. Gyeoul returned his embrace, patting his back every few seconds.

"Whatever happens next, I'll be with you," she assured.

"I know."

NOTE

this chapter is so hard to write because i keep wanting to throw my device onto a highway because of cringe and cavity from the scenes with our new couple. 

on a random note, the yet to come mv teaser took my breath away

AND THEN I JUST WOKE UP AND HOBI IS HEADLINING AT LOLLAPALOOZA??? AND TXT WILL BE THERE TOO ON THE DAY BEFORE???

so proud of them.

song(s) mentioned in this chapter — butter by bts

11/19/22 — hobipalooza was fucking legendary nobody does it like him