WARNING
MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND IN DEPTH TALK OF DEPRESSION. DO NOT READ IF UNCOMFORTABLE.

About a month after the Christmas party, Taehyung had noticed a change in Jungkook. The younger had become slightly distant and oddly tired all of the time.

Taehyung hadn't really questioned why Jungkook had been acting different, he figured everything would get back to normal at one point.

But the elder did all he could to help Jungkook. The days the younger spent locked up in his dorm room, the elder traveled to Jungkook's classes and collected work from his teachers, just to make sure Jungkook wouldn't fall behind.

The elder brought Jungkook food, tucked him in, and even had to encourage the younger to get out of bed to shower.

But what Taehyung thought was going on, was actually the complete opposite of what really was happening.

After Jungkook had a PTSD and panic attack at the party, the bad thoughts started to come back. The thoughts of losing his mother and his father leaving.

The demons that once haunted him, had returned, trying to do as much damage as possible before the male found his strength to get back on his feet again.

He didn't have the heart to tell Taehyung that his depression was back. He feared that the elder would leave him because of it. And his biggest fear was losing Taehyung, so the simple thought made him want to vomit.

After Taehyung's classes one day, the elder decided that today was the day he was going to have a talk with Jungkook. Throughout the past month, the elder was starting to doubt their relationship and their promises.

And though Taehyung truly didn't think that was the case, something inside of him kept picking his brain about it. And it was bothering him to the point where he had enough, and needed an answer from the younger.

"Jungkookie, I'm back from class" Taehyung said softly as he walked into Jungkook and Yoongi's dorm.

"Hey Tae" Jungkook answered. The younger was sitting at his desk working on something. Which was unusual. Most of the time when Taehyung retuned from class, Jungkook would be in bed asleep or just staring at the wall.

"How was your day?"Taehyung asked.

"It was alright I guess" Jungkook shrugged and closed his laptop.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something" Taehyung started and set his bag on the floor. "Have you been feeling alright these past couple weeks?"

"Yeah, I've just been a bit worn out I guess. Life has just been kicking me in the butt" Jungkook chuckled.

"Jungkook I'm serious" Taehyung stated with a concerned and worried look on his face. "I-I guess I just want to know... if you're still... interested in me and this relationship" Taehyung sniffled as a tear ran down his cheek. "You just haven't been the same these past couple weeks and I didn't know if it was something I did" the elder cried. "You're eyes just don't sparkle the way they used to."

Right then and there Jungkook's heart broke even further. Every single past emotion from the past several weeks, just started to spill.

The younger started sobbing uncontrollably, not even knowing where to start.

"I... Tae... I-I'm so.... sorry" The younger sobbed. "I-It's not ...you."

Taehyung just stood up with teary eyes and walked to Jungkook and hugged the younger. In that moment, he realized he was doubting himself. Jungkook wasn't losing interest in him, he was fighting off the bad in his head. Taehyung felt foolish for not noticing sooner.

"Don't a-apologize" Taehyung sniffled and held Jungkook closer. "I should apologize for a-assuming that you weren't interested anymore. I'm a fool for not noticing sooner."

Jungkook sobbed as Taehyung held him. He couldn't form words because of the tears. The younger held back weeks of tears, and he couldn't hold it anymore.

The two males cried in each other's arms. Though Jungkook's heart had shattered hearing those words come out of Taehyung's mouth, his heart was slowly healing while Taehyung held him.

Words may hurt, but actions are louder than words. And Taehyung's arms around him spoke more than a million words.

Twenty minutes passed, and Taehyung noticed Jungkook wasn't crying anymore. The younger was latched onto Taehyung's body. The elder was sitting in Jungkook's lap, holding him.

"Wanna talk about it?" Taehyung asked and rubbed Jungkook's back.

"Mmhmm" The younger hummed, clearly having a stuffy nose from the tears. He wiped his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie before taking a deep breathe. "So pretty much after I saw Jennie after the party, and had my little breakdown, the bad thoughts that I pushed away are coming back. I've been spiraling down this weird hole of hate and sadness ever since. The demons are back and I haven't been able to push them away. Every night I stay up until early morning because I cannot sleep. Thinking that I may wake up to not having anyone anymore. The most important people in my life left me, and I can't stand the thought of you leaving" Jungkook stated.

Taehyung was shocked. He never thought that seeing Jennie was the reason of all of this. He felt guilty for not thinking about it sooner.

"And I really do appreciate you coming in to check on me every day. I feel like a pain in your ass, but my head is just in an odd place" Jungkook explained.

"I understand, Jungkookie" Taehyung nodded and raised his hand to Jungkook's cheek, where he rested it softly. "I've been in the same spot before, but that doesn't mean I can validate what you're feeling. I wish you woulda told me sooner so I didn't have to think all of those nasty thoughts that you didn't love me anymore."

"I could never stop loving you" Jungkook whispered.

"I feel the same way" Taehyung whispered back and kissed Jungkook's forehead.

The elder put his arms around Jungkook. Slowly lifting his shirt, just wanting to have some skin on skin contact, feeling like it could help them both heal a bit more.

"Jungkook, why are there so many scabs on your sides?" Taehyung questioned as he rubbed his hand across Jungkook's skin. He lifted the younger's shirt more, seeing that his body was laced in them. "Did... you cut yourself?" Taehyung whispered.

"What? No" Jungkook gasped. "When I have panic attacks I scratch at my skin when I have nothing to hold on to" the younger sighed. "That's why I was latched onto your stuffed bear when I had a panic attack at your house."

"Awe, Baby I'm sorry" Taheyung pouted and rubbed Jungkook's back more. "Well.... on the positive side, now I know. And I'll try to make sure I'm always here" Taehyung smiled. "But at least you didn't break a brand new pastel set" Taehyung sighed.

"The one you got for Christmas from Lisa?" Jungkook asked.

"Yeah" Taehyung frowned.

~Flashback~

Taehyung had just gotten out of class and was on his way to his dorm building. He needed to check up on Jungkook before starting on any of his school work.

Ever since they returned from their break, Taehyung had noticed a difference in the younger.

Though Taehyung was worried about Jungkook, he tried to hide his emotions through the day. He needed to be able to focus on his classes as much as possible.

And that's exactly what he did. He pushed his emotions into a far away place in his head, and carried on his his day like normal.

Taehyung arrived at the dorms and immediately went to Jungkook and Yoongi's dorm room. He entered quietly, not wanting to wake Jungkook if he was asleep.

When he looked at Jungkook's bed, the younger was completely passed out. He was twisted up in his blankets and pillows.

Taehyung kissed Jungkook's forehead before leaving to his own room.

The elder male started to unpack his books, but he set his backpack to close on the edge of his bed. The bag slid off of the bed and fell onto his foot, crushing it under the weight of the books and supplies left in his back.

"Ah, fuck!" Taehyung cursed, sitting onto the floor and holding his foot.

All at once while Taehyung was sitting in the floor, his emotions started to bubble from himself. Tears of anger, stress, and sadness fell from his eyes.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He yelled in anger. He stood up and picked up the closest thing he could find to him.

He just so happened to pick up a pastel box kit that he had just received for Christmas. Taehyung gripped it in his hands and forcefully threw it at the ground, breaking the box and the pastels inside.

"Jesus Fuck!" He screamed, throwing everything off of his bed, then throwing his body onto his bed, thrashing his body around angrily.

"I'm so fucking done!" He sobbed as his body went limp. He couldn't control his emotions anymore. Something wasn't right, and he knew it.

After sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow for ten minutes, he heard the door open.

"Tae, are you in here? I heard screaming a couple minutes ago, and I wasn't sure if it was you" Jimin asked as he walked into the room.

"Jimin, I want to die" Taehyung cried. "Everything has been going so fucking horribly lately and I can't take it anymore."

"Oh no, Tae, don't talk like that" Jimin scolded softly as he sat down on his roommates bed. He laid down and hugged the male laying lifelessly. "Everything is going to be better, I promise" Jimin encouraged and rubbed Taehyung's back.

"Thanks Minnie" Taehyung whispered and half heartedly hugged the male back.

The two laid together, not talking. Jimin just wanted to comfort Taehyung until the male wasn't thinking such negative thoughts.

~end of flashback~

"I'm sure she would understand, Tae" Jungkook reassured. "Just tell her you weren't in the right state of mind, and it was an accident."

"Yeah, you're right" Taehyung nodded again. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know what I would do without you either, baby doll" Jungkook breathed out and hugged Taehyung. Taehyung hugged back, and the two sat in each other's arms for a while, not wanting to move.

...

Within a couple days after Taehyung and Jungkook had their talk, things had been improving. Jungkook finally started to going to class regularly, and was catching up on his work.

Taehyung called Lisa and explained what happened to his pastel set. Lisa wasn't upset at all, and even offered to get another one, claiming she had a coupon for another one. Even though Tae didn't believe her, he accepted her offer.

Taehyung was currently sitting in bed in his pajamas watching YouTube on his laptop. The fairy lights were the only thing lighting the room, which set the mood for a calm night.

"Tae, I'm back" Jimin said as he opened the door. The elder had just gotten done showering from a long day of dancing.

"Hey Minnie" Taehyung said softly and took out his headphones.

"Feeling any better since the other day?" Jimin asked as he set his things down and put them in their respective places. "I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright. I know we've talked since then, but you've seemed like you were doing alright these past couple of days."

Taehyung sighed softly and closed his laptop. He knew he could tell Jimin what happened, considering the male helped him calm down when he was upset.

"You might wanna sit down, it's a bit of a long story" Taehyung smiled softly and patted the bed.

Jimin gladly nodded and sat down next to Taehyung. He comfortably put the blankets over his lap, readying himself for the story.

"I guess we can start from Christmas..." Taehyung started. "On Christmas my mama and I always have a party. All of my super close friends are always invited, and it's never official invites. It's kinda just known that it happens and what it's about" Taehyung explained and Jimin nodded his head softly. "And a friend of mine showed up unannounced. I hadn't seen her in years because she moved away so suddenly and she never gave me a real reason as to why, and she just showed up... and it turns out she had cancer. She wheeled herself in on her wheelchair and came right in." Tae said softly, playing back the moment that Jennie had came into his living room.

"Awe, well I'm glad she stopped to see you after all these years" Jimin smiled.

"I was super glad too. I even cried" Taehyung giggled in guilt. "But I was so consumed by my own emotions, that I hadn't even thought about Jungkook. I feel so guilty that I didn't catch myself, and that I couldn't help him when he needed me" Taehyung whispered as tears started to build up.

"Wait, what happened to Jungkook?" Jimin questioned, confused as to why Taehyung felt so guilty.

"His mother passed away from cancer when he was fourteen" Taehyung sniffed as a tear rolled down his cheek. "He had a PTSD episode and a panic attack at the same time. I hadn't even noticed that he left the room for over a half an hour" Taehyung cried. "And because of that, he fell back into depression. I feel like it could have been stopped if I wasn't thinking about myself."

"Tae, no, don't cry" Jimin whispered as he pulled Taehyung into a comforting hug. "You weren't the cause of what happened. You couldn't help because you needed a moment. And that's okay" Jimin stated.

"But that's what boyfriends are supposed to do" Taehyung sobbed. "I couldn't do that for him, and I don't know why he hasn't broken up with me yet" he shook as he cried and tried to talk at the same time. "I'm a horrible boyfriend, he deserves better."

"Taehyung, don't say things like that. Jungkook loves you. And it's clear to everyone. He has never been so affectionate and kind to anyone before. And I've known of Jungkook since high school. Hoseok and him were buddies a long long time ago, and I don't know what happened. After his dad left, he just shut down emotionally" Jimin explained. "But the second he saw you in Punk's I could tell something changed in him."

"B-but..." Taehyung was about to say.

"No, I don't want you to think about anything bad. Let's watch a movie and snuggle some. You need some love from a friend, it's the only thing I can offer at this point" Jimin smiled softly and patted Taehyung's back.

"Mmmmkay" Taehyung hummed.

Tae sat up and they snuggled into each other and the blankets. The two chose a movie to watch and cuddled up together.

Half way through the movie, Taehyung had fallen asleep. Which lead Jimin to slowly getting out of bed and going to Jungkook and Yoongi's dorm room. He knocked on the door softly and Jungkook opened it.

"Hi Jimin" the younger smiled. "What brings you here?" He asked softly.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a small bit" Jimin stated. "It won't take too long."

"What's up? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know that Tae told me what happened. He's still really upset about leaving you alone when you had your panic attack..." Jimin trailed. "We were just watching a movie and he fell asleep half way through. I figured I could come and get you because I think he needs to spend a night with you while he sleeps. It might heal his heart and head a bit" Jimin suggested.

"Awe my baby" Jungkook pouted. "I'll follow you over and I'll just bring him back to the room. I'm sure he won't mind" Jungkook chuckled.

"I'm sure he wouldn't" Jimin giggled.

"But Jimin? Thank you for letting me know. I really appreciate it" Jungkook gave the male a warm smile.

"Of course, I'm always gonna look out for him."

And with that that two walked back to the dorm room where Taehyung was still asleep. Jungkook could only coo and pick his boyfriend up.

Jungkook was only a step out the door when Taehyung opened his eyes sleepily.

"What's happening...?" He asked with a small yawn.

"Don't worry, baby doll. I'm brining you to my room so we can cuddle all night while you sleep" Jungkook said softly.

"Hmmmmm, okay..." Taehyung sleepily hummed in response.

Jungkook got to his room, and softly laid Taehyung down on his bed. He crawled in next to the elder and covered them with the heavy and warm blankets.

The elder instinctively curled into Jungkook's side, resting his head close to Jungkook's chest, right at the younger's heart.

"Thank you... Koo" Tae whispered and snuggled into the blankets and his warm boyfriend.

"Of course, anything for you" Jungkook whispered back and kissed Taehyung in the top of the head.

"I love you, Jungkookie" Tae whispered.

"I love you too, Taehyungie" The younger smiled and kissed Taehyung's head again before they both fell asleep.

And for the first time in weeks, they felt like they were one again.

...

Hi Lovies! Hope you liked this chapter. I know it was super sad and depressing, but no more from now on.

That's all!

Love you sugars!

Stay healthy!💜