Jungkook:

It feels like forever since I last saw him. Since anyone saw him. It's all Winter here, even in August.

Things have been...bad. Nothing has happened but...that's the problem. The police are taking too long to find out anything. No one is doing enough. I've complained and complained, but it seems as though the only one who really cares about Jimin is me.

I'm worse too. It seems as though Jimin isn't the only person who is missing anymore. I'm not the person I used to be. Mum reminds me of that more than enough. She doesn't know what to do anymore than I do. I haven't left the house since he left. Not even to go to school. We've told them I'm sick. I think my mum wishes I was just sick, at least then she could help me. She's even called the doctor round as a last resort. But it's not the kind of thing a doctor can fix that easily. Unless the doctor can bring back Jimin. Unless the doctor can convince me life is worth living.

My heart beats slowly, as though it isn't putting in effort in keeping me alive anymore. I can hear every heavy thud in my ears, every beat. Or maybe it's just the thudding of rain, I can't tell the difference sometimes. I roll over, and glance up at my bedroom window. The sky was grey and foggy, so that you couldn't tell where the ground ended and the sky began. Rain drops trickled down the window pane, creating little rivers on the glass as gravity pulled them down. I reach up and push open the window, just a fragment, so I could get some fresh air. Fresh air to think. Fresh air to clear my mind. Fresh air because...well I hadn't smelt fresh air in so long. I look out the window down at the road below. I look at where the pink camellia flowers once grew in our front garden, but the winter had deteriorated them into mere stems, browning and broken. I flop back down onto my bed, listening to the sound of the rain.

Just like everything else, I hated the rain. Rain reminds me of waiting at bus stops. Rain reminds me of sharing umbrellas and swapping shoes. Rain reminds me of him. Just like everything else did. I wondered if the rain reminded him of me. Am I someone who engraved my existence to you like the rain? If not, am I just someone who came and went like a rain shower?

In frustration, I get up and slam the window shut. Not even the fresh air can make me think straight. I had found that thinking was something I couldn't do properly anymore. My thoughts are forever fragmented, being strung along one word at a time before I lose the thought all together. I lay down, but I don't cry. Not even once. I'm past crying. This feeling isn't just crying. Sometimes it's just sitting there. Doing nothing. For hours. Not eating, not sleeping, not finding interest in anything like I used to. Just letting the world go by without me. Like a race I can't be bothered to participate in anymore.

The soft ticking of the clock down the hallway fills the silence that the rain once had. I never used to notice it before, but now I can't seem to get the noise out of my head. It keeps me up at night, the endless tick tick tick driving me crazy. I don't do anything about it though. I'd rather be focused on being angry at the clock than being angry at myself, angry at the world, angry at why I was the anomaly who got stuck with this dead feeling, of all people. Why would something like this happen to me? It was painfully unfair. It was borderline cruel. I knew I wasn't the best person in the world. But I sure as hell wasn't the worst. I don't deserve to feel this way.

I need to let go of the need to know why. Why he left, why he hasn't contacted me, why I can't get over him. But I can't.

How long do I have to wait Jimin, and how many sleepless nights do I have to spend to see you? How long do I have to live in grey?