Remus looks exactly like he did thirteen years ago, when he was five and hardly getting sleep, fearful that a man who snarled would pin him down to his bed, restricting him from any movement. He's become the epitome of lethargy in such a short span of approximately twelve hours and everyone's concerned. It's Saturday morning and Remus has probably gotten half an hour of sleep and his mind seems to have pooled out, liquidised in to pure numbness.
"Re?" Sirius turns over to face a very exhausted Remus, staring upwards at nothing.
"Oh, morning." He turns to face Sirius and tries to look somewhat relaxed, but he fails and the dark circles beneath his eyes show his true façade.
"Remus, no. Get some sleep. It's only half six. I can save you some breakfast, if you'd like?"
"No, I'm fine, I'm not tired or anything-"
"Be quiet. Get some sleep. Don't you dare try and do something. It won't do any good," Sirius warns and Remus sighs, obeying at the sound of his sharp tone and pulls the blanket over himself more comfortably as Sirius gets up.

"I got you the last berry tart," James says, holding a thick napkin with something inside it.
"Thanks." Remus takes the small packaged delicacy and just holds it, feeling queasy just thinking about putting it to his lips. James lowers himself on to Remus' bed, looking down on to the red and gold sheets.
"I get that there's not much I can say to make this situation better, but- but I don't want things to get really bad. You don't deserve that. She was happy, Remus. Really, really happy. I remember the Christmas dinner and how joyful she was. I thought it must just be Christmas, but no, she was just a really happy person. She also taught me how to knit, which is pretty damn cool, and I think you should remember her. Celebrate her life that she had with you."
"But she's gone. Forever. That happiness, that light, is gone forever and it's never coming back. So why should I bother? I wish I told her things, I wish she told me things, I wish I at least got to say goodbye. It's not fucking fair." Remus plucks at his tartan pyjama trousers, mentally scowling.
"You're right, it isn't." James agrees as he puts both his legs on Remus' bed after kicking of his shoes and folds his legs.
"I don't know what to do. It's sunk in, but not really, and I don't want it to hit."
James is listening closely, detecting every hint of sadness and unexplainable feelings and even he is losing count of how many emotions there actually are.
"Are you going to back to McGonagall?" Remus is hit with a wave of guilt. He shouldn't have lashed out like that, revealing his knives.
"I- maybe. I... wasn't very... yeah, I will."
"She understands," James says, understanding what Remus was going to say. Remus nods and goes back to resting once James leaves to complete his breakfast.

Remus is at McGonagall's door, feebly hitting it with his fist. Having awoken an hour ago, it's just gone three which means that despite having been awake for an extra four hours after James went, Remus had a mildly fulfilling nap of four hours. As usual, Professor McGonagall allows entry.

Remus steps in to see Headmaster Dumbledore eating from a tin of Ginger Nuts and Professor McGonagall watching him with distaste before she notices Remus. Minerva is a woman who is proud to keep herself from having too much of a reaction because she knows that it occasionally panic a student, but now it is clear that there's sorrow instilled in her.
"Ah, Remus," Dumbledore says, beckoning Remus to sit on a chair.
"Take a biscuit." McGonagall slides the tin away from Dumbledore and in front of Remus.
"I don't- um, no thank you."
"I insist." Remus unwillingly takes a biscuit, even though his stomach craves the gingery spice of it all.
"I'm dreadfully sorry, Remus, but your mother doesn't have to bear the horrors of this world anymore. She's safe, maybe crocheting socks."
Only Dumbledore.
"Yeah, I guess so," Remus says, not really knowing what else to reply with. Perhaps it's because he's so far from home, far from his mother's essence, but after the initial shock, Remus doesn't really know what he's feeling anymore. The sadness comes in little crackles, piercing his brain, the anger flashes red-hot and the sorrow is like a sparrow on a bleak grey day. These feelings should be so vivid, so painful, but Remus can't feel any of them. So what is it? Or is it all three, a strange tangled mess of fidgeting emotions, all so complex that his brain doesn't know how to focus on one?
"I wanted to discuss matters of the funeral yesterday as well as your career, I suppose I should say. We have taken it upon us to organise transport to Kings Cross station and a taxi to Wales. The funeral will be in four days but you will be arriving a day earlier, with Mr Black, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew. Your mother had requested they come too." Remus listens with his heart in his throat, thinking ahead to what is sure to come. He's glad that his friends are coming too. He needs them now, more than ever.

Professor Dumbledore nods at everything Minerva says, for once keeping quiet. It's strange; nobody really knows how solemn he can really be.
"And your filming. Remus, I've been concerned for a while now. I think now, now would an extremely suitable time to stop and I need you to listen. I don't believe that during a time like this, continuing with YouTube for now will not be healthy."
"Yes, you're very good at it, I dare say, but maybe a tad bit of relaxation would do good in clearing your mind and dark circles."
Remus looks down at his clasped hands in his lap.
"I... ok."

Remus doesn't want to. He knows what will happen if he does. He knows he'll disappoint not only the subscribers, but James, Sirius and Peter too. He can't, but he has to.

It all comes crashing down again in complete silence.

thank you for bearing with me, me lovelies! really appreciate it. sorry this chapter was kind of shit, i don't really know what i'm doing anymore. so yes, i'm hoping maybe five (?) or so more chapters, including an epilogue and ~~bonus chapter~~ until we bid our fellow famous remus and sirius goodbye. but on the bright side, i have another au i'm dying to write, but i need to fudging make a cover first. wattpad needs to legit sort out their shit and when making me crop a cover, keep it the same as my cropped version, fucking hell, it's not hard!! heh, anyway, remember to wear your seatbelt!
see you next millennium