"I wanna mix too, Ammy!" Nida exclaimed, peeking in the mixing bowl.

Amal added a splash of vanilla essence in the bowl and gradually mixed the batter. "Give me a moment. Let me put this batch in the oven and then you and I will make fresh cupcakes and we can decorate it the way you like."

Nida pouted, "But... but..."

Amal winked, "We can even put smarties on them if you want."

Nida's eyes lit up and grinned, "Yes!"

Amal ruffled Nida's hair, "Good girl. Why don't you go and colour just like Leena and once I am done I will call you for our cupcakes."

Nodding, Nida bounced away to the kitchen table where Leena was busy colouring fairy pictures.

In the last couple of years, she had found a way to earn her keep by following her passion. As a young girl, she had loved desserts and had learned to bake. But it was only when she was at her lowest did she pick up the pieces of her life and finally taken this passion seriously. She had enrolled in a pastry chef course and had learned how to bake and create a variety of desserts. For two years she worked as a pastry chef in a small café known for its exotic cakes. The hours were tough and the pay wasn't the best. She craved to explore her creativity and go beyond the mundane deserts required to be prepared for the job. And so led to the conception of her own business – Floral cupcakes.

First, it was only baking and selling desserts to family and friends, the excellent word of mouth marketing done by her friends and family led an increase in her clientele. Now she had her business social media pages and every week she had a new customer requesting customised desserts.

Today, Amal was concentrating on completing the last batch of cupcakes on order for a baby shower which is why Amal declined Nida's over-enthusiastic offer to help. It was important to ensure the cupcakes were of excellent quality.

Many minutes later, Amal had set all the 30 cupcakes on the cooling racks and rolled out light blue fondant. The girls were busy colouring and as Amal concentrated in making baby boy milk bottle design, her heart ached. There was a time where she had wished to have a baby and start her own family. All her dreams were crushed. The idea of marriage gave her shudders. She rather be independent and look after her aging father. She glanced at the promising cupcakes, even though she was determined to work hard and not dream of the unattainable, the longing of the heart was impossible to stop. This is why there were solemn days where she longed for a family, for someone to love and cherish.

Life was lonely living with her widower father. Nearly all her friends were married and busy with their own families. They didn't have time for casual get-to-gathers anymore. Working vigorously on making desserts brought some sweetness in her life and she tried her best to push out the grim past, locking away memories in the confines of her heart.

"Amy, are you done now?" Nida called bringing Amal out of her reverie.

At least, she had her nieces. They were like stars in the dark sky, bringing in light and glitter in her desolate life. Amal smiled and answered to Nida's query, "Nearly there. Are you done with your colouring?"

"Yah and I am bored now."

"Why don't you take out all the ingredients and set them on the counter."

Nida's eyes glimmered with excitement, jumping off the chair she rushed to the fridge. "We are making cupcakes," humming and swaying her hips, Nida took out the butter from the fridge.

Leena slid off her chair, "Chupake Me. Chupake Me."

Leena was still learning to speak. In her cute broken sentences, she was easily able to express herself.

Amal's smile broadened, life may have become desolate but there were still small delights that she relished.

****

In the serenity of the Baig's back garden, a small red-breasted robin and an orange beak blackbird flew into Amal's hanging wooden bird feeder. Seated on the wrought iron garden chair, Sana smiled softly as she looked at the birds. Accompanying her for the evening tea, Jahangeer was closely observing his daughter and slowly his frown deepened. His girl had forgotten to smile. There were dark circles under her eyes. She was never big in size even during her pregnancies but recently it seemed she had lost weight. Her clothes were now too big on her. And what worried him most was that she looked exhausted all the time.

"Is something worrying you?" Jahangeer probed, putting his white porcelain tea mug on the glass garden table top.

Still looking at the birds, Sana breathed, "Why would you think so?"

"You seem stressed."

Her eyebrows scrunched, "I am not. I am perfectly fine."

She still didn't meet his eyes. "Look at me," he quietly demanded. Sighing, Sana glanced at her father.

"You know you can't hide it from me."

She looked away, unable to hold his gaze, "It's nothing really. Just you know..." she paused, shrugged nonchalantly, "The girls, house chores--"

"I think it's more than that," Amal interrupted, carrying a platter of colourful cupcakes. "I tell you what it is," She set the platter on the table, "Saad bhai doesn't take care of my sister. And not only that. He is giving her trouble as well." She folded her arms and looked expectantly at her older sister.

Sana rolled her eyes, "Stop assuming Drama Queen." Since the start of her marriage, Amal had been against Saad. No matter how much Saad did or didn't do, Amal had faults with it. "You never say anything nice about him."

Peeling the pink cupcake liner from the soft chocolate sponge cake of the cupcake, Amal prompted, "I don't think he is nice period."

"What has he ever done to you?"

The cupcake forgotten in her hand, Amal met her older sister's gaze, "He took away my sister from me."

"Don't be ridiculous." Sana folded her arms across her chest. "I am right here."

Amal was about to add more when Jahangeer sternly said, "Amal" There was a stark warning in his voice. She knew better than to provoke her father. This wasn't the first time this argument had happened. In the past few months, Amal had been very blunt of her feelings towards her brother in law.

Diverting his attention back to Sana, Jahangeer urged her, "Whatever it is, don't hide it from us."

Sana forced a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Truth be told, there wasn't much to fuss over. She was just tired. Very tired. There were times she felt her life was on an endless repeat button where daily chores and routines were repeated. Yes, there were problems with her husband. But who didn't have arguments in a marriage. If she looked deep down she could say she was content. Well if she tried hard to make herself believe it.

On the other hand, Amal had different perception of the situation altogether. Her sister was one of the most positive person she knew. In the past, she and their mutual friends had always looked up to Sana for valuable advice and moral support. But now it seemed all that was fading away. She didn't remember the last time her sister made an effort to meet up with friends. She was always exhausted or worried about something in the background which she never shared. This is why Amal resented Saad. Since the day Sana married him, the distance between the sisters grew and now it was impossible to bridge it.

The tension in the air was stifling Sana. She stood up and was ready to retreat from the probing eyes of her father and sister.

Just then, a middle aged round woman draped in a red and black printed chador peeked from above the low lying fence. She grinned and exclaimed, "Sana beti, so nice to see you."

Sana winced at hearing their nosy neighbour Aunty Shakeela's voice. Turning around and plastering her biggest smile, she gritted, "Nice to see you too Aunty Shakeela."

Aunty Shakeela was their next door neighbour since like forever. She had a big family of 10 with 6 children many of them married and living with their spouses under the same roof. Sana and Amal never liked her as she was known to be the prying Aunty of the street.

Shakeela scrunched her nose and shook her head, "You are skinny now. Doesn't your husband feed you?"

Sana's eyes rounded, Aunty Shakeela had no filters at all, "Of course he does." She defended.

Shakeela huffed in disagreement. Eyeing her next target, she wondered out loud, "Bhai sahib, have you been looking for marriage proposals for Amal?"

Amal straightened in her seat, nearly choking on the mouth full of the gooey chocolate cupcake.

"No." Jahangeer answered and then smiled at his youngest daughter, "I like her being at home."

"Tsk tsk," Shakeela grunted, "Well she is getting old and besides she is damaged goods." Shrugging nonchalantly, "There is not much prospects for divorced women."

The older woman's vicious barbs hit Amal's heart. "Auntry Shakeela, you should be worried about Sakeena's marriage proposals. Oh sorry, she is called Saks. Last I saw her with Mark behind some trees in the park." Amal was livid. Why couldn't people mind their own business and worry about their own children rather than taunting others.

Shakeela gasped.

Jahangeer was also seething and stepped in to diffuse the situation, "Shakeela I appreciate your concern. But I would prefer if you would mind your own business. I am well aware of my daughters' well-being and I definitely don't want someone taunting us."

Stepping back from the fence, Shakeela derided, "Amal beti, you need to learn to control your tongue. Some day you will get into real trouble because of it. Shaking her head in earnest musing, "These days people are not ready to listen to honest advice."

When Shakeela walked away, Amal muttered under her breath, "Honest advise my foot."

She walked off from the back garden and going in the house. She wanted to be alone, trying to escape the agonies of the last three years.

No matter how much her family supported her, the people reminded her of her ultimate crime – the divorce.

She was living in a western nation where liberal thinking was promoted and practicing a religion where it was permissible to seek divorce but in the eyes of the society divorced woman had no prospects of a happy life. It was believed a divorcee woman will die a lonely death when living single or worse alternatively marry a man her father's age who has adult children. Why couldn't people understand that perhaps she wanted to be single and independent where she enjoyed her freedom.

Over the years, she was numb to such gibes but there were times it hurt. It hurt a lot.

The question was, would people ever forget her past?

****

His legs stretched as he leaped across the park grounds. With each stride, his run was faster. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, sweat trickled down his chest and eyes focused ahead. His legs and arms were trained to move in synchronization. Years of running had built his leg muscles and his stamina had intensified. It was a routine to run every morning after his bed tea. Whether rain, snow, hail, or sun, Saad never excused himself from the run. It had started as a fitness routine with his long time neighbour and best friend, Fadil. However, over the years, Saad ran alone and Fadil lived a laid back life since his wedding couple of years ago.

This morning was no different where the cloudless blue skies and bright sun loomed over the Celtic city. Saad didn't take much pleasure in the run or the magnificence of the sunny day. Rather, his mind was on his wife. It had been three days since she left him. There were no phone calls. Not even any texts. The fact the girls were on summer holidays meant she could stay at her father's place as much as she wanted. He had no problem with that but he didn't like the fact she left in anger.

During the solitude of his run, he could admit to himself there were issues. There was no spark in his life or in their marriage for that matter. Since the birth of their second daughter Leena, Sana's sole focus were the children and Saad had drifted off paying more attention at work or just spending time on the internet whether it was social media sites, watching YouTube / Netflix or plainly surfing the internet.

Sana wasn't a demanding wife. In fact, he couldn't fault with her at all. However, the distance between them had crept up. It wasn't her fault. Never had Sana negated him on anything. Even if she disapproved or disliked she never opposed instead she let it be. At the start of their marriage, Sana's appeasing attribute led to a harmonious union and since then there were hardly any conflict. None whatsoever as he could recall. Lately, he felt she wasn't happy which is why there was a strain. They didn't communicate as they used to. Perhaps, it was because of motherhood challenges or his ... his....

He slowed his pace and came to a stop. He took deep breaths and quietly accepted the fact. He wasn't the ideal husband. He had many faults. He knew he wasn't perfect and tried his best but many times it wasn't enough. He felt he didn't meet up to her expectations. This again created tension between them.

He slowly made his way back to his house and made up his mind, he will try harder to be the ideal husband.

Even if it meant going out of his way to apologise for an offence he had no clue of.

****

"Now, slowly, we're going to swirl the frosting." Holding Nida's hand, Amal helped her decorate the freshly baked cupcake.

Nida squeezed the cheese frosting piping bag and swirled it on top of the red velvet cupcake. "That's it." Amal encouraged her, pointing to the next cupcake, she instructed, "Ok this on—"

The doorbell rang, jolting Amal and distracting Nida. The piping bag slipped from Nida's fingers on to the kitchen counter. Sliding off the kitchen bar stool, she rushed to the front door, "I'll answer it."

Sighing, Amal placed the piping bag on the cupcake tray. Children easily get distracted and even if that meant making a mess. Wiping the kitchen counter, she glanced at the front door and froze when she heard the familiar male voice.

"How's my little princess?" Saad kissed the top of Nida's head.

Clinging to Saad's waist, Nida's gleefully said, "Daddy we're enjoying so much. We baked cupcakes." Loosening her hold on him, she peered up at his face, lowering her voice as if disclosing a dark secret she whispered, "and slept late night."

His eyes rounded, "No way. Mommy didn't say anything?"

Nida pressed her index finger on her lips, "Shhh. Mommy doesn't know. It's only you, me and Ammy's secret."

He winked, "My lips are sealed."

Nida giggled and clamped her hand on her mouth. Grabbing his hand, she dragged him to the kitchen, "Daddy I wanna show you my cupcakes."

Stepping in the kitchen threshold, he came to a halt realising Amal was in the kitchen. She was fixing her hijab. Her back to him.

Saad cleared his throat and then greeted her, "Assalam u alaikum."

Her back stiffened, pushing her shoulders back, she whirled around, "Walaikum salaam" she replied curtly.

In the last few months, there had many times where they had heated arguments. They were now on a constant verbal battle.

He evaded looking at her, he was in no mood to have yet another quarrel with her, "So, where's Mommy?" his eyes on Nida.

Nida was busy choosing the best cupcake to present her father.

An eerie silence settled and tension rose.

"So you decided to visit her after all?" Amal crossed her arms across her chest.

Ignoring her, he asked Nida, "Is there any for me?" Nodding, Nida held the red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting. "Daddy this is for you."

He smiled gratefully, accepting the cupcake from his daughter, he rumpled her hair in affection.

Amal annoyance grew, he had the audacity to ignore her, she gritted her teeth. "Now you have no decency in replying."

That did it.

He squarely looked in her eye, "the fact I am not giving into your jibes shows my decency. And yes I am here to see my wife. So it's better if you stay out of this."

"Do you even care for her?" she wasn't done yet.

His eyebrows rose, "I don't need to answer this."

"Because you don't have an answer to that."

He pointed his finger at her threateningly, "Amal I am warning you."

"Or else what." She took a step closer, challenging him.

"I don't believe this." Muttering, he turned around.

There, standing on the threshold of the kitchen was Sana in astonishment. Seeing her, Saad approached her and then said loud enough for Amal to hear, "Your sister needs to learn some manners." He nodded in greeting, "I wanted to speak to you. I'm outside waiting for you."

With that he stomped out of the house.

"How dare he!" Amal rushed to follow him out of the house and give him a piece of her mind that he deserved. When she passed Sana, she grabbed Amal's hand.

Sana shook her hand, "Enough! You have done enough."

Amal shrugged her hand from Sana's grip, "Api he needs to know you are not alone."

Shaking her head, Sana negated her, "Stay out of it Amal."

"But—"

Sana said firmly, "Stay out of my marriage Amal."

The younger sister stepped back as if Sana accused her of some heinous crime. "Fine have it your way."

She trampled up the stairs leaving behind a defeated Sana downstairs.

Sighing, Sana slowly made her way to the front yard. Her fingers curled in her hand, nails biting into her palm flesh. She wasn't looking forward to another confrontation.

Amal had worsen the situation. She was already angry at Saad. She didn't appreciate her sister's meddling. The fact he came over meant he was looking to clear things between them but now with this... she just didn't know.

Leaning against the car, hands in his jeans pocket, Saad looked out at the shrubs that lined the driveway.

"Saad ignore her." Sana started.

"This is the last time I am coming here. I don't want to be insulted by her each and every time."

Her shoulders drooped. He glanced at her and he softened immediately. Noting, she looked paler than before and there was darkness around her eyes. Seeing her like this, Saad took a deep breath. "Look I don't want to fight." He turned to her, "I still don't know exactly what you were angry about. I want to apologise if I hurt you and I just want you to come back home."

There was sadness in her eyes. He still didn't get it.

His hand found hers, his fingers laced with hers and his thumb idly rubbed the back of her hand, his eyes pleaded, "Please."

She nodded slowly, "Okay."

That night, Sana went back home, not saying good bye to her younger sister. The rift between the sisters had grown further. Much further.

In the coming months, the fragile relationship was to be tested in ways none of them had anticipated.  

Until next time,

Assalam u alaium warahmatullahi wabrakatuhu.