"They want us to be more than our feelings, but I am made up of all feelings."-MS

The fractured lights in the darkness twinkle like stars smashed against the pier. The Canary yellows hue splatters between the dimming fog as the salt green shores, shift into a tranquil epiphany.

The cloudless night leaves our articulation bare. The husk of summer cocoons our quiet  sands while we watch the seasons change and grow. There's a silver glow in our city, looming between the soft fugacious tides, while crickets sing to the moon, in the dead of night.

The round moon dances coquettishly compelling the austere indigo sky to dip into her glowing silver-white aura. Yet the sky is afraid of its darkness. It is like a blanket or an endless tunnel, by itself there is no illumination. The sky is lonely, deep in the core of its universe; so many stars, planets, and galaxies yet no one can see through its dark facade.

So it fell for the moon, enchanted by his counterpart.

Nothing was more spiritual or beautiful than the love they made; moonlight.

Yet we are trying so hard to separate the light and darkness within us...

(Anna Pov)

"Momma," I sobbed, howling at the stormy sky. If I could grab my rage and squeeze it in the tight grasp of my fist, then I would realize that I wasn't holding fire, but my red beating heart.

I was incubating this exploding rage for so long, sooo long, that my body felt radioactive. I wasn't the bomb but the chemicals that make it reactive.

Today was a day I would never forget, I met someone amazing in my life, and I also lost someone. Stars grow old and die, then they fall from the sky leaving behind a new era, a youthful eclectic beauty.

Yet which one was I holding onto for dear life?

The weeds of a burning rose, or the love of life and innocence?

Cold tears rained from my eyes as I held my mother's picture in my hand. Sometimes, I felt guilty for forgetting the fine details of her face. It felt like the pain I carried was stronger than my memory.

"Dear Mom,

Dad misses you, again. He never stopped . Sometimes I hear him crying out your name in his sleep, "Rose! Rose my sweet love where are you?"

Then I have to wake up and remind him that we are in drowning in dry places.

"I wish you were here" my voice broke as I cried cradling my knees.

I chuckled, a sad gurgle escaping from my lips, "I met a boy today. I like him a lot, more than I like myself. I realized today that I couldn't hold you both. It's been years since my body touched the water. Swimming was our thing..." I rambled on, "I can't do it without you..." I sighed.

I kissed the picture of my mom, my vision blurred over with sadness as I looked through the lens of my teary eyes, "just like every year, I come here to sit on the shore and talk to you. I leave you a gift, walk away, but leave a part of my eroded soul in the ocean. I am nothing but fragments without you..." I confessed.

"Anna" a soft voice whispered, it carried in the howling wind.

I turned around surprised, quickly wiping my blotchy tears "Jacob?" I asked in disbelief.

Jacob stood before me, a tight leather jacket hugged his looming figure as he looked beyond me at the crashing waves.

We said nothing, brooding in our silence.

"Can I see?" he asked finally breaking the silence. His outstretched hands pointing toward my picture.

Usually, I would say fuck off but something about Jacob made me trust him. My hands shook as I handed him a picture, "It's the only picture I have of her that matters, I don't know how much you overheard, but her name's Rose" I explained quietly.

Jacob's eyes furrowed into deep lines of sincerity as he took the picture from my hand. His fingers grazed my skin, and I felt fireworks and butterflies pivot all through my body.

Jacob sat down at the shore next to me, the bone-chilling water almost touched our toes as the waves crept in slowly to the edge of shores and then withdrew answering the call of the great blue ocean.

"She's beautiful Anna" he admired, as he pointed out her rosy high cheeks and bone structure.

I shivered slightly, "It's torture you know, I want more than anything to feel close to her, to find my peace, but I can't let go of the pain and trauma of it all" I confessed.

Jacob put his arms around me, "I overheard you saying that you use to swim, was it your thing?" he asked raising a eyebrow.

I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I found the courage to explain, "swimming was one of the times I connected with my mom when she was alive. We would play in the pool for hours or take a nice swim in the lake . It was one of our sacred moments away from the harshness of life and her responsibilities" I sighed as the waves splashed against the rocks.

"So maybe you should swim again?" Jacob offered, watching me intently.

A cool breeze tickled my ear, I shook my head sternly, "I can't and I won't" I shuttered remembering the pain and trauma that lies below the surface of the might blue.

I had made a vow on that fatal day I lost my mother, I would go back to her watery grave, not even if I loved it more than anything else.

I sniffled wiping away a sharp tear, "what's the point of living if you can't be happy?" I asked sadly.

Jacob stood up, my laminated photo still in his hands.

In a matter of seconds, my life changed. I watched in horror as Jacob threw my precious photo in the water without a second thought.

"Go get your happiness Anna, grab life like it's yours because it is! he encouraged.

My voice was raw and horse, as I stammered unable to comprehend what I had just seen.

"NOOOO!" I screamed, jumping up as I tried to grab it desperately but it was too late, the waves had quickly taken it far beyond my reach.

I cried, sobbing and wailing in complete distress, "THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PHOTO OF MY MOM'S! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?" I hollered hysterically.

Jacob shrugged, "swim and go get it," he said calmly.

My hands pulled at my hair, as waves of anxiety took me, "I CAN'T YOU DON'T GET IT!" I slapped him.

Jacob's face turned pale, as he realized what he had just done, "I can't swim" he whispered.

The lights above the pier reflected onto the water, I could see my photo floating, bobbing up and down peacefully, "I can't" I sobbed falling to my knees.

The truth was I could. I was an excellent swimmer, and with just a few strides I could have my photo back in my hands, yet it was all mental. The last time I was in deep bodies of water, my mother was drowning, and nothing I did could save her. It was like a bridge I couldn't cross, a fate I couldn't change, and a plane I couldn't catch from falling out the sky.

Jacob took of his jacket, stripping down with a rigid look of determination, "I'll get it" he promised.

I turned slowly, his words were muddled as I fought to concentrate. Too many things were happening at once and my heart was racing.

I heard a splash, as he dove into the frigid temperatures, his body creating ripples.

"You can't swim!" I called out frantically.

I looked around the tides were unusually high tonight, and the waves stood up like walls and giants. To make it worse the wind droned on beating against our bodies. It was the perfect storm. I watched Jacob splash around like a fish with broken fins, as he coughed and spewed out water.

This was madness! It was the simple fact that my photo was laminated and covered by a plastic protection, that made it worth retrieving.

I bit my nails nervously as Jacob doggy paddled, towards the center of the ocean.

"Come on, come on come on!" I prayed as I strained my eyes, looking for a tiny speck of Jacob that I could hold onto like a lifeboat.

"I got it!" I heard his voice call out in the distance.

I smiled, happily, "GOOD, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER SO I CAN KILL YOU!" I laughed.

I waited anxiously at the shore, for what seemed like moments, as a strange silence drifted between the hollow echoes.

"Jacob?!" I screamed while pacing.

One moment his head was bobbing happily in my line of vision the next he had disappeared like sunken treasure in the dark blue voids.

I cried, pinching myself hard to wake up from this nightmare, "NO NO NOT MOM, NOT HIM!".

My body tingled with a familiar feeling of doom like I had lived this lie before.

"JAAAAAACCCCCCCOOOOB!" I screamed until I was pretty sure I ripped my vocal cords.

Sometimes we are held down by chains, but mostly our minds are the prison and what you don't understand until it's too late, we had the keys the whole time.

It wasn't too late, to save Jacob.

I jumped into the deep blue and my body welcomed the shivering rush of ice, forming on my body as I swam quickly like a fish ripping through the water. The waves parted for me, as I focused on finding Jacob.

I looked around frantically between breaths until I found his limp body bobbing just a few feet away from me. I grabbed him kicking and crying, I had never swum so hard.

"Jacob!" I sobbed sobbing, as I tread'd in the water.

Jacob eyes slowly opened, and he smiled, "I have it, I have it" he promised.

The waves pushed our body ruthlessly each time it was a little harder to keep our heads above the water. I held Jacob's waist trying to swim against the currents at the same time. My legs aches and my hands were becoming stiff. I couldn't carry him for long, I was growing tired.

"Float Anna!" he said sensing my tension.

I shook my head, "No I can't let you go" I whimpered.

Jacob weakly tried to swim, "you have too, Anna. You have to let go" he said firmly looking into my eyes. He touched my cheek, "trust me" please.

I saw my mom, she smiled at me, the ocean in her eyes as we plummeted.

"Let go Anna!" she wheezed.

"No mommy your bleeding" I sobbed.

She held my face, "you are my little swimmer, my mermaid. I need you to swim to shore as fast as you can and get help?" she said softly.

I grabbed her hands tightly as we struggled to see in the stinging water. She closed her eyes, outstretched her hands and laid on her back, "I'll float until you get back" she said giving me one last kiss.

Somehow that day my little-broken heart knew, that I wouldn't be able to save her.

"Anna!" Jacob yelled, his voice brought me sharply back into the present perils.

I shook my head snapping out of that immensely powerful memory, "we will both die if you don't" he said coughing up the water in his lungs.

The water clung to my body, making me heavy like the bricks that weigh us down in life. I was shaking like a frightened mouse as my arms slowly slipped from around Jacob. He smiled nodding with encouragement.

I closed my eyes and laid down like the ocean was my bed.

When I float, it is a sempiternal fluidity and deep connectivity to the bodies of water around me. I am one. I am still and I am at peace. The thoughts that race in my mind like broken tracks stop and I can stop to think about all the reasons why. Fear trickles out of my fingertips and I don't have to carry all of my sadness.

The natural currents gently carry me like a hundred gently hands passing you along a field of lilies. You I know I'm not dead, just peaceful. I am immersed in a series of breathtaking moments, in which time stops jealously, wishing it had the same leisure.

I'm not cold, I'm not hot, I am just a being. The orbits of the word spin but yet I feel motionless.

Drifting wave after wave

All the fears and darkness
ripple to the bottom of the ocean like sparking bubbles.

The best part is when I open my eyes and behold the tapestries of the night sky, looking down at me in awe, and I am my own universe. The stars twinkle brightly and life is more than just stories, it is hope, knowledge, and depth.

We are tugging and fighting, yet we are the force that pulls us down.

"Baby" Jacob whispers softly.

"Hmmm?" I murmur in contentment, it has a nice ring to it.

I open my eyes and surprisingly we are on the shores. Our feet are on solid ground, and most importantly I am alive to experience love with the one person that matters.

I gasped, spitting the water from my lungs, as I crawled on all fours, Jacob right behind me.

I collapsed in a heap of exhaustion unable to hold back the emotions that burst forth.

I laughed, grabbing my side. I continued to laugh until tears poured forth. Jacob rushed to my side, "are you hurt?" he asked a soft concern rumbled from his depth.

I nodded no, "I feel better, I got to feel my mom's presence in the water Jacob. She told me she loved me. She said it was okay to let her go, she gave me permission" I sobbed.

Jacob took deep breaths, feeling as tired as I was, as we soaked up the sky, lying still, our bodies tattooed in the sand.

I looked at the dark curls that washed over his eyes and admired his chiseled jaw, and rugged lips. I felt a sudden urge to say thank you.

Jacob looks into my eyes, sharing a fondness and magnetic connection that no one else will ever have. I reached up, my head resting on his heart, to tell him how much I loved him.

We heard police sirens blaring in the distance, as life went on. The first rays of dawn tinted the light blue morning sky, our time was up.

Jacob kissed my hand still panting, "I have to confess something" he whispered nervously.

My heart beat nervously as I waited for him to tell me.

Jacob pulled my mom's picture out of his pocket placing it in my hands, "Anna, I lied. I can swim. I just wanted to know that you are far greater than your pain, a lot stronger than your fears, and deserve so much more" he said passionately, as his hands caressed my cold cheek.

I gasped in shock. Jacob groaned the sand underneath our body felt grainy and heavy, "I just needed to tell you that in case I can't speak tomorrow" he laughed, holding his side.

I laughed too as the waves beat against the rocky shores, whistling the tune of "swoooosh" and knowing that the storm was over.

Tears of joy spilled from my eyes as I looked at Jacob with deep admiration, "I love you, so please kiss me now" I demanded.

Jacob leaned forward our eyes closed, coalescing with our blue chattering lips, the warmth of the twinkling sky, and the ocean between our toes, so we could capture a love that felt like

Floating...

                above the pain of it all.

Dear Readers,

My name Anna and my life is shit, but it's getting better...

I asked you to hold on, not to my story but to the lessons. I wanted you to know how much more you are then the pain you feel at your darkest hour. I'm not promising you a love story, but the strength to float, to find undisturbed peace in the turbulence.

To know that time goes on, and hatred, pain and even loss diminishes like a memory. Yet we will feel. So, I'm simply begging you to feel your strength, feel the flickering candle in a dark tunnel, to know that you are worth tomorrow. Pain is just another emotion in the gambit of life.

I didn't find love, I didn't find someone to save me. What I found was my own strength to dive into deep waters, and my life changed in twenty-four hours. I'll always miss my mom, but I have people who care about me, and you do too!

Life is hard, and even harder if you're nice. So never stop!

Never slow down!

Live and love down to the marrow!

Be Buyonant,
be brave,
and understand that life sucks!
Yet even in the most grueling storms, you can be weightless, free and enduring. Like the sun in the sky, there is always hope.

Dear readers, it's your turn to float...

Authors Note: Thank you to all the amazing readers who finished and loved this book ❤️ Continue reading for some cool behind the scenes understandings!!

Vote, comment, and share. ♥️♥️♥️
                    Does anyone want a sequel?