Tomato Soup
It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. ~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, 1999.
*Anna's POV*
What is it that we desire?
The love or the abuse?
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it all wrong.
Like, I've been walking through life backwards with my eyes closed.
My dad says the twenties is just an awkward stage in life, but he never grew out of it...
When I'm with Jacob I feel like I'm frolicking through the misty flumes of golden lights, sinking below my tears and fright. While breaking all of my bones hoping to one day to be somebody, I recognize.
He is a soft impression that crescendos my mind.
I like how he doesn't say much, but his strong midnight eyes always generate an authentic kindness.
I can't help but notice his tall frame, that fits perfectly into his grey-shirt and rugged jeans. He looks exactly like Jess, a character from my favorite tv show; Gilmore Girls.
If I wasn't already planning to become a Sister Wife in a polygamist family, then maybe I would admit that I found him attractive.
"We are going to the boardwalk!"
I said, stubbornly as we left the parking lot.
Jacob raised a cool but curiously subtle eyebrow at me. He paused to study my face.
"I'm hungry, and I know we just met, but I'm psychotic without food," I said pushing him ahead, half joking.
Jacob shrugged.
I took that as a yes.
We walked silently through the paved streets of our small town. It was like a silent sanctuary against the flooding coast of our hearts, beating softly with life and activity.
When I closed my eyes I could hear the bicycles tires treading down the roundabouts, and the buses creaking and groaning with exhaustion. As smoking grey clouds dispel in folds of the air.
I could see children laughing and playing in the grassy hills while picking purple lilies like a florist.
My town was a tiny inclination of something grand. I could feel the warmth that spewed from the dark slates of the perfectly slanted homes, as daylight coursed through the open shutters.
I saw the architecture emulate fine arts and colors, blending and weaving like the quivering strokes of a legato played on a violin.
Our town, Little Quails was peaceful and scenic. A shelter in nature.
However, the boardwalk was where the rich mineral dust settled against the shores of earth, overlapping the sands of time, drawing out the embankment of wild youth.
Beyond the bright blue Maidence fields, came the swirling dreams of wonder.
It wasn't like Venice Beach, but it was lovely. People trickled in like childhood memories, coming for the food, the attractions, and the sense of community.
My stomach growled as we reached my favorite soup kitchen. The aromas of garlic, fresh herbs, and today's special turned me into a beast.
I grabbed Jacob's hand dragging him inside, "I need Tomato soup now!" I sang at the top of my lungs.
Jacob winced trying to cover my mouth with his strong calloused hands.
"Don't shut me up, this is the best part!" I continued to sing, stringing the words out in an ill pitched manner.
Finally, a waitress came over to pay my singing homage.
She handed us a menu, although I had just said what I desired to eat.
"Welcome to Quail's Soup Kitchen. If you follow me this way, I will have you seated" she announced dryly.
I gave her a scouring look. It was always funny to me how easy it was for people to ignore others, but yet swear they were hospitable.
Jacob followed her, I noticed he had been awfully quiet since we left the hospital, and curiosity was poking me.
I slid into the fine leather booth, as I kicked Jacob under the table with my foot,
"Hey what's got your tongue tied?" I asked trying to be funny.
Jacob smiled at me, his eyes glued to the menu.
"I-I-I- wa-was wav-ju-ju-ju-st-thinking" he murmured between the butchery of this words.
"About?"
I asked drumming my fingers impatiently, on the table.
Jacob put down his menu, glaring at me intently, "y-y--yy-yo-yoooou" he paused, "I--don't-do-dd-don-tt-ttt-t kn-ow-kn-nnoow y-y-yy-ou" he blushed. I could tell from the way his fist balled that stuttering made him upset.
"Well" I shrugged nonchalantly putting my feet up on the table, nearly knocking off the decor, "My parents are billionaires. I spend summers in India tracking down indigenous shoes, and my life taste like sprinkles" I laughed.
Jacob blinked in shock. He pushed my feet off the table, shaking his head with judgment.
"WHAT, YOU DON'T BLOODY BELIEVE ME? YOU FUCKING PRUDE..." I cursed.
I don't why I'm like this. Why I'm so fucked up, but I am.
Jacob saw through my bullshit and I just couldn't allow it.
Jacob almost melted into his seat as heads turned.
"Hi, what would you like?"
The waiter asked oblivious to the pressing tension that was between us.
"FUCKING TOMATO SOUP!" I screamed.
Jacob held the menu up to her face and pointed.
She quickly nodded leaving us to our own demise.
"I--I-I-II-I-di-ddd-didn't -ss-ssss-sssss-sssa-aaaa-yyyy..." he shrugged spitting his syllables across the table.
I waited patiently for Jacob to say what he needed too, but this was the longest fit of stutters I had ever heard.
Jacob's face was turning bright red, while his eyes blinked like a broken hazard light. He seemed to be having muscle spasms and twitches in his face.
Jacob banged his fist on the table, running his finger through his hair in frustration, as he grabbed a pen and scribbled on a napkin.
"I didn't say anything, Anna. Stop causing a scene" he wrote.
I crumbled up the napkin looking into his brooding eyes, "What just happened?" I asked confused, "I've never seen you stutter that badly, is that what happens when you get too excited about anything?" I asked concerned.
Jacob sighed, I watched his shoulders give in, "y-y-ye-ye-yes" he said letting the words settle deep within his core, unlike my soup.
I finally got my soup. I watched the steam rise from the center of the large bowl.
I felt bad for the words I wasted now when Jacob was afforded so few. He fought with torment, the words glitched like a frozen computer and here I was letting lies fly out of my mouth like confetti.
Often, lying felt better than the truth, but not with him. I knew, the right thing to do was apologize for flying off the handle. Instead, I kept my mouth busy and my heart guarded like concrete.
Jacob didn't really say much either, I could feel the humiliation washing over him, as he looked down at his plate with misty eyes.
"Fuck Anna, why are you such hard shit?" my brain screamed at me, but all I could do was swallow my regrets.
I played with my words slowly, as if they were between my fingers, "Do you want to walk on the boardwalk after? It would make me happy" I pleaded softly.
Jacob turned away, still unable to look me in the eye, but he nodded yes.
Now that my stomach was full, I could truly focus on being content. Although the drama with Jacob had thrown me a curve ball I still wanted to see if I could be just happy for the rest of today.
I could feel the solid outline of Jacob's chest brush against my shoulders. He was standing awfully close to me. As we walked down the boardwalk, I tried to create space. I wasn't looking to give the wrong impression.
Our minds are troubled by the closeness we feel, yet we are always searching for something that's real. Paradoxically what we seek is someone who helps us get over our loneliness.
We are riddled by the hands of time, burned by erosivity and living in the shadows of experience. If you have lived without the pain of love then consider yourself lucky.
More than love, I wanted to let someone in,... to help break down everything that made afraid.
Jacob's hands steady slipped into mine as we just walked, enjoying serenity and reverence.
As my feet kept the slow pace, we admired the sultry tangerine mahogany hues that dispersed onto the canvas of the open teal blue sky.
Flickering lights oozed into the fractures of God's milk and honey, making buttery clouds for the birds to play in.
Gilded rays stretched out to kiss the ivory green moor, as our feet clanked against the wooden boards.
A gentle sea breeze ruffled the strands of my hair and I knew the universe was watching us. The day was clear and ocean blue, like the slow strumming pulse of my heart in Jacob's hands.
I smiled, letting the sun drink from my skin.
Abruptly, like a pulled connection Jacob yanked my hand in excitement pulling me towards a small crowd in the center of the boardwalk market.
He raised his hands above his head strangely, as if he was waving, his feet clumsily shuffling in a carefree motion. Jacob tossed his body back and forth, wiggling his torso as he smiled at me.
I giggled, as I realized what he was trying to do.
"You know, I'm the best dancer in the world!"
I told him as we watched people gravitate towards the center laughing and jiving.
Another lie.
Jacob grabbed my waist pulling me into him, he leaned into my ear "pr--rrr-rr-oov-vve i--tt-it" he dared.
I shrieked with laughter, as I turned my head to the one side and grabbed my ear, "that tickles!" I told him, as his cool breath caressed my ear drum.
Jacob smiled, his clear white teeth were perfect. Reminding me how much I needed to go to the dentist.
He swayed as the music started, "co-cocccc-coome-me o-ooo-oonn" he said gently, coaxing me as if I was a shy kitten in a corner.
I rolled my eyes, as I rested my arms around his neck, looking up into his storm. I could feel his nerves jittering through his veins as he scooted closer.
The yellow burning orb of the sun turned into a small dot, as light reflected between the spaces of our almost touching noses.
I bit my lip nervously, wondering what the hell I was doing and why? The cool breaths of the music sensual tempo hummed in my chest.
I closed my eyes, taking one step into his trust, as I laid my head on his heart.
The music was a sweet precise symmetry, it flowed like a trickling pond into a river. A submission of my body, a calm aching for life, and awareness.
It was deep like the pain we try to hide.
Yet, Jacob made me feel brave because we were putting everything on the line, for this moment.
All we did was sway,
like drunken lies and
silver lines, of shrouded panic
And rhythm.
My hips moved in a diesel motion, slow and churning with the tides that set us free.
Jacob relaxed, his cheek pressed against mine, just breathing.
Until
We
Were
Floating
Under the net of hickory euphonious dreams.
"Jacob!" I whispered shivering as he held me tightly. His strong grip enclosed around the dip of my back and our hips touched when he pulled me closer.
I was beginning to feel butterflies in places that were comminatory.
His eyelashes fluttered on my scarlet cheek as he answered in a half-dazed murmur, "hhmmm?" he grunted softly.
My feet stumbled awkwardly in his accordance, "you-you-ma-make me happy" I stuttered nervously, peering into his warm iris's, basking in his cinnamon glow.
Authors Note: Make sure you listen to the audio above, you will hear the song they danced too & see an amazing trailer composed of clips from the show!)
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