We've lived so long in our bubble, constructing a world that fits our thoughts.

We've made everything about what's right and what's not.

We've blamed people for our anger, our problems, and all the unfortunate things that we wish we forgot.

We allow our demons to cycle, never letting forgiveness recycle.

I guess the real question is

How much can we take in before hatred makes us hard like rocks?

Wasn't it that same hurt,

that hurt them?

that hurts you?

that hurt then.

That keeps you hurting

so

hurt wins.

Until

we hurt again...

Let hurt end.

Ｊａｃｏｂ'ｓ ＰＯＶ

You have no idea how I feel.

I had this notion that Anna would be the one.

And perhaps I was wrong for trying to make Anna fit into my idea of who I wanted her to be.

We often fall in love with potential versus reality.

I felt the dark blends of the sky open up above, as the smell of rain lingered just beyond the noon horizon. It was dismal, like sonder thoughts, drinking from weak hands; shaking. A cool layer drifted in from the quiet coast, as I left the world behind, slowing sinking in with my tears of humiliation. The road home was long and winding, as the sandy beaches carried my heavy feet.

How could she do this to me?

From the moment I met Anna, I felt an unexplainable connection to her, similar to the one we all feel with nature.

Perhaps, I could relate to her sorrow or the idea of never fitting in. Some people are quiet, others are nice, several are loud and angry, but we've all been hurt. There is nothing different about pain, even to the degree.

"Ma- I-I-I'm h-h-h-hhhh-hhh-ooo-me" I grumbled, kicking off my shoes, as I entered the familiar pastel white halls, filled with the homely decor, and the smell of my grandma's recipes.

"Baby Cub!" my mom smiled as she greeted me warmly.

I groaned as she assaulted me with her motherly affections, and tattooed my face with the red ink of her lipstick.

"St-st-tt-tt-tt-ooooo-oooo-pp pppp-p" I muttered, letting the words draw out my irritation, as she attempted to smooth out a few loose hairs on my head.

I loved my mom to pieces, she had such a sweet nurturing love, but occasionally it felt stifling.

"Alright, let the man go! He's got a party to get ready for!" My dad bellowed, patting my mom gently on the back until she let go.

I laughed, my dad was one of those awkward dads, who thought they were cool because they watched the travel channel and knew how to use an iPhone. I looked a lot like my dad, except for his round beer belly, which he called his "love gut".

My mom, on the other hand, had soft amber hair, full of curls and bright burning green eyes. She had a petite figure and a round face.

My mom was a natural beauty who preferred simple clothing styles.
She liked to wear flannels and light blue jeans, unlike my dad who was always trying to create a new fashion trend, with mix-match clothing.

Both my parents were tall, so it was no surprise when I made it past six feet.

"So do you have any lady friends you want to invite to the party?" My mom asked casually, as I followed her into the kitchen.

I looked down. It was bad enough that they insisted on having a birthday party for a twenty-three-year-old, but now it was just embarrassing that the guest list was rather short.

My dad leaned up against the fridge as if he was posing. His exaggerated cool relaxed manner, made him look like a hunchback, "Ruby, he's a man don't pester him about his female friends. The boy's young, he should explore his options" he winked.

I felt a wave of heat rushing to my embarrassed face. I needed an exit.

"Nnn-nn-ooo-ooo" I said quickly, trying to kill this conversation.

My dad raised an eyebrow, "guy friends are okay to son, we accept all types of love" he whispered.

My mom nodded in agreement.

I groaned, heading to my room, "g-gg-oing to-g-gee-ee-t rr-rr-eea-dd-ddy!" I muttered stumbling over my words.

Even as I made it up the stairs I could hear my dad lecturing my mom, "You're not cool about it Ruby if you want our son to talk to you, be cool like me" he chuckled.

I pictured my mom rolling her eyes, as I heard her reply "Whatever, you say Howard" playfully.

Birthdays were always such a big deal in my house. Every year, they threw me a party equivalent to a two-year-olds celebration and invited friends and family over.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but I never enjoyed birthdays. It was always an opportunity for my extended family to lecture me about what they believed I should be doing with my life or pity me.

Every year my uncle Ben would smoke cigars, and yell, "take this boy into the army, make a man out of him Ruby! That will fix his problem"

Or my least favorite drunk Aunt, Clara would start sobbing dramatically and say, "What type of future will this poor baby have if he can't talk right?" then she would slip me a few pity dollars from the money she kept in her bra.

The worst part was what my parents didn't say. They were always patient with me, and never got annoyed when I was stuck on a word or when it took five minutes for me to say something because I was too excited.

Yet, I knew they talked behind closed doors.
Our walls were thin with their whispers, but I often caught little bits of conversations.

My mom would say to my dad, "He's our only child, we have to protect him, and be sensitive to his needs". It was her voice that got me. It sounded like grief as if she was holding a broken bird in her heart.

Then my dad would counter and firmly state, "I don't know what the future holds for people like him with severe disabilities, but it's our job to not baby him".

I often became frustrated because I seemed to be everyone's concern and problem.
Didn't anyone believe in me?
I was great with my hands and could fix any household appliance, engine, or electrical unit with my eyes closed.

Why wasn't that good enough?

I took a deep breath preparing for today's festivities.

Anna lingered in the back of my mind with a certain strangeness, even as I helped my mom prepare our house and set up decorations. Two hours had already gone by since I left her on the boardwalk, at the bar. Hopefully, by now she was sober.

"DIIIIINGGG DONG!"

I groaned it was Uncle Jack at our door. My dad's brother, he was always early. He would say that he liked to come early just to have a heart to heart conversation with me. It was truly an excuse to taste the food before anyone else could.

My mom nudged me, "Go put on your suit!" she pestered, "The guest will be trickling in and the last thing I need is them thinking I don't clothe you!" she fussed.

Grudgingly I made my way to go change.

I sighed, hearing the familiar and lively chatter of people crowding into our private home.

My mom had selected a grey suit for me, very modern and sleek. However, I felt too overdressed, to simply to be going downstairs.

My family crowded in by the flock, with warm hugs and gift. They filled the tiny spaces of our living room with noisy chatter as my mom set out the food.

Time went on and my family laughed and ate through the afternoon. Then my Uncle demanded, I open up my presents just so he could show off. Most of my gifts were self-help tools, such as books on stuttering, and job recommendations. My dad got me a watch, which was nice.

Finally, I cut the cake after singing Happy Birthday twice, because drunk Aunt Clara had forgotten her camera the first time.

The corners of the earth yawned welcoming the dark shutters of night. We could see the moon peeping behind the stars, creating a neon tapestry.

And all I had was this moment to be twenty-two one last time.

"Help me clear the table" My mom whispered, as sleepy faces sunk into chairs, and round bellies protruded in contentment next to our open cracking fireplace.

Half of my family had fallen into a cozy intoxicated food coma, and several were having private conversations or playing a serious game of chess with my dad.

"Get the door for me, Jacob," Uncle Ben hiccuped pointing a wobbly finger at me.

I looked at him confused, no one had rung the doorbell.

"Don't you hear that knocking?" he grunted pushing me along.

A faint but urgent tapping echoed on our rusting wooden doors.

I quickly went to answer it, wondering which relative we had accidentally forgotten to let in.

I swung open the door.

"Aaa-aa-nn-nnn-aaa-" I gasped in disbelief.

Anna looked at me in distraught her eyes smoldered over with tears and her hair wilder and more untamed than earlier.

Before I could say anything else, Anna put a finger to my lip.

"I was chased by a wolf. I accidentally put fireworks in an old lady's bag. I collected lightning in a bottle, and I'm pretty sure I committed several crimes, including trespassing, and theft. I also rang every single damn person's doorbell" she was speaking quickly.

Her words marred together as she frantically paced in front of the door, "but I'm here" she said stubbornly.

Anna hugged me, her tiny arms wrapped around my waist as she held on for dear life, "I'm sorry Jacob" she mumbled.

"Hello, you must be here for my little cubs birthday party!" My mom said interrupting the moment.

She put a friendly hand out, "I'm Jacob's mom, and you are?" she asked Anna.

I'd never seen a mouth drop so low in astonishment, as Anna blinked in pure confusion, "birthday?" she whispered looking at me.

"Come in, eat with us!" My mom said, sensing the awkwardness between us, as we both stared in silence.

"Thh-hh-ii-ii-ss i-iss-ss A-aaa-aan-nna" I smiled.

My mom hummed softly, as she led Anna to the kitchen.

My heart was racing, it was beyond crazy to see Anna in my house. She had changed too. She had on a pink fleece sweater with blue jeans and her hair color was now a solid sun torched brunette. Anna looked soft, nice...and so natural.

My head spinning with a dapper fog, I really wanted to know what happened after I left her.

Curious faces peered at Anna, and several of my uncles winked and gave me air high fives.

I groaned, I knew what they were thinking.

My mom chatted away with Anna, making her feel comfortable.

I quickly made my way to Anna and whispered in her ear, "l-l-et-et's gg-gg-oo" I told her taking her hand.

I grabbed my coat, waving at everyone, "Th-th-aa-nk you-bb-bbut I--ha-aave--aa-aa-an impo-important- err-rand to -d-d-doo" I lied.

Uncle Ben whispered, "pussy" as we left.

I reached for the extra notepad I kept in my coat. I had so much to say and this couldn't wait. Anna was quiet, she bit her nails looking away as we walked closely next to each other.

I scribbled away.

Anna looked up at me tiredly but smiled. She paused, closing the gaps between us, "Hey, I meant it okay? I'm sorry for being so mean today" she sighed tugging on my sleeve.

I nodded, handing her the freshly written note.

"Anna, it's okay I forgive you! You saved me from having a really shitty birthday. We can talk later about how you're doing because I want to know! What did you mean you were chased by a wolf, Anna? What fireworks? So many questions, please explain...

P.S you look very pretty."

I watched her pale face light up. She blushed and a genuine smile spread, folding delicately into the corners of her face giving her natural creases.

Anna laughed, jumping up with excitement, "It's your birthday little cub, let's not make this about me" she teased sticking out her tongue, "I will tell you everything in due time, right now I'm taking you somewhere fun okay?!" she insisted.

I looked at her skeptically, coming from the person who thought drinking was fun, I had little faith.

I let her take my hand, it fit perfectly. When she wasn't holding my hand I didn't feel complete, it was like a shadow and the sun was always missing.

The night strolled in with leisure as we became one within the dark charcoal sketchings of our story. We quietly passed the picturesque town, the shimmering light of the moor, and wild grassy domains of civility.

The boardwalk came alive at night, filled with laughter, and tourist. A clear mist floated under ominous lemonades hues and the soft melodies and song of night tides. We could hear the gentle splashes of the ocean touching the sand, retreating back; to be lonely.

Anna lead me deeper into the jungle. Not a real one, a metaphorical representation of our consciousness.

"We're almost here, I promise," she giggled with excitement.

I could see the bright lights fading. While the dark indigo waters behind us blended like a distilled painting, and the lively rumbles of humanity quieted, nestling like a bird in the night. The hums and chirps of the crickets greeted us as we ran through thickets and fields. We shivered in the cool open wild spaces of freedom and marshlands.

Anna halted abruptly, I almost lost my footing, in my good suit.

She pointed to a sign proudly, "we're here!" she clapped with gleeful excitement.

I read the sign, " Abandoned Junk Yard"

I looked around at the heaps of garbage, industrial waste, and random things people had thrown away on the backs of mother earth. It was an interesting array of clutter.

Anna read my mind, "Just follow me, give me a chance to explain" she grunted as she pushed open the screeching wired fence.

Dust dispersed like small clouds of smoke onto our faces. The dirty soil adorned our faces turning most of our clothes dirty and black. We looked like lost children and chimney sweepers.

I shook my head and shrugged.

Anna walked to the back of the junkyard. There was less trash there. However, I noticed a fifty feet high pile of mattresses.

"Ann-nn-aa" I said nervously as she headed directly for it.

She had that look in her eye again, it was cloudy with fantasy and magic, and just a dash of childhood imagination, "Want to know what it's like to stand on top of the world?" she giggled.

She pointed to my shoes, "take them off, we are climbing to the top" she said getting a head start.

I bit my tongue, nothing about this idea was safe. The mattresses were stacked unevenly, and they were so soiled that several of them had turned a dark vomit rustic color. The springs were broken and sharp splinters stook out.
These mattresses were thrown out, because of the wear and tear of time, so I didn't know how they would withstand our weight.

Anna rolled her eyes, looking back at me, "I've done it several times, I promise I know exactly where to step so you don't fall. I hope you're not afraid to get a little dirty." she challenged.

I had to admit the way the mattress were stacked was pretty cool. One on top of another, crisscrossed, to make a tower. I titled my head all the way back, it was at least taller than a diving board.

"Fuck it, if I die, at least tonight I lived," I thought to myself, taking off my shoes.

Anna led me like a pro, it was a lot sturdier than I thought, and my foot only slipped once. I tried not to imagine what type of insects and wildlife was burrowed into the trash as spiders crawled out of every nook and cranny.

Anna huffed, stopping to catch her breath, "I don't remember it being this high, last time I came here" she confessed.

"Whh-ee-nn-nnn?" I asked.

Anna raised a wicked eyebrow at me, "When was the last time I came here?" she clarified, "about three years ago" she said casually under her breath.

I held on tightly, trying not to curse.

Everything passes quickly when it's exciting. I don't know how but we reached the top. Anna sighed falling onto her back, to take in the stars in the sky comfortably.

I stared up in awe, realizing how it felt to be God. The world is beautiful when looking down, our problems, our thoughts, all of those get lost in the beauty of a tiny city. Everything look miniature, nothing was lifesize. Like looking a train set through the glass.

Something about being this close to the sky was beautiful and tangible. My fingers could caress the dips in the yellow swollen moon, and catch the shimmering dust of the stars as they twinkled.

I took deep breaths because that's all life is; a breath.

I could see the pores of the sky, and there were no blemishes, something infinite, and beautiful that man could never destroy or touch. The deep blue, looked like rippling waves, and I couldn't help but wonder if the sky is God's ocean?

I looked at Anna, frozen in this moment of astonishment, and how little we know about the divine. The light faded, the noise drummed into low whistles of static, like the crackling of a radio, and the birds chirped dipping their feather into the inked zeal of the sublime.

My neurons were firing off as I suddenly focused on the most beautiful thing in the universe.

"Jacob" Anna whispered softly, her voice trembled as she held my hand.

She purred softly, her deeps breaths brushed against my skin, as we leaned in.

"Y-YYY-YYYYE-SSS?" I answered nervously. My heart fluttered as I peered into her light brown autumn eyes.

Her lips drew me to her like a magnetic field, I could feel my eyes closing, obliterated by her gentle caresses. She drove to serenity and left me in a drunken haze. Like the rotation of the earth, it felt natural, gravity slowly drawing us together to catch the fireflies in my stomach.

Anna's voice strained, as she struggled with the words we felt but wasn't brave enough to say. "You should probably know how much I like you" she blurted out, "I know we just met, but I can't imagine you gone now" she whispered.

Her hand trembled so I held it tighter, crushing her fingers softly with mine.

The earth revolves around the sun and yet we spin;

a dance of love,

the meaning of nature.

My lips brushed against her cheeks. My throat was so dry as I gulped, my Adam's apple bobbed up and down as she scooted closer to me.

Her round cinnamon eyes compelled me with intrepid devotions as her eyelashes fluttered against my checks. I could read her body language, so vulnerable and sweet; like the love we all deserve.

My heart pounded like African drums calling forth rituals of war and love.

I wanted so badly to kiss her as her sugary lips skidded against my stubbled jaw. I wanted our lips to purge us of our secrets with each dip and firm pivot.

On a tower made of mattresses.

Under the night sky

Tracing the skylines,

Imbued with our stars, and mother moon.

On top of the world

With Anna

Floating

Author's Note: Aww I hope Jacob gets to kiss her, don't you? I can't wait to hear about what's going on with Anna:) Share your thoughts, I'd love to hear them <3

Song: "Kehlani - Again"