Fire is the rapid oxidation of material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion. Releasing heat, light, and oxygen.

Heat is energy, but flames can only ignite with friction.

We too go through a similar process, called pain. The rapid intense combustion of what we feel. Deep within our heart, and lungs clawing under the sealing lid, fighting to come out.

Sometimes we burn with resentment (fuel) towards the things we never had enough of (oxygen). Sometimes we break, like the high tempos and melodies on a music sheet (heat).

No matter what we feel it's always the latter, of bitter and sweet. (combustion)

Yet we are all like baleful stars descending from the nucleus of our problems. We are comets, gathering dust from our empty hollows.

Torment strangles us like gases, while negativity makes us heavy like gravity. To anchor us, and tie our hands behind our backs so we never touch the future.

We are cold to the core, burning as we fall from the universe, pulled down. Faster and faster, we descend from heaven to hell.

Then when there's nothing to burn our hearts melt.

We swell.

We are breathing while hurting; empty mantras in the rain ; fiery hail (comets).

Agonies veil.

——Jacobs POV——

Anna's not pretty or ugly but a fascination to look at. Her flamed colored hair sprouts out of her head wildly like noodles overflowing in a pot.

She's got crazy eyes. They're big like gum balls, and stick out of her small oval face. Her eyes are like fugacious memories. They reflect a distilled tint of dirty speckled brown honey blended over with a light grey.

Anna has that warm summer charm that reminds you of playful beach days in the summer; kicking the ball over the net. However, her smile is like frostbite.

Anna has that Great Gatsby aura but yet her spirit is in Wuthering Heights.

Her jeans are tight, ripped, and faded. She's wearing a bra but I can still see her nipples.

That's all she's wearing...

Today's my birthday but she doesn't know that. Anna's the perfect stranger to spend time with.

I hate names, it's like pushing a brick with my tongue, prepositions are easier.

To me, it's just a dilatory pause between my mind and heart.

Language is used to express our innermost selves, and I find that hard to do when my words come out in fragments.

Kids use to tease me in high school by calling me "Jacob the wind-up box".

Whenever, I would feel excitement, happiness or any intense emotions I would start to phase out.

My eyes would twitch and blink as if they have their own morse code. My heart would soar like a broken cannon. The words would become heavy as they banged against the wall of my mouth begging to be free.

I would wind up, just to break down.

I can come off as jittery like a squirrel with too many nuts in my mouth. I can come off as slow or retarded. I will never come off as well spoken.

Mentally I'm screaming in frustration, "just say it! It's just words...."

Stupid, broken, tongue.

I wish I didn't stutter.

It's frustrating to be unable to talk properly. For me, it's as if words are this big towering structure that I have to push through; like a mental birth canal. Every time I want to say, "please?" or ask "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

I remember one time in high school I was punished severely by my teacher. When she called on me in class, and I answered in stutters. She assumed I was making fun of someone.

I like life though.

I enjoy the silence.

I feel like I have a lot to say, but I mostly keep it in. Because who has the energy to swim against rapid currents in a flume?

Words that begin with "T" or "J" or my own personal curse, they can make me stutter for hours.

Yet, there are moments in between when I'm calm and taking deep breaths, not triggered by emotions. Those are the moments I feel normal and I can speak without stuttering.

However, who wants to go their whole life not feeling anything?

I love my parents, they're decent. They love and take care of me, yet I still feel so distant from them. Like they live in a castle in a made up world full of optimism and cherries.

I turned twenty-three today, and I'm never going to college. Mostly because public speaking is a required general.

I live at home, and work in my dad's mechanic shop.

"You'll get over it one day, son" my dad always says every morning between his sips of coffee.

The funny thing is I wish I could get through it....

I promised myself that today I would just have a normal birthday, and Carpe Diem the fuck out of life.

I promised that today wouldn't center around the usual pity parties people threw for me, or the stares in my direction when I order food, and the usual fits of frustration that come with me feeling like a monster in a zoo.

Then I met, Anna.

"So what do you say?!" she screamed in my ear.

I shook my head in confusion, shaking my thoughts off like a wet dog. I had spaced out, lost in my thoughts.

Anna poked me, "I said what do you want to do?" she screamed louder.

I smiled, wondering if I should play along with her preconceived belief that I was deaf too.

I looked up at the clear Oxford blue sky, the wild yellow poppies that grew in the ferns of the gravel road, and the first clusters of spring floating on the buds of dandelion seeds.

I thought for a moment,
"Hhh-hhhh-ooo-ooww" I groaned.

I was getting stuck again.

Anna giggled, "I like that you stutter, it means that you stop to think about what you say more than others. There's a certain authenticity that you will always have with your words" she encouraged.

She twirled taken by an idyllic gentle breeze, "Have you ever thrown a clear smooth pebble into a lake, just to watch it skid?" she asked looking at me through soil stained eyes.

I nodded no.

"That's what's listening to you talk sounds like" she hummed.

My heart was blushing, I have never heard anyone say that before. I didn't know if she meant it or if she was high. She was so strange, so unearthing, and wheedling.

"Ttt-ttha-nnks" I whispered, the words simmered like a teapot from the base of my throat.

She eyed me suspiciously, "that was for self-gratification, don't believe anything I say" she laughed.

"How about we count how many people trip today? That always makes me happy" she informed me.

I nodded remembering that she was on some insane mission to feel happy for twenty-four hours, but nothing else.

I'm not depressed or anything.

I just know from experience that no one just feels one singular emotion at a steady rate.

We are happy because somewhere inside we were sad. We feel gratitude from a sense of loss, and even anger is derived from hurt.

Our emotions are systemic like the breaking along a fault line. This breakage causes an earthquake when energy is released. That causes shaking in seismic waves, it eventually turns into tsunamis.

Or simply put, a rippling effect.

We are so much more complex than what we feel.

There is no depth to happiness without diving into deep waters of pain.

Anna grabbed my hand, "Let's go!" she insisted dragging me.

Anna didn't seem to mind that she had caught the flutters of my pulse between the smooth lace of her skin. I felt the way her nerves brushed against the sketchings of my mind as she gripped my hand in hers, tightly.

Her hands were a cool yet roughly intrusive.

I pulled back.

If she wanted to do this I would help her do it right.

"NOOOOO!"

The word propelled from my mouth like a sling shot in an uncontrollable manner.

Anna winced, "okay, no need to get snippy! What?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

I scribbled in my notebook the thoughts quickly forming with each bright new idea.

"I know what to do to make you happy. Just follow me and trust me!"

I finished writing and then handed it to Anna.

Anna made a face.

"Okay fine, I was starting to get bored and that's never good!" she confessed, letting go of my hand.

"lead the way" she bowed.

Anna paused looking at me skeptically as we arrived after walking a few blocks south.

"The children's terminally ill hospital?" she mumbled skeptically reading the building's sign.

I pleaded with my eyes, giving her a look that begged her to trust me.

Anna bit her nails hesitantly, "I remember using the word happy" she complained.

I gave her a gentle push encouraging her as the revolving doors opened.

Anna's eye lit up, "Oh I get it, we are going to do a prank, or pull the fire alarm!"

She snapped her fingers happily, hitting my back, "you're clever Jacob, my arranged husband in Africa would like you" she grinned.

I rolled my eyes, she was something alright...

I didn't feel bad for tricking her as I lead her down the sectioned hallways. A coldness lingered in the air along with the sound of shuffling feets, beeping and buzzing machines, and laughter.

Anna looked up at me through ghastly lagoon eyes, "I'm feeling a wee bit sad! Time to leave" she mumbled, trying making a dash for it.

I grabbed her by the loop of her jeans, holding her steady.

"Jjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjj-uuuuussst-tttet -try -tryt tyr-try" I stammered.

Anna gulped, "fine" she grumbled as I lead her into a room.

My mom volunteers here every weekend. She would read stories to the children and let their imagination give them hope and peace.

Sometimes, I would join in, the kids loved my stuttering, they didn't see the world or people as different.

"Hey, Jacob are you reading today?" Nurse Len asked, giving me a warm familiar hug.

I shook my head no and pointed to Anna, who had someone managed to get into a box of stickers left on the counter.

Nurse Len clapped her hands together, the kids looked up running to the story circle like little lambs.

"We have a beautiful guest today, she's going to read to you," she said calling Anna forth.

Anna looked at me in horror.

I winked.

The kids clapped with vigor and energy, they didn't even notice their sickness. Their little eyes grew round as they crossed their legs and sat next to Anna.

Anna cleared her throat.

I could tell from the way she was cracking her knuckles, and sitting stiffly that she was uncomfortable.

"Okay little turd drops...ehhh I mean angels. So sorry!" she gushed rubbing her neck.

She opened the book, her skin was blushing red as she began.

"Once upon a time, there was a little sick puppy named Zebra..."

Her voice broke, as her eyes scanned the words on the brightly colored pages.

The children giggled. One little girl with a head full of patchy blonde curls kicked Anna.

Her tiny feet were swollen, "well?" she asked impatiently.

I could tell Anna was holding back tears, she cleared her throat and continued reading.

"Errrr...um yes the little sick puppy, went to the hospital hoping they could fix him" she whispered.

A boy who was a mere image of a skeleton interrupted, "what does the puppy say?" he asked strumming his hands eagerly on Anna's back.

Anna smiled pointing her nose up, "WOOOF!" she barked, making the sound.

The kids fell over in heaps of belly tickling laughter.

(30 Minutes Later)

"You little shit!" Anna screamed at me in the parking lot.

Her fist beat down on my chest like drums, tears streaked down her patchy face.

"The puppy didn't make it!" she bawled as mascara ran down her distraught face.

Anna had a finger in my face like a pointed missile. Her hair stood up and her feet were spread apart in a defensive stance; ready for war.

Anna was in full rage mode. Her eyes were brooding and stormy, dark like tar and smoldering like Thunder.

Her finger turned into a fist as she began to hyperventilate.

I scribbled my thoughts out quickly,

"Yes, Anna. Several of these kids won't make it...but they need to know that while they lived they mattered and they were happy" I wrote.

Anna grabbed my notepad ripping papers out angrily, turning it into confetti.

"You twisted motherfucker! You sabotaged my whole day" she yelled, "I said I WANTED TO BE HAPPY!".

I felt the fresh sting of her hand slap the prisms of my face, stunning with force and power.

I grabbed a piece of torn paper, and I wrote until my pencil broke,

"Anna, how did it feel when they laughed until tears formed in their eyes?

Did you not feel happy when they gave you hugs and made you promise to come back again?

How did it feel to know that you mattered to them?

Yes, you couldn't save them, but you made the road for them smoother and better."

I watched Anna's angry eyes flicker as she read the smudged letters.

A calm in the storm, adrift in the riptides. A gentle disperse of energy like silent white dreams cascading from the lips of heaven.

Anna's shoulders dropped with a dreamy sigh. The flowing flames of her hair overlapped her face in a lazy manner, and a crease folded into the dimples of her cheeks.

She smiled.

"I never thought of it that way. I feel good knowing that I made them happy when it was needed most!" I could tell really from the look on Anna's face that she trying hard not to show how proud and elated she truly was.

She laughed, grabbing me by the arm to pull me forward, "You clever bitch" she whispered as we embraced.

I closed my eyes, inhaling her sweet smell. She was peaceful like hummingbirds bathing in nectar.

Like the blue luscious pigment of swaying roses.

Love in velvet skies.

Like innocence in children who were dying, but yet immortal.

Anna tried to pull away, but I held her close to my chest, feeling her small frame radiate warmth.

"Ss-ss-sta-stay in-innn th-th-the-the mom-mom-mom-mmm-ment Anna,"

I told her, gently tucking her wave like strands behind her ear.

For something to last we can't run through it like waterfalls. We must immerse ourselves in the pleasure, unafraid to wait in the storm, and ride the rickety turbulence; to physically hold on.

Anna sighed, letting go of the breath she had been holding a prisoner of fear.

Her chest fell steadily as her lashes fluttered like stutters against my skin.

She drifted into serenity, the tight lines on her face broke, and the fuel from her eyes didn't pour ...

I felt her arms tighten around my core as we hugged. It felt so natural with Anna in my arms, and so safe!

She hiccuped, and suddenly we're holding the threads of time in our hands, stretching them between our bruised fingers.

Making the intangible forever.

"I am" Anna assured me, as she kissed my cheek.

Authors Notes: Awww isn't Jacob awesome? I hope you will continue to read this story and fall in love. Tell me what you liked?

Vote, comment, share <3