TW: panic attack

Two days later, it was time for Ashton's doctor appointments. He was due to get his leg x-rayed and a new cast, and Niles thought his wound had finally healed enough to get his stitches out. He could have removed the stitches himself, but he wanted a second opinion since it had taken so long for the surgical site to heal.

Luckily, the surgical team and doctor who set his leg worked at the same hospital, so Niles went ahead and scheduled a stitches checkup for the same day. He was nervous doing so, but he figured it would be better getting it all done at once instead of dragging Ashton out again and putting him through everything twice.

Niles explained everything to Ashton after breakfast, and the faerie immediately looked like he was going to be sick. Niles winced, but walked him through some calming exercises, as he usually did whenever Ashton got worked up. The hospital that had treated Ashton was a couple hours away by car, so Niles bundled him up in his carrier quickly along with some water, snacks, and a heating pad. 

Ashton was quiet the whole way there, which wasn't a surprise, but it filled Niles with apprehension. How was he going to behave with the other doctors? Would he remember them? Would he cry, as he sometimes still did during bandage changes with Niles? Or would he have a full-blown panic attack?

They arrived at the hospital, and Niles brought Ashton inside. His first appointment was with Dr. Lavelle to look at his stitches. Inside the examination room, Niles placed Ashton's carrier on the examination table, and Dr. Lavelle put on her gloves. Niles held out a hand to stop her before she could open the carrier.

"He's still very uncomfortable with humans," he explained, pulling her aside and lowering his voice.

Dr. Lavelle nodded. "Don't worry, I remember from last time. I'll handle him carefully."

"No, no," Niles hurried to correct her. "I'm saying you should let me do most of the handling. He's a little more used to me."

Their voices carried into the carrier, and Ashton picked his head up to listen. The shaking had already started, and he bit down on the knuckles of his right hand to keep his teeth from chattering. The taste of blood slowly filled his mouth as he tried to keep the panic at bay. 

He thought he remembered this doctor coming into his hospital room to explain things to him once he was finally lucid enough to realize he wasn't in that house anymore, but everything had been so hazy back then, so maybe not. She said she remembered him, though.

Ashton pulled his blanket tighter around himself and inched into the back corner of the carrier. It was hard to tell which part he hated more: being picked up or having his wing stubs cleaned and bandaged. 

Footsteps approached the examination table, and his head snapped up, stomach sinking with dread. The door of the carrier shifted as someone worked the latch from outside, and Ashton couldn't tear his eyes away from it. His breathing grew faster and shallower as the door slowly swung outward, and then he was looking into Niles' dark eyes and trying not to cry.

"Hey, Ash," Niles said softly, like he always did when he had to pick Ashton up. "I have to get you out of the carrier now. Can you close your eyes for me?"

Ashton took as deep of a breath as his constricted lungs allowed and closed his eyes obediently. The tears that had been welling up slid down his cheeks, and he heard the soft sound of Niles' sleeve rustling as he reached his hand into the carrier. His warm fingers brushed against Ashton, and Ashton flinched. 

"It's ok, you're alright," Niles murmured, and he closed his fingers around Ashton and carefully lifted him out of the carrier.

The air was colder in the examination room than it had been in his carrier. This normally wouldn't affect him as a halfling sprite, but he had lost so much weight that the cold bothered him for the first time in his life. 

Ashton was briefly glad that Niles' warm hands were holding him and shielding him from the chill. He frowned at the surprisingly positive thought about the human and then froze when a woman's voice spoke.

"Hello, Ashton," she said. She kept her voice quiet, like Niles did, but she sounded much crisper than Niles, like the cold air in her examination room. "You might not remember me, but my name is Dr. Lavelle. I'll be assessing the condition of your surgical site today and, if everything looks alright, I'll remove your sutures. Sound good?"

It did not, in fact, sound good at all, but no one cared about his thoughts on the matter.

"Ash," it was Niles' voice again, and Ashton perked his ears up to listen. "It will be easier for Dr. Lavelle to examine your back if you lie down. I'm going to put you on your stomach after I take off your bandages, ok?"

Ashton's eyes shot open in surprise, and he quickly closed them again, feeling sick at the sight of two humans staring down at him. His heart beat even faster, racing like it was trying to burst from his chest.

No, he thought, panic rising up into his throat. 

He remembered the feeling of being pinned down beneath hot fingers, of rising, all-consuming terror as he finally realized what was about to happen. He remembered desperation choking him, growing more panicked as his pleas and frantic thrashing did nothing to move the stonelike, crushing weight. And then there was the dull blade at his back and the endless scream tearing from his throat until everything had, mercifully, faded to black.

Ashton gasped back into the present, breathing in the sterile hospital air and not the scent of cigarette ash and metallic blood. He pushed and kicked against Niles' fingers with everything he could— his arms, his feet, his shoulders— only half aware of what he was doing. Niles nearly dropped him in surprise, but he quickly recovered and hurried to set Ashton down on the examination table.

Ashton collapsed onto his side and shakily pushed himself up part way, leaning heavily on his arms. He looked at his carrier desperately, the edges growing blurry and warped. 

I... have to get back, he thought. I'll be safer in there.

But his arms locked up, and he couldn't feel his legs, and the carrier seemed to be getting farther away. He let himself fall back onto his side and curled up into a ball, wrapping his arms around his head protectively. 

"Please don't hurt me," he heard himself whimper.

It was silent in the room except for the sound of a clock, ticking away relentlessly. Ashton hated that noise. It reminded him of... that house. 

Finally, a familiar voice broke the silence. "Can you please give me a minute alone with him?"

"Of course," came the quiet response. "I'll just be in the next room."

A pair of footsteps moved farther away from him, and Ashton soon heard a door open and close, the abrupt changes in air pressure in the small room making his ears pop.

It was quiet again, but Ashton didn't dare lift his head. He was sure that Niles was furious at him. He had never seen the human angry before, not at him, not at the garden pixies, not at... anyone. He hadn't even been mad when Ashton had tried to rip off his bandages. But this time felt different. He had never tried to physically get away from the human before. That type of resistance was sure to have repercussions.

He lay there, shuddering, tearfully waiting for harsh hands to roughly pick him up, squeeze him, throw him back into the carrier. Or maybe this human wouldn't be so merciful. Maybe he would leave him out and find some new ways to play with him, just to see him cry. When the minutes dragged on, he felt himself growing more and more anxious. 

Come on, he begged Niles silently. Just get this over with. Please. This suspense is unbearable.

Instead of feeling Niles' hands, he heard Niles' footsteps. But they seemed to be moving away from him. He heard the squeak of a faucet followed by the sound of a thin stream of water that was quickly cut off. The footsteps sounded again, coming closer this time, and Ashton tensed.

The paper on the examination table rustled, and Ashton felt a small weight placed next to him.

"Here, Ash, I got you some water," he heard Niles say softly. 

Ashton felt confused and suspicious. Niles didn't sound upset or angry. He sounded like he always did— calm and collected, like nothing could ever faze him. Well, Ashton wasn't buying it. He didn't move.

There was a pause, and then Niles spoke again. "Ash," he said. "It's ok. I'm not mad, and I'm not going to hurt you. You're ok. Nobody's going to touch you or look at your back right now."

At that, Ashton peeked at Niles from under his arm. Niles had taken a seat next to the examination table and had propped his elbow on it, placing his chin in his hand. He wasn't even looking at Ashton. Instead, he was quietly studying the medical posters on the wall beside him. He certainly didn't look mad.

He glanced down at Ashton and the corners of his mouth tilted up in a friendly smile, showing off the dimple in his left cheek. Ashton ducked his head back under his arm, heart pounding. 

"Here." Ashton heard something slide across the thin paper on the table. "Drink some water."

Ashton bit his lip, debating. But the decision was made in a split second. It would be better for him if he listened to Niles. He sat up cautiously, keeping his head down, and slowly reached for the little cup that Niles had pushed towards him. He only managed to take two sips, but the human seemed satisfied.

"Ash, we can go home if you can't do this today," Niles said suddenly. 

Ashton finally looked up at him, surprised. 

"Of course, we'll have to come back so that you can get your stitches out," Niles continued. "But it's up to you. Do you want to do this today or tomorrow?"

Ashton looked down at the cup in his hands and considered it, thrown off by the fact that he got a choice. 

I this a trap? he wondered uneasily. What does the Niles human want me to choose? Will he get mad if I don't hurry up and answer the question? And why is that clock so loud?

At his hesitancy, Niles spoke again. "There is no right or wrong answer. I don't have a personal preference for what you choose. I promise I'll follow your decision, whether it's to get the stitches out today or tomorrow."

The answer to wait was on the tip of Ashton's tongue, but he hesitated. Waiting might not be the best idea. He would have to go through this all over again, and he was already exhausted going through it once. He really didn't think he could do this a second time. Maybe it was better to get this over with since he was already here. And even though the human said he didn't have a preference, Ashton didn't think it was wise to inconvenience him by making him come out here again.

"Maybe... today?" Ashton whispered. Niles tipped his head toward him to hear him better.

"Sure, we can do that. Now, what will make this experience a bit better for you?"

Ashton's head was swimming from being asked more than one question, and he shook his head, distressed. Niles waited for him patiently.

"I don't want to lay down," he finally said in a small voice. "I... don't... want to be pinned down."

The human looked a little confused, but then understanding dawned on his face. "Ah, so that's what it was," he murmured under his breath.

"Alright," he said, louder this time. "You don't have to lay down. Here, let me set up a chair for you instead."

Niles stood again, and Ashton gaze ran up his lean, towering frame and into his face. He watched silently as Niles found a faerie-sized chair and brought it back, placing it down carefully next to Ashton. 

He's... so gentle with everything he touches, Ashton noticed. Even if it's just a chair. He took another sip of water and felt his heart rate start to slow down a bit.

Once Ashton's breathing had settled, Niles unraveled his bandages and showed him how to sit backwards on the chair so that the other doctor could see his back. Ashton did so nervously and wrapped his arms around the chair for support, hating how vulnerable he felt with his back exposed to the cold, unfamiliar room.

Niles got the other doctor, and Ashton kept his eyes squeezed shut the whole time. He flinched as she removed the surgical pad, and he started shaking when she announced that the wound had healed enough for her to remove the stitches.

His heart beat faster as he heard her place her tools on the table behind him and roll a magnification device into place. The tears started as soon as he felt her gloved fingers on his back, clipping the stitches and pulling them out. Her hands were colder than Niles', and she smelled like her sterile examination room. He had the fleeting thought that he wished Niles was doing this instead, his fingers warm and familiar, but he sat still for her, counting backwards from 500 like Niles taught him to do whenever the human changed his bandages.

***

Niles had only seen such desperation once before, when Ashton had tried to remove his bandages last month. But this time, his reaction seemed worse because it was combined with the same terror Ashton had whenever Niles changed his bandages. Ashton had been hyperventilating so badly this time that Niles was afraid he had stopped breathing at one point.

He now watched Ashton carefully as Dr. Lavelle worked on removing the stitches in his back. The little faerie was shivering, and the bones in his back and chest stood out sharply. He was biting down on the knuckles of one hand, and Niles winced at the shredded, bloody mess made by Ashton's sharklike teeth. He would have to clean those scrapes for Ashton later.

He reached out and gently removed Ashton's knuckles from his teeth. The faerie looked up at him in surprise before burying his face in the crook of his free arm. Niles kept ahold of his shaking hand to keep him from biting it again and ran his thumb along the back of the faerie's wrist to soothe him. 

Ashton's other visit was uneventful compared to the first one. Niles treated Ashton's knuckles before taking him upstairs to get his leg x-rayed by Dr. Brown. Ashton was so tired from the ordeal with the stitches that he kept falling asleep on the x-ray table. 

Niles wrapped him up in a blanket once Dr. Brown was done setting a new cast and carefully placed him back in his carrier. Ashton blinked at him sleepily, too out of it to be tensed up in Niles' hands for once. He didn't seem to know what was going on, so Niles just settled him in his blankets and patted him softly before taking his hand out of the carrier.

"You did great," he told the faerie. "We'll head home in a few minutes. You don't need to see any more doctors today." Ashton just buried his head under his pillow in response.

After tucking Ashton in, Niles sat through Dr. Brown's analysis of the x-ray and was relieved to hear that Ashton's fracture was healing well and that he would be ready to remove the cast in another few weeks. At least that was one less thing for him to worry about.

He thanked Dr. Brown again and headed back to the car tiredly. It was still another two hours to get back home, and Ashton hadn't eaten or drunk anything since breakfast. Niles had tried to get the faerie to eat a little something before they entered the hospital, but the poor thing had just frozen and stiffened up on the spot. Niles figured that they had better just get the appointments over with and then worry about feeding Ashton.

Now, he peeked at Ashton inside of the carrier. With how tired Ashton had been when Niles had put him in, would he kick up a fuss if Niles took him back out? Or was he too exhausted to care?

Niles decided to take the risk and unlatched the carrier quietly, reaching in and carefully pulling the bundled-up faerie out. After having been found on the brink of starvation, it really wasn't wise to let Ashton go too long between meals.

Ashton didn't move at all when Niles closed his fingers around him. At first, Niles thought that Ashton had fallen asleep, but then he saw the faerie's eyes blinking slowly. Even though Ashton was awake, he seemed blissfully unaware of his surroundings.

Niles tucked him into the crook of his elbow so that the faerie was in a semi-upright position without having to bend or put weight on his leg. Ashton did surprisingly well with Niles' handling, though that probably had something to do with the way his eyes kept fluttering shut. He simply wasn't awake enough to be scared.

Niles held an eyedropper of water up to Ashton's lips. "Here, buddy," he said softly. "Can you drink some water for me, please?"

The faerie took a few sips before he stopped, and Niles noticed that his eyes had closed again. 

Oh dear, he thought, putting the eyedropper down and patting Ashton on the chest to wake him up.

"Ash," he tried again. "Wake up, please. You need to eat a little bit before we go."

Ashton cracked an eye open, and Niles held a piece of blueberry acorn bread up to his lips.

"Can you try this?" he asked, and Ashton pulled back.

"Come on, Ash," Niles coaxed. "You really need to eat something. Just three bites, ok?"

But Ashton had already turned his head away and pressed his face into Niles' side, so Niles just sighed and put the bread down.

"Ok," he relented, patting Ashton again. "We'll try again later. Let's go home, yeah?"

***

Ashton knew that they were back in the car, but that's all he could figure out. There was too much light for him to be in his carrier, and Niles was talking to him, but he couldn't catch what the human was saying. Then there was water in his mouth, and he swallowed a few times before drifting off again. 

What's happening? he wondered sleepily. Where's Niles? What are we doing?

There was a gentle tap on his chest, and then the scent of blueberries wafted under his nose. Ashton turned his head away, disinterested, and buried his face in his blanket. At least he thought it was his blanket. It was warm and soft and smelled like Niles and that soap Niles used when he washed the blankets each week. A soft weight patted him gently, and then he was really asleep.

***

Ashton slept the whole way home and for the rest of the day, only waking up once more to eat dinner and get ready for bed. He didn't say another word to Niles, and his eyes were still puffy from crying. It had been a while since Niles had seen the faerie cry so hard.

Niles handed him a damp rag before he turned off the lights, and Ashton looked at it quizzically.

"For your eyes," Niles explained, gesturing. "Close your eyes and place the towel over them. It will help with the swelling, and you'll feel a lot better."

Ashton nodded wordlessly and disappeared into the carrier on his crutches. Niles sighed and turned out the lights. Hopefully, tomorrow would be better.

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A/N: At least Ashton seems to like Niles a teensy bit more than the other doctors. Or at least hate him less. Progress, am I right?

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment and see you in the next chapter, where we'll meet an important new character!