Practicing swimming in the tank gave Ashton a new burst of strength that made him want to start exploring the garden on his own instead of staying confined to the stone bench. Niles smiled as he watched Ashton poke around the base of the apple tree one afternoon, glad to see him up and moving on his own. He watched the faerie for a moment before turning back to his work, busily defrosting the snow that had slipped through the garden's magical barrier and piled up around the faerie houses.

Niles heard a small exclamation of surprise, and he looked up just in time to see Ashton toppling from the lowest branch of the tree to land out of sight among the tree roots.

"Ashton!" Niles gasped, leaping to his feet. When did he start climbing the tree? I only looked away for a minute. Just how fast of a climber is he?

Niles was at the tree in three steps and found Ashton lying on his back in a patch of snow, looking dazed. When he saw Niles leaning over him, he blinked and made a move to get up, but Niles hurried to kneel next to him and gently push him back down.

"No, no, buddy, don't get up," Niles said in a rush, holding him down. Ashton's eyes widened in alarm, and he gripped Niles' fingers on his chest, starting to look frightened.

"Shh, it's ok, I'm not going to hurt you," Niles explained. "I just need to make sure nothing's broken. You shouldn't move right away after a fall like that."

"But... but I feel fine," Ashton stuttered, eyes still wide. He struggled to sit up, and Niles carefully pushed him back down again.

"Ashton, wait, look at me for a second." The faerie's eyes locked onto his, and Niles nodded. "Good. Now, I need you to lie still for just a few minutes, ok? I'm going to check your arms, legs, and back to make sure nothing's broken. You need to tell me if anything hurts where I'm touching, ok?"

"I... umm... ok."

"Ok," Niles echoed. He felt along Ashton's arms and legs carefully, watching the faerie for any reaction, any grimace of pain. Ashton tried to stay still, but he soon started shaking underneath Niles' fingers. 

Niles' heart sank. The last thing he wanted was to scare Ashton, especially since the faerie had been doing so well recently. 

I hope this doesn't undo all the trust we've managed to build up between us, Niles thought. Though it might take him a while to forgive me for pinning him down like this.

When nothing seemed to be wrong with his limbs, Niles moved on to check along his collarbone. Ashton swallowed nervously, and Niles was quick to praise him for how brave he was being.

"Good job, Ash," Niles murmured. "You're doing great." He slipped his fingers under Ashton's neck and then felt along his spine. "Does anything here hurt?"

"No," Ashton replied, still looking scared. Niles removed his hands from Ashton's chest and back, and the faerie immediately heaved a shaky sigh of relief.

"Sorry about that," Niles said. "You can try sitting up now— slowly though. Take it easy."

Ashton pushed himself into a sitting position, not taking his eyes off Niles. Niles didn't miss the fact that the faerie inched away from him.

"I'm so sorry I scared you," Niles repeated. "I know you don't like being pinned down."

Ashton hugged his arms around himself and looked at the ground. "If something had been broken, and you tried to move, you would've hurt yourself even more," Niles explained, hoping to help Ashton understand. "That's why I did it. I would never, ever do something like that to you without a good reason."

"It's ok," Ashton said softly, but the haunted expression on his face told a different story.

After having Ashton carefully try moving his arms, legs, and neck, Niles left him alone. The faerie immediately headed back inside, and Niles could guess where he was going: right back to the cat carrier. He sighed and continued his task of snow removal, heart heavy. After all it had taken to get Ashton out of the cat carrier, how could he have ruined it in an instant?

***

Ashton hid in the carrier the rest of the day, only coming out once more to eat dinner. The rest of the time, he just lay in his blankets, confused and uneasy. All he could think about was the feeling of Niles' fingers on his chest, of the overwhelming sense of terror that swept over him. 

Even if Niles had done it with a good reason... it served as a jarring reminder to Ashton that Niles could still do whatever he wanted to him. Ashton had gotten so used to Niles' calm and gentle presence that he had almost forgotten that he was completely at Niles' mercy. He shouldn't have let his guard down like that.

But still. Ashton pulled his blanket over his head, heart aching. I don't know why you feel so betrayed, he chided himself. Niles was just doing his job. He was just taking care of you. So what if he had to make sure you didn't get up and hurt yourself even more? It was your own fault for falling in the first place.

A tear slipped out, followed quickly by another one. You don't have your wings anymore, Ashton reminded himself harshly. You have to be more responsible. So that you don't put yourself and Niles in any more tricky situations.

***

Niles heard a sniffle from inside the carrier, and he winced. Ashton had been quiet the whole rest of the day and barely picked at his dinner. He kept saying he was fine, but Niles knew he had crossed a line that he couldn't take back. Niles had no idea what he could do to help Ashton feel safe again.

***

Three days passed, and Ashton kept tiptoeing around Niles. In fact, Niles barely saw him at all, as Ashton mostly stayed hidden away inside the cat carrier. 

He just needs time, Niles told himself whenever he found himself staring anxiously at the carrier. He'll come out eventually. And I can apologize properly to him then.

As for Ashton, he just didn't know what to think. He kept himself bundled in his blankets, his heart racing every time he heard Niles' footsteps approach the carrier.

Niles never bothered him, only talking to him to let him know when he brought food or when he was going outside to the garden. He seemed to realize that Ashton needed space, which Ashton was grateful for.

Ashton felt like everything had been turned on its head. He had steadily been getting used to Niles these last few months, slowly but surely growing to trust and even like the human. Now, however, all he could think about was the feeling of Niles' fingers on his chest, pinning him down and not letting him get up.

What do I do now? Ashton thought, over and over again. I have nowhere else to go. I can't fly. I can't get home on my own. I'm completely dependent on Niles. I can't... I can't do anything. 

***

Five days after he had fallen out of the tree, Ashton was staring at the wall in his carrier when an intense burst of pain spread out across his back. He collapsed into his blankets and bit down on his knuckles hard. The taste of blood filled his mouth but did nothing to ease the pain in his back. Without Niles there to hold him, all he could do was ride out the pain on his own.

The pain eventually faded, and Ashton lay there, exhausted. Tears sprang to his eyes at how helpless and alone he felt, forgotten in a cat carrier and far away from home. He hugged his blankets to his chest and buried his face in them, breathing in the calming, familiar scent that clung to them. Niles' narrow, gentle face popped into his mind, and he considered it carefully.

Niles, he realized, sniffling. I just want Niles. He'll know what to do.

He froze. But wait, he thought. I... haven't been talking to Niles.

He lay there, stumped. Why haven't I been talking to him, again? What did he do that was so bad? Hold me still so that I wouldn't hurt myself? Make sure that I was ok?

It was true that Niles had pinned him down. And it was true that the feeling of terror and helplessness was the same, just like it was when... he did it. But the intent and outcomes had been vastly different. One of the humans had done it to hurt him. And that human was definitely not Niles.

Maybe... I was too reactive, Ashton thought. Maybe I should talk to Niles about it. Niles... Niles can probably help me figure out what I'm feeling and why.

Ashton poked his head out of the carrier and glanced around the room, searching for the human doctor. He caught sight of him at his desk, hunched over with his head resting on his arms.

Ashton tiptoed up the stairs that Niles had set up for him, and soon he was looking into Niles' face. The human seemed fast asleep, his round glasses on the desk, his breathing slow and steady.

"Niles?" Ashton whispered. He wasn't sure if Niles would wake up, but the human's eyes immediately opened to stare at him.

"Ashton," Niles breathed out. He didn't move from where he lay on his arms, and Ashton realized the human was probably trying to avoid scaring him with any sudden movements. 

A lump rose up in his throat. How could I have doubted Niles for even a second? he wondered. Everything he does is for me— my comfort, my safety, my well-being.

"Hey, buddy," he heard Niles say next. "How're you feeling?"

Ashton hung his head, suddenly feeling ashamed. "Niles I... I'm so sorry," he finally got out.

"Huh?" Niles sounded confused, and Ashton lifted his head to peek at him. "What on earth are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for hiding from you the last few days," Ashton explained. "It... wasn't fair to you. I know you weren't trying to hurt me. I shouldn't have gotten so scared. I'm sorry."

"Hmm," Niles responded, looking thoughtful. He glanced back at Ashton. "Can I sit up?" he asked, and Ashton blinked.

"Umm, yeah, of course," he hurried to say, and Niles lifted his head, stretching and popping his neck as he did so.

"Ah, that's better," Niles sighed. He turned his attention back on Ashton, and Ashton did his best not to shrink under his gaze.

"Ash, you don't have to apologize," came Niles' unexpected reply, and Ashton blinked in bewilderment.

"Huh?"

"You're allowed to be scared, and you're allowed to take time for yourself if that's what helps you. And I should be the one apologizing to you. I should have better explained what I wanted from you instead of jumping straight to manhandling. I'm sorry. I was really scared when I saw you lying on the ground like that, and my first instinct was to prevent any further injury."

Ashton was speechless. "No, no," he insisted, holding his hands out. "I understand why you did it. Honestly, I would've done the same thing. So, it's ok, it's really ok!" He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to convey what he felt. "I... I don't mind. If it's you, I don't mind. I know you're just taking care of me. I... I trust you."

Niles looked taken aback, but he quickly recovered and smiled down at Ashton. "Thank you, Ashton," he said. "You're very generous."

He reached out hesitantly for Ashton, and when he didn't shy away from the human's touch, he brushed his knuckle gently against Ashton's cheek.

"I understand what a big thing that is for you to say," Niles continued. "And I don't take your words for granted. Thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt this time. I won't misuse it. And I'll do better, too."

Ashton nodded and leaned into Niles' touch. I missed this, he realized. I... missed him.

He was quiet for a moment, and Niles nudged him a bit. "How are you feeling, though? You never answered my question."

Ashton looked at him and thought about it.

"I... I don't know," he said finally. "I think... that whole situation took more out of me than it should have. I don't know why I reacted so strongly, and I don't want to feel so scared and out of control anymore."

"Makes sense to me," Niles replied. He moved his hand behind Ashton and rubbed his shoulders, which had gotten tense during their conversation.

Ashton stood there silently and let Niles touch him. He focused on the feeling of Niles' finger running along his shoulders and tried to pinpoint an emotion he understood in the confusing swirl that arose. This is supposed to feel nice, he realized. And... it does feel nice. But... it makes me uneasy, too.

He looked up at Niles again. "Why is it like this?" he asked, his voice broken. "Why does it still feel like this? I'm not trapped there anymore. I... know I'm safe with you. But I'm still so scared of everything. I can't control it at all."

Niles' face softened, and he sighed. "Even though your mind knows you're in a safe place, it takes a while for your body to catch up," he explained. "Your body remembers everything. That's why you still react so strongly to certain things that remind you of what you experienced. You just need more time to process it."

"But how much time?" Ashton wanted to know. "I don't know how much longer I can deal with this."

***

Niles studied the faerie carefully. He hadn't expected Ashton to come out of the carrier to apologize, and he certainly hadn't expected the tight-lipped woodlands to want to talk about his feelings.

"I don't know," Niles admitted. "It's different for everyone. But I think it's a good sign that you're reacting like this."

Ashton looked at him in disbelief, and Niles hurried to explain. "Remember when you first got here, and you were numb to almost everything? Your body had been taught that you would never be safe, no matter what you did. It was in overdrive for so long that it had forgotten how to do anything else. And it had learned that it was safest to freeze when you were in danger, so that was just your default mode."

"But now, your body recognizes that it's in a safe enough place to pause and process everything it's gone through. It's like having an infected wound. It hurts, and you want to leave it alone, but it can only heal if you clean out the infection, even though touching it is painful. It's part of the healing process, and unfortunately, it's just one of those things that has to get worse before it gets better."

"And does it get better?" Ashton asked quietly.

Niles paused and thought about it, looking down at Ashton's hopeless little face. Finally, he nodded. "It does," he assured him. "It... probably won't ever be the same, but it won't be bad like this."

He reached out and picked up one of Ashton's cold little hands, straightening his clawed fingers and holding his hand out flat.

"Here," he said, lifting Ashton's hand and holding it directly in front of his face. "What do you see?"

Ashton looked at Niles like he was an idiot. "My hand," he answered.

Niles nodded. "Yup. Because your hand is right in your face, it's all you can see. It's like the pain that you're experiencing right now. Everything is still so raw and fresh in your mind that all you can see is pain."

Niles paused and slowly moved Ashton's hand back farther from his face. Ashton's eyes followed it.

"But eventually," Niles explained, "the pain will distance itself with time, and it won't be all that you see or feel anymore. It's still there, and you can still see it, but it won't be your whole world."

Niles let go of Ashton's hand, and Ashton looked away from it to glance up at Niles. Understanding dawned in his eyes, and he nodded.

"It's going to be ok, Ash," Niles promised. "You've already gotten through the hardest part. Healing takes longer, but this time, you have me and Lucy and Mara and Alexo to help you through it. No one's making you do this on your own anymore." 

_______________________________________________________________

A/N: Free therapy, from Niles.

Leave a question or comment if you want! Thanks as always for reading. See you in the next part!