TW: accidental, minor self-harm

The first day without Lucy was the hardest. Niles had anticipated this, but it was still hard to watch Ashton flinch at even the slightest movement from him. The faerie was even back to spending all his time in the cat carrier, and it took Niles over twenty minutes to coax Ashton out so that he could work on the faerie's back.

Ashton stayed hunched in the chair the entire massage session, not even looking at the ocean documentary that Niles had put on for him. He squeezed his hands into little fists, his breathing unsteady. Niles shortened the usual massage time, and Ashton let out an audible sigh of relief as soon as Niles removed his fingers from his back.

As the faerie got off the chair, however, a drop of red splashed down onto the desk from one of Ashton's hands. Niles and Ashton both stared at it. They seemed to come to the same realization at the same time: Ashton had accidentally dug his talons into his own skin.

"Hmm, Ashton, are you hurt?" Niles finally asked, making sure to keep his voice neutral. The faerie startled and pulled his hands closer to himself.

"N...no," he stuttered, eyes wide.

Niles reached out for him, and Ashton inched away. "Can I see your hands, please?"

The faerie's eyes darted around anxiously, looking for an escape route. Niles pulled his hand back slightly to give him more space.

Finally, Ashton squeezed his eyes closed and held his hands out to Niles.

"Thank you." Niles took Ashton's right hand in two of his fingers, noting how the faerie was shaking.

"Shh, it's alright," Niles assured him. He took a closer look at Ashton's hands, and sure enough, four little puncture wounds ran along each palm.

Niles reached for a disinfectant spray, keeping careful hold of Ashton's hand as he did so. "Ash, why don't you have a seat," he suggested when it looked like Ashton's knees were going to give out.

Ashton immediately collapsed back onto his chair, and Niles tried not to smile. Poor thing. He applied the disinfectant to both hands and waited for it to dry before applying an antibiotic cream and wrapping them up in clean bandages.

"There," he announced, letting go of Ashton. Ashton's shoulders dropped a fraction.

"I know you're stressed," Niles told him softly. "And I know you're scared. Maybe you can try digging your talons into a blanket or the back of the chair when you get upset, though. Can you do that?"

Ashton hung his head. "I'll try," he whispered.

Niles noticed how the faerie's shoulders were still hunched up, almost to his ears. What is making him so tense? he thought.

"Ash?" The faerie flinched so hard that he almost fell off the little chair he was sitting on.

Should I just leave him alone? Niles wondered. But he was doing better. He barely flinched at all when I touched him yesterday. I don't understand what makes his nerves flare up like this.

"Ashton, why... why are you so upset?" Niles finally asked aloud. "You did great yesterday. You came right up to me to look at my phone and everything. I know Lucy isn't here, but her not being here isn't going to change how I treat you. So, what's going on? What's scaring you?"

The woodlands raised his hand to his mouth, about to gnaw on his knuckles like he usually did when he was upset. He seemed to remember Niles was still looking at him, and he dropped his hand back down into his lap so quickly that Niles wondered if he'd imagined it.

"Am I in trouble?"

Ashton's question fell from his lips in the smallest voice possible, and Niles tilted his head, confused.

"Trouble?" he echoed. "Why would you be in trouble?"

Ashton held up his bandaged hands, and Niles was sad to see that he was still shaking.

"For this," he whispered.

"Why would you be in trouble for your hands?" Niles was bewildered. Where was this going?

Ashton looked like he was on the brink of tears trying to explain himself. "I did something bad," he managed to choke out. "I did something that you don't want me to do."

Niles paused, but Ashton wasn't done.

"Aren't you going to punish me?" he blurted out. "For breaking the rules?"

"Rules? What rules?" Niles was slowly starting to feel horrified. He never talked to Ashton about any rules. Was this something that he had learned in captivity?

Ashton waved his little hand at Niles. He seemed to be getting agitated. "This! I hurt myself! You don't like it when I hurt myself."

"I..." Niles was at a loss for words. "I mean... yeah, I worry about you when you get hurt, but there are no rules against it. There... aren't any rules at all."

"There are always rules," Ashton muttered under his breath. He drew his knees up to his chest and hugged himself. "The unspoken ones are always harder to figure out."

Niles was at a loss. "Ash... is that... something that the other human did? Did he make up rules for you to follow?"

Ashton shuddered. "There were a lot of rules," he confirmed. "And... a lot of punishments for breaking rules." He rubbed at his forehead anxiously. "If I did something he liked, he'd let me stay out longer. If I did something he didn't like..." he trailed off and shuddered again. "He changed his mind about what he liked and didn't like every day," he whispered. "He just wanted the excuse to punish me when he was bored."

Niles felt sick at the twisted game Ashton was describing. He had to tread carefully, and he knew it. It seemed this whole thing ran deeper than he thought. Ashton's entire way of thinking had been warped.

"No, buddy," Niles began softly. "I'm not going to punish you. None of this is about rules or rewards or punishment. I'm sorry I never explained that better. Look, everything I'm trying to do is about finding ways to help you heal. You don't have to struggle to guess what I'm thinking or try to predict what I want from you. It's impossible to say or do the wrong thing around me because there is no wrong thing. Please don't second guess your words or your actions. It's ok to do the things that you want here without fear of repercussion."

He pointed at Ashton's bandaged hands. "I'll make suggestions, of course," he continued. "And I'll intervene when you get hurt. But that's just because I'm your doctor, and I want you to be safe. But ultimately, you're in charge of your own life."

Ashton's eyes darted off to the side. He didn't seem to know what to say to that, and he also didn't look like he believed him.

"What else?" Niles prodded. "It looks like something else is bothering you."

Ashton was quiet for a long time. Finally, he looked back up at Niles. "Are you going to cut my talons?" he asked, voice even quieter.

Whatever Ashton was going to say, Niles had not expected that. "No, I'm not. Why do you ask?"

"The other doctor cut my talons," Ashton said.

"James?" Niles recalled that Ashton's talons were short when he first got the sprite, but he didn't know who had cut them. "Why?"

Ashton nodded. "I scratched myself," he explained. "Trying to take off my bandages."

"Oh, back when James first got you from the hospital?"

Ashton nodded again, and Niles raised his eyebrow. "Well, do you want me to cut your talons?" he asked. Ashton immediately shook his head, looking horrified.

"No," he managed to get out. "Please don't."

"So, I won't," Niles assured him. "Don't worry. If you don't want me to cut your nails, then I won't."

Ashton eyed him suspiciously, and Niles gave him a small smile. "It really is as simple as that, Ash," he told the tense faerie. "If you don't want me to do something to you, then I won't. You can say no to me. I promise I'll do my best to honor your wishes, as long as those wishes don't include you intentionally harming yourself."

"That's the rule?" Ashton asked cautiously.

Niles tried not to sigh. It seemed like this was the only way he could get Ashton to understand. "Sure," he said. "That's the rule. I will always respect what you want so long as what you want doesn't bring harm to yourself."

Ashton nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. He eyed the cat carrier, and Niles noticed. "Why don't you go get some rest, buddy?" he suggested, and Ashton's head snapped up. "I'll go fix you a snack. You can eat it when you get up."

Ashton immediately disappeared into the carrier at Niles' dismissal, but not before Niles saw the look of relief flash across his harsh features. Poor guy. How am I supposed to help him with this? Niles wondered.

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A/N: The real reason Ashton doesn't want to cut his nails is because he's a *mAtErIaL gOrL*

Practical hunting and cultural reasons? Nah. Fashion? Always.

(Fr tho, I just keep picturing him with those super fabulous and utterly terrifying stiletto nails)