TW: Panic attack

Niles took Ashton back to the terrible human hospital a few days later. It had been twelve weeks since the hospital had set his leg, and Dr. Brown proclaimed that they could finally remove the cast. 

Ashton breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the cast was gone, though the new weightlessness of his leg threw him off. Niles assured Dr. Brown that he would put Ashton on a good physical therapy schedule, and then they had returned home.

With the cast gone, they fell back into a new routine: Lucy would get him for breakfast, Niles would massage his surgical site, and then they would all go outside until lunchtime, where Niles had him walk a lap around the faerie houses before leaving him to his own devices. He still slept in Niles' office in the afternoons, but he was up sooner and could stay awake longer.

The Niles human also decided that he was strong enough to start a basic physical therapy regimen, so every afternoon, he walked Ashton through a series of very gentle exercises to start rebuilding his stamina and muscle tone. Ashton didn't like the exercises, as they really put a spotlight on how weak he had become. Niles kept assuring him that he would get stronger, but Ashton had a hard time feeling optimistic.

Niles would sometimes have to readjust his form or help him with his daily exercises, and despite having lived with him for almost two months, Ashton still flinched when the human's fingers were on him. 

He hated it, hated having human hands manipulate and move his body for him. It made him feel beyond helpless— it made him feel like a thing, a toy, an object not even given the dignity of being a person. Niles always asked for permission before touching him, but what did it matter? It's not like he could say "no," after all.

After physical therapy, Niles would work on his back again. Ashton hated to admit it, but the daily massages did help with the pain somewhat. Ashton would then alternate between dozing off, talking to Lucy, and watching Niles work until Lucy took him out to the garden while Niles prepared dinner. And, of course, they would watch movies together every Friday, which Ashton oddly found himself looking forward to, horrible popcorn and all.

A few days after Ashton got his cast removed, Niles skipped movie night and went to bed early, claiming he was really tired. Lucy just waved him off and told Ashton to pick a movie, but Ashton couldn't help but watch Niles disappear into the bedroom, feeling strangely concerned. The couch felt empty without the human's quiet presence, and Ashton didn't understand why he felt so uneasy without him.

Niles got up late the next morning. Lucy and Ashton were nearly done with breakfast by the time he wandered into the kitchen, and Ashton gasped when he saw him.

The human looked terrible. His face was covered by a mask that Ashton had seen doctors at the hospital wear, and the tops of his cheeks were flushed with fever. His eyes looked bleary, and when he spoke, it came out as a hoarse whisper. Both Ashton and Lucy stared at him as he walked in.

"Geez, you look terrible," Lucy said, giving voice to the same sentiment Ashton had just been thinking. Niles ignored her and rifled through the kitchen cupboard instead, pulling out the green mug that Ashton was starting to realize must be his favorite.

Lucy popped her last bite of toast in her mouth and stood up. "I'll go get some herbs from the garden and make a tea satchel," she said, stretching her arms overhead and opening her wings a few times to loosen them. "I'll get whoever's in the garden to help me charm it so that you get better faster."

Niles nodded and leaned over the sink to open the window for her. She fluttered out daintily, and Niles placed a kettle on the stove to boil. He grabbed a chair and dragged it over to the kitchen counter, where he slumped down and buried his head in his arms. 

Despite the distance between them, Ashton eyed him nervously. He hadn't spent much time alone with the human since Lucy had arrived, and he didn't know how he was supposed to act anymore. 

Niles lifted his head from his arms and peeked at Ashton. "I can wait on the couch if you're uncomfortable," he rasped.

Ashton flinched at his words. How had the human known what he was thinking? He ducked his head down, not knowing where to look, and shook his head. 

It's fine, he wanted to say. It's your kitchen anyway. 

But the words didn't come out as usual. Niles nodded and closed his eyes again, burying his face in his arms.

Ashton stared at him, noticing the soft green threads in Niles' college sweatshirt and the way his dark hair stuck up from the odd way he was laying on his arms. He rarely just looked at the human like this, and it felt... strange. He almost didn't feel nervous being this close to him. Almost.

Lucy burst through the window about ten minutes later, and Ashton jerked his head up, startled out of staring at Niles. She clattered about the kitchen like a whirlwind, plucking flowers and leaves from the herbs she had collected and bundling them up into the little tea sack Niles had left out for her. 

She pulled and tugged at the knob on the stove to turn it off and then flew to the top of the kettle, straining to lift its hinged lid so that she could throw the tea satchel inside. Steam from the kettle made her hair damp, and she wiped it away from her face, looking hot and pleased with her handiwork. Her red eyes locked onto Niles, and she fluttered over to the table to kick the human awake.

"Hey, wake up, lazy bones! Your tea's almost ready!" she yelled in his ear. She jumped on his arm and began kicking his head with malicious glee.

Ashton stared at her with wide eyes, shocked. Was the pixie trying to get herself killed? Niles was remarkably patient with her, but surely this outlandish behavior, on top of feeling poorly, would be enough to push the human over the edge. He watched, horrified, as Niles slowly reached up and moved his hand towards her. 

Watch out! Ashton wanted to yell at her. Move! You're going to die!

Lucy was so busy enjoying herself that she didn't even notice Niles' hand until it was directly on top of her. It was all Ashton could do to watch, helpless, as Niles plucked her off his head and sat up, stuffing her into his sweatshirt pocket. Ashton could hear her giggling wildly from inside the pocket, but all he could think about was the way that Niles' hands had reached for her, and his breath hitched in fear.

"Thanks for the tea," Niles said calmly, like he hadn't just been attacked by a demonic pixie. He got up and brought the mug over to the stove, freezing when he caught sight of Ashton.

Ashton couldn't breathe. His vision blurred, and he grabbed his chest, hand over his pounding heart. He was dimly aware of Niles placing the mug on the table and saying his name, of Lucy poking her head out of Niles' pocket and looking at him with concern, but all he could do was gasp for air.

"Luce, go get me a cup of water and a damp rag for Ashton, please," he heard Niles say.

Ashton caught a glimpse of pink as she hurried away, and he heard the scrape of a chair as Niles pulled one out and sat down in front of him.

"You're ok, Ash. Just keep breathing, alright?" Niles said, his voice calm and unhurried.

Ashton tried to do as he was told, but all he could see were hands— hands grabbing him, squeezing him, pinning him down and crushing the air from his lungs. 

Don't touch me, Ashton thought desperately. Please, please don't touch me.

Niles didn't touch him. Instead, he placed a leftover chamomile flower from the tea satchel in Ashton's lap. "Smell that," he instructed. 

Ashton looked at it in confusion but picked it up with trembling hands and brought it to his face, breathing in its sweet scent in short, shallow gasps.

"That's perfect, Ash," he heard Niles say. "You're doing great. Keep breathing just like that."

Ashton closed his eyes and buried his face in the flower's soft petals. They brushed against his cheek and surrounded him in a calming scent. He felt his heartbeat slow a fraction and was able to get in a couple of normal breaths between the short gasps.

Ashton heard the flap of wings to his left and then light footsteps as Lucy landed on the table and approached him.

"Ah, thanks Lucy. Can you just place the compress on the back of his neck, please?" Niles said.

Ashton suddenly felt something cold and damp touch his neck, and he flinched, opening his eyes. Lucy stood beside him, holding a towel against his neck. She was looking up at Niles expectantly, as if waiting for his next instructions. Ashton peeked at Niles, too. His shoulders tensed, and his heart rate picked up again. Niles looked calm, as always, but also really tired. Now that his senses were coming back to him, Ashton felt guilty seeing how sick Niles looked.

Niles caught him looking and smiled softly at him. "Hey, Ash," he said. His voice was just a hoarse whisper. "How're we feeling?"

Ashton crumpled the flower in his fist, and Lucy let go of the damp rag and stepped back. "I... I'm fine," Ashton whispered back. 

And he was— sort of. His breathing was still shallow but slower. And his heart wasn't trying to beat out of his chest anymore. He stared down at the table's surface, wishing he could disappear.

"Here," Niles slid a small cup towards him. Ashton stared at his finger, feeling drained. "Drink some water."

Ashton sighed and did as he was told. He put the cup down after a few sips, and Niles nodded at him. "That was good," Niles praised him. "You did great."

Ashton wrapped his arms around himself, gripping his elbows and hugging his arms close to his body. He looked away, unsure of what to do next.

"Ash, do you want to go outside with Lucy like we usually do or go rest in your carrier?" he heard Niles ask.

Ashton didn't respond, thinking. "Don't worry, if you want to rest now, we'll still go outside twice today," Niles assured him. "You won't miss any garden time."

Ashton looked towards Niles' bedroom, where his carrier still was. Niles noticed.

"Do you want to rest?" he asked, and Ashton nodded.

"Alright," Niles said. "Wait here a moment."

The human disappeared into the bedroom and emerged a second later with Ashton's carrier and the portable washroom in tow.

"I don't want you catching what I have," he said apologetically. "Your immune system is still pretty weak. I think it will be better if you slept out in the living room for a few days. Lucy can get you anything you need in the meantime."

He situated the carrier and washroom by the couch and washed his hands before returning to the table, where he reached out for Ashton. "Can I pick you up?"

Ashton took a deep, shuddering breath and closed his eyes, nodding.

Niles, gentle as always, wrapped his fingers carefully around Ashton. He set him down in the carrier, and Ashton sank down into his blankets and buried his head under his pillow. Niles had already switched out his bedding as he did every Saturday, and Ashton breathed in the now familiar scents of Niles and laundry detergent in an attempt to calm down.

"I'll just be in the bedroom," he heard Niles say. "You can come out of your carrier whenever you want, but I'll come check on you if I haven't seen you in a while."

***

As Niles turned away from Ashton's cat carrier, he happened to glance out the window and did a double take as he saw a garbage truck round the corner.

"Damn, I forgot it was trash day," he sighed. Perfect. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed the kitchen trash bag. "Be right back."

Lucy jumped up and flew onto his shoulder. "I'll come with you," she said, and Niles knew she wanted to talk.

As soon as they were outside, she started questioning him. "What was that?"

"A panic attack," Niles replied.

"Yeah, well no shit, Sherlock," Lucy griped. Her voice softened. "I knew he was jumpy, but I never expected a reaction like that. Is he doing ok?"

Niles' breath came out in a sigh. "I don't know," he admitted. "He does well some days, but then other days, something sets him off, and he has a breakdown. He won't tell me what's scaring him, so I just have to guess what his triggers are. So far, I know he's not the biggest fan of the dark, and he's terrified of knives and scissors and stuff like that. Sounds rattle him the most, though. Vacuums, blenders, and the garbage disposal scare him a lot, but it's not just those. He hates the sound of ticking clocks, and he gets nervous when he hears footsteps, too. And he freaks out at unexpected bursts of light." 

Niles sighed again. "I hate seeing him like that. And I can't even comfort him properly when he's so terrified of me."

Lucy stroked his hair with one tiny hand. "I think you're doing a great job comforting him," she remarked. "He calmed down way faster than I was expecting when you talked to him. Maybe he's starting to trust you more."

"I sure hope so," Niles said. "He's working so hard."

"Yeah," Lucy agreed. "You are, too, you know. You give a good blend of support and space. Of all the places he could've ended up, I'm glad he made it here to you."

"Me, too," Niles said. "Me, too."

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A/N: Been a while since we had a good ol' fashioned panic attack. Poor Ashton. 

Thanks for reading and see you in the next chapter! Feel free to comment or ask questions!