Haze

Haze is a dust or smoke in the atmosphere that can seriously reduce air-to-ground visibility. To be honest, haze gives the presence that things appear farther than they originally seem to be.

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Preceded by: FLIGHT PLAN Flight 48 - Knots

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SUMMARY:
They said that every scar had a story to tell, and they were proof that one had lived and survived. Nikolai had many of them; all of it a secret, until it was no more... at least, for another one.

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Nikolai's POV

10 March 2020. Subic, Zambales.

I know that it is early in the morning when I rouse from my deep sleep. Apparently, my internal alarm clock hadn't received the memo that I am on vacation until today. Or baka talagang sanay na ang katawan ko na magising ng maaga kahit gaano kapuyat o kapagod pa ako; at naiinggit na lang ako sa iba na hindi ginagambala ng katawan para magising nang ganito kaaga kahit walang naka-schedule.

Or baka dahil na rin sa liwanag mula sa pasikat na araw. Almost summer na, so the sky brightens much earlier than the past few weeks.

I shift my eyes to the clock on the nightstand. It blinks 05:30, at least an hour late than my usual, and I let out a soft sigh, knowing that hindi na ako makakabalik sa pagtulog kahit anong pilit ko. I am programmed to be up before sunrise, and only a few times na inaabutan ako ng pagsikat ng araw sa kama.

But, perhaps, today might be another of those days that I'll not mind being caught by the sun rising still on bed. Well, kahit maisipan ko na mag-stretch to wake my limbs a little bit, I'll not dare take the risk in order not to hit the sleeping form next to me.

Especially when she is sleeping this close to me—her cheek resting against my shoulder and a hand of hers on my chest. A few strands of her hair slightly covering her face; her pink lips are slightly parted; and her body slowly rising and falling with each even breaths. I couldn't help but smile and fall in love much more seeing her this vulnerable and serene.

The sun is starting to peek over the horizon from the east, a scene that I can see all thanks to the opened floor-to-ceiling windows with its light and translucent white curtains gently being flown by the wind, providing a panoramic view of the Subic Bay and of the Zambales mountains across the waters on the northernly direction.

To add, pinaalala lang din sa akin kung ano ang mga naiwan namin kagabi sa may outdoor dining. 'Yong cake na ginawa ko para sa kanya na nasa kahon, dalawang baso na may mga hindi pa nauubos na wine, isang wine bottle na hindi man lang naibalik ang cork, and cutleries and saucers na hindi man lang nagamit na naiwan sa mesa. Also, 'yong tsinelas niya na malapit sa isa sa dalawang upuan at 'yong nakasabit niyang robe sa backrest ng silya.

Hindi man lang namin nagawang ayusin lahat, pero nagawa naman namin na medyo maisarado 'yong mga sliding glass doors na may maliit na awang lamang. Hindi rin namin nagawang isarado ang mga blinds. Totoo naman na walang makakakita sa amin from here; unless they have telescopes or whatsoever with them.

I turn my attention back to the woman next to me when she slightly shifts. She is still curled up under the sheets we share, and she looks so soft and fragile as her natural beauty radiates under the morning light. My arm that had been around her small frame rests affectionately and with familiarity, and I lift my freehand to reach out and brush her hair away from her face... coming across her bare shoulder peeking out from the covers and my eyes linger from her face down to her neck.

I feel the hint of a blush creeping across my cheeks as I catch sight of the purplish bruises along her neckline, marks of passion that only make me remember the night before.

To be honest, hindi ko naisip na humantong kami sa ganito. Well, siguro, in the future, but not yet. Just... bloody hell. I can say that I am quite liberated, but my upbringing hadn't been this. Alam ko, at sigurado ako, that if the question such as this pops one day, I want her to be comfortable and let it be a mark that I love her. And I truly only want to be so intimate with my future to assure her that there hadn't been anyone else. Maybe, it is because of this prudish thinking that had resulted for my past relationships ending to failure with only chaste kisses and hugs; but, I am alright.

For I've found the best. The future I dreamed of, and allow me to have such a scope of it since the initial meeting. I've found Phoe. The only one I've held and will hold like this.

I've made sure of it, and I know that she did, too. Just as I've made her mine, she made me hers, too.

Our bodies joined, and there was no turning back to how things used to be. We know one another's truth, how we felt, and how strongly we felt it. Evident to how her nails digged on my back, her moans and my name falling from her lips to fill the room, and her holding on to me tightly in the midst of passion.

This time, I can't help but smile and continue staring lovingly at my beautiful woman, habang patuloy ako sa pagsusuklay ng kanyang buhok palayo sa kanyang mukha. A few more seconds later, bahagya kong linapat ang aking kamay sa kanyang pisngi.

Her eyelids flutter open and she asks in almost a whisper, still half-asleep, "Xav?"

Bahagya ko siyang hinalikan sa noo. "Good morning, moya zhena."

Mas lalo naman siyang lumapit sa akin at binalot ang kumot sa aming dalawa before placing her arm around my waist, snuggling against my body. She breathes in heavily and whispers, "You're so warm."

I chuckle lightly, pulling her into my arms to savor the peaceful morning and her warmth.

"Alam mo ba? Medyo nakakainis..." She begins, looking up at me. "It's kind of stupid how good you look in the morning. Like, the sunrise's rays is making you glow." Bahagya naman siyang nag-pout, at mukhang kahit hindi siya morning person and after what happened last night, it looks like she's already up. "Like how is it even possible that you look more perfect than usual?"

"Moya zhena, you're the one who's perfect." I raise my head slightly, drawing closer to kiss her deeply. "And I don't think you'll consider me as such after your discovery of a scar last night."

Her eyes widen a little. "I-I didn't—"

True. She didn't say anything about discovering a scar.

"Paano mo nalaman?" she inquires the next as her cheeks slightly redden.

With my arms around her, my fingers draw small soothing circles against her skin, and I can't help but smile as how her blush deepened. "Your fingers trail a little longer along the line. So, I know about it. I just keep quiet not to kill the mood, and I bet you do, too, despite all the inquiries."

Now, she is blushing so red like a tomato and she slightly pouts. "O-Of course. Ayaw ko naman maging killjoy. At mukha bang magandang topic 'yon at the moment? True, makakasira kaya talaga 'yon ng mood, if ever."

Honestly speaking, last night also caught me by surprise. I know all along that I've been restraining myself; and all of it broke apart until the early hours of today. Some sort of natural instinct, some sort of human nature, to be in loved and be loved. A pure form of it that made me ask everything unseen how lucky I am to have her here in my arms.

"Xav?" Staring at me with those beautiful and innocent-looking eyes, definitely asking me kung bakit ako napatigil, she purses her bruised lips.

"Yes, moya zhena?"

She blushed, almost ducking away from the new endearment. "W-Well, I am truly curious. Like, sumagi sa isipan ko ngayon na tanungin ka kung paano and bakit ka nagkaroon ng mga scars na iyon. I mean, hindi ko ineexpect that you'll be having such."

"Hmm... my scars are visible, but they aren't much in depth of a story. Mas mabigat ang mga scars na hindi nakikita," I remarked, gently twining my fingers through her hair before smirking and whispering by her ear, "And talking about them isn't a good topic after last night. First of all, I should be asking how are you."

Kaagad siyang namula and she presses her hands against her face, hiding her embarrassment. I couldn't help grinning at her immediate reaction. Kahit na alam ko na magiging ganito ang reaction niya, it still feels so natural and refreshing from her than anything else. And so, I wait for her; and she finally slowly peeks through her fingers in order to look at me. She whispers, "I... I am fine. Thank you."

"It's still too early. After keeping you up so late, you should sleep in much longer."

"Hmm... I'm awake now. And sino ba may kasalanan?"

"Kagaya nga ng sabi ko sa 'yo, you shouldn't provoke me."

"Is now the right time para sabihin 'yan sa akin?"

I smile and kiss her on the forehead, finding her slightly pouting at me. "I was a little too rough, wasn't I? I'm sorry." Mas lalo lamang akong naudyok na tuksuhin pa siya. She's so charming and lovable being this shy. A side of her that I wish only I could ser and no one else. Dagdag ko pa, "You were great last night."

"Wha—" Her cheeks redden much more, as well as her ears. She pulls the covers against her face in shame that only makes me smile. "Alam mo naman na..." she begins in a softer tone. "I... I should be the one saying that to you! After all that you did... And..." She shyly averts her eyes. "Being so attentive and good with... Iniisip ko na tuloy ngayon na nagsisinungaling ka."

I prompt myself up with an arm before taking a hand of hers to kiss her knuckles. "As I've also told you, I've never and will never lie to you, moya zhena. Nagsasabi ako ng totoo noong sinabi ko na I have the knowledge, but not the experience." I chuckle. "Though now I can say that I have the experience as well, and someone I crave to want and need so much."

She reluctantly looks at me, and it's as if I can read what's going on inside her head full of questions and insecurities now. After all, I know that every woman will have that thinking; but I am at lost on how to assure her that I don't have any intention of making her cry.

In the first place, my parents had been strict about things as this. I know that they are worried concerning the family name, of what a scandal it would be for someone in the family to have a child out of wedlock. But I know that they are much more worried of my future, and that I am to give a part of myself to someone I don't envision a life of commitment.

It is all because of that that my previous relationships had been short; not to mention that I didn't introduce any of them personally to my family as the woman I love. And that it all never led to this.

However, it had been different concerning Phoe. Since day one, even beyond the time I started courting her... since that initial meeting, I am sure she's the one. That I am committing to her. That I am willing to take whatever responsibility. The very reason that I'd introduced her to the family beforehand, and as my partner just a month in our relationship. The very reason that I allowed everything of me to be hers just three months later, too.

With Phoe, I have those visions. Of settling down, of wanting and needing only her, of becoming successful, of having children and making a family with her, of growing old and senile together. I want it all with her, and no one else.

"Don't worry. I'm keeping my discoveries to myself." Alam ko na hindi iyon sapat na assurance. But, in all honesty, call me possessive; I don't want to share her with anyone else. That's why, I promise that in this life, I'll make her happy, content, respected and loved.

"Discoveries?"

"Your birthmarks and also the number of moles you have from the head to your toes."

"My God, Verano... Payback ba ito dahil nalaman ko 'yong mga scars mo?"

"Four moles on your left upper arm alone, and five on the other." I grin. "Do I need to say more? As well as those birthmarks—"

"Ah!" She interrupts as she tries to pull her hand from mine, causing me to hold on to her tighter. Huminga siya nang malalim, slightly wincing when she shifts, at tinitigan niya akong maigi. "Ngayong we're done with the bygones sa mga cliché na tinatanong after..." She clears her throat. "I guess, dapat mo na sagutin 'yong curiosity ko sa mga discoveries ko rin. Since hindi ko naman masasagot ang mga tanong mo sa mga discoveries mo..." She holds my hand cradling hers, turning the back of my hand for us to see. Her thumb trails the almost invisible scar by the junction of my thumb. "This one. Bakit kagabi ko lang ito nahalata?"

"Dahil 'yong kabila 'yong lagi mong hinahawakan," sagot ko at bahagyang tumawa. "Knife cut. Eleven years old. 'Di ko naman first time makahawak ng kutsilyo at that time, but carelessness na siguro rin. Medyo matalas 'yong kutsilyo back then; mas nauna ko pa nakita 'yong dugo kaysa maramdaman 'yong sakit. Muntikan na maputol, but I think it is just an exaggeration ng mga matatanda."

"I think so, too. Either way, mabuti na lamang at hindi. Baka kung tuluyang naputol, hindi tayo sa WAA nagkita. Or baka hindi na talaga tayo nagkita..."

I sigh heavily and hold her hand, squeezing slightly. "I believe that this is fate. Kaya hindi naputol, at nakapag-flying ako."

She nods timidly, slowly brushing the blanket away from me.

"Phoe, hindi ko alam na gugustuhin mo na kaagad ng second time after how many rounds last night. I never consider you to be this wild," I slyly remark, watching her intently.

She stops by the time that the blanket rests just by my hip and looks up at me. Halatang nagpipigil ng blush. "Xav, baka ikaw."

"Are you provoking me again? I'll be honest to say that you're inciting me."

"Not until I am done." She presses a finger just close to my hard-earned abdominal V-line. "Second. This. Appendicitis?"

Huminga ako nang malalim at tumango. "Yes. Seven years old."

"Makulit kang bata siguro."

"Bakit?"

"Sabi nila kapag naglalaro ka pagkatapos kumain kaya nagkakaroon ng appendicitis."

"Hindi naman iyon totoo. But totoo na makulit ako noong bata." I draw closer to her, willing to kiss her. "That's why, I prefer in the future, to have mini versions of Phoe than mini versions of me."

"'Oy," she retorts, pressing a hand against my face to stop my advances. "Ang unfair. Alam ko lang 'yong history ng mga scars mo pero madali namang makita iyon."

"Are we still talking about these scars?" I laugh.

"Yes. Very." She stares at me with a slight pout. "Anyone can see them, and that didn't make me any special."

I surround a hand around her waist, pulling her hand away from my face. "For one, they didn't even have seen—"

"X-Xav!"

Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi tumawa. "Sorry, sorry. In a serious note, I am being honest. But may iba pa akong scars na hindi basta-basta malalaman o makikita lang ng ibang tao."

"That's weird na hindi ko napansin; given that you're this bare."

For one, Phoe, both of us are, muntikan ko ng sabihin sa kanya. But alam ko na hindi matatapos ang curiosity niya na ito at baka tuluyan na siyang mainis sa panunukso ko. "Well then, consider these as treasured scars. No more secrets or anything," I remark. "Let's say na these are 'family matters'. Or in a much intimate sense, since hindi naman ako maghuhubad sa harapan ng pamilya ko since the past decade and even in the future, I can say that this is much more of a 'matter with Phoe'. Since sa iyo lang ako naging and magiging ganito, moya zhena."

Her pout deepens and her eyes narrow slightly. She whispers, "Kapag ako talaga iniwan mo..."

"No matter how cliché it may be, only death may separate me from you in this life," I announce, pressing a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Sige na. Kwento," sagot niya pabalik, pero halata namang kinikilig noong namula kaagad ang kanyang mga pisngi.

I smirk, not even pulling away. I slightly pull the blanket covers before raising my left leg a little bit. "Hindi rin halata but ankle scar. My leg was caught with the bike wheel noong five years old. Nakaangkas ako sa bike ni Tito Russ. Ayon tuloy." I laugh. "Weird. But medyo worth it 'yong panic ni Tito, at that time. He remains hunted by it that it slowly became a running joke. Guess kailangan ko pa maaksidente for that."

"Not weird. Nangyari rin 'yon sa akin noong bata ako," she says.

"Oh?"

"Though 'di kasing lala ng sa iyo para magkaroon ng scar. Kaya, since then, sinigurado ko na matuto mag-bike para hindi na ako aangkas or what."

I press my forehead against hers, chuckling. I can't help but be truly amazed by her at all and keep falling in love with her every second I spent knowing more and more about her. "Classic Phoe." I guide her hand to rest on my head, to my hair that she'd woven with her fingers more times last night than the casual or calming brushes. "But here's a family secret. Strange na hindi mo pa napapansin; very much not last night."

"Kailangan ko rin ba dapat purihin 'yong buhok mo?" tanong niya.

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kamay niya at noong unti-unting nawala ang ngiti niya ay naramdaman ko ang kanyang daliri na sumagi sa peklat sa aking ulo na tinatago ng aking buhok.

Dali-dali niyang ilinapit ang ulo ko upang makita niya at napatawa na lamang ako noong sinuklay niya ang buhok ko palayo.

"Noong nine years old ako, nahulog ako kay Maple," simula ko. "Well, si Maple 'yong—"

"'Yong kabayo mo, alam ko," saad niya.

I slightly move away when she slowly let go off me, hovering above her as I continue on my story while twirling a strand of her hair around my finger. "'Di naman kasalanan ni Maple. Nabigla lang talaga siya. Wala naman talaga na cut noong nahulog ako, and may helmet naman. Except sa mga few bruises at bali ng buto, and initial screening ng test na walang problema. Just that, a few weeks after noong incident, doon na ako madalas nakaka-experience ng headaches, at sumusuka kahit walang gana. Until then na nawalan ako ng malay once, and nakakahiya na during a site visit ni Papa sa isang project sa Makati... Well, doon ako na-diagnose na may internal bleeding. Kaya ito. Three inches na tahi."

She reaches out for me another time to trail her fingers on that respective scar a few inches above my right ear. "Makulit ka nga talaga noong bata. Kung ako kala Tito at Tita, aatakihin ako sa puso."

"Kaya nga sabi ko sa iyo na safest option na kung magkakaroon tayo ng anak, mini Phoe na lang. Accident prone ako masyado." I lean closer and trail my kisses from her cheeks and to her neck and shoulder.

"Grabe. Magpropose ka muna," she whispers before surrounding her arms around my neck and pulls me closer.

"Wait lang. Wait lang din sa kasal. Don't worry, I am not running away from you."

She chuckles. Her laughter vibrant. "Long-term investment mo nga ako, 'di ba? And after knowing the history with those discoveries... thank you for opening up to me."

"Very much na hindi kita pwedeng pakawalan that easily." I grin and whisper by her ear, "And how about another reminder of a discovery that is clearly just a 'matter with Phoe', moya zhena?"

Her ears redden, and I can't help but be amused.

I pray and hope for your happiness and love throughout our lives. For whatever secret I could possibly have are all part of everything that I've bared for you with all I am and for your discoveries, Captain Bonifacio.

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Continue with: FLIGHT PLAN Flight 49 - Squawk