track #03 in cadence aurora di angelo

enhypen // attention please

I AVOID Kunboss' beckoning glance at the breakfast table, averting my eyes away from his.

He's making an effort to try talking to us – but why bother when he knows exactly how we all feel towards him?

Why must he deliberately make life so hard? He hurts our feelings and almost destroys our plan; yet has the guts to come back asking for us to listen to his explanation?

There's no explanation for his behavior; no explanation for him lashing out at us; absolutely no explanation for being an emotionless and nonsensitive human being.

I finish my food and leave the plate at the table before heading to the living room with disgust to calm down a bit, but find Trissy already seated there, and I grunt in rage. I wanted some peace and quiet for myself, but here's one downside of living in a house with seven other people – the spaces I want are seldom vacant. Unknowingly, I'm projecting my rage and anguish for Kunboss onto Trissy, and he frowns.

He beckons me over to sit down with him, and I follow sullenly, plopping down next to him.

"There is something wrong. Talk about it. Please. Maybe I can help," he says, and I shake my head. That feeling is back.

Rylie. Rylie. Rylie.

Just as I was about to put Rylie behind me, Trissy appears and ruins everything. Why must he remind me of my dead best friend so much? The selflessness, concerned about me, asking me if I want to talk about it. Everything screams Rylie... and makes me remember his death (that I don't even want to talk about) – even more.

I bury my head into the fuzzy blanket sitting on the couch, and peek out from it, only to see Trissy looking genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine. Really," I say, but he doesn't look convinced. Instead, he crosses his arms over each other and looks at me meaningfully and sternly.

"You're not fine."

I sigh and hurl the blanket away, abandoning the barriers that I spent so much time building. "I'm not. It's just so many things at once."

"Talking about it will make it better, Cady," he says, and I smile gratefully, trying to ignore the constant reminders of Rylie blaring in my brain. Maybe it's nice to have a friend – someone who genuinely cares – unlike Kunboss – for once.

"I just don't want to burden anyone with my troubles. It's always been like this since... you know. It feels like I'm just a stupid kid sometimes – you all have personal lives, maybe someone you're dating; college; and I'm just here adding to your emotional burdens."

Trissy stands, and I do too. "Believe me, you're not. Again, I'm sorry for calling you a kid. Someone like you shouldn't have to go through things like this," after finishing his sentence, he starts up the stairs in silence, heading towards my room on the 3rd floor.

He sits at my desk chair while I pull out my hammock from the terrace. "Can we talk about it?" he asks, and I give in, nodding. "You first."

"It's just that- he was the one who would support me no matter what," I begin, trusting that Trissy knows who I'm talking about.

"I've lost him, and I'm here just making a big deal about it. I know Aiden lost Anson. Rylie died so long ago. In my head, he's telling me to move on, but I just can't. I don't know if you've noticed, but my entire personality has morphed to make space for him in my head, too."

Tristan nods – and I gesture for him to take his turn to tell me his own troubles, but he stays silent. I raise an eyebrow, but he smiles at me, telling me that it's fine.

"You guys just have so much to do, and I feel like I'm hindering the plan already," I murmur again, not sure if he can hear me. "All I do every day is eat, sleep, and think of Rylie. Please don't misunderstand and think I had a crush on him or something. It's not like that,"

He chuckles. "I wouldn't. I do kind of get it, but it's incomparable to what you're feeling. I didn't know you two before this – but I just can't imagine myself without Ava, or Gwyneth without Kunboss. Even if they're fighting. Take some rest, Cady. Stop working your ass off."

"But-" I complain, but he stops me.

"No buts. Look at the clock. It's seven thirty for god's sake! I only woke up because of the fuss that you all are making."

"the mission-"

"Stop thinking about the mission. Angela's here. She knows what to do. Don't worry. Sleep in today – at least wake up at a more reasonable time, like ten. There's plenty of time for the mission," he says, slowly backing out of the door.

I stare at the ceiling and contemplate whether I should turn on the projections or not, but decide on the latter.

Rylie. Rylie. Rylie.

I shake all the reminders of my dead best friend off my brain and fall into a deep, dreamless sleep, promising to do the mission right after.

***

When I wake and glance at the clock, I'm startled by the sudden appearance of '11:20' and immediately jump out of bed.

Zoey's nowhere to be found- I remember she said she'd check on Kun last night. Maybe she's still sleeping?

I slowly twist the doorknob on the sky-blue door on the right of the corridor, just to find Zoey's room empty. She must be at the library already.

"Trissy," I yell internally before changing and racing to the Adelaide Woods Library on my bike once again, with my favourite bag slung over my shoulder.

I walk up the stairs to the self-study desks step by step, rubbing my hands against each other to stay warm. Shortly after, I emerge in a well-lit area with a normally nice view of the border of the Adelaide Woods, and find my friend there, her head buried in a sketchbook.

"Hey," I say, pulling a chair out and settling next to her.

Zoey looks up. "Was wondering when you'd be here. Did anything happen?"

Why is everyone asking me this today?

I shake my head. "Not really. Slept in. Anyways, let's get to work."

As Zoey continues drawing and texts Tristan about the placements of Byrok's military forces – who then proceeds to ask Aunt Angela – I keep myself busy doing high school English.

As I work on my comprehension and scratch my head in confusion, Rylie appears in my head to smile at me again, and the feeling I get is unexplainable.

"CADY!" Zoey practically yells, waving a hand in front of my face.

"O-oh, hi," I stutter. "Was probably asleep or something."

"I SAID, ARE YOU OKAY? You were zoning out."

"I AM OKAY. I ALREADY TOLD YOU."

As she turns back to her sketchbook, I call for Rylie inside my brain to come back and talk to me; like how we used to have imaginary friends when we were younger. Amelia disappeared when I was four, but now her spirit and Rylie's are together. In heaven – or what is commonly called a better place.

I don't believe the 'better place' exists, at least not for dead people. How is it a better place when he could have stayed alive? How is it better when all his friends and family have lost his sunshiney, comforting presence? I vowed that I'd protect him, but I failed. I failed.

But Rylie doesn't come like he used to, at least not immediately. I cock my head to the side in confusion and yell at him internally.

"CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?"

It's still so quiet that I would hear a needle drop, and without even noticing it, my cheeks are damp with tears, and Zey is shaking me by my shoulders.

"CADY? CADENCE AURORA DI ANGELO."

I ignore her worried figure and mutter to Rylie, "But why the hell do you pretend I'm not there; that you didn't see me? Can I just get your attention for once? Please, Rylie?"

He doesn't answer, and the tears come again. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in a stream of sorrow and hidden hatred for my dead best friend.

I frown bitterly. His spirit is here. I can feel it. But maybe... like a story Gwyneth once told me, when Kunboss died – when I killed him, she saw him leaving for good, walking further and further as the rain washed what was left of him away; leaving the happy memories.

It hurt her a lot, but helped her cope... at least until the real Kun was back.

Rylie won't ever return – and I still hold on to every single memory, every drawing of his face that is already long-embedded into my mind. To me, he's still very much alive.

But when I think about it, everyone has lost Kunboss, too. The person who we've all been avoiding isn't the real Kunboss anymore. He's changed into a heartless monster.

– a/n: this chapter really is something :} i shed tears writing this and i hope you can understand cady's desperateness!