27th February 2021

I lifted my hand to knock but paused, knowing that as soon as I opened the door that would be the end of my peace.

Nothing to it. I knocked rapidly.

"Sam!" There was a chorus of shouts as the door opened and my sister pulled me into a soft hug.

"It's good to see you hermanito." My sister, Zoe, pushed my hair out of my eyes. "You need a haircut."

I smiled as she fussed over me. As the oldest, she was usually the one left to babysit me. It's a trait she's never really grown out of, never mind how old I get.

I rubbed her protruding belly. "How's my baby niece cooking up?"

Zoe looked down at her stomach with great affection. "She's coming along nicely, though all her kicking is driving me loco."

"Sammy!" Two tornadoes in the shape of small boys collided with my legs. "Play with us." Zoe's oldest child yelled at me whilst his two-year-old brother smiled at me toothily.

"Andrés, Ramón." They ran behind me as Zoe scolded them. "Go play with Daddy and leave Sam to settle in a bit."

With her hands on her hips, my sister could be an intimidating sight, so it was no surprise that the two boys went hurtling into the living room, Teddy along with them.

"I remember that look." I smoothed over her frown with my finger, and she chuckled.

"And you better believe that it still works." She winked at me. "Come on, food isn't ready yet."

I followed her into the front room, seeing my two brothers sat together on one settee and my Dad in the recliner, Teddy's head rested on his knees. Diego was holding his three-month year old daughter, though his eyes were fixed on the TV, some sports programme that all three of them seemed to love. Zoe's husband was sat on the floor, now a human jungle gym for his two sons.

"What's up, Calaca?" My brother smirked at me, using the nickname that always set my teeth on edge.

It wasn't just that I was the youngest, but that I was also the shortest of all my siblings. Taking after my Dad rather than my Mom. But whilst my Dad was a heavyset man, I had inherited my mother's slim build. Hence my hated nickname, Calaca - skeleton.

"Nothing much, Chato." I smiled inwardly as he gritted his teeth at the name.

"Dios mio, can you two go five seconds without insulting each other?" My father glared at us before getting up and hugging most of the life out of me. "Glad you came. They work you too hard at that place. You should come home more, your Mom misses you."

Which always translated as they'd both missed me, though my Dad would never openly admit it. Instead, there was an unspoken code, but it didn't matter because I knew what he meant by looking in his eyes. They never failed to be happy to see me.

"I know, I know. But once this job is done, I can take some time off."

"Don't work yourself to death." He patted my shoulder and sank back into his chair.

It was ironic coming from a man that had worked every hour of the day to pay his way through college and get his degree in electrical engineering.

I followed the sound of excited chatter through to the dining room where all the women had gathered, Teddy happy to trot in front of me. My Mom's face brightened when I walked in and she rushed over to hug me.

"How come she doesn't have that reaction when I walk into the room?" My other sister teased me.

"Because you're not the bebé." Zoe quibbled back.

"I love all my children equally." My Mom snapped back with a twinkle in her eyes. My brothers' partners were laughing along with everything. They'd been family for such a long time that they didn't really notice the craziness that accompanied us.

"Mijo," My abuela demanded.

"Hola, abuela." I headed in her direction, already knowing what she was about to do.

She hooked her cane around my leg and pulled me towards her. She gripped my face and peered at me with eyes that belied her age. They were bright and lively, although she was getting on now.

"You are looking too skinny, Mijo. You must eat more today. I make sure." She patted my check and removed her cane from the back of my knee, relaxing into her chair.

"Yes, abuela." We both knew that I could eat as much as she put in front of me, and it would make no difference. I was unlikely to become anything other than the skinny runt that I was. Still, I admired her optimism.

"Sam, come give me a hand in the kitchen," my Mom called, and I sighed, my sisters looking on in sympathy.

If my Dad had a coded message that said I love you, then this was my Mom's code for we need to talk.

"The boys and Hazel not with you?" she asked as I made my way into the kitchen.

"No, Hazel's cooking for their Nanna today."

My Mom nodded. "We should invite her over. Your abuela could do with the company."

I almost choked. "I don't think it's a good idea to put those two in a room together again."

"They weren't that bad last time. They're just two high-spirited ladies."

Who had a passion for strong liquors and a seemingly implausible ability to understand each other despite one slipping into a Spanish for every other word.

The only problem was, after so many drinks, they tended to fuss over me and Jaxon. Worrying about how much we ate, our choice of clothes, or our lack of life partners.

But at least Jaxon now had Tye and would be saved from that talk. I, on the other hand, wouldn't be so lucky.

"So what do you need help with?" I played along, leaning against the counter, watching as she mixed the chilli.

She paused her stirring before abandoning the spoon to its fate. Her attention focused on me.

"I'm worried about you. We barely see you, you hardly call and now you turn up with bags under your eyes, and don't get me started on your hair." She flattened a curl against my chin.

Maybe I had let it grow out a little more than I meant to, but it really wasn't that bad.

"Zoe already told me I need a haircut."

"And you do, but it's more than that. You have to take better care of yourself. Something is bothering you, I can tell. So..."

She stared me down, making me feel uncomfortable.

"It's nothing, just pressure at work," I lied.

Her eyes told me she didn't believe me, but I was thankful when she didn't press any further.

I'd never told them about Evie or about what happened. I wasn't really something that I could explain.

"If things get too much for you, you come to us, no arguments, understand?"

"Yes, Mom." I rolled my eyes and earned a wet dish towel being thrown at my face.

"Don't cheek me. Now take the cornbreads out of the oven, they should be about finished now."

I followed her orders as everyone gathered in the dining room, ready for food. My Mom dished up every bowl of chilli, handing them to me so I could pass to the table.

Once we were all sat down, conversation died as we descended on the food.

"So, Mom, what was the demand that we all come to dinner today?" My sister Carmen asked whilst mopping up the last of her chilli with a rogue piece of bread.

"Well, Julio and Marissa have an announcement."

We all turned to look at my brother, who was looking redder and redder. He cleared his throat a few times and took a sip of water.

"I'm pregnant," my brother's girlfriend shouted, making him jump.

"Omg, Omg, Omg," my sister Zoe chanted.

"Not another one," Carmen whispered to herself. "I'm barely surviving Zoe's mood swings." She ducked out of the way just in time to avoid Zoe's slap.

"Another grandchild." My Mom dissolved into tears and even my Dad was gruffly clearing his throat.

"Yes, more bebes. About time Julio." Our abuela banged her stick approvingly.

I was quick to congratulate my brother, but inside I felt empty. It was one reason I didn't come home all that often. It could be hard being forced to engage with such established couples. Especially when my love life was in chaos.

I escaped the suddenly crowded room on the excuse of playing with my nephews and Teddy outside, neither of whom were particularly impressed with a new addition to the family.

I welcomed the cool air after the stuffiness of the dining room, which felt like it was close to bursting with all of us in there.

I could hear the partition door sliding open behind me, but I didn't turn.

"Some announcement, right?" Carmen sat on the edge of the decking next to me.

"Yeah," I answered lamely.

"It's okay to be jealous."

I looked up at her with a small smile. "Am I that obvious?"

Carmen shrugged. "Nah, I just have superior detection skills." She pushed her shoulder against mine. "But seriously, I know how you feel."

I turned to her in surprise. Carmen had always been the one to scoff at convention. She was the one that became a lawyer and then ignored all the city firms that wanted her. Instead, she worked for a non-profit organisation helping immigrants through the immigration process. It was low paid work and long hours, and she loved every minute.

"No need to look all shocked. I'm not saying I'm ready to settle down with a gaggle of kiddywinks beside me but it would be nice to have someone so that one day it could be possible."

"And you've still got plenty of time." She was only twenty-nine, after all.

"I know that, idiot. And so have you." She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, a smile playing around the edge of her lips.

I'd been had.

"You planned this, didn't you?"

"You give me too much credit...but yes." She smirked at my affronted expression.

"You're unbelievable," I mumbled.

"I know, but what you said is true. I have plenty of time to find that special someone and so do you."

"And what if I already found her, but let her get away?" I didn't look to see her expression, but I could hear her sigh.

"So that's what this is about? Let me tell you a little secret, there isn't that one person out there for everyone, there's usually multiple. You will get your heart crushed, but that's life, kid. But it's worth it for the highs that come with it." Her tone was wistful, and I knew who she was thinking about.

"Do you ever miss Niah?"

Carmen leaned forward, her smile tinged with sadness. "I do, but we also wanted different things. It wasn't fair for us to hold each other back like that."

"Would you get back together with her?"

My sister remained silent for a few seconds. "I don't like to give definites Sam because I only end up eating my words. What will be, will be. All I'm saying is don't close doors. Options could come from anywhere and you just need to be ready for them."

She messed up my hair and headed back in the house, leaving me with the two kids and an over excited Golden Retriever.

Maybe she was right. But I couldn't help but think about options.

Someone, somewhere, made sure that I met Evie. They gave me that amazing option. Would they really just take it away from me forever?