25th February 2021

I sat in the middle, Jaxon on my left, and Tori on my right. No jokers or clowns in sight. Just three nervous men sat waiting for the verdict.

When I'd walked in that morning I'd received a call from the headman himself; Antonio Lopez. And he wanted to speak to the three of us. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

I looked around his office to take my mind off my nerves. It was sparsely furnished. Antonio - more commonly just called Tony - was a minimalist at heart. He liked his lines crisp and his space uncluttered.

One framed record hung up behind his desk. Something which made me intensely proud. It had been the first soundtrack that we'd worked on with the orchestra, and it had reached number one for five weeks.

It had put us on the map for the first time in a long time. Tony had been ecstatic, so had the previous composer, who had retired shortly after. Now it was on my shoulders to keep up the winning streak.

The door opened, and I felt myself begin to sweat.

Was it just me, or did Tony not look happy?

I swallowed loudly as he took a seat behind his desk, drawing his hands together with a blank expression.

"The producers ran through your songs yesterday."

It was just like Tony; straight to the point. No messing around.

"And?" I asked, leaning forward in my chair.

"They liked what you have to offer. They were impressed."

I relaxed back into my chair. Jaxon and Tori punched my shoulders in congratulations.

"But..." Our heads snapped up to look at him. "They're not sure about one song."

In my heart, I already knew which one it would be. Call it a sixth sense or just a gut feeling, but I knew.

"They want you to rewrite the song for the reunion scene. They're going to send you some of the footage to help you. It isn't edited yet, but it's better than what you've had so far."

I nodded. The footage would be better. Easier to know the pace of the song that would fit. But the idea of writing that song again was daunting. It had taken draft after draft to get to the one the producers had listened to. Now I had less time and still no idea what the song should be.

"Here are the producers' notes." Tony pushed a bundle of papers towards me. "They want you to perform the whole range of songs next Thursday live for their big meeting. Think you can do it?"

I could feel Jaxon and Tori staring at the side of my face. The notes in my hand quivered in time with my shaking hands. It was a big ask. Would it be possible?

"What else did they have to say?" I paged through the notes, picking out a few sentences and several suggestions.

Tony leaned back in his chair and put his fingers together. "They had some thoughts as to the other songs, things they wanted you to consider, nothing major. Most of their notes are about the reunion song."

That made things easier, but didn't fill me with confidence.

"Kotori, Jaxon, why don't you take the notes. There're a few comments that you'll have to work on."

They could tell they'd been dismissed and left, reluctantly taking the notes with them.

I watched the door close behind them and turned back to Tony, waiting. It was clear he had more to say to me, and I couldn't help but fidget in my seat. The leather was uncomfortable under my sweaty palms.

"What's going on, Sam?" Tony fixed his gaze on me, rubbing at the stubble on his jaw, like I was a confusing puzzle he couldn't figure out.

"Nothing." I was quick to say.

Tony snorted. "Come on, I know you. Ever since you joined us you've never second guessed your music."

And yet that's all I was doing now. I didn't trust what I was creating.

"It's just this scene. I can't seem to get a handle on it," I admitted.

I don't know what stumped me, but I just couldn't write the song I wanted. Every time I tried, it came out mangled. It had never lived up to the song I could feel floating around in my brain.

"Ahh, I understand." Tony's smile was full of sympathy.

I frowned at him, not sure what he was talking about.

"This is about a girl," he said without hesitation.

"I...what...but..."

He laughed at me, struggling to pull my thoughts together after his announcement.

"Don't try to talk your way out of this one." He moved to take Jaxon's seat. "Sam, you wouldn't be the first person to struggle with a song because of personal feelings."

"I once worked with a guy who was asked to compose a song to accompany the death of a pet on a sitcom. It drove him nearly crazy. Apparently he had lost his pet parrot when he was child and every time he sat down to compose he just kept remembering Patch, or Pitch, or whatever the parrot was called."

I blinked, not sure what to think of Tony's story.

"So did he write the song?" I was almost too afraid to ask.

"Oh yes. He had a memorial to his lost pet and then bought a new parrot. After that he was completely fine."

I doubted Tony's words. It sounded to me as though the man was a few feathers short of being alright. But then I wasn't sure what I would do without Teddy, either.

"And what has that got to do with me?" I queried.

Tony crossed his leg and straightened out his shirt collar. I felt scruffy in my ripped skinny jeans compared to his tailored suits, but then I wasn't the musical director.

"Look, Sam, you've got as much talent as anyone I've come across in this business. Jaxon and Tori, too. The day we hired you was the day we got new life into this place. You can go far and this film will explode when it finally airs."

"I don't know what's happened between you and this girl, but you got to get it out of your system in whatever way you can. Hell, take a leaf out of old Ben's books and have a memorial to your old relationship and find a new girl. Just clear your head and write the song."

"I know what you're capable of and you'll regret it if you don't do this." Tony finished by standing and walking back around his desk.

I'd been dismissed, but it took me a few seconds to rediscover the ability to move. I would never have thought the conversation would have ended on parrots and throwing a memorial to my old relationship with Evie.

It felt like there were tiny flies buzzing around my ears as I headed out of the office.

"So what did Tony have to say to you?"

I jumped as Tori and Jaxon seemed to materialise in front of me.

"Um, just that I needed to clear my head and write the song he knows I'm capable of." I didn't want to talk about Evie and the memorial that Tony had recommended. I was a little afraid that they'd agree with him.

"Pshhh like you weren't doing that, anyway." Jaxon shook his head.

"You okay, bro?" Tori asked.

I looked away. "Yep, why wouldn't I be?"

Silence followed my sentence, and we started to walk, though I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. My head felt heavy and my thoughts muted. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next.

"Why don't we talk to Genny about the songs?" suggested Tori, breaking the silence.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Jaxon looked at me, waiting.

"Yeah, we should do that," I mumbled.

Tori gripped the top of my arm, bringing me to a halt. "You know we're here for you. We'll run through every lyric, every note, if it'll help you."

Neither Tori nor Jaxon wrote much music. I had always been the one that provided our songs. But their offer still made me feel better.

"Thanks guys."

We got in the car and drove home. We were going to need some peace to go through the producers' notes, and our attic was calling us.

On our way we passed Mama Rosa's, a lively cafe that had once been a regular gig for us. Happy memories flooded through me, instantly lifting my spirits.