13th June 2019

"Still, I won't ever complain,

Because she made everything okay."

I paced the floor, wringing my hands with every step.

"Will you stop pacing?" Jaxon exploded. "Hell, you're making me nervous."

I looked at him and Tori sat on some seats provided to those auditioning. Jaxon was unusually subdued, and Tori's eyes barely left the floor. All of us were feeling the nerves.

As it had turned out, all of us agreed with Evie's idea about auditioning for the orchestra. But I don't think any of us knew how important it would feel to us.

Somehow, sat waiting for our turn at judgement, it had begun to feel like our last chance. If we didn't get this opportunity, none of us knew what was next for us. Even I had to admit that I couldn't see our next move if we failed.

Evie walked back to us, her hands filled with water bottles. "If you go down the hall, you can hear some bands warming up before their audition."

"What do they sound like?" Jaxon looked up, taking an offered water.

She passed out the remaining waters before answering. "There are some good ones, others not so much."

"Perfect." Jaxon placed his head in his hands.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I dashed off before anyone could stop me or get in my way.

I pushed open the door to the men's bathroom and retched into the sink, but nothing came up. Of course, I had been too worried to eat anything before we'd left.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, noting the layer of sweat over my face and my big eyes. Like a deer in the headlights, my Mom would have said if she could have seen me.

"Sam?"

I could hear Evie calling me, but I tuned her out, preferring to have my breakdown in private. A hand on my shoulder made me flinch so hard I bashed my knee against the side of the sink, making me swear.

"Sorry, but I had no other choice."

I stared at Evie in disbelief. "This is the men's bathroom." I pointed out to her as if she'd just missed the sign on the door by accident.

"Technically, this is the women's bathroom. You walked into the wrong one."

I watched to see if she was joking before looking around. It was cleaner than what I was used to, that was for sure. But it was the lack of urinals that made me realise she was right.

"Mierda!" I cursed. My back hit the wall and I slid down. I crouched and held my hands over my face, blocking everything out.

"Talk to me Sam, what's going on?"

"I feel sick to my stomach. I can't go out there. This was a stupid idea."

"Okay, so we'll just go back to yours, then?"

I lowered my hands to see if she was jesting, but I met her stoic expression. "You think we should go home? That we have no chance?"

She took her glasses off and busied herself with cleaning them. "Does it matter what I think? I'm only good for stupid ideas," she snapped back.

My already nervous stomach flipped as I realised what I said. "Evie, I didn't mean it-"

But she held up her hand and cut me off. "Look, this isn't about me. This is about you. What do you believe, Sam?"

"I don't know what you mean," I whispered.

She crouched down to my level. "Do you believe that this is a silly idea? Do you think you don't have the talent for this? Do you want to go back home and give up?"

She barely raised her voice, and yet each question felt like daggers being twisted inside me.

"I don't know." Was all I could get out.

She swept her brown hair off her shoulders and looked me dead in the eye. "Do you honestly believe that?"

My mouth opened to retort, but no words came out. I snapped it shut and looked down at my feet.

"This isn't a silly idea." I finally said.

Evie clapped her hands together. "Hallelujah. And have you got the talent to do this?"

"I want to do this. But what if we aren't good enough?" I mumbled.

I recoiled as Evie flicked my forehead, but she smiled at me. "That's life. You'll either be good enough or you won't. It's up to you though whether you want to step up and at least try. Or leave, not knowing what could have been. The time we have is fleeting, but it's up to us how we want to spend it."

I gawked at her as she turned and left, her words resonating with me.

Standing, I looked at myself in the mirror, my skin still sticky and eyes bloodshot. I splashed my face with water and followed Evie.

"All good now?" Jaxon asked when I returned.

"Better at least."

"Good, because it's our turn to practice before we play." Tori stood, stretching out his arms.

I gulped, but followed them as we made our way into one of the many rooms being used.

A man with a clipboard approached us, eyeing mine and Jaxon's guitars. "Samuel, Kotori, Jaxon?" We all nodded. "Perfect. Can you head to room 7 down the hall? You have twenty minutes to warm up before the selection team will be around to see you." He hurried off without a smile.

When we entered the room, there was already a drum set in position and an array of other instruments, including a keyboard.

We set to work getting our instruments ready; Tori fiddled with his chair and Jaxon retuned his guitar. Each of us had our own way of settling those pre show jitters.

Evie pulled out a chair in the corner and sat by, watching everything in silence.

The door opened when we were halfway through one of our sets and a handful of people entered with tired expressions.

A man in a suit walked in behind them, his phone to his ear before he hung up.

"Right boys. My name is Tony and I'm the head music director. Are you ready to start?" His eyes lingered over our instruments.

"Sure," I answered, Tori and Jaxon nodding along with me.

"Excellent. What will you be playing for us today?" He sat down with the rest of the people in front of us.

"Um, we write our own material."

I wasn't the only one who noticed his eyes light up and one other started making notes on her clipboard.

"In your own time." Tony sat, putting his phone away, his sole attention on us.

I looked over to Evie for a bit of courage, and she sent me a thumbs up. I turned to look at the boys, seeing the resolve in their eyes.

Tori counted us in, and we played. We played our hearts out. Not that we had any reaction from the crowd watching us. When we finished the first song, we waited to see what the music director would say.

"You've got the keyboard set up as well, so which one of you plays?"

I held my hand out. "We have another song prepared with the keyboard if you want to listen to that?"

We waited with bated breath as Tony looked at his watch.

"We've got time. It's important we know all of your range." He nodded, signalling us to continue.

Our second song was slower, deeper. It was about the struggles that Jaxon had gone through, the struggles we all had with fitting in, and then the realisation that we didn't have to. We could live on our own terms.

I lifted my hand from the keyboard, the last notes fading out.

"Perfect, thank you, boys. You'll hear from us later today with our decision." With that, Tony and his entourage left.

I looked around at the other two, not sure what to say. Instead, we just packed up our stuff and left. Even Evie was quiet as we left the building.

"So what did you think?" Jaxon asked.

"You guys killed it," Evie cried, throwing her hands around mine and Jaxon's shoulders. "That was brilliant."

Her exuberant mood made us all laugh and broke the spell of tension that had hung over us since we left.

"Damn." Jaxon rubbed his shoulder. "You and those electric shocks."

I too, rubbed the area where she had touched. It was just like the night at the observatory. That current of electricity that seemed to spread from her touch.

She stepped back and just smiled at us; her eyes only tightening a fraction, and laughed it off. Though she kept her hands behind her back after that.

We caught the bus back home, our mood uplifted. I had never been so glad that I'd done something before. I was euphoric, even if we didn't get the job. Evie was right; life was fleeting, so we had to seize the opportunities when they came.

To pass the time, we ordered pizzas when Hazel got home and pigged out on junk food. All the time, the beginnings of a song wormed its way through my head.

The boys could see it in me. The way my hands rose and traced the notes in the air, the distracted look on my face.

"You've got a new song." Tori cornered me as I went to get another drink. He didn't even say it like a question.

"I think so. If you're up for a jam session after you drop Evie back at her hotel?" I crossed my fingers in my head. I really wanted to work on it.

I wasn't sure why this song felt so important to me, but I knew I just wanted to play it. It was crying to get out of me, bubbling up and consuming my thoughts.

"I'm there. Today was a good idea for us." Tori nodded, satisfied, and went to find Hazel again.

As I grabbed my drink and headed back to the couch, I watched them all. We couldn't have done this day without Evie. No one else, not the boys, or Hazel, or Alexa, could have talked me into it like she had.

She didn't just convince me to go. She made me believe I could do it.

My ring tone went off, startling me and silencing everyone else. I fumbled to pull my phone out of my pocket, struggling to unlock the screen with shaking fingers, as the unknown number continued to call.

"Hello?" I answered, everyone gathering around me.

"Is this Samuel Mateo?" Came the quick reply.

"Yes, I'm Sam."

"Ah Sam, good. It's Tony here. I'm just calling to say your audition blew us away and we would love to offer all three of you positions." My mind went blank and I could hear chuckling at the other end of the phone. "So what do you say? Are you okay to start Monday?"

My mouth opened and shut, everyone still looking at me, unaware of the offer we'd just received.

"Monday sounds great," I chocked.

"Excellent, I'll see you then."

I held the phone to my ear even after Tony had disconnected, unable to think straight.

"So? Does that mean we got it?" Jaxon grabbed my shoulders, making me look at him.

Tori stood stock still and Hazel and Evie were gripping each other's hands, not sure whether to celebrate or commiserate us.

I cleared my throat and put my phone away.

"We start Monday."

And then it all exploded as we celebrated at the top of our lungs. I threw my arms around Evie, ignoring the little shocks that she inevitably gave off, and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Of course, when my mind caught up with my actions, I tucked my head and stepped away.

"S-sorry," I stammered, mortified.

Her blush grew, but she laughed. "Don't worry about it. I'm just happy for you." She hugged me back and then wandered over to help Hazel pour some drinks.

"Seems you and Evie are getting along." Jaxon sidled up to me.

"Definitely friendly." Tori chimed in.

"Very friendly friends." Jaxon lingered over the word friends, bringing out a double meaning to his words that was not lost on me.

"I was just thanking her for what she did today. Without her we wouldn't have even known about it." I defended myself.

Jaxon and Tori gave each other a knowing look before patting my back.

"Sure, sure." Jaxon smirked with disbelief.

"Just tell me one thing...this new song... was it inspired by a cute, glasses wearing, Cornish girl?" Tori watched my stony face in silence. "Thought so." His eyes twinkled.

"Oh, man, I'm going to enjoy this." Jaxon rubbed his hands together, looking between me and Evie.

"There's nothing there," I gritted out, no longer sure if I was telling the truth.

Both of my friends looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"For someone who can see the world so clearly in his songs you can be so dense." Jaxon cuffed the back of my head. "Come on you idiot, let's celebrate."

I tried to push thoughts of Evie to the back of my mind and celebrate, but it proved difficult. Now and then I would catch her eye and she'd smile at me, making me feel flustered. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't once thought about calling Alexa to tell her about our news.