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🥀 Flaws of a wife 🥀

           🥀chapter 20🥀

The urge to be alone and free was all I wanted and all I got!For the past two weeks that I've left home,I was alone all to myself.The journey wasn't easy cause I feel I was missing home but slowly I started to adopt to the change.I convinced myself that this was what I wanted and this was also for my mental health.

One thing that was disturbing me was the urge to run back home to my husband.I knew right from the beginning that this was going to be my biggest challenge but then I thought,if I had gathered the courage to leave,then I would definitely have the strength to stay away but then I initially figured out that I was wrong.It wasn't going to be so easy.Although I tried my very best,things weren't really working on my favor regarding this.

Besides from been homesick,everything was working out just fine.I had the advantage of having my atm card and also my car with me so I drove around the neighborhood whenever I felt bored of being indoors all day.I also did went shopping for food stuffs and groceries although the resort had a restaurant,I couldn't keep up with having to buy food every single day.

And then my next concern was sooner or later I would be running out of cash which brought me back to another reality of life.For the past years I have been living under the roof of Mahfouz as his wife,he had given me all that I needed,he took care of all my needs and fulfilled all my responsibilities and to be honest I lacked nothing,but what I failed to understand was that my whole life was depending on what Mahfouz would give me financially and also decisions he make for my life.I failed to build myself,I had nothing written on my name that I could call my mine.the only thing I could call mine is the car Mahfouz bought for me and that's all.Now I couldn't even call his house mine since he has gotten another with who has given birth already and would continue to give birth which makes me end up with nothing achieved in my life.

And I came to the realization that wives like me have no independence!Yes we had no independence since we were living off someone,we had to do as they say and we have to spend what they give us and god forbid if they were to ask us to leave or if they were to abandon us then our live would practically be put to a halt.And unfortunately this is the sad truth.

I have never wanted to have something doing in life like this days.I could remember back then when my dad's elder brother Baba Sadauki would always preach and advice me to start up any kind of business I want and he even promised to give me a huge sum of money as capital to start up a business with.I could vividly remember his words
"Sarah my daughter,I keep telling you this and am going to tell you now,marriage is nothing but a life full of trials which you are expected to pass each trail through patience and critical thinking,am not asking you to keep quite and get maltreated no,in fact whenever things go out of hand come home to me.And also Sarah I know your responsibilities are well taken care of by your husband and I know his capable enough but no matter how rich he is his money isn't yours and when you get older you would realize this so please get yourself doing something I could even plan you a trip to Dubai or maybe Malaysia so that you could get some women clothings and accessories that you could sell here and you're going to make a lot of profit and also keep yourself busy...."

This were always Baba sadauki's words,he was a very simple man and also wasn't so strict like my father although he was the elder brother.

And then I realized,I could always go to baba Sadauki's house in Kano and I am sure he would support and guide me through the right way.He was someone that always loved me since when I was a little girl,he had never differentiate me among his biological children.

And then I made up my mind to go to kano.

Since it was already late that day,I booked an early morning flight to kano and I waited the following day before I checked out of the resort,since I couldn't drive my car to kano and I had no one as of the moment to,I parked the car in the resort and informed the manager about it the manager was kind enough to ask on of  the resort drivers to drive me to the airport since it was still early in the morning.

As usual the flight got delayed for some hours and as I result I arrived kano later in the afternoon.I knew my ways around kano quite well so going to Baba Sadauki's resident was easy and not so stressful to me.That very time that I stepped inside the apartment I felt safe,I felt at home and I knew I had stepped into a place where I could be acknowledged.

I met Baba Sadauki's first wife sitting peacefully on one of the beautifully English chairs in the well furnished parlor,I could see how her eyes lit up with excitement,surprise and also mixed feelings as her eyes met with mine.

She is Hajia kaltume,Baba Sadauki's first wife and we call her uwa ta gari (a good mother).Hajia kaltume happened to be a mother for all,she's a a well educated,sweet,kind hearted and jovial woman.Hajia kaltume had only one child and she was destined not to have more  children as a result of an unfortunate accident that occurred with her two years after she got married to Baba Sadauki which made the chances of her getting pregnant zero to none.The one time that she tried conceiving ended up pretty bad because she almost lost her life and that was when baba Sadauki strictly made the decision that she wouldn't conceive again.Hajia also made a decision,and that decision was for baba Sadauki to get a second wife since she wouldn't be able to give birth again.And so did he after much persuasion from her.

Hajia kaltume made me freshen up and then she served me food with different varieties of dishes which I ate well because I so missed home cooked food.She made sure I felt comfortable around her while she informed me Baba Sadauki wasn't home but he would be back anytime soon.She made sure I felt free and at home,she even went as far as bringing random gist to me when I zoom off thinking.

I was just thinking and wondering why she haven't spoken to me yet about why I left home which am sure she's  aware of it by now.

"Uwa ta gari please don't inform anyone at about me been here."i said fidgeting with fingers.

Hajia kaltume smiled warmly before removing here very expensive medical classes and carefully put it in its glass made box that was placed on a center table by her side and she came and sat next to before she started speaking warmly,

"My dear daughter,listen I know what would make a married woman leave her marital home to abandon everything and choose to live else where isn't a small issue,for the long time I've known you one thing I know about you is that you're a very patient woman and am going to support and stand by you,I won't tell your parents about your whereabouts and also I won't ask you to go back to your marital home but you should know that I would always obey and do whatever your(baba Sadauki ) decides,and I know he won't decide anything that would be of harm to you."she said placing my head on her shoulder caressing it slowly.

And then I felt at peace,I know I've arrived at a place where I would not be judged but instead I would be head out,am sure they're going to see my own perspective and why I decided to take the step I took of living my marital home.

Later that day,Baba Sadauki did not come back home until late in the days after isha prayer.When he saw me in the house he couldn't hide his happiness and realization ease feeling that I was alright and I also couldn't help but ran into his arms and cried out,I really was missing this homely love and it was all I needed.We all ate dinner together before I help Hajia kaltume clear the table,after we were done Hajia kaltume left only baba Sadauki and I in the living room which am sure she gave us space to talk.

"Come closer diyata (my daughter)."baba Sadauki said directing his hands for me to seat next to him and I did so.

I felt the urgent urge to cry out loud,and to let all of my pain out for once,I started crying and letting go of all the things that I've been holding within to myself.

"Baba Sadauki I am tired, I am tired of everything,I just want peace,I've tolerated enough I get taunted each and everyday for not been able to give birth as if it was my fault,my in-laws hate me,my co wife taunts me,even my parents won't support me my only strength was my husband,he was the one that kept me going baba but now he's also drifting away from me.Baba I can't take it anymore I've tolerated enough baba am tired."I said sobbing uncontrollably.

Baba didn't stopped me from crying instead he hugged me tight and asked me to let go of all the pain and sorrows.After a while,he gently raised my head from his shoulder and began speaking to me gently.

"Sarah my daughter,marriage is nothing but a life full of challenges  and one needs to be patient throughout to be able to pass this challenges,this I've been telling you for long since when you've first got married and am going to say it to you now also,patience is the best quality one should exercise in his marital home but then there are limits to been patient also I know.I know you've reached your limit and that's why you take the decision you took of leaving your home and am not going to recommend  you for that because only you know what you've been going through and tolerated,am going to support you in this phase Sarah.You're welcome to live in this house for as long as you want."he said calmly.

"Nagod baba amma dan Allah Baba don't inform Abba of me been here,am sure when he hears am here they're going to take me back immediately that's why i didn't go back home at the first place."I said pleadingly.

"Sarah your parents are worried and that's why we would have to inform them that you're safely here at my house,not only your father your husband would also be informed and you don't have to be worried by anyone would try to force you to go back.They're are your parents but am also they're elder so my words are going to be the final words you need not to worry.Infact am going to call all of them here,we need to have a serious family meeting."he said and we talked for a while before he instructed me to go and rest.

I went to the guest room that was cleaned for me on my arrival and took a warm bath which made me felt more relaxed because of the very cold weather in Kano.The weather made me missed my husband even more.Am not sure what to think,I know I can take baba Sadauki's words for real because he is the eldest in the family but then I don't want him to make a decision that will end my marriage,I know him well enough to set certain conditions for Mahfouz in the meeting and I also know Mahfouz well enough to know that he doesn't like living his life under certain conditions.

One thing I am sure of is that I love Mahfouz so much and I also Love my marriage.I close my eyes slowly hoping I would wake up to find everything settled with lesser problems.

Ya Allah.