Have you ever wished that your parents are not your parents, that you should have been born into another family?If not for the fact that I look like my mum,I'd have believed long time ago that she is not my biological mother.Dont get me wrong, this woman has tried so much for me in all ramifications of life and I know that well.Right now as I stared at her and the shattered plate of food lying on the floor,I felt hopeless.

This is what happened.
My mum asked my Dad to serve her dinner,he complained about being tired and that I should help him do it.
My mum could not eat with her right hand because of the stroke and she couldn't eat with her left hand because it keeps shaking on its own so for that reason she has to be fed.

I happily prepared everything,started feeding her until she threw the plate away by pushing the table with her leg, complaining that I was rushing her.
I didn't know weather to feel sorry, apologize or just walk away.
I don't know how many times I have to say sorry before it works with my mum.

I felt the tears roll down my face when my father asked me to go to my room.

After clearing the place up, feeding her and washing the plates,my father came to ask me why I was rushing my mum with the food.Is he not supposed to ask if I was actually rushing her?
"She is your mother, you should treat her with love and respect no matter what.Do you want her condition to get worse? what is wrong with you?"
I tried to explain myself but he shut me up by saying that I always give excuses for doing wrong.
I wonder why he keeps supporting her all the time.

I know that I wasn't rushing her at all.she just didn't want me to feed her.
I didn't say it out loud because it's of no use.

I don't understand married people.
What did I expect?that he should blame his wife and support me?hmmm I wouldn't like that either.

"You made me paralyze so that you will kill me by feeding me?you want to take my Husband's attention away from me, you want to separate me from the rest of my children, you want to colonize my house?ha ha ha it's not going to happen.You have failed.I will not die before my time wicked girl, you are a very wicked girl."

That is my mum talking to me.

I wasn't surprised at all.
I knew very well in my heart that she did what she did on purpose because she wanted her husband to feed her.

I'm not one to interfere in people's marriage but I knew that things have not been the same ever since my mum's illness.She just has a way of involving me all the time.

I was getting used to the nagging, insults and accusations.
Sometimes I think I'm going insane.
I don't know how but my mum has a way of convincing me about doing something I know I didn't do.
She tells my dad,tells the next person,then the next.
I begin to ask myself if I did or didn't,I become confused and at the end of the day,I began to believe that maybe I'm a bad child, maybe she is suffering because of me and maybe if I die, somehow she might be happy.

I love my mother so much so that I don't even know how to react to the negative things she does to me.
I love her so dearly that I learnt to forgive her after she says any single bad thing.

I remember that some children do not have mothers,I'm here with a mother who escaped the grip of death.I should be thankful that she's still alive so no matter how she hurts me,no matter how many times she hurts me,I'm forever willing to call her mother.

It's heartbreaking,I should be strong for her….I have to be strong for her.

She was nothing like this before going to that hospital.
She was a different person then,a different person now or so I thought.