NAAZ

After the first encounter I had with Sidharth after weeks of separation, it wasn't leaving my mind. The owner of the house, the lady who appointed me, was scolding me. Maybe considering my disobedience reason behind her son's action. I hadn't ever met his parents or haven't seen any picture, yet I knew Sidharth was very fond of his mother. He had got many calls from her during his stay in the village. His cold behaviour towards her stunned me. But their parents weren't surprised. It indicated it wasn't the first time he acted in that manner.

The view of his room was describing the same. But during his entire stay, I wasn't able to recognise him having a drinking and smoking habit. Did he have it? Or was it a newfound habit? I shook my head, concentrating back on the lady before me.

"Is she dumb? Why isn't she reacting?" Her furious eyes were attempting to dig me inside the ground.

"Sumitra! Calm down!" The man beside her spoked. "She isn't the reason," making her fury to subside. The man stared at me, "you go and complete your work." Concentrating back on his wife, I understood that he safeguard me from his wife's anger. Slowly I descended downstairs, not knowing where to move. As I got out of the mansion. I got a sight of the garden, getting engrossed in the work I cherished the most. Watering the plants! They weren't cared about. Yet my mind wasn't allowing me to move from the scenario that took place a few minutes back.

I wasn't able to accept the fact that faith had landed me to the person, I was trying to escape. I left the village, state for him but destiny had its plan. Plan of bringing us together under the same roof. I was curious to know about his whereabouts, to know about his health. His thought never left my mind, yet I couldn't move back to him. To protect his life. That caused me to groan, as I pressed the pierced finger hard, engrossing in thought. Blowing air on it, and again started with watering the plant. My sudden disappearance had helped him to cure. My decision wasn't wrong, departing my path from his was the reason behind him breathing on the planet.

Na jaane re jamana....Kyu chahe re mitana

I wasn't bothered with the anger showcased towards me, my concern was that his hate could help him to stay away from me. I wasn't desiring him to land in trouble once again for me. Completing my goal, I walked inside. How was I to convey my change of decision? I moved my gaze, searching for their presence. Found them at the dining table, having lunch. They had cook to look after their food, I got a glimpse of him serving them. He passed a smile, he seemed to be the same age as uncle Pritam. I returned a nervous smile, attempting to conceal my face.

"Madam, mainu aapse kuch kehna hai" (I need to convey to you something) Waiting patiently, mustering up courage. I voiced myself, they moved their gaze from plate towards me.

"What are you speaking?" Hardly understanding my words.

"She is Punjabi I think, so her Hindi isn't fluent." Spoke the man beside him. "Hmm... kya bolna chahti ho?" (Hmm... What you want to convey?) The person encouraged me to speak, he seemed quiet of good nature unlike his wife.

"Main ethe aur kaam nahi kar sakdi. Mainu yeh chodna...." (I won't be able to work any longer. I need to leave...) Hesitating as I spoke those words, I knew a bold reaction would be offered from the other side.

"What! You were..." Before the lady could burst on me, her husband halted her. Gesturing something from his eyes, "do whatever you want to." Surrendering, concentrating in her food. She was pissed by her husband's interpretation.

"Hum jante hai ki tumara yeh decision kyu aaya hai. Hum samjhte bhi hai tumko, par..." (We know why you have taken such a decision and understand you as well but...) He paused thinking for suitable words, he was finding it difficult to carry the conversation in Hindi. Indicating that he might have lost practise, as if he hadn't spoken after years.

"Beta... Sidharth sahab bure nahi hai woh bus khudko sambhal nahi pa rahe hai." (Child... Sidharth sir, isn't bad person. He just isn't able to control himself.) Spoked the cook on Ritesh sir's behalf. "Uski halat aise hogayi hai...woh bus pyaar chahte hain par woh usko kabhi nahi mila." (His condition had turned in that manner... He always desired for love but he never got it.) I stared at the person, he lowered his eyes walking inside the kitchen. Everyone's eyes were on him, for a minute I felt as if he understood Sidharth more than his parents.

"So, the decision is final. Tum kahi nahi ja rahi," spoke the lady, putting an end to the conversation. (You won't go anywhere.) I had no courage to fight on the matter or maybe no longer I wanted to. The senior cook's eyes conveyed the emotion not present in Sidharth's parents. I wasn't sure if they were concealing it from me or they showed no feeling towards their son. I stepped back as Sidharth's dad followed by his mom stood from the chair, they had their lunch. My eyes landed on one more plate prepared but it wasn't touched.

The day crossed by and finally it was night. I had no glimpse of Sidharth after our encounter in his room, my bag was in his room. I was left with no courage to walk inside, after he showered his anger on me, cleaning his room. Spending time in the garden and helping the cook with some basic needs, finally it was time for dinner. I was anticipating getting a glance at Sidharth, as he had no lunch but he would walk down for dinner. But I was wrong again the sequence was repeated, with a plate prepared but untouched. Both his parents ate their dinner and walked back in their room, rather than a house it seemed a building with no human emotions.

Though it was considered by people the most beautiful mansion, the people living inside were battling with their life. There was no joy and happiness in their life. The house deprived of human relation, I could claim my hut and the mansion were the same, both had the same thing in common. No happiness!

The cook walked once again but ignored my presence. He was collecting the plate and was on the verge to take the not attended plate. "Eh khaya nahi, kya oh nahi aange khane ke waste?" (It isn't eaten, won't he come to have it?) I questioned, causing him to glance at me. I no longer was able to hold myself, he had nothing from the past ten hours.

"Aisa mansion mein roz hota hai, unke liye humesha plate lgayi jati hai. Par woh khane ke liye kabhi neeche nahi aate." (Its daily occurrence in the mansion, the plate is always kept prepared but never attended. He never comes downstairs to have any food.) I was stunned listening to it, as in my memory lane. On many occasions, he was excited to have lunch.

"Kyu?" (Why?) He shrugged his shoulder. He waited for a minute before again holding the plate, "Ki main ek bar koshish kar sakdi han?" (can I attempt for once?) I questioned; I couldn't let him be hungry.

"Tum?" (You?) He was staring at me with questioning eyes, I nodded in agreement. He gave a slight node, maybe battling to allow me or not. As I was on the verge to take the plate, "Dhyan rakhna tumse phele bhi ek ne khoshish ki thi pr uske jawab mein vase sir pr mara gay. Aur isliye aaj tum yaha ho." (please be careful. Earlier the housekeeper before you had moved to call him but he was answered with a vase knocked on his head. That was the reason, he left the job.) Listening to it, I gulped my saliva. But maintained by posture, I couldn't let my fear overpower me.

The notion of him dwelling in the alcohol and cigarette grew my concern. It wasn't good for his health! It was shocking to me, how did his parents allow him to drive deep in it? The flash of the room got before my eyes, how many days he might have spent in misery. And the reason was me!

I took the plate in my hand, making my way towards his room. I was concerned about his life and for it I needed to be away from him but at the same minute, I couldn't let him drive in unhealthy habits. As I stood before his door, my throat had dried. As the fear was building in. He wasn't the Sidharth whom I called Vella. The one roamed after me, the one who was getting desperate to know me. The one whom I used to brush off yet he used to never accept his defeat.

He was the one who knew what life was. The one who helped me to realise the importance of happiness, and live it to the fullest. The one I had a glance at was a completely different person. He was broken, my sudden disappearance had broked him. To such an extent, that he wasn't intending to walk out of it.

I grabbed the knob of the door, pushing it open. Darkness was covering the room, I took a step inside. I wasn't able to glance at his presence around the room. I was searching for a source of light that would guide my path. "Jhalli..." I heard a small murmur, and my eyes landed on the soul. He was sitting on the place; I had left him.

My heartfelt heavy seeing him among the glass pieces. I took a small step towards him; he had that same smile displaying on his face. That sheepish one, when I had first seen him. A slight smile touched my soul as well, getting a glimpse of him smiling. Tears unintentionally rolling down the cheek, he attempted to stand up but again stumbled back. His palm landed on one of the glass pieces beside her. He gasped in pain, "ahh!"

My breath stopped, and I rushed to him. Placing the plate on the ground among the glass pieces, I grabbed his palm. "Tusi itni laparvahi kyu karde ho? Kyu apna khayal nahi rakhde?" (Why do you act so carelessly? Why can't you take care of yourself?) Tears weren't planning to stop. I removed the glass, blowing air. Torn a piece of my dupatta, to dress his wound. "Dard ho raha hai?" (Does it hurt?)

He was attempting to keep his eyes open, "nothing hurt the way your disappearance from my side does." Those words caused me to lower my gaze. "Why did you leave me Jhalli, is I so cruel that none desires to stay beside me?" His questions weren't understandable yet the pain his voice contained could be conveyed. The pain, I had caused him.

I took the plate in my hand, "Tusi dophar se kuch nahi khaya.." (you had nothing from the afternoon...) He shushed me, keeping a finger on my lip. My eyes staring into his, breath raising it pace as we were a few inches away.

"Please don't talk, let me just stare at your beautiful place. The one that gives me peace..." Those words made me realise, the dupatta had descended my head. Was attempting to carry it back but Sidharth objected my move. "You can't stop me from staring at it, because only I had the right to do so..." His intensity was turning me weak, I needed to hold myself. I couldn't allow myself to melt, he smiled.

Slowly leaning closer, his warm breath blowing on my face. We were just inches apart, that alcohol smell, filling my nostrils. If it was any other day, I would have been filled with disgust but I wasn't. I closed my eyes on its own account, my breath turning uneven with the mere thought of him so close.

We could listen to the heartbeat, so loud. His breath was heavy so as mine, this close proximity affects us both equally. His warm rough lip brushed mine, a moan escaped. It provided me with the warm, I never felt before. Heart jumping at its own excitement. "What are you doing to me..." He murmured against my lip, I clenched my suit tightly. I should be the one asking him, what was he doing to me?

Kalank nahi ishq hai kajaal piya...
Kalank nahi ishq hai kajaal piya...

His hands moved to cup my cheek, while his thumb was drawing circles. I kept my eyes closed, leaning in his touch. I knew it was wrong! We had no future together yet I couldn't pull up the courage to jerk his hand from me or halt him.

Suddenly his moments stopped! I opened my eyes, staring at him. His dark orbs seemed death yet something flashes, passing shiver down my spine. A smirk caused his face slowly letting the alcohol be consumed to move him to the state of unconsciousness. My eyes staring at him then at the three-empty bottle before me, I widened my eyes staring at the unconscious soul. How much he had consumed? A worry crossing my heart. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to raise him up but it was an impossible task. He was too heavy for me! Moving my gaze around, I decided to remove the glass pieces. So that he won't harm himself, covering him with a comforter and moving the bottle from him. I moved out with the full plate back, and carried my bag as well.

The cook had left the kitchen, I wasn't in a condition to have anything. Just drinking a glass of water, I moved towards the small room given to me. Though they considered it small but it was much larger than the one I had spent my life in. Shook my head, staring at the bed. I had never slept in something so soft before, it seemed so delicate even to touch. And seeing it height above the ground I decided to land myself on the round. I roamed my eyes around to find a mat, but upon feeling defeated. I took the quill from the bed, covering myself. I rested my back on the ground closing my eyes.

I sighed, moments happened in his bedroom. Why did I even enter? How would he react in the morning? It was always my fault! The kiss! I touched my lip, I could still sense his touch. A heat passed through my cheek, it was wrong yet my heart filled with unknown delights. I felt ashamed of my own feelings! Why he entered my life? Why? Rewinding the events when he had found me in among the rows of trees, praying to Waheguru. To the place from where the sequence of events had started.

***

As soon as I opened my eyes after finishing the morning prayer, I saw him standing in front of me with a huge grin on his face. Seeing him there, I was hooked and a sudden wave of panic aroused inside me. I quickly got up from where I was sitting.

Ignoring his presence, I quickly moved to the other side and started walking fast. 'Why is he here? No, this is not right. But how can I make him understand that, this is not right, for him, these thoughts were making me anxious. 'Please Babaji, ask him to not to follow me.' But as always my Babaji didn't listen to me and he was back on mission 'following me.'

"Mystery girl," my steps came to a halt and my heart started beating fast. He wasn't planning to leave me. What if aunt or Sushi sees it? I stopped attempting to make him understand. He blocked my path thinking, I would escape from him as before.

"Mujhe tumse baat karni hai" (I want to talk to you) he said to which I turned my face as I didn't have anything to answer. But the astonishing part was, he was reading the statement written on a piece of paper. Maybe his Hindi wasn't as fluent as mine.

I could hear him sighing, before he spoke again, "Dekho, tumhe mujhse darne ki jarurat nahi hai. Trust me, main kuch nahi kahunga tumhe." (Look, you don't need to be afraid of me. Trust me, I won't say anything to you) Glancing at the paper, to assure he was correct.

Although I don't understand Hindi much, I could sense his concern through his voice.

"Mainu jaan do. Mainu der ho rahi hai" ( Let me go. I'm getting late) I, without facing him, broke my silence and said this, I again stepped forward to go but he again blocked my path that made me frightened a bit.

"Are you scared..." He bites his lip, "I mean... Tum..." pointing at me. "Mujh..." pointing at him. "Darti?" He asked softly which made me look at him and nodded negatively. He sighed at my gesture.

"Toh phir kyu bhaag rahi ho mujhse?" (Then why are you running away from me?), listening to him, I lowered my gaze as I myself didn't know what to answer him. He darted his gaze from the paper sheet to me.

"Agar kuch bologi nahi toh mujhe pata kaise chalega, tumhare gharwale tumhare sath aisa behave kyu karte hain?" (If you will not say anything, then how would I know that why do your family behave like this with you?), Frustration was quite evident in his voice.

"Mainu nahi pata tusi ki keh rahe ho. Mainu jan do" (I don't know what you are saying. Let me go)

"No" he held my hand instead of letting me go. It shocked me to the core. I started panicking, tried to get out of his hold while requesting him to let me go.

"Tusi samjh kyu nahi rahe ho? Eh sahi nahi hai. Kirpa karke mainu jan do" (Why are you not understanding? This is not right. Please let me go) I pleaded, but he wasn't paying any heed until I uttered, it's hurting me.

"Tusi kirpa karke mere ton dur raho. Kyunki main nahi chahndi, meri wajah nal tuhade upar koi musibat aye. Mera picha karna band karo, eh bilkul vi sahi nahi hai, tuhade li." I joined my hands in front of him and requested him with a cracked voice.

(Please stay away from me. Because I don't want any trouble to come over you because of me. Stop following me, this is not right, for you)

And with that, having tears in my eyes, I walked from there, leaving him confused as he hadn't understood a word I uttered.

Main tera Main tera...

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Maybe at times what will feel wrong are the only things that feel our heart with joy. So what shall we do at those moments, escape from it or cherish it?