NAAZ

We were standing in front of a gate; the guard had asked us to not move. It was a huge mansion. Didi had brought me along with her. I hadn't thought it would turn so easy to find a job in an unknown city. Disha, who I met on the train, had been a huge help, from providing shelter to looking after my living arrangement. She had done everything! I could never thank her enough.

The girl beside me passed a smile, "if she agrees to have you as a housekeeper. It will make your life! Do you know whose place is this?" She paused for a second, realising I wasn't understanding a word. "Sorry... Tumko pata hai, kiska bagla hai yeh?" She repeated those words in Hindi. I shook my head.

"Iss Duniya ke famous doctor, Mr Ritesh Shukla. Woh yaha nahi rehte bus uska beta rehta hai, ab kuch dino ke liye aaye hai." (The mansion of the world-famous doctor, Mr Ritesh Shukla. He doesn't stay here only his son does, but he has come for a few days.) I nodded, anxious, covering my face with the dupatta. If anything happened to them due to me, they might even send me to jail.

"Didi... why should we..." Before I could interrupt on the matter, the guard walked out.

"Now, you can meet her." We both offered him a nod. At the exact minute, the car drove at high speed from the other gate. I had a mini-heart attack seeing the speed. The owner was least affected, I shook my head. It wasn't the first time I came across such drivers; the city was filled with such people. It even scared me to cross the road, none had the patience to wait. But the car drove by was intending to have an accident, such speed it consisted.

"Come..." Saying so Priya dragged me inside, I called her 'didi'. She was bigger in age and was looking after me as I stayed with her. Every hardworking woman had a son to look after. I wasn't aware of her husband but she was a wonderful mother. Taking care of him, going to work, facing all miseries yet not letting the pain be displayed before his four years son. I had grown fond of him, spending time with him and helping her with him as for the past one week I wasn't getting any job.

It made me feel guilty as I was becoming a burden for her as it was a tough job for her to manage two lives and I was adding more pain. So, the minute I saw the advertisement in the newspaper, I asked Didi if I could start with the job. That resulted in the front of the mansion, as a guard allowed us inside. I was roaming my eyes around the luxurious mansion. It was indicating the richness the soul living in the building carried, the anxiousness was building in my heart. Would they choose me? Or would we have to walk back empty-handed? I was even scared to touch an object, everything on the lawn seemed so delicate. How precious would be the material inside the mansion?

We were walking on the smooth glass, no longer my feet feeling the burden of carrying myself. I felt as if the ground had turned smoother, I moved my gaze around. At each corner, there were planted flowers. The views were so eyes rewarding after departing from Chandigarh and apart from the view of greenery I got from the train. It was the first time; my eyes could view so much greenery around. I won't mind if I was given a job as a gardener. Spending time with nature was my favourite job!

A voice coughing grabbed my attention from the plants. I moved my gaze at the person, her spying eyes fixed on me. I turned nervous under her gaze, attempting to cover my face. "You both, here?" Her eyes shifted to Priya didi, she pressed a smile towards the lady.

"We heard of you desiring a housekeeper." The lady nodded, while Priya continued. "You might be knowing Disha," she took a second before agreeing. "She is my best friend, and she is very fond of Sana..." I was confused for a minute before realising they had changed my name. They found it quite old fashioned and even provided me with a few sets of clothes. Priya didi claimed that the first impression was the last impression, it was the biggest job and people would be lined up for it. But I was amazed seeing none roaming around the mansion.

"It is starting from tomorrow," she informed us, not pleased with us landing there. After spending some days with Sidharth, I had started understanding a few words. She was speaking about tomorrow.

"But..." Priya was out of words after her statement, on seeing me gazing at her. She whispered, "kal se start hoga selection." (From tomorrow they will start the selection.) I nodded, turning disappointed. We looked at the lady but she wasn't showing any interest, we were on the verge to leave.

"Stop!" We heard her voice, Priya didi grabbed my wrist, halting me. She turned followed by me, "does she know all the work? Can she do gardening?" Inquired the lady, eyes fixed on me.

"Yes!" Without confirming it from me Priya nodded in agreement.

"So, I will test her but there is a clause. She must live in the mansion; I don't appreciate the nonsense of going home with half-complete work." I was only staring at Priya didi's face. Her eyes shining in delight were conveying she had agreed to provide me with the job.

"She can come in..." saying so the lady walked inside. I moved my gaze towards didi to get some information about the conversation held between them.

"Sanna, phele shayad pareshani ho par baad mein tum comfortable ho jayogi." (I know it might turn uncomfortable for a few days but you will get used to it.) She was glancing at me with hopeful eyes, grabbing my shoulder. I attempted to not let her glance at my face properly, it scared me. I could never let a hint of my curse touch her; she was a wonderful soul. "Tum mere liye burden nahi ho, bas tumko ek kam dena chahti hoon. Taki tum khud par naz kar sako." (You're not a burden for me, I am just trying to provide you with a job. That can bring pride for you.) Her eyes were conveying the concern she had for me from the minute Disha had introduced me to her. I wasn't aware of what she had spoken about me, they weren't even aware of my past. Except for the fact that I came from Punjab.

The information of staying along with such a big personality did scare me but I couldn't ask for any further help from her. It was my decision to move from Punjab to Mumbai, a place I weren't aware of anyone. It should be my responsibility to manage myself. "Dhanyawad ji... tusi jitna bhi kita... buhot hai ji... mai Waheguru se roz prathna krangi... tamhare aur timhare puttar waste." (Thank you, you had been a huge help. I will pray to Waheguru daily for you and your son.) My words caused her to smile with tears, she pressed a kiss on my forehead.

"Apna dhyaan rakhna..." (Please take care of yourself.) Saying so, she hanged me the bag she had brought for me to put my clothes in. I smiled and she walked out of the gate. On assuring she had gone; I darted my gaze back at the mansion. The beauty could charm any soul, it was so fascinating. The art was so pleasing to the eyes, yet I wasn't ever fond of those beauties. For me the beauty was in the nature around me, I slowly walked inside. I needed to ask about my work to that lady but she had entered inside long back.

With nervous eyes, sweating palm. I took a step, fighting back up anxiety. The minute I got inside, everything was in place. A huge sofa set was inviting me, some books spread on the table beside it. I moved my eyes away; the paint of the interior was going well with the furniture set. I smiled the way; people made their house so wonderful. My hut couldn't reach a per cent of the mansion before my eyes. I had spent my entire life in that small place, the big mansion was hurting my eyes. Making me realise, I won't be compared to even an ant in front of the giant elephant before my eyes.

"What's taking you so long? Come fast!" I heard an exasperated voice, the familiar one. My eyes were searching to catch her glimpse but weren't getting any. "Are you blind!" Infuriated, she yelled. "Up! Here!" Waving her hand, as I got her glimpse. She was above the stairs, standing in the corridor. I nodded vigorously, moving in haste as I could get a glimpse of her turning impatient. And I wasn't intending to put a bad impression on the first day.

Managing the huge attire didi had compelled me to dress in. It wasn't a salwar suit, I usually wore. The one found in Punjab, the one people wore over there but it was different. The topper part joined in a circle that reached to my ankles. I had objected to wearing it, but she hadn't listened to me. She had named it something, Anarkali... I shook my head, as I somehow managed to reach upstairs along with the bag.

She stood a few distances away, tapping her feet in impatience. I rushed towards her, gasping for breath. Rather than tired of running, I was turning afraid of the lady. "You might be knowing me; I am the wife of Ritesh Shukla. Sumitra Shukla, so keep in mind, that I don't tolerate disobedience. You need to complete your work on time," I nodded though I wasn't understanding a word. Apart from her scolding me for I wasted her time, and introducing herself.

"Now start with the work! You have an hour before he arrives. I need the whole room cleaned!" She was ordering me, pointing at the room in front of me. "Don't waste a minute," saying so she walked once again. I stared at her in confused eyes, Priya didi had forgotten to inform her of me, not understanding English, as the lady was talking in that language. I wanted to halt her but her actions conveyed she was already mad at me, halting her would only lead to a worse consequence. So, I decided to walk inside the room. Maybe she had asked me to do something related to the room, maybe to clean it.

With that thought I walked inside, carrying the bag along with me. The minute I pushed the door, my eyes roamed at each corner of the room. The way my heart described the beautiful mansion held with the same sincerity the room was voicing the dustiness it carried. I took a step inside, with a concern that a piece of glass doesn't pierce my feet. The lady was ordering me to clean the room, but the question troubling me was who was the owner of the room? Patches of blood were at every corner, the footprint of a person roaming around without caring about being wounded. My eyes went on clothes spread on the bed, with the smell of alcohol spreading my senses. It was turning unbearable as if the room wasn't opened for months. As I was stepping inside, I could find the room filled with alcohol bottles, with half lighted cigarettes spread at each corner of the room.

The sight was making me concerned about the person dwelling in it. The room was dark the way, the person living in it had turned himself dark. I shook my head, finally reaching to the window present in the room. Pushing it open and helping the beautiful fresh air along with the sun rays to enter inside with the same minute the darkness and the disgusting smell to walk out. I inhaled the fresh air, spreading a smile on my lip. Withdrawing the dupatta from the head, as it would disturb me. And, none would be present from whom, I had to conceal my face.

I decided to pick the glass pieces as it would help me to roam freely once done, as I was engrossed in doing it. Due to my lack of care, while picking it up some pierced my finger. Soaking it, I continued with the work. Throwing into the container present in the room, containing wastage. It was filled with packets of cigarettes; I narrowed my eyes. The impression of the person wasn't going well with me. I never adored those individuals having such a bad habit. Soon, I wiped the floor erasing the traces of blood from the floor. Removing the bottle spread at each corner and assigning it properly on the shelf next to the wardrobe. Collecting the ashes of lightened cigarettes, I sighed as the work was halfway.

Wiping the sweat from the forehead, I walked towards the bed. Needed to fold the clothes accumulated on the entire bed. The person seemed a spoiled brat, continuing with my work. As I was engrossed in the work humming the verses, provided me with inner joy. My eyes landed on the cloth that I had seen before, I stared at it for a longer period. Caressing it with my finger, trying to remember when I had seen it? Suddenly a flash got into my mind, causing me to stop my work as well as singing the verses.

"Vella..." I muttered but soon brushed it off. Many individuals wore the same cloth and started folding it. At that minute, I heard someone gasping in pain. The same familiar hoarse voice got in my ears, the voice contained a fixture of pain and anger. Suddenly my hands turned cold, my heart beating loudly as if I could hear it. My heart was urging me to turn while my brain was stopping. I had a clue who was standing behind me yet wasn't ready to accept it as a truth.

"Jhalli..." Those words out, and my knee went weak. My heart skipped a beat, I turned myself. To find him staring at my face with so many questions clouding his head, my eyes were staring straight into his black orbs. The one that was showing the pain, his face trying to conceal. I was knocked down by faith to the person I was trying to run from. I was standing before him, with no route to escape.

Layi re humein zindgani ki kahaani
Kaise mod pe

•••WILL BE BACK SOON•••

Sometimes you get involved with your own self, own thoughts...

Sometimes you forgot the world around you, grieving in your world...

Sometimes you run from the very own thing, faith knock on your step...

And then you realise that it happens for a reason...

- Sanjh

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I am messed up the same as they, though my condition isn't severe and it happens frequently to me so no need to stress yourself up. I was so much engrossed in myself that I wasn't able to do my favourite work that is writing. Not giving any excuse but would say, sometimes you need to understand that authors are human as well.

I am fighting with my own thoughts, own decision and trying to figure my way out... Someday I will find a path, or I might have one but isn't realising or not accepting. Whatever it is!... Your author is messed up at the moment, and it isn't something new!