SID

She was staring straight into my eye; she was so lost in my darkness she had forgotten the revulsion the odour provided her. She never loved the smell of alcohol and smoke that came from me. She hadn't expressed it loud. Her fragile, cute, innocent face spoke volumes.

I never desired to live in darkness, never to step into it. But I found familiarity in that darkness, where I wasn't forced to act perfectly. I could enjoy my flaw. People around me were flawed. I didn't feel inferior. But I always craved for the light, the light that could bring me out of that darkness.

"I deserved the darkness, that hole. You deserved the light, the universe." A smile crept on my lips. She was staring at me. A small tear escaping from her eyes I brushed it off. "I wanted to gift you universe, make you believe what you were capable of." I paused for a second, keenly observing her, she found it difficult to understand yet I was going to convey my feelings in the foreign language. For us language was never a barrier, we had understood each other through something beyond expressed by words.

"I had seen that pain in your eyes, the longing for love, care." I mumbled, "the same I craved for years. It irritated me, though we experienced the same thing you wasn't standing up for yourself. You were accepting the cruel world, you were accepting it as your faith. How could you believe you were a curse? How could you?" I asked, we both were shedding tears. We were experiencing each other's pain. It was weird and one would think, it could happen for real? Could a person experience someone else pain when his or her life was messed like hell?

"Tumhe pata hai why I call you lucky charm? Meri lucky charm, kyu ho tum?" She raised her eyes as if indicating she was curious. I chuckled seeing her reaction. "Kyuki from the moment I met you, I lost the path that took me to darkness. Jab tum mere sath hoti ho, I don't want to walk that path. I don't want to drink, smoke... it makes me feel disgusted with myself. Mujhe woh cheeze ahsaas karati hai ki mai tumhare kabil hu nahi." I closed my eyes in defeat, I hate whenever those emotions cross my heart. I want to deserve her, I want her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Without opening my eyes to glance at her first in the morning. Without ending my day with her in my arms. I knew we were polar apart in everything, we couldn't be part of each other's world. But I want to differ, I always differed!

A small, soft hand touched my cheek. I shivered in her touch, it was her first attempt. I had always initiated such things, she was attempting for the first time. I wanted to open my eyes and confirm, I wasn't imaginary things. In my drunken state, I had often imagined her. She cared for me, she expressed her feeling, she confessing that she won't ever leave my side. I had consumed more than enough to imagine it once again, but I was scared. I wasn't intending to shatter myself further. Deep down I knew I was forcing her, she would eventually start hating me. As it was nearly impossible for me to let her escape. Not after the pain, I witnessed when she disappeared in my unconscious state.

My grip on her waist tightened on that thought, I heard her gasp but the hand on my cheek didn't move. "But jab tum mujhse dur jati ho... tab lagta hai ki tum mujhse bhagna chahti ho... tumko bhi mai pasand nahi hu... tumhe bhi mujhse ghin aati hai toh I go back to that darkness, that path. Pata hai waha ek baar chala gaya toh wapas nahi aa pavunga, pr woh duniya mujhe accept karti hai. Mujhe disgusted feel nahi hota waha... koi mujhe yeh nahi feel karata ki mai kitna bura hu..." Tears were continuously flowing, I wanted to feel her presence even if it was my hallucination I couldn't care less. I wanted to express my pain, agony to someone and if I trusted someone with it then it was her. I knew she would understand, she won't judge.

"Ap bure nahi ho..." her soft melody played in my ears. That startled me, I opened my eyes wide. She was staring at my face, concern playing in her eyes. Those tears hadn't stopped flowing through drenching in rain it was difficult to point that whether she was crying but her soft sobs couldn't go unnoticed, not by me. She hadn't left me, she was present. It was enough to spread a ray of delight in my heart.

"Ap bure nahi ho sakte..." she lowered her eyes upon seeing me staring at her. "Apne meri zindagi mein khushiya layi, mujhe dosti kya hoti hai yeh samjhya. Zindagi mein pheli baar kisine mere bare mein socha, ap kabhi mere se dur nahi bhaage... apne kabhi apne bare mein nahi socha... kabhi nahi socha agar ap mere paas aavoge toh apki jaan bhi ja sakti hai. Ap kaise bure ho sakte hai? Zindagi mein pheli baar mai hasi, masti ki... dosti ki... sab ap ki wajh se... woh pal mai zindagi mein kabhi nahi bhul sakti..." At last she choked in her words.

I slowly raised her chin to let her stare into my eyes. "Tumne mujhe nayi zindagi di hai... tum kisike jaan nahi le sakti." I paused as I could sense disbelief in those orbs. She couldn't believe my words. "Yeh chehra hamesha use khokli duniya se mujhe bahar lata hai. Yeh chehra mujhe insano pr phir vishwas karne ko force karta hai. Yeh chehra mujhe ek umeed deta hai toh yeh chehra kisiki jaan kaise le sakta hai?" I could sense her confusion yet like another day, she wasn't pushing me away. Wasn't hiding her face on my comment and I was fine with it, I was fine until she wouldn't let that notion pull her away from me but surely I had to pull it out of her brain and I will.

"I never knew whether I could be addicted to something more than I am to alcohol and cigarettes. I enjoyed its company until I met something more precious and beautiful than it. Until I met you," I pressed a kiss on her forehead. "I never knew I could be addicted to a human in such a manner. It's scary... scary to hell." I chuckled once again, nuzzling my nose in her cheek. Her scent calming me, delighting me.

Musafir Mai batka Tu mera basera...
Tu mera... Tu mera...

"Whenever my heart boils seeing you pushing me away, it makes me feel disgusted. The burning session passes me as I see you with someone but not me. The certain plight of jealousy, builds inside my heart. All I wish is to knock that doctor down, when I saw you in his arms. I hated it when you wasn't pushing him away," I groaned. She shivered a little in fear, I pulled myself away. Staring into her eyes not intending to scare her with my insecurities. "I fear of losing you, I fear that you will find someone more deserving for you. And you will forget me..." a hint of sadness passed my senses.

I backed away, seeing her getting uncomfortable for the first time. I couldn't depict what was she thinking, but I couldn't force her either. She stared into my eyes for a second before slowly lowering her gaze. She took her step backward, a huge wind blew causing the dupatta to fly up in the sky. She was startled by it, halting in her track.

I grabbed her wrist once again, pulling her to face me. "Are you scared of me?" I questioned causing her to widen her eyes. She took a second before denying. "Then why you got uncomfortable? Kya mai tumhe ajeeb feel karwata hu? Kya hamari proximity scares you?" I inquired, hoping that she would deny. But she nodded slightly, "kyu?"

"Pata nahi," she lowered her gaze once again not meeting my eyes. "Maine yeh kabhi... kabhi nahi..." she was finding it difficult, a small shade of pink spread her cheek. That made me understand her confused feelings, she was feeling it. It wasn't only me but she was damn innocent to point it out. And another barrier was her misconception about herself. "Pr yeh sahi nahi lagta... yeh sab... sab galat hai..." she spoked urging me to let her go. I couldn't, not when it wasn't her heart but logical part of her speaking. The one that scared about society, about future outcomes, about me, about everything but not her.

"Mujhe toh kuch galat nahi lagta," I whispered erasing any gap she managed to place. I traced my thumb on her lower lip, she was shivering under my gaze. Her breath fastened on my acts, "ek baari meri dil se pucho lo." Grabbing her hand from my other hand slowly pacing it on my jumping heart. As if it was determined to jump out of the rib and go where it belong, to her.

Her eyes widen, as she could feel under her palms my rhythmic, insane heart going wild. "Kuch galat nahi lagta..." I pressed a kiss on her cheek. "Kuch galat nahi lagta jab tum mere itni paas hoti ho. Kya tumhe galat lagta hai?" I raised my brow, she stared straight into mine. "Kya tumhe galat lagta hai, jab yeh dil tumhare liye dhadakta hai?" I paused again, she seemed so in denial. So in confusion, "kya tumhe galat lagta hai jab..." I left it incomplete, as I leaned towards her face. Staring straight, waiting for her to push me off. Slowly looking at her rosy lips, as the droplet had made its way down her chin.

Closing my eyes, I heard her taking loud intake of breath. It made her nervous, she wasn't used to the feeling. I knew, none had touched her the way I did. It raised me with pride I was her first... the way she was mine... I never desired to be in any relations before I encounter her. Before black orbs met with those dark brown orbs and never desired to pull away. She held me capitative, she attracted me towards her.

I opened my eyes to glance at those dark brown orbs, they were closed. Her heavy breath indicating that she was ready for it. I smiled in victory, she held the same feeling. I slowly pressed my rough ones on her soft, treasuring every second. Making her feel, how worthy I felt to be her first. How much I wanted to treasure her, provide her with world biggest happiness. Everything she craved, everything she longed for.

Unlike our first kiss I wasn't engrossed with my feeling all I wished was to make her feel wanted. To make her feel she deserved happiness as well. Showering her with that undying feeling I possessed for her, what value she held in my life. I could listen to our heartbeat beating in sync even when the huge roar of air was surrounding us, the droplets falling on the roof as also drencing us completely.

Suddenly a soft fabric flew on our head, covering us from any prying eyes. Separating us from the cruel world around us, never accepted us for our fault. Made us felt so out of space, as if we never belonged to it. No longer we desired, I kept on staring at her face as our lip were attached. I could sense her feeling calm, least bothered, living at the moment. She never let herself to act free, she always wanted to walk on the path others decided for her. My mere touch gave her the freedom, I grin.

I slowly pulled myself away from her. Again, resting my head on hers, it made me feel connected. "Open your eyes," lowly whispering in deep husky voice. Her dark brown orbs, shyly gaze me. The lighter shade of pink again spreading on her cheek. I grin at her with mischief, "I... Man! I hadn't thought it would be so difficult..." I grumbled, her shyness faded with confusion. "I am in love with you... Jhalli..." I whispered slowly, her eyes widen in shock.

"Pyaar karta hu tumse..." Repeated in much louder, she kept staring at me. I haven't anticipated any reply, too delighted with my own realisation. "Man! I am in so much love with you..." I chuckled pecking once again on her lip. I wasn't bothered to push myself away, I never desired to pull from her but a voice interrupted us.

"Shehnaaz!!" She screamed in top of her lungs, highly disappointed with the view before her.