NAAZ

It had been two days, Sidharth had gone missing. After, Karan called him for a conversation. He wasn't in the mansion to bid his parents off. Though they were not displaying it on their faces, yet I could sense their displeasure upon his absence.

I had waited for him for two days, thinking he would return. I used to often spend time in his bedroom. The place that made me believe he wasn't far away, also the place that provided me with the hope that he would return. Mr Mishra, cook offered me with hope.

"Beta ji tension na lo, woh aksar ghar nahi aate. Kabhi kabhi toh hafto bahar rehte hai." He offered me a smile, but I wasn't able to convince my heart.

I used to lie on the floor, watching into the sky. Sleep would hardly reach me. I couldn't stop thinking about him. How could I behave calmly when I wasn't aware of, what condition he was in? Where HE was? At moments I even got mad at him. Couldn't he inform for once, he was fine? Wasn't he aware, I would be going mad over thinking about him?

Huffing in annoyance, I walked into the kitchen. Mr Mishra had often pleaded with me not to help him as Sidharth wouldn't appreciate it as he already had a helper. But I was bored having nothing to do, so even after his objection, I ended up cutting some vegetables. And rest time was spend taking care of bua. She had started acting different, hardly she would voice out words. Maybe her illness was making her weak, her days were spent in the room given to them by Karan. I was left with only one companion, uncle Pritam. He was left in thoughts at times and even encouraged me not to worry about Sidharth when he couldn't brush his thoughts from his wife's illness.

I never knew I cared so much about Sidharth until he went missing. In the morning Karan visited with a broad smile on his lip, it hardly left him. His eyes shining with delight, rarely anything could worry him. But my revelation made those delight to wash off.

"Tumhe nahi pata woh kaha hai?" I asked when he inquired me about Sidharth.

"How would I know?" He sounded confused yet that playful nature was there. "Tum dono ek roof ke neeche rehte ho, main nahi." Winking at the end.

"Woh use din se nahi aaya jab tumne usko bulaya tha, mujhe laga tumko malum hoga..." I trailed off, my only hope during these days was Karan. As he hadn't entered the mansion after that incident.

"Oh shit!" He cursed under his breath. "How could I be so foolish? Why did I give him space?" I could sense he was blaming himself. What conversation did they have? Was that the reason behind his disappearance? "Tumne mujhe contact kyu nahi kiya?" He questioned, pissed off with me.

I had never seen him irritated, he pulled his cell and dialled the number. I hadn't even had a phone to call him. "Mishra ji ne bataya ki woh aksar nahi aate ghar..." he was scaring me. Did I act wrong listening to the cook? I couldn't act desperate, it was so difficult to calm my heart. I knew I was getting attached to him and it was killing me from inside. I was tired of forcing myself not to have feelings towards him yet my heart wasn't listening. I was so helpless!

"Ha... lekin... this was different..." he kept dialling maybe Sidharth wasn't receiving his call. "Sab meri galati hai maine kyu woh sab bola..." he was grumbling to himself. I couldn't force him to speak, maybe it was something between them. Yet I wanted to know the reason behind his sudden disappearance. "Mujhe jana hoga," He turned to leave.

"Mai..." my sudden voice stopped him. "Mai aa rahi hu..." I spoke grabbing his attention, he shook his head at me. "Mainu please le chaliye... na..." I requested him, I couldn't be left thinking when they would return.

"Thik hai..." he nodded feeling defeated.

It wasn't the first club we found him, after searching for him from morning Karan had halted in our last stop. We both had lost hope in finding him there. Karan was devasted, at every minute he kept on grumbling, cursing himself. He was guilty of his deeds, but I hadn't questioned him about it. I wasn't going to add into his worries though often I felt at least I could console him. But I was so messed up with the disappearance that I was craving to get one view of Sidharth. I needed to know he was fine.

As Karan hadn't returned for minutes, I decided to walk inside as well. Karan had asked me not to ever get inside any club and not to leave his car. Yet the fear we won't find him in the club forced me to get inside. And I regretted the moment, I made myself inside. My nostril was filled with sweat fixed with alcohol overlapping with some cinnamon, along with a disgusting odour. I moved my gaze in the big hall present before me.

Crowded would be an understatement, it was packed, not a place to pass by without bumping into people. I couldn't understand why people were interested in such a disgusting place? The loud music playing far off me was only turning me deaf. I took a step inside on finding a senior citizen staring at me from the front table near the door. For once, I thought it was better to walk out but chose anyhow to walk further inside.

Some were finishing bottles one after another, crying out of lungs the lyrics playing. Others were busy on the dancing floor, swinging in the tone. Which wasn't something desirable to watch as they had lost the meaning of personal space. Diverting my gaze away from them, I could see some sucking each other faces. I was feeling disgusted with each second, I was passing in the crowded hall. Until I started grabbing the attention of drunk people. And finally, I heard a voice calling me.

His warm lips pressed on my cold skin, though he had put his hoodie on me yet it couldn't provide the warmth his mere touch could. It was weird, how I could feel safe with him around. I was aware of the preying eyes planted on me. And it wasn't difficult for me to understand, those gazes were filled with lust, hunger and whatnot. I was feeling disgusted around those gazes.

His warm hands around my waist, and pulling further into him. I could feel a sense of safety as if those gazes could never touch me. I wasn't ready to walk without him. I was scared to lose him again, I wanted him besides that he won't leave. But why I wanted his presence? Because my heart needed to know he was safe, and nothing else.

Soon we walked towards Karan's car. "I had my car over here..." his eyes were on the verge to shut off yet he was keeping himself up. His grip around me not losing for a second.

"We will get it tomorrow..." Karan was going to speak but Sidharth interrupted him.

"Don't you know something called privacy? Go and get my car, we will move in yours." He said opening the door for me.

"I would be please to provide you both with privacy if you were in some better condition. I can't afford to leave you alone with Shehnaaz in such a state. Dekha nahi kaise use ladki ko kiss karne wale the tum, meri Shehnaaz buhot innocent hai." He completed smirking at Sidharth and giving him an innocent look.

I felt a little light-hearted that Karan playful attitude was back but suddenly the words registered in my mind. Sidharth was going to kiss someone? How could he? Wait! Why it saddened my heart? Why did I care? I was staring at the floor, as Sidharth opened the back door for me.

"Sit..." his eyes were on me but I was so engrossed with a sudden feeling. I felt hurt! Betrayed! But why? I got inside followed by him and soon car pulled in, I kept staring at the windows. Suddenly, I didn't want to glance at Sidharth. I felt he broke my heart, but why? He had feelings for me, he had kissed me before but I never wanted it, right?

Was he dancing with those girls over there? What did he do in those past days? Was he with someone else? It couldn't be he didn't have anyone. He was stunning, so good looking, he could get anyone he wished for. Why that made me sad?

Suddenly I felt a hand on my knuckles, I jerked my hand away from him. A feeling of hurt crossed his eyes, "we reached." He whispered, at that moment I realised we were in front of the mansion. I nodded slightly, attempting to open the door by my side. I grabbed the handle putting force into it but it didn't move.

I sighed in defeat when a warm hand wrapped around my cold ones. And with one pull it drifts open. I didn't move my gaze from the ground, I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I was so confused with my feelings and I needed to analyse, to understand them.

"So, I will leave." I heard Karan speak as I got out and Sidharth followed me. His eyes fixed on me, ignoring Karan. I pressed a smile at Karan. A huge lightning sound and a drop of rain on my wrist indicated it was going to rain. And the car soon pulled away from the mansion, I took a step towards it but was halted by a strong grip on my wrist.

"Shehnaaz... mujhe tumse kuch kehna hai." He whispered, sounding desperate. I stood there without turning, I was a mess at the minute. "I didn't kiss her... nor I was going to." He pleaded, urging me to look at him. "Mai kabhi kisi aur ko chu tak nahi sakta..." he mumbled.

Why was he giving me justification? He had his freedom, it was his life. He was only adding to my confusion. "Shehnaaz please..." and with one swift moment, I was turned and sudden force resulted in me bumping on his hard chest. And soon the water droplets covered us, it started raining heavily.

I wasn't going to glance at him, my eyes fixed on his chest. The white shirt had gone transparent due to us drenching in the rain. His muscular figure coming to view, his powerful strength. He was perfect! How much time, he had invested in keeping himself fit. Slowly I felt his warm fingers caressing my cheek, removing barriers that weren't letting him glance at my face. Unlike at other times, it wasn't dupatta but my hair. I wasn't aware why? But after that day, I could never wrap that dupatta around my head.

"Beautiful..." He whispered, staring straight into my eyes as he was done with his work. His eyes conveying the same words, not only his tongue, his eyes too claimed. I was so engrossed in glimpsing at those orbs that I had forgotten he smelled so awful. The mixture of sweat, alcohol and smoke bursting out from him. Overlapping the cologne smell he carried.

The way those black orbs shined in the moonlight, adoring my face. As if he hadn't ever seen someone as beautiful as me, or he only wanted to see my beauty. "Koi tumhari tarah khobsurat nahi ho sakta..." He pressed his lip again on my forehead, pressing for much longer. As if didn't want to let the moment vanish.

His protective, large, warm arms around my waist holding me close to him. As if he feared if he let me go I would disappear. It was the same feeling crossing my mind, each time he held me. As if he never wanted to let me go, the same feeling scared me. We weren't for each other, I attempted to push him away. My hands were on his chest to pull away, which made him pull his lips from my forehead.

His brows raising in question, while his black orbs showing confusion. While lip turning into a slight pout but soon covered into annoyance. "What..." he hissed but attempted to keep his voice low.

"Mainu chodo... mainu jane do..."

"Khedi nahi..." I was amazed as he spoke Punjabi, my eyes wide in shock and a smirk playing on his lip. "Kabhi nahi..." He repeated, moving further towards me. "Never..." he finished, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. His warm breath in my sensitive skin, sending a shiver down my spine. We had been in close proximity before but never to such an extent. My heart was racing and I was going nervous. I was numb, standing there. Drenching in rain, his warm grip was the thing keeping me on the ground.

"Mai janta hu ki mai koi acha insan nahi... fuck I know, I don't deserve you." He kept cursing under his breath. "But I can't let you disappear, mai tumhe mujhse dur jaane nahi de sakta. Alcohol pine se log khete hai sab bhul jate hai but alcohol bhi tumko bula nahi sakta. I had got addicted to you..." I felt my neck getting wet but unlike early it was a warm one. Soon, realisation crossed my mind it wasn't rain but his heart crying.

Tu jugnu chamakta...

Main jungle ghanera

Main tera aa...

"Mai kabhi kisike liye sahi nahi parents didn't deserve me, my friend Karan neither he never deserved me and especially you..." He pulled himself away from me, cupping my cheek. His eyes were redder if it wasn't already red. His eyes contained pain the one he had kept hiding from the world around him. He masked it pretty well with his furious attitude, his arrogant nature. "Tum pure ho, innocent ho..." suddenly a small smile spread on his lip. "Meri tarah nahi ho, you deserve the entire world but the world doesn't deserve someone like you. So soft, so pure..." with those words he kissed my cheek, a tear rolled from his eyes. I couldn't help with my eyes brimming with tears as well.

I could understand those feeling he was experiencing, the one I felt always. I never felt worthy of him, never!