¶ CHAPTER 20 ¶

SID

"Jhalli..." I was amazed, sounding so cautious, as if I increased a pitch. The delicate soul before me would break into pieces. My words had no effect on her. She was crying, cursing herself. I hate the view before me. How could she claim those words towards her? Her face was the most beautiful, breathtaking view I had in my life. One glance at it and I go all soft. I couldn't even fake anger. "Jhalli..." I repeated my words, assuming at least she would notice it. I attempted to touch her face, hesitating. I knew she was horror-stricken. I needed to provide her with space. It was a result of my huge outburst. But I couldn't leave her in such a condition. How would I feel at peace?

My rough hand soon connected with her soft, wet cheeks. She was so delicate that if I pushed a little harder; I felt as if I could break her. I waited for her to be comfortable as I cupped her face. To my surprise, rather than jerking my hand away, she leaned in my touch. Pushing away all the thoughts of her running from me. At that moment, I felt as if she longed for me as much as I longed for her.

Do tarfa ho toh ye sanjog hai...

"Shehnaaz..." I let my tongue roll down the words smoothly, pronouncing each word as if it was only my right to call her in such a manner. The voice depicts authority, care, love, longing, pain if it was even possible to express too many emotions with one mere word. But in my case it wasn't a mere word, it was my world. Her eyes slowly opened on their own account, as if she experienced all the emotions as if she could understand what that word meant to me.

"Shehnaaz..." brushing tears off her cheek, staring straight into the dark brown orbs... the one radiating pain. I inhaled preparing myself to see few more tears making their way out once I conveyed what my heart was urging. "Your face..." A smile swept on my lip as the word played in my mind. "Yeh chehra bus ek chehra nahi hai..." her eyes brimming with unwanted flashes revisiting her mind. "This face is of the world's most beautiful human. Yeh koi kalank ya curse ho hi nahi sakta, is chehre ne mujhe andhre se ladna sikaya... yeh chehra mere liye woh Roshni hai jo mujhe kisi bhi andhre se kich la sakti hai... meri takat meri kamzori... meri Roshni... meri khushi... meri hassi... meri dua... meri zaroorat... mera lucky charm..." She was shedding tears but I knew it wasn't conveying pain the way it earlier did. It wasn't filled with guilt, agony, ashamed but rather wonder, amazement, disbelief. As if it was difficult for her to believe my words, I couldn't blame her either. She had faced worse than I could imagine, worse in her life yet all I did was shower anger on her for leaving me. How was I suppose to calm myself down? I could never control my rage, it wasn't in my personality and due to it faced many consequences.

I moved up, so I could press a kiss on her forehead. My lip stayed a little longer around her soft, cold skin. Her eyes closed I had glimpsed her doing it as I moved towards her, hands grabbing my shirt lightly as I pressed my lip on her skin. Her breath turned heavy, a sigh of relief. She calmed down in my touch, stopping herself from worrying about the world around her. Though I gave not a damn about the world, she was so engrossed in thinking about it all. Her life revolved around her aunt and Sushi. She never attempted to please her but respected them enough to ever hurt them from her actions. That was the reason I wanted to be beside her, to let her breathe freely not worrying about anyone. Allow herself to be happy even if it meant hurting others.

My hands were fixed in her cheeks, slowly stroking them. I could feel her breath on my thumb. As I was about to push away, she clutched my shirt further pulling me closer and resting her head on my chest. "Tusi na javo..." she muttered. It would be an understatement if I define, my heart jumped out of my ribs. And was dancing before my eyes, because surely it was. She asked me not to leave! Was she kidding me? Or was it another of my hallucination and I am driving in alcohol? The girl never got enough of asking me to leave her alone had... had... Okay! I was losing my shit! I had no idea, how loud my heart was beating as I could hear it.

No! I wasn't desiring to spoil the moment but how was I to digest those words? A grin wasn't leaving my face. "Say it again..." the authoritative voice returned but I heard no voice from another hand. A deep silence, a smile crossed my lip. I lowered my face to glance at her and she was sleeping in my arms. The view, I was craving to glance at. To wake each day, glancing at that beautiful face. The one, providing me with peace. The one, I never going to have enough. Man! What was she planning to do to me? I am losing it! Losing it for her, she had turned my weakness. Carrying her in bridal style, I got on my foot. I knew people playing as our audience but I wasn't going to entertain them any further.

Huve re khud se paraye hum kisise naina jod ke...

I hate the feeling of hating my own parents but it wasn't I responsible for it. Their actions were forcing me to act in such a manner, they made me hate myself. Hate my existence! I brushed my thoughts away from them as the soul in my arms stirred in her sleep. One glance at her, and the anger blew away. As if she had some magic! Magic to cool me down, magic to act like a human. Magic to go soft on her. Magic to turn into a good human being, I never was!

As we reached the room, I was again met with the bloody footprint. My eyes got dark and the softness left which was a minute back, offering a glare to the person in my arm. She needs to know, none had a right to harm her not even she herself. And I was going to make it clear once she was in a condition to process my words. I made her lay properly on the soft mattress, she frowned for a minute but later sucked further into the pillow. Searching for the warmth that went missing, a smirk crosses my lip on realising it. What was wrong with her? Why was she behaving so odd from the restraint Shehnaaz I knew? I chuckled at my own thoughts. She was so capable of changing my mood, she could turn me from all deadly to softie in one nanosecond.

"You're driving me crazy." I smiled at the sleeping figure, making my way downstairs to call someone to clean the flooring before I could again glance at it.

As I descended, got a glimpse of my parents having some private talk. A smile crossed mom's face, I doubt whether they were planning another escape from media due to their reputation. I shook my head, making my way towards the kitchen. Though the headache wasn't severe due to the hangover yet I needed lemonade. As I was on the verge to yell cook to make me one, I got a view of Karan in the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes at him, he provided me with a sleepish smile looking from his chips packet.

"Want some?" He asked, I glared at him.

"Can't you eat something healthy?"

"See who is speaking." Going back into his treasury. I diverted my gaze at the cook, looking at me in alarm. A devil grin crossed my lip, I loved the fear radiated on my presence.

"Make a lemonade, fast!" Making him aware of the urgency and he rushed to the work leaving behind the work he had engrossed himself. By the time, Karan walked towards me the chips packet was still in his hand. Giving me his famous mischievous smile. "I am going to punch you if you don't pull it off." I heard a gasp from the cook but Karan was least affected, only my high speed could scare him.

"What was that?"

"What?" I repeated moving out of the kitchen.

"You descending down twice, out of your room... Urgh! Correction, thrice." Pointing at my foot, as again I had walked out.

"I had come to ask for someone to clean my room."

"CLEAN YOUR ROOM!" He shouted loud enough for the entire world to hear, I was shooting daggers at him, as he was doing it purposely. I am surely going to kill him!

"Yes! Thanks for letting the world know." I mocked at him, he was least affected.

"Did you hear aunt, the one who busted for cleaning his room is asking to clean it?" His dramas weren't shutting any time sooner, I walked away from him near the dining table. Somehow, I needed to tolerate him till my lemonade was prepared.

"ARE YOU DONE!" I banged my fist on the dining table, showering my frustration on the cook. Karan responded with a laugh! Like seriously laugh! Only if he wasn't my best friend, I tell you...! He was killing my nerves.

"And...?" He soon took a seat beside me, while my mom was enjoying the view. Dad had left long back but I hadn't missed his smile, Karan was making a joke in front of them.

"Will you fucking..."

"No bad words!" Karan closed his ears in a dramatic manner.

"You better stop it," turning myself to look at him. "Or I would take the tongue out of you."

"You better don't do it, or who will sing in..." before I could punch him, he slipped from the chair. "Marriage!" Yelling on top of his lungs, he was out of my sight. Though he showed he wasn't scared yet he knew the limit of his mischief and he was well aware I was losing it. I stared at mom for a second, her smile suddenly disappeared. I turned my gaze before she could open her mouth to speak a word.

"Sir... your lemonade..." with shivering hands and shaky voice the cook offered me the glass. I heard footsteps, she was going to walk away. I needed to inform her about my decision.

"Shehnaaz won't any longer work as a maid," I announced it loud enough for her to hear.

"Why? We can't just..." she was going to oppose.

"It's clear! I don't want her as a maid." I gulped the entire portion of lemonade and stood from the chair.

"You can't dismiss her from your life in such a manner." I cross past her as she uttered. I never knew she was desiring to keep her. She was the one, who dragged her out of my room. She claimed Shehnaaz was after my life and when I wanted to dismiss her from the job, she stood opposing it. "As much as I am aware, you wanted her out of my life." I paused for her to provide some justification but as always nothing was returned. Confirming my allegation on her, "and about her dismissing from my life. I don't even give her the right to choose an option, she is tied with me forever." I claimed, making my way back to my room. Back to her whom I claimed mine! Forever!

As I was climbing upstairs I got a glimpse of dad standing at the entrance. He stood there staring at me with concern, I was puzzled. It wasn't something new yet I felt it so unfamiliar. He was often concerned towards me, but somewhere my heart conveyed the concern wasn't for me but someone else... Shehnaaz? I shook my head, why would he even care? 

____

Is it fine not to give a choice? Is it fine to claim someone without knowing if the other person wants the same? 

This book isn't going to show such dominant behavior but I wanted to add this part to do certain justice with Sidharth's character.


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