NAAZ

I was sitting in the garden area, under the star-studded sky. Lost in myself, I was reminiscing about the days in the village.

I always used to cry over my fate. I always cried about why I never get love and care from people, why they never accepted me like others. Why I never deserved to be happy with my family? Why I had no parents to care for me, wipe my tears? But as I grew up, I started accepting my faith that there is no place for happiness in my life because I'm different from others. I'm flawed.

I was living my life the way it was. But never ever had thought that things would change, soon. And that's exactly what happened.

And he entered into my life like a new ray of hope. And then so many things changed, or should I say, the day I met him, my life had changed completely.

I still remember when I met him for the first time, the never missing glint in his eyes, his nonstop questioning, him chasing and me escaping.

Days passed and he never gave up on me even after knowing about my flaws, but I was tired. Tired of running away from him, my fate. Seeing his efforts for me, him taking a stand for me, fighting for me, I gave up. The hopes I had buried in my heart a long time ago, were awakened again, which I didn't want to. Because I knew or I believed that it would be crushed, as always.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, remembering the encounters that happened in the village. Gently brush it off, I looked at the sky with a small smile over my lips.

At that minute, my cell ranged. Bringing me to the present. I had been waiting for his call. He had promised to call after his dinner. I answered the call, a sweet smile playing on his lip. Suddenly his eyes shining with content, as he takes in my face. First question pondering from his mind as always.

"Had dinner?" His eyes were suspicious, well aware of my eating ability. I gave a slight nod, he kept staring. "I will get to know from the cook." He sounded serious but suddenly his voice turned soft as if defeated by himself. "I miss you... I just want to be there, holding you tight into my arms, close to my heart." I shyly lowered my gaze from him, couldn't he keep some words to himself. Did he have to express it loud? Did he never felt shy? A pink shade appearing again on my cheek.

"Shehnaaz don't do that!" His voice was loud and dangerous. I looked at him, "I won't able to control and will move back to India." He warned, I narrowed my eyes at him.

Lyra had started teaching me English and I understood each word more clearly. He wasn't aware of it though. "Apko study nahi karni?" I changed the topic, asking him to end the call. If he didn't I would burst into tears. As I missed him more than he could ever imagine and I could ever express. His small things were missed the most.

Him scolding me as I walked carelessly on the stairs. Him ordering me to complete the entire food. Him glaring at Karan on him teasing me, he holding close to his heart as we slept on his bed. I felt so alone in the big mansion, I could sense his presence at each corner.

"Hey," he called out and soon I realised a drop of tear escaped from my eyes. "Don't you dare! I will leave all the resistance I had made up..." He pleaded with me with his eyes. We both were aware, he couldn't visit India. His exams were coming soon and he needed to concentrate. For that particular reason, I hadn't accompanied him to London. He had scored very well and got an opportunity in the biggest university in London.

I had witnessed the pride in Dad's eyes that day, he couldn't handle the joy. He was the proudest father and surely that day had changed many things between Sidharth and his father. And his mom was shedding tears seeing them hugging each other.

"Mai teekh hu..." I assured him.

"Why you had to be stubborn? You could have come along with me. Everyone misses you here." He confessed once again, pouting. He looked so cute!

I wasn't going to reply, I needed to provide them with space to grow as a family. I knew, if I was around Sidharth his whole attention would be on me. I wasn't desiring it.

"Mainu phele pura India dekhna hai... phir London ki bare mein sochungi." A smile crossed his lip on seeing my attitude. He loved when I behaved as a carefree girl.

"Hmm... aisi baat hai toh fine. But London toh mai hi ghumavunga tumhe." He winked at the end and shyness again crossed my spirit. A broader smile played on his lip, he loved every part of me.

Sometimes I feel someone must have prayed for me wholeheartedly, that's why God has sent him into my life, for me. Whom I could call mine.

He accepted me the way I am. Like others, he never ran away from me even after knowing about me being flawed. In fact, he took a stand for me. For me, he fought with the people, who used to taunt me, even my family.

I never imagined even in my beautiful dream that someone would understand me, my emotions, my fear. He has given me happiness that I have never had. He took care of, pampered me, which I always craved for.

I used to consider myself an ugly soul, from whom people run away but for him, I'm the most beautiful and pure soul. He made me meet with the inner me, he made me realize that I'm also like others. It's all superstition. Yes! I no longer believed that I was flawed. I no longer believed that my face was a curse.

I had stopped covering my face for his sake, I wasn't intending to angry him. But as moments passed and I experienced it on my own, my face calmed him down. Glimpsing at me each time, it cooled his anger. My presence stopped him from consuming alcohol, smoking those horrible things. I wasn't sure if I could be a curse for anyone but I could never be for him. I was his cure, his remedy. I smiled at seeing him, staring at me without attempting to start a conversation.

"Kya?" I asked him shyly, his intense stare could make me blush.

"Kiske baare mein soch kar has rahi thi?" There was quiet restlessness as he uttered those words as if desiring only his name to roll down my tongue.

I tried my best not to fall for him, I tried my best to stay away from him so that his life is not endangered. But I gave up. I gave up on his efforts, his stubbornness, his prayers and above all his love. And then I started doing what I didn't want to do. I started getting close to him.

I don't know if it's called love or not but whenever I see him I feel something different. My heart starts thumping, whenever I find him around me. His one smile is enough to make my day and my heart stabs when he gets even a small scratch on his body.

But destiny always plays its weird games. Earlier I used to stop him from following me, but if he got slight mad at me. All I wish was to pacify him, I feel so restless without him. As if I never want to move away from him, ever. I too want to live happily, with him. I don't want to lose the only person in my life. If it's called selfishness, then yes, I want to be selfish once. I want to live for myself once.

'How can someone love someone so much?'

"There we go again!" His words brought me out of my thoughts. "Whoever the thoughts are off, I am getting jealous. Meko attention nahi mil raha hai..." he sounded like a child deprived of his favourite candy.

I giggled listening to it. "Acha mujhe ap se kuch kehna tha..." I said again changing the topic. Glancing at the screen, it had crossed 12. A new day as began, Sidharth was celebrating his first birthday with me. I giggled in excitement, he stared at me curiously, raising a brow.

"Kya?" Asking impatiently, as he was irritated with my suspicious behaviour.

I had asked Lyra to teach me English so I could wish him in that language and surprise him. Lyra was pleased with my progress and had encouraged me to go with the plan when in between I felt discouraged and thought of shutting the plan. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to glance at the desperate, hopeful gaze.

I closed my eyes once again, I couldn't allow myself to feel nervous.

"We two were born in completely different locations, coming from different backgrounds. Even our languages are so different, there was no match for us. Yet faith had its game played, bringing you in my life. When I had lost all hope from life, he brought you in. A ray of hope for happiness, brightness. I wanted to run away from you fear of something would harm to you, I will harm you. You never let me win as always your stubbornness won. And I am glad you did because you made me believe I wasn't cursed. I was the lucky charm as you mentioned, you were the stars in the dark sky. You were the fireflies in the deserted forest. You spread light in the darkest corner of my heart. I felt that you were my light but unknowingly I was becoming light to your darkest path. It was strange but two souls from the darkest zone of the world came together and turned each other only source of light. I couldn't thank you enough for cashing me, I couldn't thank you enough for never giving up. I couldn't thank you enough for acting stubborn." I paused for a second, my eyes still closed. I hadn't opened it for fear that I might have made a mistake.

"I don't know what it is, but yes... I feel something for you. It is something, I never experienced before. I was scared of realising my growing feeling." I kept my hand above the chest, a smile crept on my lip. "It doesn't feel wrong, the feeling. It feels good, peaceful even. Maybe... maybe I am starting to..." I paused not out of confusion but out of hesitation. Maybe he understood me as he finally uttered something for a minute I was convinced the call had ended.

"Open your eyes, Jhalli." I blinked it twice before obeying his command. I met with wet black orbs, was he crying? I had never seen him in such a condition. Not after his confession outside the mansion.

"Maybe I am in love with you, Mr Sidharth Shukla..." I completed and he grin like a child.

"I had fallen deep and very hard for you, Ms Shehnaaz Kaur Gill." Again, a blush covering my face.

"Happy birthday..."

"Oh!" As if he suddenly realised. "And thanks for the world's biggest and most precious gift ever. I am never going to forget this moment, it saved over here." Pointing directly at his heart.

"Finally! Happily ever after..." Commented Lyra coming from her hidden place followed by Karan. They both had the same grin, Sidharth was having.

"The novel is completed!" Added Karan. "Two soulmates met each other!"

"Wait! Just walk off, don't spoil our moment." Sidharth grumbled over the side.

"Hey! You should be thanking me." Lyra glared at him, "I was a cupid of your love story. Teaching you Hindi and now Shehnaaz English, if I wasn't there. Your love story had ended back there in the village," rolled her eyes at him.

"Stop acting cupid and start your love story. At least that would provide me with some privacy," Sidharth argued back.

"Yes, mutual feelings bro." Karan agreed with him.

"For that, you will have to act as a man and propose to me. Learn from your bro..." uttering it she walked out from us. My eyes were wide open, how she could blurt it out so easily? Karan was having the same shock. Sidharth laughed from the other side.

"What is she even?"

"Lyra!" Sidharth answered him back, Karan joined with him. And I smiled at both idiots. 

___

If anyone had noticed, I had added all the names of all my sidnaaz books in this chapter.

Thanks for being part of the journey from soulmates to flawed.  I could never have grown as a person and writer if you all weren't by my side. I had first started writing sidnaaz fiction because I had found none to read, it was 14 Feb. 

It was the last day of BB13 to be telecast, I knew I won't be able to get any raw moments of Sidnaaz after it. I will miss them and I founded relief writing about them there wasn't any book here. I wrote to feel them beside me. From Soulmates, When Destiny Played its Games, The Restraint Love to Flawed. The journey was amazing and I had met amazing friends for life. 

After hearing the news, I wasn't going to write any further. I wasn't able to edit my written book. Somehow I managed to finish it off. The book is done! 

I am not able to heal, writing about them isn't healing me in any manner. Bringing those thoughts back to mind. Making me ask the biggest hope I have in love. I believed in true love! Though I love sad ending in fiction but not in reality! 

If I will keep on thinking about it, I will destroy my mental peace. My faith in the concept of love. I don't want to behave negative, I don't want the harsh truth to break me from within. I will need to push myself away from it. Sorry! If my decision is saddening some people. 

This is my last SidNaaz fanfiction! 

I am not going to leave writing. Because I need fiction to distract me from the cruel decision of faith. I want to believe people do get a happy ending. They deserved the happy ending! Writing fanfiction isn't healing me but writing something different from them is distracting me. If someone going through the same thing, I will suggest do the same. 

Everyone has a different coping mechanism this is mine! I discovered it! Take your time but heal. Sorry if my decision had hurt anyone! Sorry very much! 

And also please let offer Sid's family and his Naaz some privacy that they deserve. Please leave them alone! Please! A message I received from one of wattpad user, a sidnaaz fan will share it with you all. 

Ma ne janma insaan ko tha
Lekin hum ne usey khuda kar diya 
Uski zindagi k har lamhey ko humney itna ubhara
Ki duaa bhi usey hamari nazar se bacha na saki 
Ye kaisi mohabaat hai humari hum insaan ko bas apni nafsiyati kamzori samjhne lagey 
Hum ye tak bhool gaye kya haal hoga uski maa ka 
Jisney usey janam ke sath jeena sikhaya 
Aur aaj wo khud uske bina jeena seekh rahi hai 
Meri Mohabaat itni neechi nahi ki usko apna aayashi ka zariya banawo 
Aur apne maa baap ka dukh bhool jaavu
Kya hota agar uski jagah mai hoti
Aur meri maut pe fiction bantey
Tweets, Instagram reels/ VM'S ka bazaar sajta 
Meri maa uthne se phele hi gir jaati aur unki ye haalat dekh ke shayad mai sukoon mai na reh paati 

Yeh kaisi mohabaat hai 
Jismein sirf karobar hai 
Phir burey toh Rashmi, Devo Pahira bhi nahi wo b kama rahey aur hum bhi
May better sense prevail...
Insaan toh hai insaaniyat hi nahi hai 
Shona baby puttu nona bacha keh k sab apna karobar hi kar rahey hai 

She expressed it so beautiful! Please a request, not a argument nor drifting fandoms apart just a small request from a dieheart sidnaazians, a true sidhearts and shehnaazian.