"I'm—I'm sorry," Liam stammered. "When you started scrying unintentionally, and I could see what you were seeing, it wasn't only that." 

Caleb pursed his lips.

"Remember how I told you that I was sad and scared?" Liam physically shuddered. "That's exactly how I felt when it happened—when I—" 

He couldn't bring himself to say what he had done. 

"Did you know this entire time?" Caleb asked in a fashion that wasn't exactly lacking accusation. 

"No." Liam hesitated, wringing his hands. "Yes? Sort of." 

Caleb narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?" 

Liam looked at the ground. "I knew…it was something awful. Whenever you asked me, I got this like, urgent, panicky feeling." 

Caleb's shoulders slumped as Liam continued. 

"I didn't lie outright. I would never lie outright to you, babe. It was just more about the fact…"

"What?"

Liam spread his arms and looked at the ceiling. "Knowing that you're dead and this is only temporary? Being afraid to be out and about because it makes my tether weaker, and I became sort of floaty, like my mind separated from my body, and it was hard to just be here, physically? Fearing that if Paul or someone saw me accidentally they'd freak, and the guilt of that scenario? Knowing that any time you try to think about how you died, it sends you into a pit of sadness that I don't think I could possibly describe in words?" Liam looked at Caleb and put down his arms. "It's all been rather disgusting." 

Caleb seemed to finally be experiencing empathy. He knew it was hard on Liam, but for the first time, he actually heard and felt it. 

It was crushing. 

"I am so, so sorry Liam—" 

Liam sort of laughed, and then shook his head. "I know. And I'm sorry for what I've done to you. Our time to be sorry is over, love. Check the sink."

Caleb blinked. "What?" 

Liam, with a trembling hand, closed his eyes and pointed at the sink. "I think—no, I know—I put something by or in the sink." 

In two long strides, Caleb was at the sink. Minutes on end he looked around, going so far as to grab a screw driver and tearing up some of the tiles at the base of the sink. When nothing was found, he checked cabinets, tossing the contents onto the floor haphazardly. It was only when he started to take apart the faucet did Liam speak. 

"Beneath," Liam said, his eyes closed, voice sounding far away again like it had to traverse a long way. "Look under the sink." 

Caleb squatted down. He threw open the door to view the underside of the sink. Cleaning supplies and cobwebs. Disappointed, he grunted, leaning back on his haunches. "Are you sure? There's nothing here." 

"Keep looking," Liam said, his voice taking on a deep, eerie quality. Caleb, disturbed at the sound, looked over his shoulder to Liam. 

Liam was softly glowing, his brow taught and wrinkled in concentration. He was still very much corporeal. Lips parted in surprise, Caleb swiveled his head back around. "Liam, I'm telling you, there's nothing—oh." 

Tucked up between where the pipes met the bottom of the sink, wedged against the wall, was something plastic. Caleb almost missed it, just the corner of whatever it was poking out. With just a moment's hesitation, Caleb tugged on it and came away with a ziploc bag containing a piece of paper covered in brown blood. 

"Oh fuck." 

Caleb stared at it in wonder. Heavily he fell onto his back side. For a long moment, Caleb did nothing more than stare at the thing he held in his hands. 

Liam quietly came next to Caleb. Wordlessly he sat next to Caleb, sitting cross-legged. He couldn't bring himself to look at the very real thing Caleb held. Caleb, however, couldn't tear his eyes from it. 

Hesitantly, Liam placed his hand on Caleb's knee. The only response he got was a blink from Caleb. If he could have stretched out this moment for eternity, Liam would have. Sitting there, keeping Caleb in his life for just a little while longer. Touching his knee, just existing with his soul mate. 

But that wasn't how it was. It would never be that. What Liam had done was so simple, but something which could never be taken back. 

"It's going to be really hard, Caleb," Liam whispered, his voice cracking. 

His words seemed to shake Caleb out of his frozen state. He tugged at the plastic, the familiar sound of a ziploc bag opening filling the silence. Taking a deep breath, Caleb plunged his hand in and took out the folded paper. 

"Sorry," Liam said, regarding the blood. It seemed a moot point now. 

Caleb unfolded the paper and began to read the handwriting he had known so well. Seeing Liam's handwriting was strangely comforting. And as Caleb began to read, Liam closed his eyes. Their connection made it where Liam knew what Caleb was reading without actually seeing the words. As it went, Liam was sucked into the emotions from that day. It was like his emotions were a movie, replying, reliving his emotional turmoil. It was hard, but he knew it had to be like this to allow Caleb closure. Liam could suffer just a little bit longer if it finally gave Caleb the peace he deserved.

Dear Caleb, don't look for me. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I know this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Not all love stories can be the greatest love story of all time. Please know it's not you; it was never you, my love.

Liam whimpered, his brow furrowed. He remembered being so angry with himself. Guilt, shame. There was nothing fucking wrong. There had never been anything wrong to explain this ceaseless pit of utter turmoil Liam had felt for as long as he could remember. 

If anything you helped me. Before we met, I was just sort of limping along. And then you showed up in my bar, and it seemed like a miracle, and you were my angel, and I thought, maybe, just for once, things would be okay. 

Liam knew, months ago as he wrote that, he had started crying. Frustration and anger came through. Why couldn't he just feel normal like everyone else? Why did it hurt him so much to just live when everyone else went through life happily? Yet even as he had thought that, he scolded himself, knowing life wasn't easy for most people. And that's when the self-loathing, his old friend, had returned. That was when he began to write more frantically, and the script became pretty much illegible. 

And they were, for a while. Our simple wedding, that day, was the happiest moment of my entire life. And, if you ever do read this, I need you to know that you're the only one who gave that gift to me. 

Without even being cognizant of it, Caleb began to cry. 

It was never you, my dear love. Business tanked, which we couldn't help. This strip has decayed over the years, just us and the smokes store across the way. Of course we'd get foreclosed on. Of course it was just something else for me to fuck up. 

That was when Liam had decided this was it. He was angry, and lost, and confused. He hurt so much, he just wanted to escape it. One of the things he loved most about Caleb was his strength. Liam felt so very weak by comparison. Liam was wracked with wave and wave of uselessness towards himself. A failure. Such a failure. Always a failure. 

I'm bringing you down, my love. You are so beautiful. You shine so brightly. You're my biggest fan, but that's not fair to you. We're going to lose everything because of me. We could rebuild, but why? Just so I can drag you down again? You don't deserve that. No one deserves that. 

Liam felt a fear he had never known. He had grabbed a towel that day, trying to staunch his bleeding arms. He didn't want to further traumatize Caleb, so he did the best he could to clean in between writing. The entire time though, he was scared. He was so scared of the end. 

But it had to be this way. 

So, I hope you understand that I'm going to free you now. You'll no longer be shackled to this broken thing that can't be fixed. You'll get over me, eventually. You'll be better off without me. 

I'm sorry that I'm going to hurt you. But this is the final time that I will. That's the point of this—I can't hurt you anymore. 

I'm sorry, my love. Please forgive me. But it's time for me to be free, too. Time to fly away like the birds we both love to watch. And who knows, maybe I'll come back as one. A little songbird that will sing beautiful things to you. 

My love for you was my life's masterpiece. 

Please forgive me. 

Love, forever and always, 

Liam

Liam was sobbing now, great wracking sobs that tore out of him. His love for Caleb, and the pain he was reliving from that day, were equally strong. It was just as overwhelming now as it had been that day for Liam. In the end though, he couldn't disappoint Caleb anymore. Liam remembered tossing the tea towel in the drawer, because it didn't matter, it wasn't like Caleb ever went in there.

Liam had felt disgusted with himself in those final moments. So fundamentally wrong, a tarnish that should be purged from the world. So, he had tucked the note away and went to the one place that he knew would get the job done. 

Because evidently he couldn't even kill himself properly. 

Once a failure, always a failure.