Grant⚡️
Your cousin is gonna castrate me
He's going to do it
Omg, he's gonna slice it right off
No warning
Just one moment I have a penis
The next I won't
He will even put it in a box and give it back to me
Too late
I'm dickless
Bye best friend

Will you quite being so dramatic

Grant⚡️
WOMEN
DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO YOURE RELATED TOO
YOU ALONE LEFT ME ENOUGH BRUISES AND SCRATCHES TO HAVE PEOPLE QUESTIONING IF I WAS PART OF A DOMESTIC
AND I ENJOYED THAT
I WONT ENJOY WHAT CARLOS DOES

Why do we have to tell him?

Grant⚡️
WELL I DON'T KNOW EINSTEIN
MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE HARBORING A FUGITIVE IN YOUR WOMB

There's only a slight possibility that could be true

Grant⚡️
HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING CALM
OMG OMG OMG
I NEED A FUCKING INHALER
SOMEONE CALL LIFE SUPPORT
OR GUANTANAMO BAY
ANYWHERE THAT IM SAFE AWAY FROM THE WRATH OF YOUR COUSIN

There's only a slight chance I'm pregnant
Will you just bring it down like 5 notches
Just seeing those caps has my head screaming

Grant⚡️
It's been two days
How are still hungover

We did drink a lot
Hence why I slept with you

Grant⚡️
😑
We will get back to the "best night of your life" your words not mine sweetheart
For now I'd like to question wether I'm actually gonna be a fucking dad

As I seem to recall that was your words not mine
And do you think I want to be a mom?
I'm 24
I don't exactly want a baby daddy now

Grant⚡️
I can barely look your cousin in the eye right now
Fucking hell, you two have the same mole on the top of your lip
Well I won't ever be able to get that out of my head...
Do you think if we name the baby Carlos or Karla that will stop him from making our child an orphan?

Oh my god, look him in the eyes.
Or he will really know somethings happening
Look just come over to mines after work
I'll go buy a test or something
Maybe we can find out how long we have to wait before we know
And for the love of God take a shot or something and calm your nerves

Grant⚡️
HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING CALM

I'm not dumbass
I'm just good at keeping my shit together
I'm freaking the fuck out