CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
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IT WAS A WARM DAY, but the atmosphere was cold. Clarke walked emotionless and Raven's eyes were raw from crying. Taylor glanced at Bellamy and he looked just as tired as the rest of them as they trekked down the path.

     Finn's body was to be returned to Tondc for the people to burn it. It was some other form of Grounder justice she didn't quite understand, but it was keeping the alliance intact so she didn't question it.

Clarke slowed down significantly just ahead of them and Bellamy moved up beside her, asking, "Hey, you doing alright?"

Though Taylor could expect the answer to that. She fell back and kept her place in the group, looking down at her feet intently to let them have their conversation.

All she could think about every time she closed her eyes was Finn, bloodied and tied to that post. She understood why Clarke did it. She agreed with it. But her friend was still dead.

Octavia, Abby, Myers and Kane walked behind her and her mother finally decided to drop in. Over the time they'd been reunited, she had discovered that her power really came from being friends with Abby and that had happened when they'd sent Raven down to see their daughters on the ground.

Elara glanced at Abby before catching up to her daughter who was still trailing behind Bellamy and Clarke.

Taylor ignored her at first, the promise she had made to Finn still swimming in her mind. She didn't have a choice, she had to talk to Raven for him. It was the last thing she had ever said to him.

"Are you okay?" Elara asked, looking at her daughter concernedly. Taylor met her mother's eyes, grief swimming in her own.

"I'm dealing. I'm not really sure what 'okay' is anymore," she confessed, turning back to look at the ground. Elara's stare hardened when she saw Bellamy glanced back at her daughter with a soft, worried look.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elara pushed on, raising her hand in means to put it on Taylor's shoulder.

"I don't think I do, no," Taylor responded shortly, moving out of her mother's reach. "There's something I have to go do."

She moved up the line, past everyone to where Raven walked, carrying the radio that allowed them to tap into Mount Weather's frequencies. Chandler walked next to her, concern taking over every part of his features.

Taylor took a spot next to the girl and took in a small breath before speaking. "Raven, I can't tell you how sorry I am," she apologized, emotion already filling her eyes.

Raven gave her a broken look, an overall angry tone overcoming her. "Oh, you are? I thought you came here to start making excuses for Clarke,"she snapped.

"I—I'm not going to say she was wrong, Raven. She saved him a lot of pain," she admitted, but the minute the words came out of her mouth, something inside of Raven snapped.

"That's why you came up here? To rub this in my face?" she fired off, stopping in her tracks completely and clenching her fists to the point of her knuckles being white.

"Raven, it's okay," Chandler attempted to assure her in a quiet tone, her loud one drawing much attention from everyone traveling with them.

"No, it's not! Finn is dead!" she yelled, more tears forming in her already red and swollen eyes. "Screw you, Taylor. I thought Finn was your friend."

And she kept moving, tears in her eyes and tension all over her body. Taylor knew grief could control a person but she was still stopped in her tracks, tears forming in her own eyes now.

Hearing all of that was like a punch to the gut and she was completely winded. Chandler looked back at her apologetically but continued to walk with Raven, watching her carefully. All she wanted to do was carry out Finn's wishes.

Bellamy and Clarke finally caught up, eyes wide in shock at the scene that had just transpired. Bellamy's hand lightly wrapped around her waist and he nodded his head down the path.

"Let's keep moving," he told her quietly. She nodded absently and followed with him and Clarke silently.

__________

Night had fallen and the fire illuminated them as they set up their camp for the night. Tondc was a few more hours away, and many of them were exhausted.

Raven and Chandler talked quietly a few feet away from where Abby, Kane, Elara, and Myers congregated, speaking in hushed tones.

Clarke was rolling out her sleeping bag closer to the other side of camp where the Grounders set up. Dria eyed her with hatred from a few meters away, clearly not a fan of the idea.

"Clarke, it's safer on our side," Bellamy said, looking over at the Commander's advisor warily.

"We need to trust them, Bellamy," Clarke deferred. "There are no sides."

"She's right," Taylor agreed, knowing full well that this alliance was everything if they wanted their friends out of Mount Weather.

She grabbed her pack and set up her sleeping  bag a few feet away from Clarke while she dozed off. Bellamy followed her a few moments later, setting up his things next to hers.

Taylor laid down and looked up at the stars, hoping that she'd be able to sleep but knowing the likelihood wasn't great.

"Hey," Bellamy alerted from beside her. She turned on her side and found herself looking directly at him. "About Mount Weather. I have an idea. Clarke doesn't approve."

Taylor paused. "You think I will?"

"No," he responded. "But I want to tell you about it anyway. We need an inside man. Someone who can help us defeat them from the inside."

She nodded slowly, finally coming to the conclusion of what he was getting at.

"I have a feeling that man on the inside is you, isn't it?" she inquired, the very thought of that plan rooting concern deep in her chest.

"Yes," he confirmed. Taylor looked at the ground between them, deep in thought.

"Having someone on the inside isn't a bad idea," she told him, a slight bit of hesitation evident in her voice. "But I don't know if I could watch you go in there. It's horrible."

He went silent. They simply looked at each other for a while. He knew that would be her response but on some level she understood it, which was not exactly what he expected.

There was a swelling feeling in her chest as she stared at him that she couldn't quite explain. And she didn't, she only remembered falling asleep looking at him.

__________

Blue eyes greeted her as she found herself back on the Ark again, confused.

"What?" she questioned aloud.

"You don't have to feel guilty anymore," Graham told her with certainty. "What happened to me, it happened — it wasn't your fault. You can be with him. It's okay."

Taylor froze and shook her head, puzzled. "This doesn't make any sense," she managed, glancing around at the familiar sight of her home back on the Ark.

"Oh, but doesn't it?" he said with a charming smile and a shrug. "You don't have to forget. But forgive yourself. Move on."

There was so much going through her head, but nothing coming out of her mouth. There was a knock at the door and Graham turned around, greeting Bellamy with a warm, friendly hug.

"Take care of her," Graham told him, before giving her one last smile and leaving the place, shutting the door behind him. All that stood before her now was a happy, smiling Bellamy.

__________

Jerking up from her flat position, her eyes darted around the woods, light now shining in between the trees and smoke from their fires permeating the air.

The dream came nearly almost out of nowhere, yet it made sense to her. When she had ingested the hallucinogenic nuts that guilt spoke to her but she never really swelled on the fact that it might possibly still exist.

A few feet in front of her, Clarke gasped and her eyes snapped open. She breathed heavily and her eyes darted around the forest before her in a panic.

Taylor rose from her spot and approached her hesitantly. They had barely spoken since it happened.

"I know you're not okay," Taylor let out, taking a spot next to the rattled girl. "So I won't ask if you are. What I will say is that I don't blame you."

Clarke seemed almost comforted by the statement, but didn't say anything in response.

"You know, a few years ago, I went through pretty much the same thing. Losing the first person I ever really cared about," Taylor explained, her eyes now focusing on a tree illuminated by the morning glow. "His name was Graham. He got floated because he stole things to support both of our families. We weren't well off so...he thought he had to. I blamed myself."

Clarke listened intently and looked at her hands, fidgeting around with them quietly.

"Basically what I'm trying to say, is that you'll be okay. It'll take time, but you'll be okay," she assured genuinely, earnest comfort dripping from her words.

Clarke looked up at her, eyes skeptical. "You believe that?"

"I have to."

__________

They stood in a group, Sky People visibly separated from Grounders, not quite in the 'no sides' sort of way Clarke described.

The gates grinded open and a few guards stood in front of them with large buckets. "Weapons," they demanded, holding out the containers expectantly.

"We need to disarm before we enter," Lincoln confirmed, throwing a knife into the bucket.

Nobody looked particularly pleased about this, but complied with it nonetheless. Taylor put her gun in with the other weapons and grabbed her knife from her boot, throwing it in after the gun.

Raven, however, was not traveling as light in the weapons department as some of the others. Lexa's bodyguard pulled at least four knives off of her before everything was good to go.

"Heda. Em klir," he alerted her once he had stripped Raven of her weapons.

They traversed through the gates hesitantly, Taylor remembering what had happened last time they were there. People dropping dead as Finn frantically shot at them. It was something she wished she could forget desperately.

The entire village was standing in a group waiting for their arrival. Once they caught sight of Lexa, they started shouting.

"Heda! Heda! Monin bakon!" some of them shouted, looking at Lexa with the utmost respect.

Taylor didn't understand the language but she had to assume that what they were saying was good. Heda must have been their word for Commander.

But once the villagers caught sight of them it was a different story. She could see the hatred in their eyes. And she understood it, as much as she wished it wasn't there.

Bellamy tensed up beside her and gently brushed her shoulder as if it shielded her from any possible attack. She knew that with the Commander protecting them nothing would happen, but she appreciated it nonetheless.

"Hakom yu hir?" one of the villagers yelled threateningly from an elevated position on what looked like a small water tower.

"Wamplei gon Skaikru! Rip gon we hou!" another one screamed, tears and anger in their eyes. She understood none of it, but she could feel their pain radiating from their voices.

Their group was stopped by a man standing in front of them, livid. "Skaikru don jok eting op kom ai — ai houmon, ai yongon," he spat, tears in his eyes.

"Sef uf," Gustus ordered, looking at him with a blank, expressionless face.

"Ripa nou gou teik in hir," the man maintained, shaking his head firmly.

Gustus stepped forward and punched him in the face. It wasn't over that quickly, as he met the man on the ground and punched him repeatedly while he cried out in pain. He did it as the whole village watched.

Taylor tried to not be uncomfortable and upset at the entire situation.

Clarke finally stepped forward next to Lexa and requested, "Commander, stop him. Please. They'll blame us for this too."

Lexa seemed to agree with these words as she took a moment to think and ordered Gustus to stop in her language. Obediently, he pulled his hands away from the man's face and stood up to return to her side.

"The Sky People march with us now," Lexa announced, facing the entire village now. "Anyone who tries to stop that will pay with their life."

And they continued on through the village. It was almost shocking how much power she had.

"Warm welcome," Bellamy mumbled with raised eyebrows.

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TRANSLATIONS:

Heda. Em klir — Commander. All clear.

Heda! Heda! Monin bakon! — Commander! Commander! Welcome back!

Hakom yu hir? — Why have you brought them here?

Wamplei gon Skaikru! Rip gon we hou! — Death to Sky People! Murderers go home!

Skaikru don jok eting op kom ai — ai houmon, ai yongon — Sky People took everything from me — my wife, my child

Sef uf — Move aside

Ripa nou gou teik in hir — Murderers are not welcome here