It's still dark when I find myself waking up yet again. I cried until I exhausted myself enough to pass out, but I've only been able to sleep for small bits of time. I keep finding myself paranoid that an animal is stalking my open door, looking for a human-sized snack.

My dreams have been scary, to say the least.

I have to pee very badly, but the last thing I want to do is leave this little hut where I feel somewhat safe.

I wonder what time it is. This fire is dying down, and probably has an hour left. There are still three logs remaining, but I'm leaving here soon. I think I will bring them with me instead of restocking the fire with them.

It's got to be close enough to morning to head out now, I hopefully will be able to tell better by the sky.

The idea of venturing back out to the woods is frightening, but the sooner I find a real shack, the sooner I can maybe get some actual sleep. Hopefully, the hunting shacks Franky told my dad about aren't all built like this.

If I have to build myself a door, I'm screwed.

It's unnerving to leave what has finally started to feel like safety. I grab the lantern and duck outside, sidestepping the small fire burning outside the shelter. It's lighter than when I got here, so that's a good sign, but it's still dusky and dark. Looming dark shadows are coming from the woods, and I'm scared to look ahead at them. I keep my eyes near the ground as I set the lantern down close to the structure.

I quickly unbutton and shimmy my jeans down as my heart is pounding in my chest. I should have brought the gun with me. I'm going to need to get a grip, or I'll spend every second trying to calm a racing heart, and that can't be good for survival.

I squat down and go as fast as I can. The relief is immediate, and I look up and out at the clearing afterward. As my eyes adjust to the dark, I see those scary shadows are just tall pine trees. A sheepish laugh escapes my lips, and it seems to echo out into the woods. 

"Time to pack up and get out of here," I announce to the trees.

****

An hour or so into my walk, the sun has finally fully risen, and I can put my flashlight away. I grow a little warm and shed my light jacket, leaving myself in a grey sweatshirt with matching sweats. I have the rope to the sled in one hand and my gun in the other as I forge ahead. 

I keep my eyes peeled for stuff I can grab and use as I walk, I find a lot of twigs and bark for kindling. I also find a crab apple tree with a ton of crab apples on the ground and scoop them all up. I'll sort through them later. They'll be bitter, but maybe if I cook them or something, they'll be okay. I ended up eating two more granola bars earlier today which brings me down to eight. I am going to need to start finding food that can last me for the winter. I think tomorrow will be a day I focus on that, today I need shelter firewood, and water.

My eyes light up when I see a game trail ahead. A game trail is a trail made by several animals taking the same path. This means it most likely leads to water, which has to be the creek!

A trail is going to make my walk much better as I can drag the sled along the trail with ease as opposed to tugging and tripping all the time like I was doing before. I head down the path and grow very excited when I see it leads to water, just like I hoped. At the end of the trail is a little water hole, that is littered with animal prints of all types. So, this is where they come to drink, meaning a good hunting spot, maybe I could set up traps or something around here? I make a mental note of my surroundings.

The tiny water hole is murky and muddy, not anything I want to drink or even swim in, but there is a spring feeding into it that's attached to a small stream. I follow the stream along and can see the water line growing bigger as I go. There's a muddy little path I can follow, and I am heading down it rather steadily when the sound of the water gets louder.

Water. Big water ahead! A few more steps forward and I can see the creek from the map coming into view, but something in the corner of my other eye catches my attention first. I turn and see what it is, a chimney!

"A cabin? This close to the water!" 

My heart soars at this find. This is so lucky! I pivot in the direction of the chimney and, sure enough, hidden deep in the thick of the woods, I see a log cabin tucked away. It's off the trail, of course, but it's close to it. I yank at the sled once more forcing it through the thick of the woods as my sore legs work hard to push towards the structure. 

"An outhouse?" I stop at a smaller shack near the bigger one. I open a creaky door on rusty hinges and find the inside is just a tiny little box, with a seat and a hole. Nothing fancy but better than going on the ground. I can bring one of the lanterns in here for light, and when my toilet paper runs out, I guess I'll have to collect leaves or something. The outhouse is full of cobwebs, bugs, and a few dead rodents, but I'll deal with all that later.

The clearing has a hole dug out for a fire pit with a few rocks around it right in front of the cabin. I like that. I feel like having a fire outside will give me extra protection. I can't imagine a wolf, or a bear would want to venture near a fire.

The next thing I notice is the abundance of walnuts all over the ground, there is a huge walnut tree shading the area and it's dropped a ton of nuts already and I still see hundreds of them up in the tree yet to fall. 

I light up at this food source and so close to the cabin too. There are probably more walnut trees in these woods as well, so that'll be something I can scout for on walks. I can roast them over the fire, and they'll be really tasty, I bet. I have always enjoyed walnuts, I put them in my chocolate chip cookies when I bake back at home. 

I finally turn my gaze to the log cabin, it's small but much bigger than the shelter I spent last night in. It's sitting up above the ground on a foundation built from logs, the roof looks to be holding up well, with that chimney that caught my eye up top. There are a set of handmade steps that lead up to a door, an actual door with a board over it, securing it shut.

I leave all my stuff and nearly race up the stairs. I slide off the board and pull the very heavy door open. I step inside and look at the space I'll be calling home.

I am taken aback after spending the night in such a crudely made hut. It's small, but secure and comfortable looking. It's just a one-room log cabin, but it's laid out nicely. I walk into a little open area with a table that looks hand made, and two metal folding chairs. A small wood-burning stove sits in the corner facing the table, and next to it is a little cubby to keep logs.

A twin-sized bed sits against the opposite wall with one small window near it, the mattress is bare and ratty looking, but it's a mattress, not a random bench, that's amazing. 

In the other corner sits a standing shelf, with some dusty-looking jars on it. Everything in here is coated in a layer of dust actually, as well as spider webs and dead bugs. I leave all that to worry about later. I am exhausted every muscle hurts, even my bones sort of ache at this point, but I need firewood and I need water I'm down to only a half gallon.

"You got this," I whisper to myself. "Just push a little more, and then you can rest."

***

Gathering firewood seems a lot easier than it is. I emptied my sled of everything except my axe and one jug of water to drink and then ventured back into the woods. All I found for the first hour was branches, twigs, and bark, all the stuff I need to get a fire going but I need bigger logs to keep one burning, and I plan on having two. One inside and one outside.

Finally, I find a downed tree that looks weathered and split. I want to be excited, but I don't know how to do this. I study the huge trunk for several moments, and then finally just grab the axe and swing it down as hard as I can over the thinnest part. It lands about a half inch in the tree and takes a lot of effort to pull the axe back out.

"They make this look easy on TV," I complain.

I shed my sweatshirt down to the tank top I have under it as I'm dying of heat. It's probably only in the late sixties but all this work makes me so hot.

I swing again getting the axe a little deeper this time and again using all my arm strength to pull it back out.

It takes ten swings before I finally chunk a piece of wood from the tree. I wipe the sweat from my forehead, secure my hair into a ponytail, and then swing it down again, and again.

It takes time but eventually, I get a groove figured out and I keep at it. 

A few hours, yes hours later, I am dragging some very crudely chopped logs back to my newfound cabin. I'd say at least ten logs or so, some are fairly big. I'm hoping this is a good haul. It feels like it, but I know I'll need a lot more. I'll probably be out here every day looking for wood like this.

How fun.

I'm not an exercise-loving person at all and my body reflects that. My chest is very large, I was wearing a bra at eleven and am already in a D cup at sixteen. Because of that and the baggy shirts I wear, I tend to look a little bigger than I actually am, but even still I'm thicker than most of the girls in my class. My legs, however, have always been fairly lean. I think because I walk around the city so much. But it does make me look a little out of proportion if I'm wearing shorts. This is one of the reasons I stick to baggy shirts and loose fitted pants. 

The food thing is going to be really hard for me. It's going to be very challenging not to eat the food I have here, but I know I need to be diligent about it. 

I was always great at taking care of myself, keeping up my grades, and staying out of trouble, but a kid without supervision will eat whatever junk they want and for me, food became a comfort thing. I've never been good at ignoring food I want to eat what I want and me being the one that does all the shopping, means I don't have to buy anything healthy. So, I can splurge on myself, with snacks and I do.  

I do try, though! I always go to the store with good intentions but then the fresh vegetables and fruits go to waste as I eat the frozen pizzas and mac and cheese. My usual breakfast is a can of Coke.

That would be so good right now. I can almost taste it. Why didn't my dad pack my cokes? I could have enjoyed them my first few days here. 

I have a feeling I'll get fit out here. Strong too, every muscle in my body is aching something fierce right now.

Speaking of... I got to keep it moving. The logs make the tent heavy and hard to pull, and it doesn't help that my arms are already wrecked, but the day is wasting away no time for a break right now.

By the time I get back to my little clearing, I'm exhausted and drenched in sweat.

I want to collapse on that bed in the shelter and sleep for days, but I can't. Not yet.

I still need water badly, a stark reminder as I swallow most of the half gallon I have left.

First, though, I open the little door to the wood-burning stove and start building up a fire. All the kindling I grabbed gets going right away. I leave the little door open, letting the heat flood into the small space.

I'm hot and sweaty from my wood excursion, but I know when the sun goes down it'll get cool again. It'll be nice to return from the creek to a warm cabin.

I use a sock for lack of anything better as a duster and do a quick cleanup I can do more tomorrow. The jars I find in the cabin are full of random stuff. One has nails, one has bullets, and another has some very old walnuts in it I set that aside to toss those out—the nails and bullets I dump on the table along with the crab apples and my bags.

Behind the jars are a few cans of corn and the labels look to be from the late eighties. I can't even find an expiration date it's so faded. I won't risk eating these or even opening the cans and set them aside to toss out.

I also find an old first aid kit. Inside there are still a few Band-Aids, an ace wrap, a splint, and a few bottles of ointment. I see I'm not the only one who had an extended stay here. Dad had called these hunting shacks, but he did also mention that Franky's family used this land to hide people too.

Criminals, my dad had said most of which are in jail now. Was this land really active at one time? Did they hide stuff here or was it mainly used for hunting and occasionally hiding someone?

"Not now," I tell my brain.

I am a huge daydreamer. Hell Chase, and I have had some pretty epic romantic dates a whole life together even... in my head. It makes my bus rides go fast. I know it's weird, but I really do daydream well. The bad thing about my overactive imagination, is that I can also get daymares and have. When my mind starts going that route, it can be hard to pull it back.

Thinking about criminals? Not a good idea. My mind will go back to my dad back in Chicago and the guys he owes money to. I've been able to keep my worry over all that at bay. I can't go there. I need for once in my life, to focus on me instead of my dad. That's the only way I'll survive this.

It's hard, though, to break habits like that. Sometimes, I think back to before my mom got sick. How different things were how different my dad was.

"Not the time to go down that rabbit hole!" I exclaim out loud with a slight scoff.

Right now, I need water and I need a bath, badly. I can smell myself, and it's not great.

I grab the milk jugs and the new stock pot I just found as well as the jars. I can clean them out at the creek and use them as water glasses and cups to eat out of. I also grab stuff for a creek bath. I'm looking forward to that, I am so overheated.

Hungry, too, I grab a crab apple and bite into it. It's bitter, and my face puckers up, but I finish it and eat one more anyway. It's not much but should give me some energy to keep going.

"First bath, then dinner." On that thought, I head back out into the forest again. I use the sled to carry the water containers and keep my gun on me locked and loaded.

I get back on the game trail I was on when I found this cabin and start towards the sound of the water.

It grows louder as the forest clears away, and I finally see it, the creek!

It's big! Just like the map showed and goes on a long way. Looks more like a river than a creek, actually. It's moving at a fairly rapid pace. It's wide, too, but I can see across it to more wooded land, and I can see another game trail on that side, along with a few crab apple trees. I wonder if I could swim across. Seems likely I could, but I'm sure I'll find more fruit and nut trees on this side, too. 

Some squirrels are leaping from tree to tree, but it's otherwise peaceful out here. I'm filled with a sense of hope. Water means life out here, and seeing it just feels so good.

I kneel, fill all containers with water, and then wash my jars. The water is cold and flowing fast, I wonder if it's safe to drink as is?

 It sure looks good, and I'm tempted but I don't. Best to boil it. I better not risk it. I'll wait and have a drink when I get home.

I walk along the side of the creek with my soap and shampoo until I find a calmer spot I can jump into. As soon as I do, I strip down and dive in without thinking twice about it.

"Holy shit!" I scream as I pop back up. I was so hot I didn't even think to ease in and it's freezing!

I take the world's fastest creek bath ever. When I get out, I'm shivering cold as I wrap the towel around myself. I stand there for a moment, suddenly feeling modest to drop the towel and change. I didn't even think twice about it when I dove in, and now I'm all embarrassed.

Over what? I'm all alone here.

"Don't look, you perverted squirrels!" I yell out and then let out a loud laugh at my own silliness.

It feels kind of good, unlike this morning's nervous laugh did.

I told myself I'd suck it up today, and I did. But ... I'm actually doing okay. I found firewood, water, shelter, and even a little food today. I feel really good about all of that. Maybe I won't cry myself to sleep again today. If I can keep my mind from going where it shouldn't that is.

I dry off and change into the pajamas I brought with me. The soft flannel fabric warms my chilled skin.

The sky is starting to darken as the sun sets over the creek. It's pretty, but I need to get back, now that I have a shelter, I have no reason to be in the woods at night. I can see the smoke from the chimney and follow it like a guide back to the cabin.

I start a second fire outdoors when I get back and set my stock pot on the fire to boil the water. As that's working, I grab a hammer from the toolbox and start cracking walnuts to roast. It's a nice night and it sort of feels like camping, sitting here and watching the fire burn as the sun sets.

... but my pleasant thoughts don't last long when I wonder what's happening back home. My dad must've reported me gone by now.

Belinda is probably freaking out, she knows I would never run away. She'll believe it easily when the suggestion is made that I drowned. I spend quite a bit of time at that lake thinking about my mom.

What about Chase? Will he be upset? He did ask me to the dance, so he must have some feelings for me. Fantasy Chase would be riding here on a white horse to save me or be with me until it was safe to leave something all heroic and romantic. I'll settle into a nice daydream about that later, hopefully.

I have no idea what the real Chase is doing with the information of me being missing, or how he'd react to it. He's cool and laid back and girls flutter around him like flies, I'm sure he'll move on fast.

What about the police will they buy it? Or will they suspect something is up? His plan is so very complicated. 

What about the bad men that would harm me to get to him? What if they don't buy it and are looking for me right now? Or worse, what if they do so now... they'll take it on my dad. What would they do to him?

I sigh ... damn it, this is what I avoided all day. The rabbit hole my mind loves going down. My mind is going to be my biggest challenge out here.

I decide I'll try and journal after my walnut dinner. Maybe sitting down and writing my thoughts out will help keep me from spinning out too much.

I can hope, anyway.