XVI | Let Her Live


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PREVIOUSLY...
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Azura had to train with Lilja as Suri was absent, overcome by her illness and resting in their room. After training, Azura cornered Ari and forced him to tell her about the things he'd alluded to earlier. He told her he doesn't believe that Tacree being so thoroughly destroyed after they declined the rebellion's alliance was a coincidence, especially by the Empire when they had been dormant for years. He suspects one of the leaders of the rebellion is working with the Empire, but he has no proof.

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I jog towards Lilja after my conversation with Ari, having missed joining her at dinner. The thoughts that trail after me like a clinging shadow demand my attention. Questions claw and needle into me but I ignore them all for now, knowing there'll be no answers to my burning curiosities.

Lilja's long, chestnut locks draw me to her amongst the other students that mill about in the corridors, moving to their rooms.

"Lilja," I call out as the girl charges ahead, heedless of the students around us. I move to her side and peer at her face. "Sorry I missed dinner."

Lilja glances at me with her lips pressed into a thin line, and the gauntness within her eyes makes my pulse jump.

"Are you alright?"

"I..." Lilja's words falter and her hand darts out, gripping the railing that overlooks the floor below us. Lilja's eyes glisten with the light that flickers from the sconces over my shoulder, reflecting the tears that shine within them.

"Tell me what happened," I demand, taking a step towards her.

"It was Palmira," she says, her lower lip trembling as her fingers tighten on the oak. "She asked me where Suri was and I told her she was still sick in our room." Lilja's gaze meets mine and something cracks a little inside me to see the usually stoic girl so undone and distraught. "She told me that if Suri doesn't make it to training tomorrow then she..." Lilja squeezes her eyes shut, tears wetting her cheeks. "Then she's going to kick Suri out of the Order."

"Gods," I breathe, pressing a hand to my stomach as I feel a heavy knot form there. "Vera wasn't kidding."

"I don't know what to do." Lilja leans against the balustrade with slumped shoulders and shaking knees. "I don't know how to change Palmira's mind."

My teeth grind together as my eyes scour the brick, glass, and wood around us, trying to find the answers in the structure. But as usual, they don't come. "Let's go check on Suri," I say, knowing nothing else to do right now.

Lilja nods, her gaze lowered to the floor. The only thing that could possibly defeat such a fierce girl would be if her sister is taken away from her. I can't let that happen, damn whoever tries, even if that person is Palmira.

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"Suri?" I call out as Lilja and I push into our room, the curtains drawn and the candles mere darkened sticks of wax. The sound of the whining pipes and rushing water urges me to the bathroom door. "Suri." I rap my knuckles against the door, glancing back at Lilja with a raised eyebrow when I get no reply from within. I rattle the knob, only to find it locked.

"Suri, are you okay?" Lilja asks, a hitch in her voice as she presses her palm to the door.

Still there's no reply from the other side, just the sound of water pattering against porcelain.

Lilja kneels and pulls a pencil from her pocket before placing the end to the wood, chewing on her lower lip. She begins to draw a sygil above the lock, her brows furrowed. "Shit. Suri is better at this than me." She rubs at the marking she made to redo it but impatience grips my stomach.

"Move, let me try."

Lilja stands and shakes her head. "But you don't have magic—"

The resounding crack of my boot forcing the door open halts her words. The wood splinters around the lock and Lilja stares at me with wide eyes.

"We're going to be in so much trouble," she grumbles but I ignore her, advancing into the bathroom. I rush to the ivory tub and shove the shower curtain aside. Lilja gasps from behind me and my stomach plummets when I reveal Suri slumped in the bath with water splattering her pallid face, her lips a startling shade of blue.

"Help me with her," I command, slipping my arms around Suri's naked shoulders. That's when I see the steady stream of crimson trickling down the drain. My eyes dart to her head where blood clings to the short spikes of her hair.

"Is she..." Lilja begins, shutting off the water. "Is she alive?"

I pinch my glove between my teeth and pull away the leather before pressing my fingers to Suri's neck under her jaw. A flutter nudges my fingertips and I let out a breath. "She's alive, but she's weak. She must have slipped." I shove my glove into my pocket before manoeuvring around Suri, slipping an arm under her knees to lift her into my arms, ignoring her nakedness. "Check her head."

Lilja does as I ask, her throat bobbing as she inspects her sister's wound. "It isn't deep but... there's a lot of blood."

"Head wounds will do that," I mutter and carry Suri from the bathroom, her wet skin icy under my bare hand. "I'm more worried about the fact she isn't breathing properly."

"Her lungs," Lilja gasps as I lay Suri down on her bed and settle my ear close to her mouth. Her breaths are weak and shallow, barely a brush against my cheek. "She needs a healer."

I straighten with her words, shoving my hand back into my glove as I force myself to think through the panic that tries to tug me under. "No, we can't risk Palmira hearing about this. Suri will be kicked out for sure."

"She's dying, Azura. I don't know what else to do." Lilja's voice rises in pitch and I swallow.

I glance around the room, trying to find answers, but healing has never been a problem for me. I don't know how to fix this.

Lilja wraps Suri in a blanket, her hands trembling as she applies pressure to the girl's wound and tries to dry her off. She could have drowned and she would have died alone in a cold bathroom.

My gaze shoots back to Suri and my lips part.

Water. The water will help her.

"Let's go," I say, bending to slip my arms back under Suri and hoist her against my chest, her weight slight and I don't know if that's just my strength or if she really does weigh nothing.

"Where are we going?" Lilja asks as I move to the door.

Save her. Heal her.

"Suri doesn't have long and we don't have a lot of options."

Lilja opens the door for us and jogs to keep up with my stride.

"We're going to the healing bath beneath the school."

Make her whole again.

"We can't," Lilja hisses, her eyes darting around the empty halls. "Palmira has forbidden its use unless she permits it."

Let her die. She's weak.

I gnash my teeth. "I'll kill Palmira if she tries to stop me."

Lilja's pace falters.

I glance at her, expelling a heavy breath from my nose as I shove the whirling voices down. It doesn't work, as usual. "Do you want to save your sister or not?"

She nods, keeping up with me again.

"Good. Now fuck the rules and let's save her."

We rush down steps and through darkened halls, the mansion carrying the same eerie emptiness I encountered when I first came here. Without the chatter of the other students trickling through the walls, the press of the shadows and the souls that once called this place home begin to encroach.

Each moment that passes is another rasping breath that escapes Suri, bringing her closer to not breathing at all. I can't stomach that thought. Not again. Not after Dax.

Lilja shoves through a door that leads down a winding staircase of stone steps, the heavy smell of wet stone permeating the air. We're close. The toxic flower of hope blooms in my chest.

At the end of the lengthy hall resides two oak doors, carvings that I can't make out embedded in the wood. We push through them and I rush forward, trying not to jostle Suri too much in my arms.

The chamber within is shadowed and seems to be holding its breath. The thick candles that cluster the edge of the still pool lay in dark piles of wax. The moist air licks at my skin and beads of sweat roll down my temples.

I've never felt so unwelcome in a place before, and I've lived much of my life as a thief.

Lilja lowers herself into the pool and when it laps at her waist, she holds her arms out for Suri, squinting in the darkness that my eyes have already adjusted to. She helps Suri float in the water, looking down at her sister with a crease between her brows.

"Azura," she whispers, the cracked pieces of her soul shining in her eyes. "Suri's not breathing anymore."

Those small words, spoken with such fragility, hit me in the chest like a tonne of bricks.

I splash into the warm water, eyes wide as I take in the stillness of Suri's chest as the water drags the blanket from her. I yank off both my gloves, heedless of displaying my markings, and press my fingers to Suri's neck again, the gentle golden glow caressing her skin. I find a weak pulse, but it's fading, becoming nothing more than the brush of butterfly wings against the tips of my fingers.

Save her. Don't let her die. Not like him.

"You need to put her under the water."

"But she's already not breathing," Lilja says, her voice rising.

My eyes snap to her. "She dies if you don't, so just do it."

Lilja looks down at her sister, her breathing quickening, but she nods. She places her hand between Suri's breasts and sinks her below the water's surface, her hold on her firm and unwavering. The water closes over Suri's face and we can do nothing but hope it cures whatever affliction has weakened her lungs.

The heavy footfalls beyond the oak doors drag my gaze from Suri and my heart leaps into my throat.

Someone's coming. Run now!

I wade out of the water, my clothes soaked through, but I approach the door. I'm not leaving Suri and Lilja here defenceless.

Foolish girl!

Maybe, but no one can call me a coward.

The doors grind open as I slip the slim blade into my hand from where it was tucked into the waistband of my pants. The blade that Erasmus flung at my head. He did tell me I could keep it.

Light washes through the damp chamber, the glow from a lantern making the stone walls glisten and my eyes squint in the sudden glare. The person behind the lantern is just a hulking figure for a moment before my eyes adjust.

My hand tightens around the blade as Master Erasmus studies me, his lips pressed together. His dark gaze moves to Lilja in the healing bath, her quiet sobs barely heard over the raging thump of my heart in my ears.

Suri is still under the water, as motionless as the dead. Tears prick my eyes but I cling to the blade and force the despair down, letting the hot anger burn in my chest, an anger I pin on Erasmus.

"Did Palmira send you? Again?" I sneer because anger is easier and I can't understand why I keep repeating the same things.

Making allies is how one survives. Learning to love those allies is how one dies.

"Mira doesn't know you're down here."

"Are you going to report us?"

Erasmus' eyes flicker between me and the pool. "Why are you down here?"

I don't get the chance to answer for the splash of water and a loud gasp fills the air. I twist around just as Suri lurches from the water, gulping in air and grasping onto Lilja with trembling arms.

"Suri," I breathe, my eyes widening as I lower the blade. She's alive.

You saved her.

Should have let her die. She's going to die anyway.

My gaze snaps back to Erasmus as the voices war within me, reminding me that Suri isn't safe, not with exile still being a threat. If Palmira finds out that we healed Suri without her permission, then she's going to be forced from the Order. I can't let that happen. I won't.

Erasmus watches me as I raise the blade again, the steel glinting in the light of his lantern.

"I can't let you tell Palmira."

Erasmus tilts his head, shadows flickering in his dark gaze, reminding me of the dangerous man he truly is. He studies my markings, curiosity in his gaze, before he meets my eye again. "What are you going to do, Azura? Kill me?"

"To be honest with you, Erasmus, I don't rightly know."

"Well, I'll save you the trouble of deciding." He looks back at Suri who has Lilja's protective arms around her. "Suri is one of our most gifted students in magic. Losing her would be a mistake."

"Then why does Palmira want to kick her out?"

"She won't be kicked out, just sent to Wymler."

"On a suicidal march through the Midland," I spit.

Erasmus' lips twitch. "She survived such a journey once before. As did you, Azura. It's not impossible."

My mouth dries at his words. How can he know? But I already have my answer. He knows because my brother was part of the Order. I don't know when my brother cut ties with them, but it seems he was in contact with them without me knowing, and he told them about me.

"I may have survived," I say through gritted teeth, "but it wasn't a walk in the fucking park." Nor did I just survive.

You thrived. Born a monster.

I lived in the Midland for years, surrounded by demons and bandits, always steering clear of the relative safety the Sharlik Empire's supply lines offered.

This is the best place to hide, little flame.

Hide from what, brother?

From those who want you. We hide until you're strong enough to face them.

I learnt a lot about pain in the Midland.

"But I digress. I won't be telling Mira of this. Consider it an apology, Azura."

My lips twist, hearing the sincerity in his words. He's apologising for hurting me in the forest, something Palmira clearly commanded him to do if he's now hiding my treachery from her.

I look to the blade in my hand, a weapon he gifted me. With a sigh, I tuck the weapon back into the waistband of my pants and offer him a stiff nod.

"I accept your apology and I... thank you."

Erasmus turns on his heel to leave but stops. "I'm glad to see you've made allies in this place," he says before he lowers his chin, his words quiet and just for me. "You'll need them." With that, he continues to walk, him and his light disappearing into the winding stairwell. His words twist my insides but I don't focus on them.

I turn to Suri, her wide green eyes settled on me, but my heart soars to see the spark of life within them, vibrant and beautiful. I succeeded. Where all other times I've failed, this time I succeeded in saving those I care for.

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