My blurry eyes open in Noah's arms, a morning on a blue lake. The tiny dinghy boat bobs on the water hanging on to the dock like a kite in the wind. And just like a kite I could imagine the boat being swept out all alone in the middle of the lake on an adventure someday. Bright orange flowers tip over in a bow with water filling their little petal cups. It must have rained again during the night.

The last of the California Poppies blooming season was in beautiful sporadic clusters. With little patterns of pretty orange flowers peeking out at the dawn. Only the tip of the sunrise could be seen just enough to light the night up to announce the start of a new day.

For reasons last night a part of me didn't think I could make it. Hell, I still am not totally sure. Warm arms tighten around me and a smile leaks into my expression as if it couldn't be helped and well it couldn't. I felt that answering smile on top of my head. I touched my overheated forehead for the fever and it is still there but not too bad. I wasn't over it, still had a slight headache but better all the same.

"Hey Noah," I looked up at his smiling expression.

"Morning Shiny," he says to me.

"Do we have to go back?" I asked him. Snuggling under the covers, the soft sheepskin tempting seductively for me to go back to sleep. I kept one eye open to watch the sun rise slowly march up the dawn.

"No, we do not need to," he said. The way he put it the words was so cautiously as if he wasn't sure of my reaction. My hackles came quick. Slowly when we first met I began to learn something about Noah. He doesn't hide things but it takes him a second to get things out. I stayed in place on his lap and waited for it.

"I was half falling asleep again," I said.

"Does that mean I can take you back to the house now?" He asked. I tilted my head and reran what he said in my head again. Worry set in and I hated it but I listened to my gut.

"Noah?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on?" I turned around straddling his lap so I could watch his eyes better. But rather than catching his ocean gaze to understand where he was at, I was stuck. The blanket fell off me, caught breathless locked on what was behind me. Noah quickly wrapped the sheepskin blanket around me and I snuggled into it. Sitting there the whole night while I slept but too dark to see it until the day. My eyes were closed half the time with a slight headache and fever I still had. I missed it, and that shock on my expression was an understatement. I expected to see the walkway to Folsom Lake. A little sandy, a bit boring but absolutely stunning when it was in full bloom. Instead, it was a house that appeared like the letter A. If I'd walked across the dock it would connect to the deck. Then to the A shaped home. The whole house was made of wood with big picture windows on the side near us. Another set of chairs, four of them on the deck.

I gasp, "four chairs." Four... me, Noah, Little Man, and Space Girl? I was hoping for too much reading too much into everything. I had to slow down my thoughts. On that deck was a Telescope. It was a huge Telescope with the front lens covered up by a cap. Some of the pieces were covered in leather to keep it safe from bad weather. I could imagine that telescope looking up at the stars at night. The moon and stars reflecting like big pools of wonder mirroring the stars above. Even if you didn't look through the scope at night, it would be an extraordinary sight.

Inside the window you could see the rest of the house a little unfinished. Wire hanging down in places but also the finisher was covered up. All wood and nice in the style Noah does his carpentry for his art clients. A kitchen that had the overhead facing the big picture window. A second picture windows facing the forested area that was behind it. It was the second path on the way to Folsom Lake blocked by huge trees. I didn't know what to do, but his warmth held me in place as I got wobbly on top of him. "Are the chairs for all of us?"

It was such a weird question to ask Noah. Not about the whole goddamn house that was randomly by the lake. Not the furnishing inside of the house. Not the little hooks inside the house for places for house plants that broke my heart. No, my dumbass asked about the chairs on the porch.

"Yes," Noah answered me. God bless this man he destroyed me with his haltingly quiet answer. As if I was going to be mad at him any minute or leave him. If he only knew, if he only understood how forever I was for Noah.

"Noah, my beloved man. Did you build a house?" My gaze flicked to him to watch those ocean eyes and figure out the thought process.

"Yes," he answered again. It was a one-word answer, it was so loaded it had a weight to it. And I was trying my hardest to figure out everything else that might be going with that answer. Sandy blond locks block one eye as he gazes back at me. Ocean blue and so emotive when he gives me some level of eye contact. Pools of emotion and caring. But I needed to understand what he wanted back from me. Maybe it won't ever be I love you. That might not be something he can give me. But I had to understand what he wanted from me.

"My beloved man, what does yes mean?" He gets nervous, his hand tightening around my waist bringing me to straddle him tighter. As if he feared I'd go away and reject him.

"The house is not done. I know you have your own place. Maybe if you wanted to stay sometime?" I bit my lip listening to him. Trying my hardest not to blast off hundreds of questions. My greatest and my haunting ghost is that I filled in the blanks for my husband. Letting things not OK slide, and not letting him talk to me enough. I was always careful with Noah because I was his first everything to let him set our pace. Whatever our pace happens to be. When he told me no he didn't love me it hurt like very few things in my life had ever hurt. But I respected his honesty. As I waited for more from him, more didn't come.

"I do have my own place Noah." Keeping the answer simple.

"And I would like to see you more. But you live on the other side. I want more time with you." His eyes were searching for words moving erratically. The words he wanted to articulate weren't coming out fully. But his hold on me got tighter. All I wanted to do was hug him. And me wearing underwear and he had just sweats on. My mind was so distracted and into the moment at the same time. But I'm a fucking thirsty woman and this thick man was holding on to me telling me he wanted more. MORE! So, confusing that everything was in my head, the more thought was sticking. Even as I was squirming in his too tight hold. "I do not have space in the warehouse. It is small, and you did not stay the night over at my place." Well there's not a lot of room and you hit your head if you sit up too fast without stopping. It's a super cramped place. Good for hookups, not great for staying over. I liked it better when he would lay out a blanket in the middle of the studio and we had our time there. I was hit with another round of the squirms on top of him as what he was asking was connecting in my head. My eye line was Noah, the house, then back to those blue blue ocean eyes. It was a loop as he spoke quietly to me. Trying to tell me...

"Noah, do you want me to move in with you?" My hands cup him just under his chin. His beard tickles my fingers and Neptune as Beloved Neptune as ever. I held my breath waiting for his answer and it felt like an eternity. His eyes slid to the side and worry came back for me. It was a silence filled with so much and I could barely take it. I had to let him tell me one way or another either way. And I didn't budge, I waited for him.

"Not wanting you to leave is moving in together?" He asked, coating his question with so much hesitancy.

"It could be seen that way. But if that's not what you mean, that's OK as well." I gave him an out. But I waited for him as he thought about it carefully. Watching his mind turn over my words. His hand slipping around my ass taking a large handful like he loves to do. The action so absent minded, my thickness held by him as tightly as everything else. And waiting for this beloved man to verbalize what he wanted took everything in me. Because I was so greedy for Noah. If he only understood how thirsty I am. He's so... wonderful... My cup is overflowing with happiness with him and still my thirsty ass could keep drinking. When we first got together, we were fucking like teenagers. I'd just roll over completely out of it and still wanted him to hit it. Goddess bless him he wanted to hit it just as bad. I was a sex blob worn the fuck out, sexually rung the fuck out by him and still... STILL... Thirsty for him and loving it. When he hit it when I was in that state, I'd throw it back with a tired smile. So, I was beyond holding my breath, for once I wasn't drowning. Because Noah could breathe for us anyway. There was no more drowning. If we had to drown we gonna drown together and I was fine with that. We'd share that last breath until the end. And so, held his beloved cheeks in my hand. Stroking my thumb soothingly through his beard and keeping my eye contact with him.

"Come and see. It is not done, I will finish it." He picks me up and takes me towards the house. A determined expression on his face. "It should have been finished."

"Whoa," I say as I lean forward with him picking me up. Neptune didn't answer me but maybe he's trying to. He takes me towards the house and the wooden A shape house is more striking every step closer. "Noah, you can put me down." I said it with a smile instead of the worry that was sitting in the bottom of my belly like a weight. My tummy couldn't tell what end was up anymore pure flip flops. Maybe I was asking for something he wasn't ready for and confusing things. I really needed him to verbalize here...

"No, shoes." He replies as he opens the back door. I don't think I'll ever get used to this carry me around thing he does sometimes. He stops inside the house finding the super soft sheepskin rug on the ground and places me on it. My bare feet down on to the plush rug sink into the softness. Noah has such a hopeful goofy expression, it's heartbreaking. I pull the sheepskin blanket around me and smile back at him. Then slowly I observe the inside of the unfinished house.

The upstairs is somewhat visible, but I'd have to go up the stairs to see more. More than four rooms inside the house but it's still very cozy. Extremely unsuburbs McMansion like with endless clones of the same damn house. It's the kind of place that feels like there's only one of these in the whole world. And I was right, there were little hooks for plants like the ones at my house. The package was on the table for the hooks and the date on the receipt was the morning he made me coffee. On the recipe the coffee beans, maker, and the hooks. Reading that and looking around the room broke the last pieces of my heart.

Noah took my hand in his. A big ball of goofy smile and worry. "It is an A-frame house. Really, I will finish it. It should have been done..."

"OK, Noah.. but. What does that mean for you and me?" I questioned again letting him finish his thoughts. And he did think about it, turning it in his head. Light filtering into the house with big windows on his sandy locks. And unlike my home with the lower ceiling this house he was perfect sized for. Far too big of a man but the house itself accepted him as a hand into a well-worn glove.

I'm not even sure how a hardwood floor could be so welcoming. How the high ceilings worked. An unfinished house could feel so much like home but it did. And him in it even more like home.

Noah took a big breath and nodded in the way he does when he's thought about it thoroughly. When he's working and cutting wood, absolutely convinced that he thought about it good and hard. It's adorable watching him do it.

"Would it be alright... Can you move in with me? Do not leave?... Stay?" It came out jumbled. Cute, and jumbled, but I got what he was saying. It was probably not really an option he thought that was on offer.

"You built a house?"

He nods.

"You want me to live in it with you?"

He nods.

"For a few months?"

He shakes his head.

Well.. That's not good... but... I needed to have faith. I've told myself I was going to trust more and I'm living by it. Trust in Noah.

"Forever?" I whisper the words. Each syllable is as light as a summer rain shimmering over water. The impact of the words was like water rippling out so delicate. But that delicacy of soft rain was filled with dire need because every drop counts in drought. And I saw the concept sink into Noah's expression and gasp at its impact. His hand was tightening around mine. As he peered down at me. His ocean eyes made contact with me and the confused, worried look was replaced by a stubborn and mulish one.

"Yes, do not go." He said to me and I sighed. And then I step into his arms. I had to be held. We had come so fucking far, I needed his arms around me.

"Noah, can we sit down and watch the lake some more?" I asked him not replying. I had to get my words correct. A long road on in our relationship. For me Noah was my forever. I was trusting but maybe this is the start of him being able to verbalize certain things. But I also had to slow myself down. Let him meet me in the middle if he wants to be there.

Today has been so much...

His warm muscular arms were around me and we slid to the ground together. I backed into him my head leaning back against his chest. The deck was a few steps down and from that the walkway to the dock and the little boat. So, you could see it all but nothing was blocked. The water feature is easily viewed from the big picture window.

An A-frame house huh... he built a wooden house. How very Noah.

A smile spread across my expression as if it couldn't be stopped. Noah has been so full of surprises lately.

My mother once told me you have to take happiness as is sometimes. There will be days where you laugh and cry at the same time. For two completely different reasons and feelings. And that's perfectly OK. That when we get happiness, take it as is with two open hands. She told me that two days before my father died. On one of his good days. That cocoa butter wisdom buoyed my soul in my bleakest of days.

Noah has been for me a hand waiting for me for so long. I originally met him when I was supposed to fix his days and rather he ended up fixing mine. Then when he left all I wanted was to find him but he found me instead.

I love you might never come from his lips but it's always here, from me to him.

We are both getting forever together.

And oh god how I trusted.

My hand rubs against his absentmindedly as I gaze out the picture window. Noah moves the sheepskin blanket, so it covers me better. Even as a small shiver moves through my body. I still had a fever, and I was probably going to come down with something. But I didn't care. And with two hands I turned around throwing my arms over his shoulder. Wrapping them behind his head and going in for a kiss.

"It is not done yet. I can take you around?" He said it hopefully, as if he expected me to turn him down even though I was just about to say absolutely yes yes yes. But I felt his need to convince me. So, maybe we both needed to build trust. I never walked away from him. But for Noah, it was unexpected, and that hurt was a first for him. That pain broke him. So, I agreed with a nod of my own to let him take me around the house again. It felt like something he needed to do badly. Even though we went around a bit already I barely saw any of the room.

I wish Noah would learn to believe how crazy I was in love with him.

Noah stood up and then pulled me up after him. Making sure to keep the big blanket around me. He went and grabbed his house shoes. They were some simple shoes but too big for me. I could fit two feet into one of them but I put it on. Instead of letting me walk in them he carried me around. He had this cautiously hopeful expression, the kind that he gets when happy tears are in play. A little grumpy cat filled with a splash of happy cat.

I was right about the plant hooks in the kitchens. The tips of my finger tip touched in the beautiful partly finished kitchen. And the room was striking but not complete. So, much wood finished it was almost as if it was a modern take on an Elfin huntsman's home. Pretty rich browns from the dark wood and my fingertips skated gently over the top as he watched. Buttery soft and slick against my fingertips. A floating island in the middle with a sink and a bit of marble. That leads to some burners that pull out and hide the stools. It was such a clever design choice. The whole thing was so wondrous. I could almost see the plants that would live there turning their happy great leaves to the sun everyday.

"Noah, do you hunt?" A painting of a forest near the woods caught my eye. Complete with wild horses it looks so remote. One of the paintings was of one horse in particular. It's mane a silvery blonde and gray coat, so proud of a horse. Its head turned to the ocean behind him.

"Not always. I go hiking and camping sometimes. Not within the last two years because you were around." He answers.

"Oh.." I thought about it. And a small smile cracked my lips. I kept him around, didn't know that. "Do you ride horses?"

"Yes," he answered quickly as we left that room.

Noah takes me to the living room and the even bigger sheepskin rug over the wooden floors. The chocolatey greens, dark browns and caramels would look so good with my house plants. Also, I could buy a few big chonky plants. If this man only knew I'd live in a shack with him. I'd live in the warehouse in that tiny bed up the stairs hitting my head in the morning every morning. It wouldn't be perfect but it would be with Noah.

"The fireplace works both of them." He sets me down on the big rug in front of the fireplace. Then he lights both the fire in the kitchen and the one in the living room. More of that adorable like it please stay. I went to say of course I'm staying again but before I could say it he jumped in faster. "I will show you more." He said it as if he's still trying to ward off the no he thinks I'll tell him.

The fire crackled and popped in the living room. My dark chocolaty toes in the too big shoes sunk deep into the giant sheepskin rug. Noah watched me as a hawk as I gazed into the fire. The blues of his ocean eyes peeking out from his messy sandy blond hair. The cuts and bruises on his chest hurt my heart. Even though both of us got thoroughly rained on last night, we were both a little too dirty. When he came up from behind me I leaned back into his rough chest, tickling the back of my neck with his chest hairs. A small sigh escaping my lips at the closeness I needed.

I wanted Noah to feel more comfortable and let me tell this wonderful man yes but I made a commitment to move at his pace. At least for now, his pace is what we go at. With my head resting on his broad chest and a smile on my face I looked up at him.

"I don't need to see more Noah I-" He cut me off again and scooped me up. And we went on another walk. This man if he only would realize how much I loved him. He has got to trust me back but then again maybe he did. Noah built this whole house from the day he came back. Possibly longer than that...

Two rooms, one filled with little cape hooks that had me smiling. But it could also work for plants but the very Little Man of the room said capes to me. The Star Wars theme of it all was cute. Noah would watch the movie with both my kids no matter how many times he'd already seen it with them. Then the one next to it filled with star systems and stars. If you check the window a side door out to the porch and a quick turn would take you back to the telescope on the porch.

Space Girl would love this room, and it was a punch to my gut. The silence words if she ever gets to see it floating in my mind. And the pain was a fast strike. My smile slipped from my lips as fragile as a snowflake melting away just as quickly. At the same time I was thankful for Noah thinking about my kids. The last two rooms on the other side of the downstairs. Was two offices or can be anything rooms that weren't finished. And I caught the moment Noah knew I was upset which really didn't settle him at all. But he let me work through my emotions and I took the words of my mother to heart. We got to take the good. And hard days were coming, so I had to grasp the good tightly.

He took me up the stairs picking me up again before I could even take a step. Does he really think I'd run away or something? And the thought brought a smile to my face again just as quick. If he only understood everyone I knew except buttdialer adored Noah. Hell, Jo-Lee, Carly, and Eve were so team Noah it was over the top. Even when he was mad at me they were pulling for him, the traitors.

I wrap my arms around him letting him take me. At the top of the stairs a master bedroom. Room for me, him and my ever-expanding collection of house plants with hooks and empty pots. And I wonder if he bought the big pot in the bedroom before he even went to my place. A few months ago Zoey asked me for suggestions on the house remodel she was thinking about. She told me to do three different versions. One I might think she likes one that without her being involved and it was my house what I'd want. And the final one a matching version of the designs. I think Zoey was in on it.

The bed looks lovely but also dusty and dirty as hell. It was a large room with more picture windows to the outside facing the lake. The bed was covered in plastic to keep it getting more dirty. And the room except for the pot was the only other thing inside the bedroom.

"Did you want to check the bathroom?" I smiled and nodded going with the flow. The more I try to get in to tell him yes the more nervous he is I'm about to say no. So, I'm worried about bad news. He carried me into the bathroom of course I couldn't walk with him anymore. It seemed everywhere was carrying now. I should take it as a good thing because maybe he needed closeness as much as I did.

The bathroom was a shower and a tub that had little raised feet. And for a second time Noah set me down on the squishy rug. He really like furs. And he already put up a few paintings even in the bathroom. A frame shot of the boat that he was building when we first built.

"I think that photograph of the boat was for a thumbnail?"

"You did.," He said with a more comfortable smile. He was losing up again.

"Can I clean you up a little?" That would actually make me feel tons better. The scratches on him had a reddish tint I didn't like.

"The water is not on to the shower, only the sinks and outdoor showers. One toilet works as well downstairs." He wasn't joking when he said the house wasn't done.

"OK," I answer him opened the cabinet. Inside were mostly my brands for lotion and some of his beard care stuff. I spotted a few bandages and my hand moved towards it. He made a grumpy cat face in the mirror. My hand veered away from the bandages and just picked up things for cut cleaning.

"You have a lot of my brands," I said it like a statement fishing for more answers. It was my lotion, toothpaste brand. It was so much of my stuff it had me wondering.

"Yes," he answered me without answering me. All Neptune mysteries of the sea mode. When I gathered the antiseptic for the cut on his chest he hissed when I rub it on. Grumpy cat indeed. And then a thought pops into my head, I wonder how good of a job he did. Checking the shelves for honey I found it a few seconds later. I sometimes mix it into things when I'm going for a full natural hair look. Popping open the bottle I rub a tiny bit on the cut after I clean it. Then I move to the next one. Carefully combing over his body for all the places that were hurt.

I wish I had cleaned all this out last night because one or two of the cuts were red. A kind of red that I wasn't happy with but those were small cuts. The big ones were OK even after cleaning up.

My hand rested on his broad chest just under the large cut on his chest. The roughness combined with the softness of his chest hair was mesmerizing. And I was caught in the feel of him. A smell of salty and woods. That smell wrapped around me as familiar as always and the heat. How can he throw off so much heat? I stood on my tippy toes, never getting high enough to reach my favorite nook at his neck. I wanted a sneaky sniff, a bigger lung full of him inside my body. A little taste and my old habit of saving for the cum winter. A fear that this will be the only time I get to. That everything will be taken away from me. And the memory of today and my mother's loss repeated. But instead of cancer death by cop. Everything else ... taken away in seconds. But the trust I had didn't let the fear take hold, and I was thankful again.

I wrap around my arms around his neck and pull him down to me before anything else.

"Noah," I said into those ocean blue. He was hiding just a little from me. His eye contact was as fleeting as catching sky diamonds reflecting in water. Jumping glittering and never still in the waves. The second you try to touch it the water ripples. You're left with nothing but water pouring from your hand. Sandy blonde hair blocking his worried glance. Oh, how he must have watched me while I was cleaning the cuts. But the power of his close regard was a physical thing when he gave it. It was in the way he blocked his gaze from me that I knew it was the case. When I first came he was like that. I didn't understand him that even though he wasn't saying anything to me he was still speaking loudly. All I had to do was slow down and let him. He tensed in my hold, my nose rubbing against his neck in that perfect nook. He didn't want me to tell him no, and all I wanted to do was tell him yes this whole time. "Thank you, I'd love to move in with you. I'm so glad you trust me." I smiled into his neck as the words hit him. Felt it through his whole body every single bulky muscle feeling the impact of my words and melting. I followed it up again. "I love you so much."

He grasps me tight back pulling me into his body as if he still expects me to run away. One step at a time though. It sometimes has to be that way. "I love you," turned away from him. Letting him hold me tight. His hardness against my back and my head leaning back into his chest. Comfortable letting him have me to hold and so fucking comfortable. We needed a shower badly, we both needed cleaning up, but we had this moment damn it. It took us a long ass time to get here. "Noah, I wish you understood how beloved you're to me. I love you." I said it one more time and the last tightness faded. Keeping the happy tears in so it didn't upset him took everything I had in me.

"Thank you, Shiny," he told me without letting me go.

A/n: Well, we have a few parts and split scenes coming up. Just a heads up. This chapter was so emotional for me. I'm like THANK GOD.  I almost did a A/n in the middle of it.

This is what an a-frame house was. It's pretty famous in carpenters and many young carpenters build it. I keep saying a-frame but I didn't do a good job of fully explaining because I was like too much Teamcum lol and just rooting for them. Screaming finally bitch lol. I'll fix it in edits.