On the ride back from the police station Noah didn't look at me. His sandy blonde hair covers his ocean eyes. He was so withdrawn in the back of the town car. The plush seats at odds with his dirty flannel shirt. His hair was messy and his shoulders sagged in the back.

It took more than 48 hours for Noah to be released by the police. And the amount of paparazzi grew by the hour as Sara at the house gave me an update every couple of hours. It started as more than our normal amount of cameras. But it was something completely different. It morphed into a feeding frenzy in front of the gate to the drive. Legally, they couldn't even be cleared away. As long as they stand on the public roadway they can be there all day long. Not a thing could be done and doing something would only give them more of the show they wanted. In the fancy Heron Electric Town car it was pure luxury but it was lost on me. I wasn't looking forward to making it to Noah and Zoey's house.

Next to me Noah's lawyer was quickly in a war room on her phone. I'd never met Colleen Holmes before but she was professional once she flew in from New York. She also got him out faster than I thought anyone could get out from police custody. Colleen Holmes was a scary woman.

The full list of charges resisting arrest and attacking an officer. Noah did neither. They also where biting at the edges of booking him for sexual assault, and that got me worried. I wasn't in doubt for a second that Noah actually did it. The man doesn't like to be touched. He doesn't often make physical contact with other people he doesn't know. When the officer told me what they were talking to him about it, I was shocked. As if he was implying to me that he knew something and I should tell him more. But It simply isn't even an option on the list of options if you knew Noah for two seconds. Even handshakes were extremely difficult. He didn't take people brushing against him casually, so no large crowds if he could help it. I thought the police officers were nuts and came to the wrong house.

Unfortunately, while at the station I was questioned along with Noah. I let the detectives talk at me. It was the safest thing to do because I didn't trust none of them. They made no attempt to read Noah his rights. Which isn't part of the law anymore but it should be. There was a lack of professionalism from the whole bunch of officers to Noah. It was the way in which they were stepping over each other to cover their asses. Instead of de-escalating the situation. Plus, they could have done 80 seconds of google searching about Noah to know he's Autistic. Whether Noah likes it or not Sabali, and Zoey wrote a top 50 song about him. The man is a public figure through his relationship with his family. Also, because he's at least in the art world a well-known modern artist.

A search that would have taken them seconds to find out he's autistic. They didn't bother to do the work and bring an office who is accustomed to disabilities. They'd have known not to make contact unless it was required. The sudden movement might have spooked them. But what do you think would happen when you touch people? They can be rape victims, victims of assault, PSTD or whatever. When you make contact like that in that unprofessional way because they didn't have a plan. I saw that look in their eyes that 'Oh shit,' when I asked them why he was being arrested. They didn't know shit. One guy made the wrong move and they all just jumped. Not a single thought of deescalating. And all I could think of in the memory was thank god he wasn't shot. That fear roiled in my belly like a lead weight in the station. Hell, I fear next time. And I already had that fear for when my son got older and now I can add Noah to that.

I stayed angry in that room while they were questioning. And I kept my ears open and my mouth shut. The name that stuck out the most was Trisa, scum bitch herself. Snoopy ass Drama Kiss and I was so pissed off. That whole thing was weird with her hanging around Noah. Showing up at his place, showing up at the museum. What the fuck is going the fuck on? Trust was so hard to hang on to.

That night the first time I saw Noah's meltdowns. Yeah, it was a meltdown complete with him shutting me out for hours next to him in front of that painting. It took so long before he spoke to me again at the Crocker. It was the same night Theo figured out that Noah and I were fucking around. I should say Theo assumed we were in a relationship of sorts. It's doubtful he thought we were fucking around but who knows. We had an obvious comfortableness in the way I reached for him so maybe he knew. Same night we had a fight about everything and nothing all at once.

But before that fight happened and when we were walking in scum bitch's hand was on Noah. She touched him trying to get in close with him and when he pulled away if you weren't at the right angle it looked weird. As if he was trying to hurt the woman or something else. So, when the police officer played the CCTV footage I was prepared for it.

The freeze frame was a tableau of an awful moment in my life. Scum Bitch partly blocking Noah's hand somewhere on her. Me being chased after by Theo with anger all over my face. The detective tried to get more answers from me. As if I was going to give him tools to bury Noah. I backed that mac truck of side eye up for him and he got nothing from me.

I had trust, fear but trust through and through. The root of that fear wasn't that for a second I thought Noah did something. My fear was completely rooted in the real world we live in. A world where the Noah's of this world might get pulled into something truly fucked up. Because bless his beloved heart, Noah's too nice. Same for Zoey, same for Sabali and Maurice, his whole family is too nice for this shit. That the many people who don't know him won't realize right off the back how absurd all of this is. Noah's in conflict with the police and they already fucked up. Even if it would have been simply cleared up before it will be weaponized now.

Sharr on my other side was pissed. She was about as pissed as I was and her foot tap anger. I'd never been one for the Karens of the world. But Sharr's upper society WASP game meant that she was going to use her power for good. And someone was going to Karen pay for missing with Noah. The best part about Sharr was she wasn't a just this one time person. She was about to stick a foot up someone's ass and the ice in her gaze as she typed into that phone said everything to me. The powerful lawyer even brought her town car and driver to pick us up from the police station in a show of support.

We cruised slowly past the Paparazzi greedy lens. They blocked part of the drive with their vans. No matter how much my mind wandered as the driver slowed down the crunchy drive way I was still in the car with all of them. The driver took us around to the back of the warehouse to avoid the Paparazzi.

Noah was alone on the bench that faced us in the back of the car. The divider up completely blocked the driver in front. And the two women sandwich me between their professionalism. Noah on that big bench alone still managed to make it seem small under his body. I made the mistake of shifting over to his side until his body language told me no and I stopped.

That shit hurts. That shit hurt a fuck load.

I slid back over to the seat between the two women. And they headed out of the car, going over to make a statement to the Paparazzi waiting. Out of the tinted window I watch them go. I'm sure why but didn't move an inch from the center bench. I was as curled in on myself as Noah was.

It was hard to believe just two days ago I was watching him walk from my apartment to his truck. Smiling up at me before he drove off to work on my car. How quickly everything fell apart. If I had just...

But I had nothing. Sometimes you can't stop things falling into the sea. Trying to piece another path together. Time machines don't exist and won't fix anything. And as I watch the big man across from me with his head in his hand. Long sandy hair draped down, dirty. He was so unlike the happy Noah that left me a few days ago.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I took it out.

Theo: I'm waiting at the gate.

The way he sent the text was a proclamation instead of the reason why he was at Noah's. I stared at the phone clueless waiting to see the typing sign. For some stupid reason I thought he was going to keep going with the conversation so I would know what he wanted. And I waited, more typing didn't come.

Tari: The pickup for the kids is tonight. I'll be at your house for it.

Theo: I have something for you. I'm at the gate.

"Noah, I'll be back soon. I have to meet Theo at the gate." Getting this over with as fast as possible so we could have some alone time was important. I wanted to get the whole story of what the fuck was going on. Piecing things together had already begun at the police station. But I wanted the story from Noah himself. I waited for Noah to lift his eyes and make eye contact with me. He didn't; he was so withdrawn, with a boatload of frustration I got out of the car and headed for the gate.

The flashing lights of the paparazzi hit my back. Noah's lawyer was smoothly taking questions from the reporters. It was a backdrop of chaos while off to the side near the gate was Theo's SUV. Theo was in fresh jeans, tucked in shirt, designer belt, and collared dress shirt. As if he was going for casual and then slapped some money on it. He leaned against the SUV so confident his arms crossed waiting for me. I knew, I just fucking knew nothing good could come of this. He wasn't happy though he appeared frustrated and a little sad. The expressions of Theo was something I was so accustomed to reading. Even knowing the way he was feeling at a glance it still confused me. But maybe I shouldn't be so comfortable in my knowing what was on his mind. Because when he was cheating on me I was so checked out of our relationship that I didn't read it. I was completely blindsided.

"Theo," I said with a tired wave.

"Tari, I..." he was at a loss for words and he called me out here. My suspicion was up.

"Just tell me Theo, I'm very tired. But I won't be late for pickup." I told him.

"It's about pickup," he said. But again he didn't finish the thought, and it was driving me nuts.

"What about pickup?" I pressed on. He handed me folded paperwork. I opened it up, and it was an emergency notice. Visitation injunction until supervision.

"You're probably going to be served today. I wanted to make sure you knew in person before tonight." The hard line of his jaw didn't twitch; he stared me down. As empty eyed as when he put on his prison uniform every morning to go to work. The bottom fell out of my soul. I had to reach for a railing or something to stop me from falling. Those court papers fell from my cold grip. Fluttering to the ground like wilted flowers falling on to a grave. I had no words, just I needed to be held and no one to hold me when I needed it the most.

I was alone again. As alone as when I heard the voicemail of my husband having sex with his side piece, moans include. Through the night listening with headphones to that same message again and again on loop. Absolute desolation is my only comfort every time that voicemail loops. Stuck in that hope that it wasn't my husband with another woman I was listening to. But it was, I knew the way he sounded. I built my life around him and my family and I knew.

Blood filled my ears, the rhythm of my racing heart beat replacing all sound, all place, all sense. The noise of the flashing lights behind me and it's circus of shame were gone. Just pounding and my shaky legs. I was beyond tears, beyond rage, the fucking epitome of everything Theo feared in me.

"You're taking my kids?" Zero emotion was in my question to Theo. I had to get clarity because my world was destroyed.

"Supervised visits until I can be sure my kids are safe." He answered me without any remorse. An empty voice that sounded familiar and foreign at the same time.

"Safe from me?" This son of a bitch.

"Safe from him," Theo replies.

In the place beyond tears, and beyond rage, I was in the eye of the storm. My view of the new landscape in my watery world. A destroyed city sunk into the sea and the storm tearing it to pieces. Lifting the city pieces high in the air above the water and ripping it to pieces. And, if I was honest with myself it was beautiful in its terribleness.

In that storm I'm not sure when it clicked. I couldn't even tell you the moment the pieces started falling into place. The true level of fuck you Theo provided me. Everything made sense all of this horrible fucking days made goddamn sense. Even emergency injunctions take time to put together. You have to have a lawyer ready to do it. Concern in text messages and other ways to the other parent. You need proof that there's a long running problem. It's the type of problem that isn't getting resolved without a family court. Courts move slowly even when they shouldn't. And to set all this up he'd had to be moving towards it. Hell, I had an appointment with a family law attorney I plan to use myself. Finally, having the money to do something about it.

So, yes........ it's fucking obvious.

He knew.

HE FUCKING KNEW.

He knew about the scumbitch assault. He knew about the cameras; he knew about all of it. And he didn't tell me plainly. Theo tried to push me away from Noah without telling me why. And that place beyond tears, and beyond hate. In the eye of the storm with my world being destroyed around me shook.

"Why didn't you tell me, Theo?"

And thankfully, Theo didn't act like he didn't know what I was talking about. He was more truthful in this moment than the last part of our marriage. That cheating buttdialer spoke.

"I told you I was uncomfortable with him, Tari."

"Did you create this... turned Noah in?" I asked him.

"No, the police came to me and asked me about that night. And I told him what I saw, plain and simple," Theo said.

I remember that night. Hell, I watched the tape at the station. Noah was in a backroom and then the camera was blocked partly by his big frame. Scumbitch comes into the room and she touches Noah. The camera still partly blocks something happening. Theo and I come into the door and it looks like Noah hits Scumbitch from that angle. But he doesn't hit her. He's pulling away because Noah gets sensory overload from unexpected touching.

Theo's distant gaze was filled with everything I hated. When I watched him go to work in the prison he'd put on that uniform. By the time he closed the last button his eyes were cold, dead, and filled with accusations. Where was the man who smiled often replaced with Theo? And Theo had not a single gentle smile of Teo left. Not one Spanish word in the middle of the night and giggles. No, man helplessly entranced by a daughter who loved stars and a boy who wanted to be loved by him. And I realized how long I mourned that man. That unconsciously he died so many years ago. And that ghost was the ghost I said goodbye to on the boat. Finally, once and for all. So, he couldn't hurt me in that way ever again. But never could I imagine that Theo would find a new way to hurt me.

No more words were left. I reached over and picked up the paper I dropped covered in dirt. Then I brush off the tiny rocks and dirt off the paper. Folding the court papers carefully. I was so fucking empty, rung out in a world of water and destruction. When I was a kid, my mother told me stories about African gods in the waiting room when my father was dying. Spinning tales of women walking on water and rainbow color birds. My mother is a retired history teacher who left her job to work two jobs to take care of my father and me. And my father who died slowly would listen only half aware of the world while she told me stories. With a backing track of hospital beeps mimicking the beating drums of a forgotten land of gold. A story of a water goddess who touched the hearts of people who would never remember her name. A goddess whose brothers and sisters followed a trickster god over the seas. Those gods caught the children who were thrown in the water during the journey. Who's rivers and waters became railroads to freedom for the nameless water goddess. She who loved all her children. Even the ones who couldn't make it. She'd grab those children into the sea taking them to another home in the eye of all the storms. The birthplace of all storms in the sea. A goddess of love and water... who warred as hard as she loved.

Wonder... If that I finally found the eye of the storm. The birthplace of all storms that bring life and death in the same breath. Beyond all fear, beyond all tears, and beyond all pain. When in the place of all storms do, they do touch the water. Let it run over their fingers as it swirled and destroyed the world. Tempting the waters to take them away and deliver that life and death. My mother.. who looks like me as I look like her and my daughter who in turn looks like both of us. A woman who taught me with her every life breath to be a Queen. Even if what is left of my kingdom is nothing but a world of water and destruction.

Sliding the carefully folded dirty paper into my back pocket. Then taking a big breath filled with water. I wasn't giving Theo a single second more. But before I went I had something more to say.

"When you brought that woman into our lives. And I found out she was pregnant through the kids. Instead of from you..." Theo flinched at my tone. "The person who betrayed our marriage whether she knew we were married or not was you. A marriage is a two person task, and I kept it moving. I knew where the fault lies. Do you know why I chose to bring it up now?" He had nothing to say, not a word left this son of a bitch's mouth. "Even though we were together, we were family. That was my kids and your kids' half brother. The time for drama and tears was to save our marriage we couldn't. I at least trusted you not to bring someone around our kids who would hurt them. And she didn't, when I found out I welcomed her to the family myself."

I stared Theo down, diving deep into the chocolate depths of his gaze. Deep to the ghost of Teo in his soul, a shadow of goodness. "I did that for our children. I did it for both of us so we could move forward. Because I cared about them more than I cared about me. When I needed you... WHEN I FUCKING NEEDED YOU to trust my judgement oh... oh.. how you betrayed me, yet again."

For a second time I left him like a Queen, not a single tear was shed. Without looking back, I walked past the flashing cameras. And somehow they missed the drama unfolding near them. Yellow white light bouncing off my dark skin. Every click and snap while Noah's lawyer kept fielding questions. I walked through the gate down the gravel drive. Theo's eyes I knew without looking back were on me. And his eyes were as greedy and ghoulish as those paparazzi cameras.

That was the funeral of my old love and the beginning of my second war.

A/n: I'm so tired. I might fill the a/n in later might not. just smashed