23 | Need - Part 2

It was the gentle scratching sound that woke me up. Gradual movement of a pencil on paper is drawing me from my sleep bit by bit. He was sitting near the stove at a small desk, papers spread out on the table. For some reason I didn't want to disturb him so I watched. His pencil furiously moved against the paper. He grabs pencils, pens, paints, and ink. It wasn't a single paper he was working with. When he finished that one he went to the next.

Watching Noah work was and is mesmerizing. I was as captivated as when I went looking for him after he disappeared for a few days. It was when we were fighting for the first time. I found him painting Neptune, and we had sex the first time. He was engrossed with his big shoulder hunched over the papers.

Carefully, my feet quietly touched the floor. The gentle rock of the boat barely noticeable. A quick glance out the port window and the tree line coast was more distant. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for but I was happy to be underway. I'm not sure why but I stayed quiet walking up to Noah. My feet barely made a sound as I steady my steps to walk with the rocking of the ship.

"Noah?" I whisper, not wanting to disturb. My tiny plan was to give him a hug, maybe get something to drink and go back to bed. What I got was something completely different.

His big shoulders jump at my call to him. My foot paused mid-step, what fuckery is this? He shifts all the papers on the desk and slides others out of the way. Oh no, we are finally on track no no no.

"Noah, is everything ok?" He turns in his chair facing me and his ocean eyes are wide. My insides tighten at his worried gaze. He moves the papers he was working on behind him. And his ocean eyes drop like a lead weight to a watery ocean floor.

I'm not sure when I got used to his increased eye contact. The small glances he gave me without looking away. Without hiding his eyes behind his long hair. I was so used to it that maybe I wasn't as appreciative of the small change as I should have been.

"It's ok." I say in a level voice. With care I close the distance between us a step at a time. I couldn't see Noah's hands and I didn't want to push him into hurting his hands again. Plus, it could get worse and he could shutdown or meltdown. And I really don't want that at all. His hair hung to cover his eyes and as I took my last two steps towards him. He abruptly stood up from the chair pushing more of the papers behind him. "It's ok," because whatever it is that sets this off. It's ok at this point. I took another cautious step in my worry written all over my expression and I couldn't help it. The no no no in my mind looped. Reaching for him delicately, my touch was as soft as the softest of seagrass. "It's ok, really."

Flick of my eye line to the desk next to one of his drawing books. I debate with myself second guessing. When I had to act like I didn't want to be in a relationship, it was casual. That I was going to let Noah set the pace and the rules. I wasn't going to push it. Never going to make that mistake I did with Theo, of filling in all the blanks for him. Always bridging the divide and when the divide couldn't be bridge letting it slide. I didn't want to do that to Noah. Another relationship where I'd remake the same mistakes.

But...

I let Theo define my new relationship for fear of making another mistake. How cruel to let all the ghosts decide how I'd live my future. I was living with the dead, letting that damn dead marriage define everything about my future. Not anymore whatever path it's going to be in the world of the living.

My hand against Noah's cheek was as fragile as glass. It reminded me of the day he told me he wasn't in love with me and that I wanted to break up. But this time instead of a brush and walking away I kept it there. Pushing his hair away from his eyes. The ocean blue was back filled with something.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. His frantic eyes slid off mine and he pushed the thing behind his back even more. Ok, let's piece this together slowly T. Keeping my hand connected to him, I check the desk behind him again. It was a scatter of papers and drawing books. Not messy but not organized. Noah has a habit of not caring about most of his drawings. Once it's drawn, he's done with it. I remember when I was first hired I spent a full month organizing his drawings. He could make two, three full drawings a day and he's drawn almost every day of his life.

I kept scanning my way through the books on the desk and papers. Until I got to something that took me off guard. When that next wave hit the boat I almost stumbled forward. I wasn't paying attention to my eyes so drawn to that paper on the desk.

For a second I doubted myself trapped in that doubt. Memories of an answer machine and a buttdial that ended my marriage. Distrustful ghosts that never waste a second to haunt me but I read the words on the paper, anyway.

"Noah, Laboratory Information for sexuality transmitted disease?" He had a clean bill of health but that was the thing I interrupted. I really need to sit down. So, he... with scum bitch... "I'm so confused?"

His ears got red as he looked behind him with my hand still attached to his cheek. I could feel his face get warmer, as he grabbed the paper on the desk. Noah's eyes were beyond frantic. And like a fish out of water he opened and closed his mouth. "You said that if we are apart and we come back together." He didn't finish talking. And I filled in the blanks of his explanation. I did remember we had a whole damn conversation about condoms and sex. About me being clean and well I guess so is he.

"So..." The word was so weighted it sank like an anchor. Another word to join the lead weight at the bottom of the watery ocean floor. I didn't know how to have this conversation. Because I told him that is something you do when you are in relationships. We are and we're kind of in a relationship but I'm not sure. "Noah, I'm confused." He drops the lab paper behind him. "I want to work this out so we can lower the misunderstandings. What's the lab work about?" Well, it's good to know that I or someone else didn't give him anything. I haven't had any lab work done since my ex-husband. After that disastrous marriage I was clean thankfully. And well, Noah was a virgin before me but I'd have hated to give him something not knowing.

Words that came so slow. The type that makes me wonder how many times he has wanted to say something and couldn't? How many times has he been around other people and they didn't give him a chance to speak? I waited for him to get together, my hand casually stroking his cheek letting him calm down. The connection needed for me at least but it seems to be working for him as well. And I took his hand that wasn't behind his back anymore with the lab work paper and put it on my hip. As close as I was to him the heat and scent of salt and pine were all around me. I was more than ready to wait him out. Oh, how I've let the ghost of my relationship past rule me, not anymore.

"I thought you would like it if I got tested. It was sent by mail." He finally gets the words out. I didn't know what to make of this conversation but I was going with it. It was beyond a series of non sequiturs but we rolled with it.

"Thank you, it does make me feel more comfortable." And it did if he had other partners or whatever is going on then I'm glad he got tested. It was what I told him to do when we were done.

"Just us now?" He asked with more hesitancy.

"Yup, just us," I answered with a small smile. So, I guess we're good together. My dark hand was against Noah's red cheeks. Embarrassment washes away from his complexion. The nervousness drains away from him. Shoulders no longer tight and his hand around my hip pulled me closer to him. "We can always talk Noah, just don't shut me out, ok?" Please, god don't shut me out because we run into trouble when we both do that. I followed his mood. Just letting the man relax because that was probably the first time he had that type of conversation. It went sideways because I snuck up on him.

"Better?" I asked Noah. He nods and the thick books that were behind his back he brings forward. His eyes flick to it and then his ocean eyes make contact with mine. I watch as he slowly thinks about it. It wasn't one drawing book, it was several. With an even pile of books and papers behind him that were too big for him to hold behind his back. The done sticker I had him start to put on books he was done with was on many of them. When Noah is done with a book, he has a habit of no longer caring about what he's created. Unless it's carpentry related or adjacent. To him it's clutter, and he cleans it away. Stopping him from simply throwing things away was a job in itself. So, to see him guarding those books and even hiding them from me was odd. One of two panic problems solved lets see what number two was. Worry set in, but I didn't let that stop me.

Noah pulled me in closer and the small smile playing on my lips stayed firmly in place. Does this man even know how much he means to me? Anything that could be upsetting him right now is just a road bump. I was in all; I wanted forever even if that meant he was never going to be able to tell me he loved me. The words were important but I love this man as is. He is and always was beloved to me, my Neptune. And the thought settled my soul. Finally, I knew. A single teardrop rolled down my cheek. I tasted that salt in the corner of my lips in the crinkle of my smile.

So much more.

Beloved.

All of him, beloved. As simple as that, like how he has to bend over to enter through doors. To his smile while he works and no one's looking. As if everything he could imagine is at the end of his fingertips. The way he makes sure my coffee is perfect makes me different styles. He watches me drink the damn thing, his eyes tracking the tip of my tongue. When I drink I lick my lips. Sometimes he never takes his eyes off those lips. Even though it's not eye contact with me I see him seeing me. To the way he plays with kids and listens to them. How he always makes room for me while working even when really busy working. His world stops for me.

THIS MAN'S WORLD STOPS FOR ME!

What makes me even more sad thinking about it is I've never had that before. Not once. How the hell did I exist in that marriage for so long. Because once you realize his world stops for me. You can't live without it. And that time away from Noah wasn't living. I was existing. An existence without salt, pine, and ocean. It wasn't living; it was simply surviving like a person who washes ashore on a lost island in the middle of the ocean.

Counting days going nowhere.

I love you's are important. Hearing it is important, knowing the person you care about feels the same way you do is important. Maybe that is something Noah will never be able to give me. And I'm ok with that. Clarity is something we need in our relationship desperately. Part of my desperation for that clarity is mostly rooted in my fear. Deep insecurity that I wasn't raised to be allowed to have as a black woman. Something alien to me in that fear.

Always with me, the ghosts.

That the ghost of my relationship past will always come back. He'll cheat on me, I was solely responsible for this man cheating on me. That the buttdialer asshole husband will repeat. All my ghosts will haunt me for the rest of my life. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes. That I'll ruin my kids' life through my mistakes. These ghosts will be all there is to me. That Noah will become the ghost that will break me. Because I helped make him a ghost once already.

I couldn't have forever.

I don't deserve forever.

Noah's big thumb brushed against the tear at the corner of my lip. His ocean eyes worried. Panic slipping back in his gaze to make turbulent waves again. He pulls me in even closer, his big hand sliding behind my neck rubbing and his other on my hip not moving an inch. I pull him down to me. That salty taste on my lips spread to Noah's. And when his mouth opened to me, my tongue played. Had a whole damn ocean adventure. I didn't want to stop; I didn't want to let go ever again.

I loved Noah with my whole damn heart.

Then, now, future, forever, Noah.

With the taste of him all over my lips I relish it. Savoring the water for the thirsty. Drinking him down with abandon. My smile that was a small smile became big, and I poured our forever into that kiss. I wasn't letting go, never again.

We broke apart for air and I licked my lips. Making sure to get every taste of Noah I could have. And I wanted a lot more. But Noah stopped me. His head tilting to the side and sandy blonde locks blocking part of his face. Confusion was in his ocean eyes. My greedy ass throwing this man for loops. I take a tiny kiss and beam up at him. The boat's gentle rock combined with his warmth is my everything. I want more of everything. But again Noah stopped me, three seconds from dropping my jeans and panties. I was past ready to climb him.

"Huh?" Noah stopped me and I was befuddled this time. One leg in the air with his hand on my other hip, I was fucking ready. His lips pierced together, Noah's eyes guilty. His thumb rubs against the spot where my tear touched the corner of my lip.

He moves out of the way. His hands are leaving me but mine still hasn't left him. He sits down in the chair. Then with another worried glance my way he slides one of the done sticker marked books towards me. I didn't want to lose contact, didn't want to lose momentum even if whatever was going on happened to be bad. I'd be damned if I let go of him.

I reached out for the book. Whatever is inside twisted my stomach in worry. Holding tight to Noah's shoulder my shaky finger tip gingerly opens the book. The paper crinkle as loud as an exploded mine.

When I focused on the page it blurred and became like a mosaic. A ship with a huge mast and a little boy in a cape. My space girl passed tools to Noah. Me sitting next to a little man. Every turn of the page it was our time together drawn lovely. As common as every picture I took a day to make the thumbnail. It was even me sometimes holding the camera smiling at him. The complete other side and I had no idea I smiled like that.

I turn every page of the thick book. It was all of us together sometimes other times it was only me and Noah. A few of the kids by themselves. Space girl touched the stars, the painting in color was so beautiful. The swirling stars and her little hand reaching for it. Wet tears rolled down my cheeks. More of me, so many of me. I had books that were only page after page of me.

I smile like that.

The words repeat again and my disbelief was rooted deep.

That's the way I look. If I said it enough times maybe I could believe it. It's funny the way other people sometimes paint black people. The colors of a beautiful brown, rainbow chocolate skin. Nut colors so strong like trees. But the way Noah drew all of us physically. It had so many different colors and undertones. Golds, almost like...

I shown so bright.

"You shine," he whispered to me, eyes filled with wonder. The memory of my time on the boat last year. The way he saw me. I thought maybe it was different. Maybe things changed, and I brought him pain. I kept flipping through the paintings and sketches. Until I got to a date that wasn't the time we were together before we broke up. My hand moved to grip his hand wrapping tight around it as I sat down in his lap hoping not to lose my balance. My legs wobbly under me. When I began flipping through that book it was only a few tears on certain pages. A hint of saltiness mixed in with my admiration. They were exquisite drawings and paintings. Delicate strokes mixed with the deep layered style that Noah does with his painting.

But...

I shine.

The tears fell from my cheeks on to the desk. Big fat ugly tears, the kind you hope there's no snot. I was never able to cry pretty. Hanging on to that snot my a thread trembling.

"No, tears. I was trying to fix the tears from before but I made it worse." Noah's in complete distress, he grabs at the book. I snatch the book from his hand cradling it close. Throwing my face into Noah's chest all snot, and a torrent of teardrops.

"Please, Tari. Please, stop crying. I am sorry." He was unsettled and his awkward pat against my back made more waterworks. "It is my fault. I should have asked first... Sorry."

It's funny how life is sometimes. When I was with them the first time again. I kept wondering if I still shined. I thought I was simply something that only brought him pain. That maybe he wishes we never got together. I lifted my head to the picture of me shining in that dress from the night we got together again. My son said I looked like a princess, many afternoons watching Brandy be Cinderella. But the way he made me shine I look like a Queen ruling it all.

"I thought you only made landscapes?" I ask him with a sloppy gooey snot voice.

"Sorry," he says again. His hang dog expression caved in on itself.

"Wait, wait Noah. These are happy tears. Really happy the way you made me look. I..." I didn't have words and as I tried again I failed. Lost in the first word.

"Shine," Noah's answer was bashful. My watery smile was filled with snot.

"I look awful," I soggy snot with a watery cough. Why am I always fucking drowning? Maybe Neptune was the correct person to be in love with. He can breathe underwater for both of us. I laugh at my own joke and another round of mucky coughs follow my laughing tears. Noah takes his shirt off and wipes my nose making my coughing laughs louder. I'm a fucking mess.

"Normally, I like landscapes better. But I enjoyed spending time with all of you. I wanted to remember it." He answered the question before. "You are still shining." He says quickly answers another one. Noah cleans up my face with his shirt with little hassle. His worried expression tells me without words that he doesn't believe its happy tears.

I flipped the book open again as I sat in his lap. Warm with my head against his chest listening to his heart beat against his bare chest. Chest hairs tickling my ear as I flip through the pages. The second book is filled with other pictures of me. A careful catalog of my thick thighs, the curves of my generous hips. So much here. My expression of ecstasy and again I shown bright. Cocobutter skin so lovingly painted and everything was me. Page after page, book after book. It was mostly...

Me..

"If you throw away the books will you give them to me?" I asked him. I'd always remember this, the moments together but the way he looks at me. For those nights of doubt, I wanted to hold on. The thought of this landing in the trash because he does that sometimes made me sad to imagine.

"I am not throwing the books away. I should have asked permission. I am sorry but I wanted to remember," he affirmed. The snot that Noah managed to wrangle was on the edge of coming back. My puffy eyes wobble towards round two. "I will always want to remember," Noah reaffirmed.

That did it, instead of completely morphing into a snot pile after he cleaned me up. I turn in the chair straddling his lap. Then I kissed Noah with my whole damn heart. Drowning in his taste and letting him breathe for both of us. I vibrate containing all of my love for this beloved man.

A franticness infused my movements. And that hectic energy coated my touch against Noah's always too hot skin. My darkness stands out in contrast against his hot flesh. As the painting he made of me the gold and purple undertones. The me-ness of it.

Again I realized with mystified shock that I never stopped shining for him. As if the idea even a second time made no sense to me. I lifted my shirt over my head and Noah his gaze glued on me with absolute puzzlement but his body knew the score. I felt him under me rising. Shifted my ass along that hardness racing for the button of my jeans.

And as if out of fear when I got up from his lap I kept one hand connected to him. In a dance I kept my contact with Noah. My jeans and panties came down as fast as I could pull it off. I kick those items of clothes behind me. Got my top off and threw open my front snap bra like I was Clark Kent and it was about time to become superman.

I got back to that kiss. Chasing my fervor back to his beloved perplexed lips. It was just like my beloved Neptune to kiss me back perplexed or not. Grabbing hold of me while my hands fumbled with his jeans, opening them up and pulling him out. Thickness in my hand bobbing up and straining for me with that impatient curve tip back. The tears and snot were well behind me in the heat of the moment but the happiness was everywhere within me.

"You're not in trouble Noah," my busy hand traveled up and down his hardness in a slow, silky way. Coated him, loving him, absolutely in love with him. For some reason I couldn't stop touching him and I couldn't stop myself in my connection with him. "I am, so fucking happy you think I shine. Thank you, no one but you has ever told me that." I kiss Noah softly on the lips again, less bewildered. Talking to him and stroking him at the same time was a little mean. All the blood going to the second brain was probably throwing him off. Pulling back from our tender kiss and licking my lips. Noah's ocean eyes were on me; he wasn't hiding himself. I want to tell him so fucking much. It felt like all the shine in me was ready to burst out.

Taking my hand off his thickness then I grasp his in mine. He follows me up in a daze. Removing his jeans and getting everything out of the way he helps. I grabbed those damn jeans and sent them flying. My hand wraps back around him and eyeline drops transfixed. Dark hand wrapped around his thickness. A thumb flicking at that juicy pearl liquid at his tip and spreading it down his shaft. My nose rubs against the thick thatch at his chest. I was passed ready to be gone, the hunger building in my center tightening in anticipation.

"I promise, I'm not mad. Surprise yes, but not mad. Were you ever going to show me?" I asked him. That vulnerability in my voice was back. The fragility that his answer could bring out in me scared the fuck out of me.

"No, you were too shiny," Noah said in a whisper.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Too shiny, I didn't want to ruin anything." I didn't quite understand but I trust it made sense to him. He and I needed trust. We had to figure this WE out.

"Ok Noah," I beam up at him. Beyond mischievousness I gave him a show. His eyes were on me as I cup my breast tweaking my hard nipple for him. Everything inside of me was ramping up. Noah's fingers wiggle when I pinch that hard nipple and pull it just a bit in the same way he likes to do. Noah takes a big gulp and I giggle. My poor baffled man, with his eyes on me I lower down to that thickness I wanted so badly. Taking that juicy head in my mouth and swirling my tongue across it. The grunt was guttural from Noah, drawn from the depths. He staggered with my mouth around him, unable to move with the rocking of the boat. As I took his length down, he sat back in the chair and I followed him down. I smiled around him savoring that saltiness and his little involuntary hip movements.

One of the things I hated in the breakup was because it came so fast. I didn't get to go down on him again. Never got another chance for what I wanted. Had I known I was going into another damn cum winter I'd have loaded up for it.

It was his pure pleasure I chased with him captured by me. Speeding up from the slower pace. When my other hand cups his sac massaging them. Noah's hands seize the chair in a white knuckled grip. My head comes up and I follow with my hand around his thickness. I made eye contact with him watching the liquid rhythm working Neptune over. I was careful not to go too fast slowly down when I saw his thickly muscled chest shudder. Broad shoulders tilting with his hips in helpless replete.

Noah's little rough grunts and my moans around this delicious length. Even though I was the one who was giving my breathing was as out of control as his. I was so fucking taken with him a feast before me. Sitting between his generous meaty leg muscles. My thighs dance squeezing together sitting enclosed by his legs. Dewy wetness spreads from me to coat my pussy lips with every tight shift of my thighs. Pacing was so hard because I wanted all of him. Every fucking drop, my wanton gluttony was in messy state. It was in the way when I came all the way back up I'd lick my lips every time not wasting him.

The problem if you could call it a problem was Noah only had this done one time, and that was by me. That time I didn't stretch it out like I was now. I didn't make him my favorite feast. And with every rock of the boat my mouth and throat became deadlier for him. Hunting his little death with rapacious purpose. Those damn words circling my mind, deadly words that I've known for so long. I love you Noah.

"Condom," Noah shouts. The man in his whole damn time with me. When he was angry, when he was sad, when he was happy, and when we had our short fights he never ever yelled at me. With his cock deep in my throat I paused in shock. His greedy unthinking thrust speeding up helplessly. "Condom," Noah growls fiercely. "Pants, where are my pants?"

I come up off him stroking slow and steady. "It's ok, Noah cum, we can do this." He shook his head, lush locks that would put lions and shampoos commercials to shame in full motion. I didn't know where his pants were and I was perfectly happy with him cuming in my mouth. Hell, we have time. His ocean eyes were wild, and I came up and kissed his neck, using my hand like a hard ring around the base of his cock. "It's ok, I'm slowing down." It was his second time doing this and maybe that wasn't what he wanted. I sat in his lap sandwiching his hardness between us and my hand was still tight around his base. The cabin rocked, and I scanned the room for his pants. "I don't know where I kicked them. Get my purse, it's behind you please, I have some in there I think."

He picked up my big honking mommy purse bag. Of course, I didn't think to bring my cute fuck you purse like Eve, Carly, and Jo-Lee where telling me to bring. No, I had to bring the I'm a mom of two kids and could fit a whole damn person in that bag. He dragged it down searching it for the condom.

I shifted in his lap. My hard clit peaked out, and I was so juicy a satiny glided on his dense muscle thigh working it. Closed eyes in his neck, my hand wanting to have something more. My empty eager core clenched with my helplessness. It was that tiny whine that I knew just like Noah I was too far gone. I waited too long. My head against his neck his thick destress vein something I sunk my teeth into with a moan. Noah was throwing shit out of my bag faster. I did not give a fuck and scooted forward in his lap. Rubbing the head of his cock back and forth through my slick velvety folds. A whine at the back of my throat was building.

Noah was damn near at the bottom of my bag. "Tari?" Noah said. I lifted my head and watched as he pulled out eight bottles wrapped together with a rubber band. A note was hanging off the bottle.

Try this together with Noah!!!

Eve's and Jo-Lee's signature with cocks as exclamation points. The note attached to it with a huge thumbs up stick figures. In smaller text at the bottom was Carly's writing.

Sorry, I agree, have fun.

xoCarlyxo

My level headed friend was in on it too? Normally, we took turns keep those two trouble makers somewhat in line. I've been betrayed. It wasn't simply the eight edible anal sex lube bottles at the bottom of my bag. My purse jingled with a who's who of the travel section of sex toys from Jo-Lee's side hustle. Dear god it was a fucking mobile dungeon. My nearly 30-year-old ex-virgin was holding a bottle of anal and shaking the contents. That sweet man was holding anal sex lube.

"Oh my god, oh my god," I grab my purse and hide behind the chair. No, they didn't. I rifle through that bag full of kink so fast. Then it started buzzing and the buzzing wouldn't stop. It vibrated the bag, and if I could have thrown the whole thing out the port window I would have. Noah turned around in the chair looking down at me.

"Tari, how long are you going to hide for?" He asked his voice the essence of calm and caring that sweet hearted man. What I wanted to do was yell on the phone to my three friends until I lost my voice but what I did instead...

"I'd like to keep hiding until the trip is over," I answered him. It was an equally calm, totally reasonable, not freaked out voice. A buzzing sound that was insistent like one of Jo-Lee drill vibrators. Industrial scale pussy destroying dildo attached to a drill. The vibrating is as guilty as Tell-Tale's heart thump in the floor. A god damn "The Tell-Tale Heart" of the modern age.

Buzz Buzz.

Buzz Buzz.

I wonder if a modern Edgar Allan Poe would have written his tale differently for today's audience. Instead, writing the poem with a vibrating dildo instead of a thumping heart.

On the edge of hyperventilating, naked, wet on the floor and not in the good way. Why is this happening to me?

"Tari," he pulls me and the kink bag back into his arms. It was as easy for as if I weighed a feather. That was what knocked me out of my minor freak out. Never been a small woman but ok Noah. In my lap the bag kept on with his vibration. He reaches into the bag pulling out a humongous dildo. But Jo-Lee didn't give Noah enough credit because he had better girth. The thing jiggled lifelike in Noah's hand as he looked for the off button. My stomach dropped completely back to the floor even though I was sitting on his lap.

Why me?

Noah finds the switch for the vibrator and it turns off. He places it back into the back so politely. I feel even worse.

"What is this one for?" He asks me. Why is on this fucking boats we seem to be having sex ed? Is this now the kink boat?

"That's edible anal lube," I answered him, smoother and calmer than I felt. The wheels turn in his gaze and I watch waiting for it to click for him. Now, I used to be Noah's personal assistant. In the PA space you run across clients porn and kinks. It's one of those shit happens moments. Generally speaking bookmarks or history is normally gonna get something. Nothing wrong with its health, especially for guys.

My high school boyfriend had a DVD player in his bedroom. I once was dumb enough to hit play thinking it was the movie we were going to watch. Porn blasted complete with moaning loud enough his mom came upstairs, absolutely embarrassing. Guys are like that and male clients are basically guys. Completely normal to not remember that porn was in their history. Even the gay ones.

So, I know very well Noah's a straight male who has some porn on his computer. Not tons, he wasn't swimming in links but I saw one or two things from time to time. Oddly, more so after we had sex the first time. I chalk it up to him trying to figure things out like him learning how to make me perfect coffee. I didn't investigate his preferences. I'm not a complete snoop but I kept his virus protection up. Made sure he was on a VPN and kept his network cloud backing everything up like a good PA should.

A guffaw from Noah so deep that it rumbled in his broad chest caught me off guard. The anal lube clicked I see. My nearly 30-year-old ex-virgin was so completely gone and happy. "It has apple flavor," Noah says with excitement. That did it, his laugh was infectious, and I joined him. Leaning against his heart listening to the deeply delicious sound reverberation. A beat of Noah's heart that was soothing. Some of the embarrassment faded barely. He rummaged through the mobile sex dungeon on the desk. In an organized fashion he laid out all the vibrators, dildos, and more. It was neatly layed out Travel-Friendly kink. If this was an episode of his YouTube channel, it could have been the thumbnail picture. Noah's girlfriend's mobile sex dungeon kink to go as the title. Or maybe, the title would be She squealed, and I came.

"Wait, is that a sex swing?" I asked him. He shrugged, and I realized how much fun he was having. "Why are you having so much fun with this?"

"For once I am not the only new one. I can feel how hot your ears are." It was the first time I learned about his smug grin as well. Which weirdly, I liked his smug grin.

"I know about the vibrators, and this. Oh, this and this. I split everything in the bag in three camps. Of course, I couldn't help myself and had to organize it. Pile one was the ones I've used before, another was maybe, and a third was no idea. My normal condoms weren't in the bag anymore, replaced by flavored condoms. So they made it to the maybe pile. Anything pain inducing like nipple clamps, spanking, or anything went into the no. Not because the nipple clamps didn't interest me or any of it but because I've no idea how it works. Most of the various battery operated boyfriends were in the pile I used before. But a few of the fancy ones I wasn't sure of they looked more like aliens' weapons.

That maybe pile though was a bit of a bitch. Because I'd already said maybe to the anal lube with my friends when we were talking together. So, I went with my gut putting it in that maybe pile. As well as the butt plug and things like that. I did kind of want to try it. The sex swing got a last-minute throw into the no pile. No, as in no idea, not that I wasn't interested.

I picked up the condom which is what we were looking for in the first place. The little package of foil ripped off from the going to an orgy huge bulk buy size box. My hand was as quick as a snake wrapping around his still very hard cock. I ripped the foil package with my teeth; we were so doing this. But when I was ready to get back to the main event. Noah's gaze was on the apple flavor anal lube.

"What?" I asked him. It wasn't simply him not paying attention, it was that wheels turning in his head expression.

"Have you had anal sex before?" He asked.

"Well damn, lube that kind of question up first Noah. Make me dinner, eat my pussy, prep that just a little bit." I said with a laugh.

"It would be my pleasure to do that," he answered. But his expectant gaze was still waiting for a real reply to the original question.

"I thought you'd guessed that some of the stuff in the bag I never tried. I even organized it." It was more cryptic than I wanted to make it. Couldn't even say why I was being cryptic. Other than some level of embarrassment about the whole kink dungeon bag debacle. "No, I've never had anal sex but when I talked about it with my friends I did think about trying it with you." It was a confession. "You were the only one I wanted to trust to try something new." Even when we were in a bad place, it was only Noah but I felt so fucking vulnerable saying that to him. His hands played at my wide hips, kneading my meaty flesh with languidness.

"It would be both of our first?" He asked. The wheels were turning. I could see it but I went with it.

"Yes, both of our firsts? I said.

"What do you do for anal sex?" Noah asks.

"Warm it the fuck up Noah, lube the conversation before we go here." I'm giggling. Noah is shocking the fuck out of me. Yes, we have a big pile of kink next to us but still. He had a stubborn expression so I think I'm not getting around this. "The area has to be prepared beforehand," I said.

"Is the area prepared?" Noah asks. He sounded like he was going to play doctor. But I'm not sure I wanted a doctor in that area. Well, maybe hot Noah doctor would be ok on second thought. Was the area prepared? Come to think about it Eve, Carly, and Jo-Lee got me ready for the weekend. Not an area of my body didn't get fully prepared complete with wax and a kit for the backdoor I used. Which looking back, should have tipped me off that the three of them were up to something. I thought that is what you did these days with long-term boyfriends and trips. A quick smile at the thought of Noah as my long-term boyfriend. Damn, relationship!

"Yes." His hand was wandering and my concentration was getting fucked up. We were in a really important conversation. His thumb shifted playing at my core as smoothly as any master artist does. The way he drags his finger through thick paint spreading it over the canvas. It was the delicate touches that were my undoing. I tilted my hips up to his ministrations. The purr fell from my lips like soft raindrops on the beach. "Noah, I think if we do this I want to see if I like it first. Go with something that's a step down."

https://youtu.be/FwQY_SIxEsc

With trembling finger tips I picked up the top of the lube bottle then I opened it. That determined expression didn't leave Noah. I couldn't put my finger on everything behind it. But when he kissed me it felt like everything. He tastes of salt and pine, and absolutely Noah. Heady I took his kiss and let him breathe for both of us. No longer alone at the bottom of the ocean. You can't drown if you can breathe.

Noah's warmth drew me with promise. Trapped his thickness between us, my folds closing. Every hungry shift of my body rubs against it. Even with my eagerness, fear tinged the edges of my passion. My quick glances at that lube bottle was a distraction cracking my focus. I need that focus on what I've wanted the whole time. His hands were busy, and the tips of my nipples against his thick chest hair wasn't enough. Nerves were taking this moment from me. I was so tempted to say never mind. It was his second kiss that got me back on track. Why are his kisses everything?

His hands on my hips lifting me over him. The tip of his fathead seeking me as always and I was ready for him. Creamy this beloved man. He caught every little moan in that everything kiss. Gobbling those kisses up with impatient little rumbles. I snickered into his lips and that determination in his eyes again. Things were starting to make sense of his earlier expression clicking for me.

It was a slick slide down on him stretching me. And when he tried to slow me down, I sped up sliding down until he bottomed out deep inside me. And we hissed together in time. That pinch of over-fullness deep in my belly. He tilts me back just the smallest amount lusciously full. I ground my hips up to him impatiently to ride him. He met me, giving me what I needed.

"Noah," I moan the words with urgency. I didn't know what I wanted other than more. I'd waited so long and we kept getting side tracked. His big hand wrapped around my hip holding me in place. I couldn't get enough of him, my core gobbling at him. Trying to have all of it. I wanted to ride and take him again and again finally. But he kept me in place, his thumb stroking my center with insistence driving me mad. So, full but not enough to cum. I wanted it all and driving the ride. Shove him as deep as I could let him stretch me, fuck me, have me. Hold me forever but he went slow when I wanted fast. His ocean eyes were closed.

"Are you counting?" I asked him.

"Yes, not yet."

"Noah..."

"Soon," he answers me. Is he trying not to cum too fast?

The madding pressure built in my belly. My finger joins his thumb on my creamy little clit. Noah's eyes open and drop between us. I was a fucking mess. We waited too long and the sloppy sounds of our joining was so loud in the cabin.

"The condom," he says.

"Oh," I looked down at us closer and I forgot to put on the condom. Took it out of the foil and it was sitting on the table lost during the earlier conversion. "Don't stop," I moan. Noah nodded and pulled me forward to change the pace. It was so good I took more than I was getting before. Seating himself inside me and letting me ride him. Fuck did I ride him. It was wanton with complete abandon both Noah's fists full of my meaty ass.

The absolute abandon I rode his cock left me teetering on the edge. In a constant loop of moans that matched the pace and surprise every time he let me go down hard on him. My core grasping and milking him for my release. I felt that wetness circling my opening behind me. Working and stretching the ring and fear crept in on me.

My pace for pleasure faltered as the tip of his finger slipped inside me, spreading me. "NoAh, I called out. The whine in my voice wavered with the new sensation.

"Ride me, Shiny," I kept moving, fear bubbling in my tummy. "So, shiny, so beautiful," he told me. I lean into him. My hard nipples dragged against his chest. It was too many sensations at once as his finger kept stretching when I was already so full. But his words were like a spell. Thoughts swirled as his ocean eyes never left mine. I was already too close before he started. But the fear confused me as his finger got to the end of me back there. And he worked it on me pulling out of me and thrusting back in. So, fucking full. It was sensory overload.

"I'm too close," moan. I couldn't tell you what up or down was. I only knew three things, our joining, him behind me working so deep, and ocean blue eyes. Blue, that forever blue, Noah gaze never left mine for a second. My tummy was so tight it felt like I'd burst. Rubbing against that rough spot deep inside me again and again.

My breathless words were so small, "It's too much, I'm scared." Noah smiled, kissing me softly and giving me a taste of that everything kiss he can do.

"Come shine for me," reassuring me. The words were like wings. It hit everywhere at once. Hard tightness deep in my tummy bursting out as golden. I was shiny as wings bursting up out of an ocean into the blue sky over the ocean. I came on him, my core grasping for him. Begging and fighting to keep his embrace for as long as it took. And him lifting me to make sure I rode though my orgasm and took all of him.

"I love you, Noah," the sentence was my absolution.

He stopped moving, stopping, mid stroke. His big hands were full of my meaty ass in a tight grip but he didn't even twitch. As dead in the water without even a hint of life. Agitated ocean eyes locked on mine.

Shit, did I have to tell him I loved him for the first time with his lube up a finger in my ass. Nothing like things blown up in the on the ocean and while he's inside me. Was that really the fucking play T?

Mid fucking stroke he stopped. Thick sloppy ropes of our hungry pleasureful joining running down both our legs. The words I love you Noah were a dead weight between us. It didn't matter that his cock stretched me out to past capacity, it's girthiness too generous. It didn't matter that he'd been on the edge of fucking me down because we waited too long. Our embrace is frozen and his eyes dance wild.

Oh god, he's going freaking out.

My mind was moving quickly with options. Some I left on the table other's came persistently popping back into my head time and again.

Should I take it back?

But those words for me were a benediction, that grace washed me clean in loving him. Joyfully loving him as generous as a cup overflowing. I wasn't taking it back.

Ever.

"Noah, I love you." I said it firmly, in a no take back tone. My hands came up and cupped his beloved face. "You're beloved to me Noah. You've been beloved by me for a very long time. I will never take this back no matter what happens. I told you in the kitchen I wanted forever. I deserved forever. You're my forever Noah." He shakes his head no. Fear flashed in his ocean eyes as dangerous as any unsettled storm.

"Not a no, Noah. That is what you are for me." He shakes his head more at me. The sway of his emotions matched the rocking of the boat. Noah's expression seesawed between it going very bad and maybe something else. I didn't want to blurt it like I did. A better time, a better way but I'd never take it back. The ghost I'd been carrying put to rest with those words. The grace of them falling from my lips remade me with shiny wings. A choice between drowning and flying. Instead, maybe life under the sea with Neptune, and flying wherever our travels take us. And before he closes his eyes, I give him back his everything kiss he gave me when I was scared. Soft languid love I wrap him with smiling into the kiss.

"I'll always love you forever, Noah. You don't have to say it back ever. It's just how I feel for you and everything between us is good." His stiff shoulders relax. Another bit of everything kisses and his hands tight on my ass. "I love you." Lifting on top of him slowly grinding on that steel lodged inside me. Rebuilding my pleasure so I can join him with my arms wrapped around his shoulders. Finish him off because he didn't cum yet.

"I love you," Noah's ocean eyes widen in shock every time I say it to him. Speechless in sheer disbelief but his body knows mine. Even angry at me he couldn't deny either of us. And oh, how my soul gave to this beloved man. Riding the wave of his body flourishing with every ripple. An ocean music of rhythmic slaps as we join together chasing that little death. It combines with the slapping of the waves against the wooden boat.

With every tiny kiss swapping the same heated breath climbing higher together. Butter hotness roiling in my tummy. Eyes only for Noah, only forever. Finally, forever Noah. In my open hand cupping his beloved cheeks and breathing all that saltness. "I'm so close," I strain to keep my pace while riding his thick cock. Sliding down all our silkiness but I faltered, and he made sure I took him deep. Speeding up "I'm coming," I was going too fast but I don't think I could have stopped even if I wanted to. "I love you, I love you," I repeated, and he growled deep seated himself in me coming with me.

I had nothing left my body on autopilot as he pounded himself into me. He was merciless as he made sure I took all of him every single fucking time. His ocean eyes never leaves me a ferociousness. And something else I couldn't read at all. So many new things in his eyes, so much to learn.

"I love you," I whisper as his shivers stopped.

Sleepiness crept up on me. The night staying awake to go on sailing something I'll have to pay for a little longer. I'd not even had a full two hours of real sleep. Beyond dead tired still.

He holds me in his arms and with my eyes closed and carries me to his bed. Water runs from the sink. A soft warm something wiping me gently between my legs. Noah slipped me into my nightgown. As the world drifts away, I almost miss it. The only words he said to me since I told him I loved him in the smallest of whispers.

"Shiny."



A/n: Yall............................. we made it. not the end but long time readers get this moment YALL GET IT

Happy V-day I've been working like crazy to get this out on time.


omg  over 10k lol for both need part 1&2 --- but yall WE NEEDED THIS LMAO


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