Trigger warning bitches (self harm stuff, it's a tiny bit grahpic)  ur vv welcome :)

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Sebastian asks his brother, who's sitting beside him in bed with the blanket he brought clutched in both his hands like how a child holds a cuddly toy.

Remington shrugs. He doesn't want to do anything. "No," he answers dryly, and pulls the blanket up over his nose.

The guitarist sighs. He will never really understand just how hopeless Remington can feel. "Did you and Andy have a fight?"

"Dunno," Remington mumbles.

"Did he hurt you?"

The boy shakes his head.

"Come on, bub, you need to talk about it."

"No," Remington says again, rubbing his eyes. "I just..." he looks at his brother. "Don't know who to trust anymore."

Sebastian rubs the younger's shoulder sympathetically. "Why's that?"

"Just 'cause." His voice is quiet, barely even audible at all. "Every time I'm happy everything always goes wrong, so-so what's the fuckin' point?" He mindlessly plays with the edge of the blanket until Sebastian takes his hand. "I know it's not true, but-but what if it is?"

"What if what's true?"

Remington shakes his head.

"Go to sleep, okay? It's late, you're tired. We can talk in the morning."

"Can I just-like-go to sleep forever?"

"Come 'ere," Sebastian offers, and Remington settles on his chest, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. "It'll be okay," the man whispers.

Remington has no response. He still needs to tell his brother about wanting to leave Palaye Royale but he really has no idea how to bring it up. Sebastian's heart is in that band. Remington can't break him like that.

When he wakes the next morning, he's alone in the bed, and yawns as he sits up, rubs his eyes, and falls back down into the pillow with a heavy breath. He stays there, half asleep, groaning when Sebastian comes in and telling him there's tea for him downstairs. "I like it here," he says into a pillow.

"I know, but you gotta get up."

"Why?" Remington complains.

"Jordan, Andrew and Johnny are coming for rehearsal in half an hour."

The boy hides his face in the pillow. "Oh," he whispers, "right."

"Come on, bub. We don't want you sleepy in rehearsal."

Remington's trying not to tear up. He needs to tell Sebastian, but he just doesn't want to. "'m coming," he says instead, and sits up. "Gimme ten minutes." Sebastian goes back downstairs and Remington reluctantly gets dressed in his brother's clothes and brushes his hair before joining the older of the two, accepting the cup of tea with a quiet thank you. He drinks it in the kitchen and watches Sebastian wrap Christmas presents (Haha ik its not Christmas yet but ya know). "Who's that for?" He asks, pointing to the set of bubble baths.

"Faye," Sebastian answers, "why?"

"Just wondering."

"Oh, I was meaning to ask. What size is Andy? I'm gonna get him a bomber jacket but I don't know his size."

Remington answers the question without thinking very much about it. He needs to tell the man about leaving the band and he can't think about anything else.

When the others arrive for rehearsal Remington swears he'll burst into tears as soon as he opens his mouth to start singing. He follows them down into the basement and sits on the small leather couch while Sebastian talks to Jordan about something, and smiles at Johnny when he's smiled at.

Ten minutes later and Sebastian is tuning his guitar, Remington's heart banging in his chest because he feels under pressure to say something about his decision to leave and he has absoultely no idea how to bring it up. He just knows that he doesn't want to sing anymore Palaye Royale songs and he doesn't want to hear any more of their guitar riffs and their drum beats. He wants it gone.

"Alright," Sebastian says cheerfully, "ready?"

Remington twists his ring around anxiously.

"Remington? You ready?"

The boy doesn't respond.

Sebastian strums a random chord. "Remington, you there?"

Remington looks up. "What?"

"Are you ready?" Sebastian asks again, trying to work out what his brother is thinking.

"No, I need the toilet," is his response, and he goes up the stairs and out of sight. When he gets to the bathroom, Remington locks the door and searches the cupboards for a razor. He finds an unopened pack and pulls one out, snapping the blade from the pastic frame and sitting on the floor by the bath tub. For a moment, the pain makes him feel better, but then he sees the familiar colour of his blood running down his arm and the new, ugly cuts he's made, and it just hurts more. The confusion, the weight on his mind, the vulnerability. It all hurts and he doesn't know how to make it stop.

"You okay in there, bub?" The voice is Sebastian's and it makes Remington feel so guilty. "Rem?"

"I'm fine," Remington calls back, cutting back into his already-scarred arm at the same time. The irony.

"You don't sound fine."

"Well I am!" Remington shouts.

Sebastian tries the door. "What're you doing in there? Are you hurting yourself?"

"No!"

"Remington," the man warns.

"Fucking fuck the fuck off!" He watches his blood trickle down his skin and over his tattoos.

"Just let me in, okay?"

"No thank you."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing!"

Sebastian tries the door again.

"Fucking piss off!" Remington shouts, pushing the blade into his arm and sucking in a breath.

"Look, I know you're hurting and you don't know what to do, but hurting yourself is never gonna help, bub. You know that."

"How do you fucking know? You don't live in my head!"

"No, but I am your brother and I do love you. Please let me in. I can help you."

"I don't need help!" The boy calls, angered and overwhelmed.

Sebastian sighs. He gets his phone from his pocket and texts Andy.

Can u come round? Rem's in a bit of a state.

Oh no, what happened?

I don't know. He just walked out of rehearsal and he's in the bathroom cutting himself.

Okay. I'm coming. Did he not tell you about wanting to leave Palaye??

What?!

Shit. I'll explain later. See u in a minute

"What's going on?" Jordan asks, approaching Sebastian. "He's been in there for ten minutes."

"He's having a bad day. Andy's coming to help out."

"Andy?"

"Oh, Remington's husband."

Jordan nods in understanding and Sebastian knocks on the bathroom door.

"Go the fuck away!" Remington shouts. His cheeks are wet with tears and he feels sick and he wants to go home and hug Andy. Blood is sticky on his fingers.

"You okay?"

"Fucking fantastic! I love feeling like this!" He smears blood all over his arm with his fingers, drawing patterns onto his skin mindlessly. "Have you fucked off yet?"

"No."

"Great."

Jordan sends Sebastian a confused look. Sebastian shakes his head. He stays outside the bathroom until Andy turns up.

"Hey sweetheart," the man says through the door, as Sebastian and Jordan walk away. "D'you think you can let me in?"

Remington wipes his eyes with his bloody hand. "Will you look after me if I do?"

"'course I will, kitten."

The boy crawls towards the door, turning the lock and sitting back against the wall as Andy comes in and closes the door behind him. "'m sorry," he mumbles, wiping his eyes again and not arguing when Andy pulls his hand from his face and helps him off the floor.

"Shh, it's okay. You wanna tell me what's going on?" As he's talking, he gently wipes his lover's arm with a wet cloth.

"Emerson said you-you cheated on me...with him."

"Oh no, sweetheart, that's not true at all."

"I know, but-just got confused."

Andy washes the boy's hands with warm water.

"'nd I don't know how to tell Sebby about leaving the band."

"It's alright, I'll tell him with you, okay?"

"'kay," Remington whispers, "love you."

The man pulls Remington in for a hug, whispering, "I love you, too, princess," and pressing a kiss to his head.