Trigger warning

On the floor, his husband in his arms and sobbing into his shoulder, Remington rubs his back, plays with his hair, does anything he can to comfort to man. "Andy, baby, It's okay. It's okay. I've got you," he soothes, hoping that what's under the bandage isn't what he thinks it is. What he knows it is.

Andy leans into Remington like he can't hold himself up anymore. It's so relieving to finally be able to cry. "I'm so sorry," he keeps saying, words broken, voice tired.

"Shh, it's okay," Remington whispers, "you're okay. Tell me what's going on. Let me help you." After he talks, the singer lifts Andy's head up and wipes tears from under the man's eyes with his thumbs. "You look exhausted."

Remington's right. He is exhausted. "Just keep hugging me...please. I need it."

"Of course. I've got you. Whatever you need, darling, I'm here."

Returning his head to it's previous position, Andy sniffles, let's himself be comforted.

"Come to bed. You need to sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow, when you're feeling a bit better." Remington feels for Andy's hand, taking it in his. "Unless you want to talk now. That's okay, too. Just whatever you need to do."

Andy grips the younger's hand. "It wasn't meant to get this bad," he mumbles, "I thought I could handle it."

"It's okay to need help. You can always come to me, Andy, always. I don't ever wanna see you like this. I don't want you to be hurting. Let me look after you, okay? I think you need it."

"You're a good husband."

Remington lifts Andy's head up again. "Come on. Let's go to bed," he suggests, kissing Andy's head and giving him a gentle smile. "Did you do that to yourself?" He doesn't have to even point at what he's talking about. Andy knows what he means.

The man just nods.

"Is that the only place?"

Andy nods again.

"Can I see?" Remington asks, stroking his lover's cheek softly.  

Looking at Remington, Andy nods, leans back, and watches the boy pull the bandage off, wincing. "I know I should've asked for help, Remi, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know what it's like. You've shown me now and I'm gonna help you, okay? Does it hurt? Do you want some painkillers?"

"I don't know. I'm so tired."

Remington gives him a sympathetic look. "I know, darling. Here, stand up." He helps the man to his feet, stroking hair from his forehead. "I'm gonna get you some painkillers and water, okay? Lie down."

"Thank you," Andy says, pressing a smile and sitting heavily on the bed.

The younger hums. "Don't thank me. I'll be right back." He picks up the glass by the bed and leaves the room, and Andy takes off his jeans and lies under the covers, grateful for Remington and relieved that the singer finally knows what's going on. When Remington returns, he gives Andy the water and two pills, turning off the light and getting in bed beside him. "I found where you hid them," he says, "the painkillers.  In the vase in the bathroom."

Andy swallows them with a gulp of water.

"I left them on the side by the sink. If you go in there, can you hide them again?"

The man nods.

"Oh, and where's the blade? I'll get rid of it."

"Back of my phone. You don't have to touch it. I know you have urges, too."

Remington takes Andy's hand and traces his palm. "I'm gonna get rid of it, Andy, for you. I'll be okay. But right now, come here, lemme cuddle you, and go to sleep. You need it." He pulls Andy into him. "And tomorrow I'm gonna look after you and we're gonna talk about everything in your head, and we'll deal with it together."

Andy gratefully accepts Remington's cuddle, curling up into his lover the way Remington normally curls up into him. "I love you."

"I love you more, darling. And, for the record, if you're feeling down and you don't know how to tell me, just hug me, okay? It can be our little code. Spontanious hug equals something's wrong, please look after me."

"Perfect. And, for the record, you can call me darling anytime."

"And for the record, darling, I will. Sweet dreams."

After a good long sleep, curled up into Remington, Andy wakes, feeling better now he doesn't have to deal with it all on his own. Remington is still sleeping beside him so he slides out of bed without waking him. In the bathroom he hides the bottle of painkillers so Remington won't be able to find them and try to overdose again, and goes down to make something for breakfast.

While he's making tea, Remington comes into the room, wrapping his arms around his husband's waist and talking into his ear. "How are you?" He asks, "feeling any better?"

Andy hums. "Little better."

"Good. Where's your phone?"

"Oh, living room I think. Don't go yet. I need this hug."

Remington rests his chin on Andy's shoulder. "You're cute, darling."

"Mm, we're out of milk."

"Oh. I'll go get some." Remington kisses his neck before talking again. "Anything else we need?"

"Don't think so. Strawberries if you want some. There's money in my wallet which is...somewhere."

"Okay, cool. Can I go now or do you need more hugging?"

"Two more minutes," Andy whispers, swaying slowly, putting a hand over Remington's. "I think we need more cat food, too."

The younger smiles into Andy's neck. "You smell good. I don't think you ever don't smell good. It's like a superpower."

Chuckling, Andy tilts his head to the side. "Listen, sweetheart, I'm gonna need you to answer the phone if I call, okay?"

"Course. Don't you worry, darling, I'll always answer."

"I know you will. I'll make breakfast while you're out. Pancakes okay?"

Remington whines. "If I have to."

"Good boy. Gimme a kiss." He turns around. "Mm, you look very pretty."

"Mm, so do you. Must be another superpower of yours. Looking beautiful after a breakdown. See you in a bit." The boy kisses Andy, smiles, and turns around. "I love you," he calls from the front door, searching the pockets in the jacket that Andy wears for the man's wallet. He finds it, pulls a ten pound note out, and opens the door. 

While Remington is gone, Andy mixes pancake batter and then cuddles Jenny for a bit, until the door opens again and Remington comes in, bag in one hand, boquet in the other. Andy sends him a smile, looking in the bag when Remington puts it down. "Come here, hon, lemme check your pockets."

Remington obliges, letting Andy check that he hasn't bought any diet pills and hidden them. Everytime he goes to the shop alone, they do this as soon as he returns home, so Remington is safe and Andy isn't worried about him collapsing again. "I nearly got some," he says, "picked 'em up, then put 'em back down. Never been able to put 'em down before."

"You're a strong one, you know that?"

"Did it for you," Remington practically purrs, "how're you?"

The man smiles and ruffles Remington's hair. "Could be better."

"You want me to fry them? You can have a shower?" He gestures to the bowl of batter.

Andy shakes his head. "I can't make you do that. I know preparing food makes you feel sick."

In his voice, Remington can hear how he still sounds tired, worn down, and he takes both his hands. "It does, but that's okay, because you need to be looked after, too, darling. You do so much for me and I couldn't be more grateful, but if there's one thing I've learned from all of this is that you do too much for others, Andy. You need to take time for yourself. Have long, hot showers, bubble baths, lie in bed until after midday, tell people no sometimes, because you don't owe them anything. Let me do this. I want to. If we carry on going the way we have been, you're gonna crash again, and I'm not gonna let that happen. So suck it up, sunshine. You deserve to be happy."

"I can't put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable."

"Maybe that's what I need to beat this fuckin' thing. Go shower, okay. I won't let you do this for me."

"Remington-"

The boy holds a finger to Andy's lips. "Nope. Let me do this. You tell me to think about myself more. You need to do the same."

Andy sighs. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

"Persistant. Go shower! Use up all the shower gel for all I care. You deserve to be happy.

"Alright, you win. I'm going."

"Good."

Andy can't help but to smile.