This is Chapter Seven of my original book. Am taking name recommendations, these are as it stands currently:

Kyan is the main character - we love him he's precious
Asher is his older brother - we love him too
Freya is their best friend - eh she's kinda a bitch sometimes
Beau is the love interest - what a king honestly
Holly is Holly . ew no

Am currently working on situations he has with Holly (ranging from fairly mild to rlly severe levels of abuse) so if you have any ideas etc, they're welcome either here or through dms.

Enjoy + critiques are welcome and they're may be the odd typo, I am yet to proof read

Triggers: Mentions + descriptions of emotional and physical abuse

Freya talked about Beau constantly. She told Kyan how much she fancied him, that she wanted to ask him out. Kyan said what she wanted to hear without mentioning how much he wanted to kiss the man. He couldn’t admit that, not to her, not to anyone. They wouldn’t get it. Not even Asher would get it, Kyan was sure. 

Three days before they were to fly home, she excitedly told him what had happened, that they’d kissed. She went on and on about it and Kyan felt hurt and helpless and stupid all at once. He never should have thought he’d have any sort of chance with Beau. The man never even said he was gay anyway. Kyan just hoped and he soon learned that hoping didn’t work, not one bit. 

Asher found him in the bathroom next door to the dressing room, crying. He hugged him, asked what was wrong. Kyan shook his head, didn’t say. He wanted to, God knows he did, but he couldn’t. Holly would find out one way or another, like she always did, and he’d have been dead meat. Not that he didn’t already feel that way. 

“We’ll be home soon,” Asher comforted, wondering if he was just homesick. That made Kyan feel worse. He didn’t want to be home soon. Not least because Holly had been saying how he should move in with her once he got back. She didn’t say why but he knew it was because she wanted to know where he was all the time. He was scared he might actually lock him in some day and never let him go. 

“I know,” Kyan mumbled. 

“Come on, Kye, what’s going on? And don’t say nothing, I’m not that stupid.” 

“Ash, it’s fine.” 

“I know you’re lying,” Asher said. 

The boy wiped his eyes, pulled away from the hug. “It’s just,” he looked down, “it’s stupid. Nevermind.” 

“Don’t be silly. Tell me. You know I won’t ever think you’re stupid for being upset.” He put his fingers to his brother’s chin, made him look at him. “I know something’s wrong. You’ve been quiet for a while. Just tell me, okay? I won’t tell anyone else if you don’t want them to know.” 

Kyan sniffled. “I miss Holly is all,” he lied. He’d never said a bigger lie. 

“You’ll see her soon.” 

“I know.” 

Asher frowned. “You sure that’s all? Nothing else is wrong?” 

Kyan nodded, wiped his eyes again. He had so many chances to say something and yet he didn’t.

She called him again in the early morning. He was exhausted and dreading the return to her and when he began crying she told him how pathetic he was being and that made his crying worse. She hung up and Kyan tried to calm down but then, half an hour later, she called again. She wouldn’t stop talking, shouting at points, and the boy saw no point in trying to get her to stop. He just lay there, face pressed into the pillow, and listened to her going on and on about everything that she didn’t like about him. His lack of understanding for her, his inability to be a proper boyfriend, his bad fashion sense, his irritating voice, his weak mind. Anything she could think of, she said. Kyan didn’t know whether to believe her or not. How could one have so many faults? 

On the last day, Kyan saw Freya and Beau laughing together. He stood and watched for a few moments, until Asher tapped his shoulder and he turned around. “What?” He asked. 

Asher frowned. “You okay?” 

“Fine.” 

“Kye…” 

The boy sighed. “I think you were right.” 

“About?” 

“Being too young and shit. I think...I think it’s too much for me.” 

“I know I was right,” Asher said with sympathy, “but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have come, y’know? It’s part of growing up, Kye.” 

“I don’t think I wanna grow up anymore.” He looked up at his brother when his shoulder was rubbed. 

“No one does, bub, no one does. It’s fun for a bit and then you realise that you’ve got responsibilities and jobs and debts and people who want you to fail and you want to hide under the stairs in a cupboard and wait for someone to make it better.” 

“Ash?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You make it better.” 

The man smiled. “Now come on, let’s not waste the last day. You haven’t beat me at Mario Kart yet.” 

Kyan smiled. The brothers went back to their bus and played the game over and over until the show, which was the best one they’d had all tour. Whether that was because of the time with his brother or not, Kyan wasn’t sure. 

He sat on the plane that night in a sort of daze, mind caught in the reality of who he was returning to. She’d be there, waiting. She wanted him to move in with her as soon as they got back. He agreed. It was easier that way. What he really wanted to say was that she scared him into agreeing, that what he wanted was for her to leave him the fuck alone. He was only nineteen. Not even twenty yet, not for another month. Surely he was too young for such a commitment to anyone, let alone a woman who he felt no connection to other than the ones she forced upon him. He feared that, at one point, she’d tie him to the bed or blindfold him and use him as some sex doll. Or maybe she’d drag him around on a leash like a scared little puppy in desperate need of affection, not that she’d give him any of that even if he begged. It was all stupid to her. The compliments, the hugs, the spontaneous words of love. She didn’t care for it. She didn’t understand, not even for a second, how much Kyan needed those things. It wasn’t important to her because he wasn’t important to her. He was just someone she could play with, an easy catch. So vulnerable, so delicate. Too delicate, really, and too desperate for love that he was willing to take any from anyone, even though it ended up, in this case, doing more harm and leaving him needing more love than anyone had to give. Not even Asher could offer so much as he was after. 

“Thank you so much for letting us do this,” Asher said to Beau as they were parting ways. He had his suitcase in one hand, his hand luggage on his back, and Kyan’s hand held in his other. “It’s been insane. We couldn’t have asked for a better first tour.” 

Beau hugged them all. He wanted to hug Kyan for longer but didn’t. “You’re gonna go far,” he assured them, “one day I’m gonna turn on the radio and hear you guys. The world will love you. Have a good journey home.” 

“You too,” Kyan said. He yawned. He wanted to say so much more but none of it felt acceptable. 

The group walked to their car. Asher drove. They stopped an hour in for a toilet break and Kyan wondered if he could stay in the stall forever so he wouldn’t have to see Holly again. She kept texting and he replied with a few words each time to keep her happy. She’d have been angry otherwise. 

He didn’t go straight to her place when they got back. He crawled into his own bed, even though the time difference meant it was midday, and slept. He hoped he could sleep off this nightmare and wake up to a single status and no missed calls. He soon learned to stop hoping. 

The absence of a duvet woke Kyan. He knew who had pulled the covers from him before he opened his eyes. 

“It’s not night time,” was the first thing she said. 

Kyan sat up, rubbed his eyes. “I’m fuckin’ tired,” he mumbled, wanting to roll over and go back to sleep. 

“That’s not my problem.” 

It is, thought Kyan, though said no such thing. “Sorry,” he said instead, looking at her. 

“Your brother said you were missing me.” She had a smile as she spoke, as though she knew he wasn’t missing her. “That’s very sweet of you. You know, I thought you’d have been more pleased to see me.” 

“I’m tired,” he repeated, yawning after. 

“I heard you the first time.” 

Kyan looked down. 

“Don’t start crying. I’ve heard enough of that.” 

“I’m not,” the boy insisted. 

“Are you gonna get up?” 

“Sorry,” Kyan said again, and did as she wanted. 

Holly watched him move, slapped the back of his hand. “The hell is this?” She asked sharply, grabbing his wrist. 

“A tattoo,” answered the boy. 

“Of?” 

“It’s just the venue of the first show, Holly, that’s all.” He sighed.

The woman pressed her finger into his skin. “It looks shit.” 

Kyan tried to pull his hand free. 

“No really, why’d you have to go and get this? Was it that Beau guy? Did he make you get it?” 

“No, he didn’t, actually. Me and Asher got it together.” 

She released his hand. “Why?” She asked flatly. 

“Because we wanted to. I’m sorry it’s such an issue,” Kyan spat, irritated. 

“Watch your tone.” 

“You watch your tone. I ain’t your fuckin’ prisoner. You think I’m gonna do whatever you want like I’m some damn puppet?” He stepped away from her, mildly angry, and got dressed. “You nearly ruined that tour for me, Holly, with all your calling and texting and nagging all the time! I’m sorry if me crying insults you but maybe you should consider that I’m only crying because of you!” 

“Jesus fuck, Kyan! How many times do I have to tell you? Your life would be nothing without me!” 

“In your dreams!” He opened the door and stormed out. 

“The hell are you shouting about?” Asher asked from the bottom of the stairs, looking up at his brother. 

Kyan ran down the stairs. “She’s a cunt!”

“Who?” 

“Who do you fuckin’ think?” 

Asher put his hands on his shoulders. “Holly? She’s here?” 

“I thought you let her in?” 

“No.” 

“Oh…” 

“What’s going on? Why’re you shaking?” 

“Nothing, it’s fine.” He sighed. “She just doesn’t like the tattoo.” 

Asher tilted his head. “Really? Well then she truly is a cunt.” 

“I know,” pouted the boy, “but I like the tattoo.” 

“And that’s all that matters. Is she in your room?” 

“Yep.” 

Asher hummed. “I just made bacon and eggs. Go get some.” He ruffled Kyan’s hair. “That’s all that was bothering you?” 

Kyan nodded. “What’s the time?” 

“Nearly six.” 

The boy rubbed his eyes. “I’m so sleepy.” 

“I know, me too. It’s been a strange year, huh?” 

“If you mention my age I will kill you.” 

Asher chuckled. “One day, Kye-kye, you’ll be like, ‘remember when I was nineteen and I had that huge crush on Beau and-” 

Kyan whined loudly in annoyance, swatting his brother’s hand away. “I do not,” he protested. 

“Oh no, my mistake. You just wanna fuck him for scientific research, right?”

“You’re a stupid dick.” 

“You too, little brother. Go get something to eat. D’you want me to make Holly go?” 

Kyan nodded. 

“You got it.” 

Holly left ten minutes later. Asher told her how tired they were and she reluctantly but pleasantly left. Kyan ate what his brother had made in the living room with the television on, yawning. He looked up when the older one sat beside him, smiled. “Why’d you think I have a crush on Beau?” He asked, partly out of curiosity but mostly because he was scared he’d been giving of obvious signs. 

“The way you looked at him,” Asher began, shrugging. “You know, the way you kinda stared sometimes. And then you’d look away with a smile and you’d be all, like, glassy-eyed and adorable.” 

Kyan put his plate down on the coffee table. “First of all, I just zone out, you know that. Second, why the fuck were you watching me long enough to know all that? Third, who calls their brother adorable?” 

“Zoning out is just the excuse you use to pretend you don’t fancy someone. I wasn’t watching, you just did it so much that it was impossible to miss. Adorable as in you have no fucking clue how you look half the time.” 

“It’s not an excuse. I do zone out.” 

“Keep telling yourself that, flower.” 

“Shut up.” He folded his arms, mumbled, “fuckin’ dick.” 

Asher laughed. “You sure think about dick a lot for a straight person.”

“You sure are a dick a lot for a dick person.”

“Fantastic insult, I must remember that one.” 

“Piss off.” He huffed, turned the television volume up.

Asher smiled, stole the remote and changed the channel. “We should watch that horror film,” he said, just because he knew Kyan couldn’t sit through a horror film without running away half way through and hyperventilating in the bathroom because he was convinced the killer would come after him. 

“No we shouldn’t. Give it back,” the younger whined. 

“What’s it like being a child?” 

“What’s it like being a loser?” He snatched the remote back. “Did you ever wish you didn’t have to be bound to me all your life?” 

Swinging his legs up onto the couch, over Kyan’s lap, Asher frowned. “What sort of question is that?” 

“Just…’cause I must get annoying.” 

“Everyone gets annoying. Compared to most, Kye, you are hardly even a little irritating. And anyway, what sort of brother would I be to kick you to the curb when I get a little annoyed with you?” 

Kyan shrugged. “You’re a good brother,” he said, smiling. “Thanks for being a good brother.” 

Asher took the remote from his hand. “Anytime, Kye-kye, anytime.” 

The two retired to bed a couple of hours later, slept off the jet-lag and the shock of being home after such a strange and exciting experience. Kyan felt odd. He didn’t know what to think about everything that was going on. Some things, he knew; he was strangely entranced by Beau, he didn’t love Holly, he wanted her to go away. But knowing those things made it all more confusing, somehow. How could he, a man, be attracted to Beau, another man? Kyan never even considered that he’d be anything but straight. He grew up as a young child with parents who taught him and Asher that men get with women and anything else is wrong. When his parents left, Asher started telling him everything wrong with what they’d told him, that it’s just as okay to be gay as it is to be straight, that one’s sexuality is not a suggestion of one’s worth. “I never said it ‘cause they’d ‘ve murdered me, but mum and dad are real fuckin’ cunts. Whatever they told you, Kye, don’t believe it,” was among many of the things he had said. Kyan listened to him, did his best to shake the beliefs of their parents from his own impressionable mind. 

Of course, at such a young age, it was impossible for him to know what was them and what was him. The things they had said about homosexuality stayed in his mind well after they left and Asher told him how wrong they were. He wanted to believe his brother. He trusted him with his life. But his parents were, afterall, still his parents. Their words must’ve been spoken for a reason, Kyan thought, and hung to them. Because of that, he never gave himself a chance to wonder about his own sexuality, his own personality, his own abilities. 

He knew Asher was always right, too, about his age. He was only nineteen. Too young for a girlfriend such as Holly, who he knew was bad for him yet never left, who he saw was not what a girlfriend should be, yet never spoke up about it. In that respect, he always blamed himself. He knew she was bad to him. She made him feel worse than he’d ever felt before. She ruined him, in many senses, but he always let her. He always thought she’d stop. Or at least he hoped so. 

But hope isn’t much help in a situation as desperate as Kyan’s. 

Also I've just released a song (Tessa Knowles on all platforms) called Same, I'll love u forever if you go listen. I've also got an ep and a few singles, too, if you're interested. (If u read my vampire story, the one song Remington is famous for is vv similar to Same, so that's cool)

Okay, that's all, new chapter soon, love you, have a good night!!