Trigger warning: Mentions of eating disorders, suicide

I guarantee this is not how you expected this to go.

Kieran's face is one of the most familiar to Remington now. Kieran, Sebastian, and, of course, Abigail.

It's been six months since he saw Andy. Six months since he spent a night in the hotel with the man. That was the last night they had together.

Andy said he was fifty then. It alarmed Remington. He spent the night stroking his hair and watching him sleep and, the next morning, the conversation was difficult. They didn't want to argue, not again.

"I love you," Andy had said sadly, "but you're right. I know you are. We need a break."

Remington teared up. "I love you so much," he responded with.

The man took his hand, carefully slid the ring from his finger. "I'm gonna keep this," he told the boy, "and one day, we'll meet again. I promise."

"I love you so much," Remington repeated. He didn't know what else to say.

"It's gonna be okay."

Remington nodded then, and closed his eyes as Andy, for one last time, kissed him.

"Take care of yourself," he said, and he meant it.

"Be safe," Remington said. Then they hugged. And then Andy closed the door after the younger left. And he looked at the ring in his hand and made a promise to himself that they'd one day resume their marriage and they'd be happy.

Kieran and Remington walk hand in hand, like they often do, across the beach. They're staying in a little sea side town for a week, Emerson, Sebastian, Faye, and Shy also joining them. Though right now, they're alone. Remington has grown rather fond of Kieran, though not as fond as he was of Andy. Their arms swing between them as they walk.

"So what's the deal with your album?" Kieran asks, looking at Remington. "I thought it was supposed to be released last week."

The older (Kieran being twenty three) shrugs. "Timings got fucked up," he says, "and anyway, we're re-recording parts of a few songs." He looks across the sea. "You ever wish you'd never met someone?"

"Sure, sometimes. Why? Who do you wish you'd never met?"

Remington kicks at some cracked shells. "Nothing, no one," he says, not wanting to get into it.

In the evening, the group of them sit in a restaurant. Remington eats almost normally. He got his recovery on track two months after Andy left. He started going to group therapy and now he's almost back to the weight he was before this all began, back on tour years ago. He isn't sure he likes it.

After the meal, they go back to the hotel and separate into their rooms. Sebastian with Faye, Emerson with Shy, and Remington with Kieran.

"Do you think he's okay?" Emerson asks his girlfriend, as they're watching the telly. "Remington, I mean. Do you think he's alright?"

"I don't know, Em, but he doesn't really seem himself, y'know?"

The drummer nods. "He's recovered and stuff, but he just doesn't seem stable, y'know? It's like...he's putting on this 'look at me, I'm totally fine even though my husband is gone and I can't love anyone the way I love him' front, and one day he might just-I don't know-break?"

"Maybe you should talk to him about it. I haven't heard Andy's name once since he left. I don't think that's normal."

Remington doesn't like taking his clothes off in front of Kieran. He knows it shouldn't bother him because he's supposed to be better, but he feels so fat now and can't bear to let Kieran see him like this. He sleeps in pyjamas now; something he never did before.

Tonight they end up kissing, Remington beneath Kieran, scared of how far this might go. They haven't even had sex yet. Remington has always stopped way before that. He isn't sure if he is even attracted to Kieran the way he says he is. Maybe all they're supposed to be is friends.

Kieran kisses down his neck and Remington frees himself. He runs out the room and knocks on the door to Sebastian's room, throwing himself at the older when it's opened. Sebastian is surprised. He steadies himself.

"What's wrong?" He asks. It's been a while since his brother ran to him like this.

Remington doesn't respond.

"You're shaking," Sebastian whispers, "did Kieran do something?"

"No-kinda-I-it's me being silly."

"What did he do?"

Remington steps back from the hug. "Just," he rubs his eyes, "too much touching."

Sebastian strokes hair from his face. "He's not forcing you, is he?"

"No."

"Okay, good. Come and sit down."

Remington sends Faye soft smile. "Sorry for bursting in," he apologises.

She shakes her head. "No worries, Rem."

"Sebby?"

The guitarist rubs his shoulders. He hasn't heard that name for months and months. He knows Remington only calls him that when something's wrong. "Yeah?"

"Do you-do you miss him?"

"Of course I do."

"Is it okay to miss him after so long?"

Sebastian guides him towards the bed, sits beside him and takes his hand. "Of course it is, bub. You aren't expected to not miss him after everything you two did together. You were married, after all."

Remington looks down. "We are married," he whispers, "we still are."

"I know, bub."

"D'you think he's okay, Sebby? D'you think he's doing okay?"

The older rubs his knuckles. "I'm sure he is, Rem."

"But what if he isn't?"

"Thinking about it isn't gonna help," Sebastian says, "I know it's hard, but you can't spend your time worrying about him all the time, bub."

"Well then why don't you kill me?"