Trigger warning - talk of suicide, self harm, eating disorders. Also go save me new book 'My Secrets of Writing' if u haven't x

Are u okay????
Andy??!!
Don't do this shit!!
You're scaring me!! PLEASE TEXT BACK
ANDY U BETTER FUCKING BE ALIVE I SWEAR DON'T FUCKING DIE I NEED U!!!!!
ANDY!!!!!
AAAANNNNDDDDYYY!!!! IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING PLEASE TELL ME UR OKAY
I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD
IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND IM SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING THEYRE MAKING ME EAT BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING FUCKING TELL ME UR OKAY SO I CAN SLEEP PLEASE PLEASE ANDY! ANDY!!!!!!!!!!
T E X T  B A C K  I NEED TO KNOW UR OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SJKASJDLDNALKMOJEIOFNSLKDAL ANDY ANDY ANDY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ANDY PLEASE AHHHGHGKSFJKQ
ANDYDKDNAI3NXKJDJDIUPJFM,]QJIO JO]SSJCINNPJDAOIUP2EUOIUENXKJASDKJHALDJDOQIQOIEEQOKEEK
OHMYGODTEXTTHEFUCKBACKIFUCKINGSKSLKLSKLKSLKAJLAKSJLAALAklaKLsslSKJLsjlSJAKLIJJIJFALKI

Oh fuck I'm so sorry!!! Fell asleep. I'm okay, I promise!!! So so so sorry for scaring you, I'm alive and catching the plane today. Good luck with breakfast, you got this!!

ohmygod don't fucking do that again you'll give me another heart attack

Go to sleep now. I'll see u soon. I love you!!!

omg i love you so much please be safe

see u soon kitten x

*hugs*

Remington falls down onto his back with a heavily relieved sigh, blindly finding Harley and holding her to him. "He's okay," the boy whispers, "he's not dead. He's okay."

He presses a sleepy kiss to the soft toy, wishing it was Andy and that he was at home and not in danger of actually losing his life. Remington turns onto his side, fixing the tube so it's not twisted, and closes his eyes. He wakes later than usual, sliding out of bed and getting dressed, trying to prepare himself for breakfast. The first time eating solid food since he got here. To distract himself, he takes a selfie for his Instagram story, typing the words 'scary day today :(' and posting it, only then standing up off the bed and going into the bathroom to wash his face and, as though it's a reflex, stares at himself angrily in the mirror for five minutes.

U promise ur okay??

He texts Andy, trying to work out what time it is for the man but finding that it makes his head hurts and giving up.

I promise. How's breakfast going?

Still in my room. Don't think I can do it :(

You got this, sweetie! I believe in you x

Glad one of us does

Now now, let's not spiral. U got a moment? Gimme a call. I've gotta wait in the airport for three hours.

Ok

"I'm just gonna fuckin' pretend I'm dead," Remington says into the phone, "fuckin' stupid breakfast."

Andy is just relieved to be hearing his husband's voice again. "Believe in yourself, honey."

"I want a hug."

"I know, me too."

"Andy?"

The older hums.

"What actually happened?"

Andy sighs. He knew this was going to come up sooner or later. "It's a long story," he says.

"I don't care. Please tell me."

"Okay, well...I cut myself while screaming that I fucked up, screamed at everyone in the house, was sent to hospital for a night, left the house the next night to find a bridge to jump off, answered Sebastian when he called, let him convince me into going back to the house, and now I'm okay."

Remington rubs his eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Don't believe me on what, kitten?"

"That you're okay now. I don't believe you. No one could be okay the day after wanting to jump off a bridge. And you cut yourself? Oh no, Andy. I don't want you to hurt."

"I'm better than I was yesterday, okay? I'm stable, at least."

"Sorry."

Andy frowns. He's sitting in a coffee shop in the airport. "Angel, you literally have nothing to be sorry for. Literally nothing in the whole world. Tell me about the hospital. How's it treating you?"

"It's okay. Too white."

"Ah yes, because you would paint everything black if you could, right?"

"No, not black. Just-like-more colours than just white. And off white. And slighty more off white."

"What's your deal with white?"

Remington yawns. "It's just too clinical. I know it's a hospital but-I don't know-couldn't they hang up some posters? Or photos? Or literally anything to cover the ever-growing whiteness."

Andy chuckles.

"But apart from that, it's not bad. The bed's surprisingly comfy and the doctors are nice, so..."

"That's good. It's good to hear your voice, y'know?"

The boy smiles. "Right back at ya. Can't wait to hug you. Oh, doctor's here, I gotta go."

"Okay sweetheart, have a good day. I love you."

"I love you too, bye," Remington says, hanging up as the door opens, smiling at his doctor.

"Morning, Remington. How'd you sleep?" The doctor asks, closing the door behind him.

Remington shrugs. "Not great."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. How're you feeling about breakfast this morning?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"I've got your medication here and then, once you're ready, I'll come with you to the cafe."

Remington sighs but nods. He takes his medication with water and follows the man to the cafe, playing with his fingers the whole time and deciding, reluctantly, that he'll have a bowl of porridge and sliced apple. He sits at an emty table and looks at the small bowl in front of him, spoon in hand.

To stall, he takes a photo of the food, sending it to Andy and then writing 'here's to not dying :('

You got this!!!!
Andy replies straight away.

Fuck this shit

Just a bit at a time sweetie. Stop texting to avoid it and enjoy your breakfast x

:(:(

ILY

Fuck u

"This," Remington says to himself, "sucks." He spoons a small amount of the warm comfort food into his mouth, swallowing it and wiping his eyes. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't finish it, though has as much as he can, going back to his room after and rocking back and forth on his bed in an attempt to calm himself.

It doesn't work.