I was on a roll all day Tuesday. Literally. I rolled my paintbrush up and down the walls of my old room bringing some color to the white antique box. My grandmother would have hated knowing I coated the room in soft pink, but when the sun hit the walls, the blush color looked gorgeous.

I figured I'd tackle upstairs first since there was no wallpaper or wainscotting to remove. Just had to cover the wood floors with plastic and paint away.

I know I had been missing pilates, but rolling the brush up and down the walls for hours was a serious arm workout.

It was kind of nice to blast music all day, stay in my own little bubble and not think about anything other than painting. I didn't have messages to return, errands to run, products to sell, people to see, or things to do. I just had one task at hand and I was actually able to finish it without calling Cooper.

I take a step back to admire my handy work and love that just a light color on the walls made the room feel cozier. I'll leave the cherry wood furniture pieces as they are for now, but this room would make a cute nursery. With some bunting on the wide windows to match the soft pastel and neutral pillows and cushions on the bay window seats. A cute wooden or beaded chandelier would be a nice touch and a natural wood or white crib would look adorable on the smooth wall.

My stomach clenches and that wanting feeling still hasn't subsided. I keep picturing a little girl in my life and I know a lot of it has to do with what happened ten years ago. My throat constricts and I haven't cried about it in a long time. I had shoved that moment deep down inside of me and covered it with concrete so it would stay buried. This fucking room is bubbling it all back up and the blush pink isn't helping.

I spin away before any tears leak over and dart back into my grandmother's room. I'm ready for a nice cold shower and a long lay on the couch.

I am flicking my sweaty shirt into the hamper when my phone starts ringing. I hadn't heard from Finn all day, and was wondering if our date was still on for tomorrow. When I detach my phone from the Bluetooth speaker, I see it's him. He's ballsy for calling twice now. He's lucky I have a full-blown crush going on or I would let it roll to voicemail.

"Starting to think you forgot about me," I say when I answer and then strut over to the bathroom to continue stripping down.

"Never. Just thought I'd wait until I had decent service to call," Finn says and it sounds like I'm on speaker with his windows down.

"Where you at?"

"About an hour out from Magnolia. But I figured you were standing in your closet wondering what to wear tomorrow, so I thought I'd call to tell you what was up."

"Thanks for the consideration."

"Yeah well, I think you'll just need layers. Maybe wear those stretch pant things and a flannel. Or some kind of pants and layering," he says. If only he could see the confusion covering my face.

"It's a hundred billion degrees out and you're telling me to wear leggings and a flannel?"

"Yes. I don't want you to be cold."

"What are we doing?"

"I'm not going to tell you," he says, "I think if I tell you, you'd say no so I am just going to surprise you."

I'm frozen in the bathroom, half-naked because it's so damn hot out wondering what the hell he could be taking me to do that involves layers.

"Well I don't own a flannel and I definitely didn't bring any long sleeves," I say after I wrap my head around the surprise aspect of the date.

"I'll bring you one then. Be ready around seven. In the morning."

"Seven?" I ask in shock. First leggings and flannels and now an early morning?

"Yes. In the morning. Are you a breakfast person?"

"Um, I am a coffee person? Iced coffee. Black."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, unless you want to bring me avocado toast or a grapefruit."

"Okay...and if I were to bring us a lunch, what would you eat?"

I pause. I hate telling people about my eating habits because they always argue with me about them. I am a calorie counter who limits carbs and sugar. I don't do meat and I am incredibly picky with dairy. It limits what people can feed me.

"I uh, I don't know. I can just pack my own snacks."

"Sadie, this is a date. I can't have you bring anything. Other than a hat. Bring a hat."

"I am weird about food."

"What does that even mean?" Finn asks, probably adding this to things he finds insane about me.

"I'm just... I don't know how to explain it. Every time I do I sound vapid or like I have a disorder."

"Sadie, I have taken note that you are thin. Is this a health thing? Image thing? Do you have a disorder?"

"No, I just...I'm picky."

"Okay...well...how about peanut butter and jelly? I actually have a jam my sister made, she'd be thrilled if I used it."

I think about the simple sandwich, one I haven't had in years and reply, "I can do that. It would be better if it wasn't on white bread, but if that's all you have, I'll eat it."

"I get my bread from Peach's Bakery. I don't know what it is, but it's good," he says and homemade jam and freshly baked bread actually sound amazing.

"Okay then, sounds like it's a date."

"It's a date. Be ready at seven."

"Yessir," I reply and then spin the water in the shower on. "See you in the morning."

"See you then."

He clicks off and I drop my phone onto the counter. I try and think of what involves layers and will be long enough that we'll be there for lunch.

I step into the cool stream of water and wonder if I should tell him who I really am tomorrow. I feel like he should know that I am a DuBois if one of them ruined his life. I would hate to start feeling real feelings and then drop a bomb on him. I would want to know if we had a whole second life. One that had a direct connection to my past. I wonder if I need to expand a bit more on who my ex-husband is and why we are getting a divorce.

Mark literally never cared to know about my old flings or boyfriends. He never had to because he knew I had more to lose than he did. There was no one to be jealous over or worry about during our entire ten-year relationship.

But with Finn...Alyssa made it seem like he's down for a fun time but not for a long time. I know he was married and it sounds like he's gotten around since his divorce. He may not care who I am because he may not see this going anywhere. He might just see me as a fun time and I have no idea if I am ready to sleep with anyone yet.

And if we do go there, I don't know if I could do the jealous thing with him. My heart was ripped to shreds by Mark and his infidelities, I don't think I could set myself up for that again.

Although I don't want to come on too strong and tell Finn I'd prefer that I was his only focus. But then again, I don't know how I would feel if I found out he was going out with another girl on Wednesday.

I bury my wet face into my hands and shake my head. I don't know if I am ready for this. My mind is exploding already and we haven't even done anything yet. I wasn't spun up in the slightest over my date with Matty and now I am overanalyzing every single thing before Finn has even picked me up. I also am in the middle of a divorce, I shouldn't look at anything as serious either.

I finish ringing my hair out and then step out of the shower and into a fluffy towel. I was thrilled when the items I ordered off Amazon appeared yesterday and was eager to throw all of my grandmother's old towels away. I get not updating furniture and appliances, but the woman should have at least swapped out her towels and sheets every decade.

I saunter over to my suitcases with the contents still sprawled everywhere and wonder what in the hell I am going to wear tomorrow. Leggings are easy but the layers part was not. I wanted to look cute as this was our first date but he wants me ready to go at seven.

I rifle through my suitcase and find my favorite black leggings and toss them to the side and then dig into my shirts. Most are athletic tanks but I feel like I packed some simple shirts when I was ripping things off hangers and chucking them into my suitcases. I find an olive green crew neck and figure that will work. He said he was going to provide the long sleeve, so this might be the quickest I have ever prepped an ensemble.

I'm not going to want to deal with it in the morning, so I decide to give myself a full blowout. I have to connect my hair dryer to the right plugs for the generator and am forced to stand in the hallway with my head flipped over to achieve the right volume. There isn't a mirror in the hallway so I keep having to run back and forth to the powder room to check my progress.

I set my hair in my favorite DryBar self-gripping rollers and start up the dryer again. I plop onto the floor and hover the dryer above my head. This whole don't plug modern things into old ass outlets is really an inconvenience and I need to get the rewiring done. The electrician is coming on Wednesday and I wonder how complicated rewiring is going to be. On HGTV it seems they always do it when the drywall is gone and the house is down to the studs. How am I going to do it in a functional house where the walls are still fully intact?

Once my hair is dry and set in the rollers I dash back upstairs and methodically slide them out. My dark hair has an amazing bounce to it now and the volume is just right. I have absolutely no idea what we are doing tomorrow but my hair is going to look damn good doing it.