I find the banker's box right where I left it in the hallway closet, shoved under the pile of blankets I stripped off the couch. 

I carry the light box over to the dining room table and slip the lid off. There is a bundle of letters in a variety of sizes rubber-banded together under neath some photos, paperwork and the Tiffany lamp. I shimmy the band off and see Katherine Melvin written on the first envelope. I drop it onto the table with a thwack, and my mother's name is written on the second and third. I see my name on a small letter-sized envelope, but there is no address or stamp on this one. 

I open the back flap and slide out the folded letter. I instantly recognize my grandmother's perfect cursive writing and skim through the contents. I shake my head in anger once I am finished and dig through the rest of the bundle. There are nine letters total and I quickly devour all of them. It isn't until the last one that I realize I am crying. My hand is shaking as I read the last letter. 

Sadie Alabama -

Here I go again, writing another note to you that I will probably be too coward to send. 

Katherine showed me photos of you and your husband in Paris during her last visit and I had always wished Albert would take me there one day. I used to read many novels set in France during the wars and I always thought I would make it over there one day to visit all of the actual places I spent years reading about. Did you make it to the Louvre? I hear the Eiffel Tower sparkles at night, is that true? What a wonder! I hope you fell in love with Paris as I did when only reading about it. 

I had always wanted you to get out and travel the world, and you have no idea how proud I am to see that you have. Katherine mentioned you're headed to Rome and Greece after and I am sure the churches in Rome were breathtaking. Did you make a wish at the Trivoli Fountain? Lore goes that in order for your wish to come true, you must turn around, face away from the fountain, and toss your coin in over your shoulder. If you do, you've guaranteed your return visit to Rome, as the legend goes! I would like to think if you were to go back, you'd bring me with you so I could make a wish. You want to know what I would wish for? 

I would wish to go back in time and tell you how very proud I was of you. You must have been terrified to have thought you were going to become a mother at such a young age just as I and your mother had and I left you alone to face your fears. In my dreams, I always thought you and Katherine would take over the store and grow and raise your family here in Magnolia. Maybe right here in this grand house on Hope Street! Sadly you two had other plans and instead of supporting you, I dissuaded you from becoming your own person with your own dreams. For that, and as I have said in previous letters, I am so very sorry. I no longer ask God for things Sadie Alabama, as I have seen the effects of wishes granted, but if I were to ask for one more thing, I would ask that you are always happy in the life you've created for yourself. 

And if you aren't, I hope you never stop seeking a happy and fulfilled life. Maybe here in Magnolia is where you were meant to find it? You deserve it, sweet girl. 

Sincerely, 

Sadie Melvin 

I toss the letter onto the dining table like it caught fire and spin away from the box. Why did she never send these letters? Why did she never say any of this to me on the phone or in a letter? Why have all of these sat there yellowing in a box for years? 

All I wanted was for her to say these things to me. I spent almost a decade with only my mother sporadically popping in and out of my life and all this time I could have had some sort of relationship with my grandmother. I've been so lonely for so many years and all this time it was regret keeping her away, not hate. 

I am so mad, angry, hurt, and confused. I can't even look at the pile of letters. I get the itch to call Mark again but he's probably still running around somewhere without his phone on him. I hate that I have no one to call up when I need them. I contemplate calling my mother, but I don't really want to end the conversation by promising to write her a check. 

I feel my phone in my pocket and I see it's Finn calling me back. Maybe this is a sign. I needed someone and he's calling. 

"Hey," I answer trying to hide the wobble in my voice.

"Hey, what's going on? It worries me when you call now you know?" He says with a laugh. 

"Oh, just...um...what time are you done today?" I ask him. 

"I can be off now. My walk-through went great."

"Wanna go get a drink? We can even go to The Dive if you want?" 

"Uh oh, you wanna go drink at a local spot? What's wrong?" 

"Just stupid family stuff and I think I could use something other than wine and White Claws." 

"I'll come swoop you. You ready in fifteen?" 

"Yes, I'll be outside." 

********

"Warning, I intend to walk out of here blitzed," I warn Finn when we pull up to the larger of the two bars Magnolia has. Neon signs line the small windows and loud music is blaring out of the jukebox that sits at the entrance. "Also, I know this is a local spot, but I am not in a social mood," I say to him as he yanks the large wooden door open. 

"Let's snag a spot near the broken foosball table then," Finn says leaning into me and I give him a thumbs up. I dart past the occupied bar stools and beeline it over to the pub table tucked in the corner. I drop my wallet on the table and Finn has to shout out so I can hear him. 

"What you drinkin'?" 

I scan the small cluster of bottles behind the bartender who is leaning against the counter, shootin' the shit with one of her drinkers. 

"Vodka, mixed with anything," I reply and he nods and then wanders off. I turn so I am tucked into the wall, trying to give off a don't talk to me for the love of god vibe. 

Even though I have half a bar of service, I pull out my phone and act engrossed in text messages until Finn returns. He drops a red drink in a clear plastic cup down in front of me and I look up at him. 

"Dirty Shirly. Vodka, Sprite and grenadine," he answers. "I know you don't do sugar, but it seems like a night to just go balls to the wall." 

I take a sip and even though it's sweet, it's actually the perfect drink right now since I don't have the ability to make a chocolate cake appear magically in front of me. He has a Coors in his hand and he settles in next to me. 

"What's causing you to digest sugar?" He asks and we are now far enough away and close enough together that the classic rock blaring around the bar doesn't force us to shout.

I fill him in on the letters and talking about it with a drink in my hand made the tears stay away. I'm already in the third stage of grieving. Anger. 

"You have no idea why she didn't send them?" Finn asks again and then drains what's left of his beer. 

"No fucking clue," I reply and then realize I am also down to the melted ice sitting in the bottom of the cup. 

"Another?" Finn asks and I eagerly nod. It felt good to get it off my chest and Finn stared at me, actively listening the entire time. His phone wasn't popping off, or he wasn't having me tell him as he was focused on something else. It was weird to actually have a man's full attention for the entirety of my story. 

He swipes my cup and saunters back over to the bar as I re-process everything I learned this afternoon. I'm sliding my hands down my face when I hear Ollie's voice behind me.

"Saaaaadiiieeee! What are you doing sitting all alone over here," he asks me and when I remove my hands from my eyes, I see him leaning on the back of the chair with a beer in his hand. He's in khakis and a button-down, so he must have strolled over here from work. 

"I'm actually not alone. My date is grabbing me a drink," I motion over to Finn who is arched over the counter top talking to the bartender. 

"Finn Weston? Shit, seriously?" Ollie asks me, his face all contorted in disgust. 

"Yep, that's my man now Ollie," I tell him and he's still staring off toward the bar. He flicks his head back to me and says, "Shit, I ain't all that surprised. Finn likes his flavors of the week and you are a popular one."

I glare at him and snap, "Need anything Ollie? Or did you just come over here to annoy me?"

"I came over here to keep you company. I was surprised to see you alone over here," he says and Finn comes back over with our drinks in his hand. 

"Hey Finny," Ollie says as he slaps Finn on the shoulder. 

"I leave her alone for thirty seconds and already the vultures are out," Finn says with a laugh. 

"You know me and Sadie here used to go out back in the day," Ollie tells him and the look that crosses Finn's face had Ollie adding, "It's true, ask her." 

I shake my head, "We all used to hang out in a group. Alyssa, me, him, Ryan, that girl with the blonde hair, Mark. I'd hardly say we used to go out." 

"I wasn't hooking up in the back of my 4Runner with Alyssa or Caitlyn though," Ollie says with a big shit-eating grin. And Finn slams about half his beer. 

"To clarify, it was one time and the performance was so bad I was hardly asking for an encore." Ollie's smile drops and he actually looks offended. He shakes it off and the orneriness is back. 

"Well, I've had years of practice now, I can show you that my skills have very much improved if you want," he bounces his eyebrows up and down and then laughs at himself like he's fucking hilarious. 

"Hard fucking pass Ollie," I tell him and then inhale my vodka. "Now, I'm on a date here with Finn, so if you can excuse us." I stare at him and he looks between Finn and I as if he's wondering why he's being asked to leave. 

"You always were just a bit of a bitch," Ollie mutters and I stop sucking on my straw and flit my eyes up to him. "But I like em naughty." 

"Fuck off Ollie," I say at the same time Finn physically spins Ollie away from us and gives him a hard shove to the center of the bar. Ollie gets the hint and keeps walking toward the pool tables. 

"This is why I hate small towns," I tell Finn. "Nothing stays dead and buried." 

"Ollie is dip shit," Finn replies and settles back in next to me. 

"I know, and it's impossible to get away from the dip shits here. I didn't even want to go to the market to grab lunch because I didn't want to see stupid fucking Matty after Strawberry Days. I go to get paint and Hazel rips my life apart. I miss walking into a store where I know no one and no one gives a fuck about me." 

"Is that why you were so eager to leave Magnolia the first time? The population size?" 

I nod, "That and I wanted the city life. I wanted adventure and my choice of more than four restaurants. I wanted to meet new people and experience new cultures. I wanted out of the bubble of small town living." 

"Yeah, I get that..." Finn says as he stares at the beer in his hand. I take another long drink and this one went down much faster than the last. I realize Finn is doing that thing where he's staring intently at something while his wheels spin. He is small town and I literally just said I didn't want that. Hopefully he doesn't read too much into it because at the moment, he is all I want. 

"Sorry Finn, I am being a shit. I am taking all this pent-up anger out on dumb shit." I take a deep breath in and shake off Ollie's comments. He is a dipshit. 

"You have every right to be pissed. At Ollie and Sadie," he says and then grabs my hand. 

"Good. Because I am pissed as hell and don't know what to do about it."