After Finn and I exchanged numbers, he left me to my cleaning and organizing while he connected the fans to the generator. I thanked him profusely once we got a cross-breeze going and offered to buy him dinner in thanks, but apparently, he had his niece's kindergarten graduation party to get to, and my heart melted into a puddle. He told me he'd take a rain check and reminded me I was going to owe him a favor in the future, so to be prepared when he cashed it in.
I refused to stay in Sadie's room now that I knew a rat festival was taking place right above there and before Finn left for the evening, he said he'd send over his exterminator's info.
I decided to stay the night in my old room on the familiar rock-hard mattress and I sent a picture to Mark of me laying on the same bed he got me pregnant in right before I fell asleep.
I'm surprised when he calls at eight the next morning.
"How you doing Bams?" He asks me as I stretch, feeling my spine ache from the shit mattress.
"You must think I'm not doing well if you're calling me," I mumble, clearly sounding like I was just woken up.
"You don't have a pool, pilates or Pressed Juicery at your disposal. I am making sure you are still surviving."
"I'm laying in a pool of sweat if that counts?" I joke back.
"Yeah, well you're also in that house with all those memories...just making sure you're doing alright," he says softly and I do know he cares. We might be divorcing, but he still very much cares.
"Well it helps that my grandma isn't here barking at me," I tell him as I curl into a ball, pulling the quilt up to cover me. "Magnolia hasn't changed at all though. Nothing in this house has either. Why don't I remember it being so old and run down?"
"Cuz at nineteen, you didn't give a shit. You basically stayed in your room or were at the store."
"Or was sneaking into your house," I tell him remembering all the ways we'd sneak me in. "On your way to training?"
"I'm already here with Mario for workouts. I was taking a break and saw your picture."
"Sorry if it upset you. I just...you're the only one who knows how it feels to be back here."
"Nah, it's good to remember," he says warmly. "Is Pete's treehouse still back there?" I crane my neck to see out the bay window. I can't see it from my angle so I push the covers away with my feet and saunter over to check.
"Yep. Still there. They added another level and a telescope to it," I tell him as I peer out the window and I hear him groan jealously. "Your mama's garden is still thriving back there too."
"She'll be glad to hear that. But seriously Alabama, how are you doing? I'm pretty sure this is the longest you've been left alone. You haven't posted on Instagram in days, I was starting to worry," he asks with a light laugh and I drop onto the cushions that line the window. I curl my knees into my chest and drop my forehead against the pane of glass.
"I'm...I dunno. This house needs so much more work than I thought. I have to get it rewired and I am running fans off a generator. I had to pay a kid to check out the house with me and it turns out there is a rat infestation in the attic," I tell him and I'm sure I am painting Mark a lovely picture.
"You don't have to be there ya know. You can just sell the house as-is and move anywhere you want."
"I know, but that's taking the easy way out. The whole reason I am here is to prove to myself that I can be more than a trophy wife. So far I have needed help with everything and it's...I mean one guy joked that he had no idea if I knew how much stuff actually costs."
I hear Mark laugh and then he says, "Well do you? We've had personal shoppers and limitless credit cards for years now. I don't even know how much stuff costs."
"I can't parallel park Mark, or use a French press. I went grocery shopping and ended up with a bag of spinach, olive oil, avocados, and bread because all I know how to make is avocado toast. I didn't even know what seasoning Preston usually puts on it because I never thought to ask. I also cleaned a toilet for the first time in years and was exhausted afterward. Which reminds me, give our cleaners a raise."
"Well you couldn't parallel park before you left Arkansas babe, that has nothing to do with being privileged. Just lazy," he says and I laugh. "Is there anything you are enjoying there?" I instantly think of Finn but am unsure if I should mention anything to Mark about him. I joked about a hot contractor, but not sure if I should elaborate. We haven't discussed moving on in that way yet.
"I'm...the people are nice here. There is this kid Cooper that does odd tasks around town to make some cash. He wants a PS5. He's sweet and he drove me into town and helped around the house."
"You let him drive the Mustang?" Mark asks me and I realize I fucked up.
"Oh, uh, no. He drove me in his car. I needed an Uber and turns out they don't have that here yet."
"Why did you need an Uber? Sadie lives blocks from town."
"Because I had items to buy and...well okay so you're going to get mad, but remember that I am having a hard time roughing it out here so..."
"Alabama..." Mark says sternly after using the voice I reserve for telling him bad news. It's an octave higher and sounds of pure innocence.
"I hit a deer."
"What?"
"In the Mustang. The day I got here," I confess and I hear him scoff.
"Are you alright? Why didn't you tell me? Where is the car now?" He rattles off questions and I peel myself off the seat to start pacing.
"I am fine, I didn't tell you because you'd get mad at me and the car is at an autobody shop getting the windshield replaced."
"Do they even know how to work on vintage cars in Magnolia, Arkansas? Do I need to research autobody shops around there?" Mark asks me and I roll my eyes.
"I think he's qualified. Did you know Logan Mercer? He doesn't seem much older than us," I ask.
"Oh shit, yeah I kinda remember Logan. He was friends with that girl Thomas dated. His dad owned that shop. Alright, well if Logan is anything like his dad was, then it's probably fine."
"Well, I hope so. Another guy here vouched for Logan so if he tries to screw me, I'll take it up with him."
"Speaking of screwing you...you have to be the hottest little thing that has dropped into Magnolia again. Are you fending the local men off yet?" He asks and I laugh.
"Actually, do you remember a guy named Matty Quinn? He's older, a year older than Thomas I think, so I don't know if you were in school with him."
"Hmm...name doesn't ring a bell."
"Oh well, he asked me to dinner. Apparently, he's known as a nice guy."
"Oh god."
I giggle before I ask, "Why is that oh god? People keep making it seem like that's a bad thing."
"You can't do nice Alabama. It's why Eli drives you crazy."
"I can do nice. I just can't do that fake nice where guys just think that's how they are supposed to be."
"You'll cringe if he pulls your chair out for you. Or gets your car door," Mark says with a laugh.
"I would enjoy a gentleman...I think. I really wouldn't know because I don't have much experience with them."
"Ha ha, very funny." Mark jokes. "But seriously, what did you say?"
"I said sure. I figure I can get out of this dilapidated house and go see the sights."
"Where is he taking you?"
"I don't know yet. I ignored his call."
"Great start."
"Why did he call, Mark? I only answer calls from you and Bellamy."
"He's a gentleman. And you love those apparently." I groan and he laughs again. "I should be jealous, or worried or...I dunno but...for some reason, I think I have no reason to be with Matty. Let me know how it goes."
"Oh god Mark, I am not going to be telling you about my dates."
"No, I don't want to know about all of them. I just want to know how long into this date until you realize you don't like nice guys."
"Maybe he's my future husband," I joke.
"I'll be shocked if you fall for a guy from Arkansas, Bams."
I think of Finn again and my heart surprisingly flutters.
"My first husband was from Arkansas."
"I spent less than three years of my life there, I don't think that counts."
"I'm just saying. I've been known to hook 'em right here in this bedroom."
"That bed is sacred. There will be no babymaking allowed in that bedroom."
I glance at the bed again and think of how my life started right there. That bed and a broken condom changed everything and offered me a direction I never knew was possible.
"Hey brought me luck once..." I kid and then quickly add, "Just joking. I'll let ya go though. Your ex-wife is fine. Just...getting used to my new surroundings."
"Call me if you need anything," Mark tells me and then says, "And you better be eating more than avocado toast. Don't start that anorexic shit again. Your mom isn't there to fat shame you this time and you don't have anyone encouraging you to eat more than celery and crackers."
"I am eating, Mark. I promise. But if Preston wants to send me some food I'll allow it."
"I'll tell him, and let me know how your date goes."
"I will," I reply before I click off. I lay back on the bed and think of Mark and me as teenagers in here.
We used to screw like rabbits and then talk until we heard Sadie rumbling up the driveway. I was how he let off steam when the pressure of football and scholarships became too much. I made myself readily available because all I wanted was for Mark to take me to whatever state the school he chose was in. I wanted out and Mark's scholarships were gonna take me away from my mama and grandma.
I've been well aware of my looks since middle school and it didn't take much for Mark to look at my long legs and long blonde hair. The first summer we started hooking up was purely because I was a non-local that dropped in like a limited summer flavor and the popular football star had to have a taste. The second summer, I came in determined. He was already scouted and accepting interviews with schools around the country. When we found out I was pregnant, his parents were terrified that I was going to screw up his future, but they had no idea I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of me leaving Arkansas. I wanted Mark and I wanted out.
Now that I am back here, I realize I don't regret chasing Mark and his career around, I just wish I hadn't lost myself in the process. I noticed all the other football wives had charities, children, clothing lines, products to sell on Instagram and homes to run. I stayed busy with shopping, decorating, drinking, maintaining my perfect body, counting calories, and catering to Mark that I didn't realize how little I had until I was ready to walk away. Only three people know where I am and I heard from only a hand full of people when news of the divorce hit Sports Center. Everyone checked in on Mark and I realized that's because they were all his friends. Bellamy and Drew were my only real ones who checked in because they cared. Not because they wanted to sell a quote to a magazine.
I drag myself out of bed and the quiet house reminds me of the feeling I had when I was in Los Angeles. Alone and bored. I came here to give myself something to do so it was time I started doing it.
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