Finn left to work bright and early Wednesday morning which left me to lazily strut about his house, procrastinating on painting.

I had done well with not being too nosy when being left alone in his space, but today I was bored. I opened a few cabinets in his kitchen which revealed an array of cooking utensils and then opened the drawers in his built-in bar. I don't know what I was looking for, I just wanted to see what he had stored away.

When I was done poking about the downstairs, I wandered upstairs and flipped the light to his office on. I had only been in here for a second the first time he brought me over and this was the messiest place in the house. Papers cover the wooden desk and bankers' boxes litter the floor. I remember the box Matty gave me of Sadie's and realize I never went through those letters.

I see a framed photo of Finn, Cade and his dad on his desk, and Finn looks just like him. I know exactly what he will look like in ten years. I then see a photo of Finn and a beaming Mel from her wedding day in a frame next to it and I know we can't sneak around forever. Our secret can't stay secret for long because I can't cause a rift in his family. I'm definitely not worth it.

I see a box labeled L.Shit and swiftly lift the lid. A wedding album is right on top and I don't hesitate in sliding it out. This is the juice I was unknowingly looking for.

A dolled-up Layla dressed in white is tucked into Finn's tuxedo-clad chest and they were a beautiful couple. I stare at the album cover and hate that this woman ruined his outlook on relationships. Not all are suffocating and loveless.

I flip through the first few pages and notice something is off about Finn immediately. He has a faraway look in every photo. His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and the smirk I fucking love so much never makes it into any of the photos. How did no one notice Finn's heart wasn't at his wedding? I can tell just in a few candid pictures. 

I also realize that I am jealous he had a full-blown wedding. I didn't and I always thought if I were to get married again I would want the whole enchilada. I highly doubt Finn would go through the circus again though.

I close the lid and wonder if I am falling for someone so unattainable. If I play pretend for a moment, can I see myself in Magnolia, living in this house? Never married to the father of my child? If we can even get to that point? 

I know I am getting ahead of myself. I know I want Finn and I to work out so badly because I haven't felt this fulfilled and happy in a really long time. I just have to keep in mind that this may be a cruel summer and I could be going back to Los Angeles alone after having an epic summer fling and nothing more.

I notice Bellamy never wrote me back and wonder if I have anything in L.A worth going back for? My friends are moving on with their own lives, the football wives shut me out, Mark is going to be dating again, what do I really have waiting for me back there?

I put the box back and realize I need to get out of Finn's house. Overthinking alone is never a good idea. I quickly get dressed and head to Weston's to buy some paint for my latest project. I need something to do with my hands and rifling through Finn's stuff isn't it.

*********

Hazel is working the register when I yank the door open and I am nervous she's going to chastise me for my behavior at the unveiling. I hadn't run into any more Garden Club ladies, but I had also mostly been holed up at Finn's since Strawberry Days. 

She gives me a sad frown and a head tilt when she sees me and says, "I was hoping to see you, Miss Sadie."

I drag myself over to the register as I say, "I was a shit, I know." She's dressed in another bright top, covered in daisies and has matching plastic daisy jewelry to match. Her cheeriness is always expressed through her outfits and I wonder what my attire says about me.

"I think a few of the women were bein' a bit harsh. Not everyone is aware of the reason you and your grandmother had a falling out."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"And you do?"

She nods and then comes around to stand next to the register instead of behind it.

"You have time for a quick chat?"

I look around the quiet store and ask, "Do you?"

She waves a hand at me, "You have an in with the owner right?" She winks at me and I attempt to stifle my grin. "Yeah, I saw you last weekend. All over each other."

"Dotty warned me he was bad news."

"Finn? Oh no, he's as good as they come. Just a bit of a..."

"Man slut?" I ask and Hazel gives me a loud chuckle.

"No, he's a bit jaded. His divorce kinda did him in."

"Oh trust me, I am delving into that baggage now," I say with a laugh.

"No, honey, Finn is a good one. He deserves happiness and he looked elated with you." I look away as I blush and she adds, "I wanted to talk to you about your grandma. She clearly never unburdened herself by having a conversation with by how you reacted on Saturday."

"What do you mean?"

She glances at the door again and then spins the sign to closed.

"I'm going take my lunch," she says and then grabs my hand to pull me into the back.

"It's only ten-fifteen," I mutter and she waves a nonchalant hand at me.

We enter into the back office and she instructs me to sit in a metal chair with a faded green pad on it. She drops into the leather office chair and spins it to face me. 

"This isn't a conversation to have standing up there where anyone can just walk in."

"Uh oh," I say with a nervous laugh.

"Well, I told you I wanted to discuss your grandmother when you first blew in here."

"I know, I was worried it was going to be a Tuesday's with Morrie thing."

Hazel chuckles, "No honey. But Sadie did have a lot of regrets she confessed to toward the end. I think she felt alone, having chased off her family."

"I think she was bitter about my grandfather for longer than she was with him. It ate her alive and her heart was gone. She didn't know how to love anything else."

Hazel nods, "That was definitely a large part of her and her drive to be independent. She didn't want to go through that kind of heartbreak again."

"Yeah, it's scary. I'm currently going through it, but I know I'll be so much happier on the other side. I can't stay bitter if I ever want to be happy with someone else. Or hell, even be happy by myself. Her dwelling on the past just pushed everyone away."

Hazel drops her head down for a moment and then says, "Your mama was a wild child who blew out of Magnolia at the first opportunity. I know Sadie had wanted to pass the store down to her and Katherine didn't want that."

"No, neither of us did."

"Sadie didn't have anyone to give her life's work to which stung. And then she had the prettiest granddaughter with a mama who just wanted to parade her about." Hazel grins at me and then adds, "Your mama tried to get you to use your looks to get ahead. She was so determined to find you a man to take care of you, but your grandma wanted you to rely on no one. She wanted you to go to college, get a degree, make something of yourself. Not depend on anyone."

"I learned that one early on. My mother wasn't really one to count on, she only wanted me to find a man so she didn't have to care for me anymore. And Sadie definitely wasn't there for me when I really needed her."

"Well baby girl, that's what I want to talk to you about. There's something you should know."

"Uh oh, Miss Hazel. You have me nervous here talking about things I'd rather stay buried."

"Sadie had that same mentality and it ate her alive." I think of hiding my knowledge of Mark's infidelity for as long as I did and how it tore me apart inside. I was a miserable mess hiding behind a pretty smile for too long. Maybe I got that from Sadie. 

"Okay, I'm open to hearing this," I say and then take in a deep breath.

"I'm aware your grandmother was rather harsh when she discovered you were pregnant. She let her own disappointments cloud her judgment and I know she said some awful things to you."

"You do, do you? She told you all the awful names she called me? Said I had a special place in hell."

"Yeah well, I am also aware of what happened to you when you got further along in your pregnancy," Hazel says and then grabs my sweaty hand.

"Not open to talking about that," I say with a light laugh, silently begging her to ditch this conversation.

"Sadie was also aware and...she took it harder than you know."

I let out an ugly laugh before saying, "I wouldn't know, she didn't talk to me after she kicked me out."

"Sadie honey, your grandmother got it in her head that she prayed your baby away. She was so so angry and I guess said some hateful things in her prayers. When she found out you lost your baby, she thought she did that. She was terrified God answered her prayers and took that baby away from you."

I hop up from the chair, unable to listen any further. I wave my hand at Hazel as tears threaten to spill over. 

"I can't hear this Hazel. I can't hear how Sadie made my tragedy about her."

Hazel shakes her head, "She realized she was being a nasty person to be saying such hateful stuff like that in the first place. Pushing you away because your life didn't turn out how she wanted it to." 

"I wrote her for a few years after I was married. I tried to mend the fence and her stubborn ass stayed away." 

"She wrote you back, she just never mailed the letters," she tells me, and I can tell she's disappointed in Sadie too. There was a stack of letters in that banker's box, I just never looked at them. 

"How do you know all this? Sadie was never the forthcoming, chatty type." 

"She was as she got older. She and I got close. I'm not married either so she and I used to get together to do things. Loneliness can be too quiet."

I stare at Hazel on the verge of exploding with anger, sadness, frustration and tears. It's too late to repair our relationship. All of this is too late. 

"Sadie had nine years to reach out to me, she chose the quiet."  

"Which is why I am speaking for her now. I just wanted you to know she loved you and regretted everything she did. She put her failures on you and that wasn't fair." 

"I appreciate you telling me this Hazel, but it would have meant a hell of a lot more hearing it from her." I spin away from a saddened Hazel, but I cannot hear anymore. I came here to buy paint, not listen to a laundry list of Sadie's regrets. 

I push the office door open and Hazel doesn't try and stop me. I slide my phone out to call Mark, completely out of habit as he was the one I always called about family drama and realize I need to stop going to him. He is no longer my shoulder to cry on. I would call Bellamy but she's not completely up to speed on the Melvin family drama and Finn is at work. My mother also isn't answering my calls out of spite and Drew is playing house in San Fransico. 

I stand on the curb outside of Weston's wondering what to do. I just landed a truth bomb to the face and have no idea how to react. 

Calling Finn when I am upset is a tick in the boyfriend column and I am not sure what he'd do anyway. But just his voice is comforting enough, so I dial his number and bite the side of my thumb. He doesn't answer and my shoulders drop. Seconds later I get a text from him. 

Finn: Hey baby, I am doing a walk through with a client. Call you after. Everything okay?

I'm not putting any of this in a text so I reply, 

Me: Yeah. Just at the hardware store. Call me later.

Finn: NO tools. 

I laugh at his immediate response and it helps untighten my chest. I look across the street and see a blue USPS box bolted onto the sidewalk. I wonder if the letters Matty gave me are the ones Sadie never sent. I turn away from Mainstreet and head back towards Wanda. I need to find that box.