The week I stayed at Finn's was pure bliss. I had air conditioning, WiFi, a stocked fridge, a clean shower, and had sex on everything Finn and I could fit on.

He went to work during the day and I painted the furniture he brought me from his client in the garage while he was gone. I blasted music while I sanded the wood down and sang loudly and badly as I applied a new color to the old pieces. The rewiring so far was going smoothly and on schedule, but I was in no rush to leave Weston estate.

Finn wanted to keep us on the DL with this family after Mel checked in on him on Monday. He said he didn't want her drama ruining what we had going for us over something that happened ten years ago so I ducked down every time we passed by her house in his truck.

I tried calling Bellamy a couple times after I first hooked up with Finn, but she didn't answer and gave me vague messages in return. I wondered if she was sulking because LeVon was traded out of L.A. Drew was also oddly quiet in our group chats too, but I saw that he was in San Francisco with his new boy toy.

Finn surprised me by asking if he could upload a photo he had of us from Strawberry Days onto his Instagram and I said yes, but wasn't quite ready to do anything official on my page yet. I posted hints in my stories of him, with either his arm, foot or hand in the shot but they were always of random things we were doing. Only Mark seemed to notice the pieces I was posting of a man and he asked if I was still doing alright. He was still worried Finn was using me to get back at Pete and it was just like Mark to make everything about him.

While eating dinner or laying together in bed, I told Finn everything about Mark's infidelities, how I found out, how I hid my hurt from him for two months and then filed for divorce. Finn confessed that he was a shit husband to Layla and was too numb from his dad's death to be a real partner in anything at the time. That if he hadn't have been roped into the family business, he would have stayed in Denver longer and pursued something in mechanical engineering, which is what he was going to school for at the time. He also mentioned that he doesn't see himself being married again, that the thought of letting someone down so massively again terrifies him and he doesn't want that kind of pressure. I didn't know how I felt about getting married again, but I did know I wanted a partner and a baby. I didn't tell him I longed to be pregnant again and to start a family of my own- something I never really had- because I didn't want him to think I was trapping him into something. Especially after I told him I wasn't on birth control. I did, however, tell him that I used sex to trap a man once and I wouldn't do it again, so he could sleep at night knowing I was plotting to use him for his sperm. Something he also made a joke about.

Finn got off work early on Wednesday and showed me his full property while I sat behind him on an ATV. He has a wide property line and only utilizes about half of it. He said he never got into farming but enjoyed maintaining his vegetable garden that sat inside a cute white picket fence off the side of this house. We just enjoyed being outdoors, riding around with backward hats on, trying not to spill our beers. We sat in front of his firepit at night and I tucked myself into one of his old college sweatshirts and walked around the dirt path with my shoes off. It was the most country I had ever felt living here.

I noticed I was falling hard and fast and I had no idea what I wanted that to mean. Finn took me with him to his bowling league on Thursday, and he introduced me as Sadie. His friend asked him, "Oh is that your new girlfriend?" and when Finn quickly replied, "You know I don't do labels," I felt my heart plummet to my feet. I then wondered if I could even have a boyfriend if I still technically had a husband.

My birthday also didn't come up again but Finn mentioned going to a concert at the end of July together so I felt like he was at least optimistic through then. I tried not to bring up going home in August because I was so terrified he saw that as our expiration date. That as soon as I left, he was going to be on to the next thing and the thought of him with another woman made me want to throw up.

I was also aware that several girls texted him throughout the week and he had Tinder notifications popping up on his phone when we were laying in bed together on Saturday. He promised me he hadn't been on any dating apps since he took me to the river and I watch him deactivate his profile and delete the other girls' numbers. He was doing his best to be trustworthy, he just seemed deathly afraid of saying he was in a relationship. Which I felt like we were in. He definitely saw Mark try calling me on Sunday but I ignored it and continued to drink wine, wrapped up in one of Finn's shirts and in his arms on the porch swing. Magnolia was starting to feel more like home and less like hell on earth, but I also hadn't been to Sadie's in a week.

When the electrician called me on Monday to say it was safe to come back, Finn drove over to inspect the house with him first and then I drove Wanda back over to meet him. We walked into the house holding hands and I felt different crossing the threshold this time.

"The electrician said it was good to go," he tells me as we look around the space. "He walked me through everything." All of the furniture is still pulled to the center of the room and I can see where they had to replaster some areas. "I'm so glad to not have to worry about you catching your house on fire anymore," Finn says as he flips the light switch to the chandelier in the living room on.

"It will also be nice to not have to add a warning to anyone who buys this house," I reply as I look over the mess.

"You still looking to sell?" Finn asks me and he steps over the rolled-up oriental rug laying across the floor in the living room.

"Oh god yes. Now that the electrical work is done, I can finish downstairs. Slap on some paint, fix the wainscotting, buff the floors and call it a day."

"I thought this was your summer project?" Finn asks me as he continues on into the kitchen.

"Oh it is, I just realized I am only going to put so much money into it. I'm having way more fun flipping furniture."

"Speaking of that," he shouts from the kitchen, "I have another piece coming to you tomorrow. An armoire. Should I bring it here or to my garage?"

I love having Finn and I cook dinner together after work so I say, "Your garage."

I feel my phone buzz and finally, Bellamy texted me back.

Bellamy: Hey love. Sorry I have been MIA. I've been swamped with this new social media manager gig. BTW, I have a new tanning lotion company that wants to work with you. I'll email you the deets and let me know ASAP. It would post next week. XO."

It's weird for her to be all business. I've been asking her how she has been doing and what events she's covered in L.A and she ignored all of that and got right to business. I definitely always saw myself as her best friend first and a client second. It stings a little.

Finn wanders back into the dining room and I pop my head up from my phone.

"Hey, so Bellamy just texted me about a tanning lotion gig for Instagram. I haven't done a sponsored post in a while but they usually pay well. Are you good if I take it?"

"What does all that entail?" He asks reluctantly as he stands behind my grandmother's Queen Anne chair.

I shrug, "Just a photo with whatever caption and hashtags they tell me to post. I'll probably be in a bikini, but since my photographers aren't here, I might see if you would be willing to do it." I ask cautiously before biting my lip. I almost asked if he'd be my Instagram boyfriend jokingly, but I didn't need him hightailing it out of here thinking I was serious.

He mulls it over while looking at the table and then says, "I mean, this is kinda your job right? And I would much rather be the one taking the photos of you than someone else."

"I'd have to pay Cooper," I say with a wink and Finn laughs.

"He'd do that job for free," he jokes and then adds, "I know Instagram is your money maker and you have literally a million followers, I just have to get over the idea of sharing your body with the rest of the world."

"I mean there is a reason I am obsessed with calorie counting," I tease as I look down at my body.

Finn doesn't laugh, he just shakes his head, "Yeah, I don't like that either."

"Like what?"

"Well, are you starving yourself because you feel like you have to put your body out there for the world to see? You're scared of what will happen if you... I dunno fill out?"

"My body is literally how I got to where I have in life. Mark wouldn't have noticed a flat-chested chubby girl. Hell, would you have?" I cross my arms over my chest. I hate talking about my body since it's something I work so hard at maintaining.

"Okay, well you have me now and I noticed you still only ate celery sticks for lunch yesterday."

"Finn, what are we talking about? I just asked if I could accept the job. I don't want to talk about anything else." I snap, and my tone even surprises me. He stares at me for a moment, clearly choosing his words, and then says, "Do what you want Sadie."

"And you'll help me?" I ask again and he's wandering back into the kitchen as he says, "I'll help take photos, but I won't help you starve yourself."

I eye-roll him as he leaves me in the living room and quickly text Bellamy back.

Me: I'll check it over. I'm sure I'll wanna take it tho. Also, any plans for the 4th of July? Going to Palm Springs as usual?

I don't like this weird tension between us and I don't like that Bellamy is feeling out of reach. She is literally the last best friend that I have besides Drew and I am much closer with her than him. I'll be devasted if we drift apart while I am out here.

I'm surprised when my phone buzzes.

Bellamy: Not this year. What about you?

That was vague. I look up at Finn who is still inspecting the kitchen and shake off my shitty tone.

I find him inspecting the busted screen door and I say, "Hey, sorry, I just get...I have a therapist who I discuss that stuff with."

"Your image issues?"

I nod, "Yeah. My mom made it seem like I'd never get anywhere if I didn't have my face. Like I was too dumb without my beauty. It's been a rough road to get over."

"And I thought you were realizing you are so much more than your looks out here, Sades."

"I'm not just going to get over a mindset I've had for fifteen years in a month. Trust me, I've tried."

"I don't want to play into though either. You're tiny Sadie. It worries me."

"Well, I worry that if I ever get pregnant again it will destroy my modeling career so I might as well soak it up now." I watch him physically clam up and I quickly say, "Not that I am getting pregnant anytime soon. Trust me. I'm just saying my body may not always look like this." He still doesn't say anything so I add, "Also, Bellamy asked what I am doing on Thursday. Any ideas?" He pulls away from the screen doors as he answers, "Shit, I normally do a barbecue at my sister's for the fourth, but I am thinking she won't be thrilled if we go to that together."

Disappointment fills me and I wave my hand, "Oh, you should definitely be with your family Finn. I'll hit up Alyssa, see what she's up to."

"Donna Quinn normally hosts a big get-together, that's kind of where everyone goes."

"Oh," I mutter quietly. There is no way in hell I am spending the 4th with Matty, Layla and bootlegged wine. "I'll think of something."

"I'm not ditching you on the 4th," Finn says as he looks at me like I am being ridiculous.

"It will be so much worse if you don't go to your sister's because of me. Didn't you say your mom was coming back from Florida next week too? You probably want to see her."

He sighs and I can tell he didn't think our relationship would be such an obstacle so quickly, especially since Mel doesn't know her brother is in one.

"We'll think of something, but I intend on spending it with you," he tells me and then closes the gap between us. He puts his arms around me and kisses me quickly. I think the tension is gone for now.

"The house is livable now...barely. Should we move me back here?" I ask and am crossing my fingers that he says no.

"Up to you."

"Or you could stay here with me a night? That way I don't have to sneak past Mel's house."

"It kinda freaks me out to have sex in your grandma's old bed," he says with a wince and I laugh.

"Fair enough."

"Just come home with me, you have the armoire to start on anyway. Unless there is something pressing here to get done?"

I shake my head, "I don't have what I need to start downstairs. I have to go to Weston's tomorrow."

"You're done buying stuff from the store I own. I'll tell Hazel and Brian to put it on the house account."

"That could add up Finn. I have a ton of paint to buy."

"Bonus of having me in your life," he says and then kisses me on the top of my head. He could have said bonus of dating me, or bonus of being my girlfriend but he chose those words. I don't know why I am being such a baby about a label but it irks me. Feeling so temporary in his life.

"Thanks," I manage to say while swallowing down my hurt.

"We'll grab what you need for the night then, let's head out," he tells me as he starts fanning himself. It is hotter than hell in here.

"Okay, give me five," I tell him and as I am trotting up the stairs, I pull my phone out to text Bellamy.

Me: Think I'm spending it with my new boy toy. I'm kinda having a crisis there. I think I like him too much. Let's chat soon XX.