Pagkarating ko sa operating room halos walang tao. It was already after six in the evening kaya wala na masyadong nurses, doctors, and interns. Val was with me since I was transferred from my room.

"Girl, kaya mo 'to. It's just your foot. Malayo sa utak," she joked. "And I can make the scar disappear like magic. Hindi ka naman keloid-former, diba?"

Maya-maya, dumating na sina Mom and Dad with their respective residents and the preparations began.

"Marge, kanino ka mag-aassist, sa anesthesia o sa ortho?" my Dad chided Val.

"Ah, pwede bang cheerleader na lang ako, Tito? Ako bahala sa wound care and scar management afterwards." She offered at natawa ang mga tao, pati ako.

Typical Val. Kaya sya nag-Derma kasi wala syang interes sa sa surgery o anesthesia, kasi wala raw syang mapapala.

"Okay, Sky, don't fight it. Just sleep. Sweet dreams, anak." I heard my mom tell me before kissing my forehead. I drifted to sleep almost immediately after.

I dreamt of the night when Jaxx asked me to be his girlfriend. I remembered how tensed he looked when he asked, how he rambled, beating around the bush before getting to his point. Naalala ko first kiss namin that night, na bumigay tuhod ko at muntik na akong himatayin.

Siya ang unang nag-I love you, after our first time, my first time. I didn't respond to him. Gulung-gulo isipan ko noong gabing iyon. Kahit kinabukasan, hindi ko pa rin binalik ang 'I love you ' niya. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever told him I loved him!

Gaga ka talaga, Cara! I scolded myself in my sleep. Habang pinapagalitan ko sarili ko, narining ko ang pag-beep ng anesthesia machine. I struggled to open my eyes but they were so heavy.

"Is she okay?" tanong ni Dad.

"Yeah, just waking up a little." Mom replied. "Anak, tulog ka lang ulit. We're not yet done."

I saw myself at work doing surgeries and talking to patients. Naroon pa si Derek na sumimangot at pinagsabihan ako na crackers at noodles lang kainin ko nang hindi na ako umabsent.

"Hoy, food poisoning to na legit!" angal ko sa kanya.

"I don't care kung ano pa yang nasa tiyan mo, ang hirap kaya na lagi kang absent!" tumalikod sya at binuhat si Justin.

"Hoy, anak ko yan, bitiwan mo yan!" galit ko syang sinugod habang naghahagikhikan sila ni Justin tumakbo papalayo sa akin. Hinarang ako bigla ni Kaloy at inaya akong mag-beach.

"Beach? Ngayon?" nalilito kong tanong habang sinisilip si Derek at Justin sa likod nya.

"Oo, ngayon. G? ilabas mo na bikini mo. Magbihis ka na."

"Ngayon as in now na?" dobleng gulat kong tanong.

"Kelan pa, bukas? Sa makalawa?" nakangiti nyang sagot. Nagpalagitik sya ng daliri at bigla na lang nawala na ako sa opsital at nasa dagat na.

Nandoon pa rin si Justin pero wala na si Derek at Kaloy. It was just me, Justin, and Jaxx. Pumunta kami sa private resort where Jaxx and Ace were members. Nandoon din si Jaxx and we were one happy family. Pinanood ko sila while they were playing in shallow waters. Justin pulled out a big, orange starfish with black spikes while Jaxx held up an ordinary gray one. Nagyayabangan yata ang mag-ama and Justin was winning.

We spent the whole afternoon in the beach – laughing, building sandcastles, swimming. Out of nowhere, Seb and Ace appeared to take care of Justin and kami na lang dalawa ni Jaxx natira sa dalampasigan, pinapanood ang paglubog ng araw.

"You know, we never got to see the sunset the last time we were here," I told him.

"Yeah. Did you feel bad about that?"

"What, missing the sunset? No. Well, not really. I was kind of, uh, preoccupied that time." I felt myself blush, remembering the last time we were here.

"So was I. But I kind of regretted not doing it."

"Not watching the sunset?" I looked at him, confused.

"Not the sunset. This." He slid his hand behind my neck, his fingers getting caught in my hair. His eyes leisurely trailed from my eyes to my lips. Then slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, he was closing the gap. Inch by inch our lips were getting closer and my heart was beating so much faster. I felt his breath on my mouth. I closed my eyes waiting for his warm lips on mine.

Napangiti ako in anticipation! Finally, after five years!

"Sky, anak, we're done." With bleary eyes, I saw my mom and dad smiling down on me kahit na naka OR mask pa rin sila.

Tapos na ang alin? Ang halik? Bakit di ko naramdaman? Nasaan na yung lalaking iyon?! Pambihira!

Sinubukan kong bumangon but my mom gently pushed me back down.

"Lie flat for a while. You're going to have a headache. You'll be at PACU for a while then you'll be back up to the room,"she said.

"Where's Jaxx?" natawa sila sa unang lumabas sa bibig ko.

"Ano? Wala man lang 'thank you dad'? Si Jaxx agad ang hanap?" my dad said, feigning hurt.

"He's in you room. I'll let him come down to the recovery room," she replied. "Were you dreaming of him just now? You were smiling a lot, anak. I hope you two figure things out."

Nanaginip na namana ko, this time it was when I first saw him sa ER after five years. Halos hindi nagbago mukha nya at lalo lang siyang naging gwapo. His gray eyes were piercing my soul and I could not help but look away kasi guilty ako.

The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of his condo at pinagbuksan nya ako ng pintuan. Pagkapasok ko, napaisip ako bakit may IV stand sa sala, may privacy curtain at may mga monitors at hospital apparatus sa sala. I assumed baka para kay Tita Ella kaya tinanong ko sya.

"Jaxx, how's your mom?"

He looked startled at medyo tumaas pa ang isang kilay niya. He let me recline on his couch pero hindi sya sumagot agad. Pinagmasdan nya lang ang nurse na ayusin ang mga monitors. Hindi naman sya mukhang galit, but gusto kong magsalita sya. Lasing pa ako sa antok pero gusto kong kausapin nya ako, kahit sa panaginip lang.

"Why are these things in your house? How's your mom?" I heard myself slur. He chuckled a little and told me she was fine and that I needed to rest.

"I don't want to rest. I came here to talk to you." I explained to him that I visited his condo a couple of times before but I never got the chance to talk to him. He remained silent and shook his head.

"Let's talk when you're sane. Not like this." Napapikit ako ng mata. If not now then when?

"Jaxx, antok lang naman ako, hindi baliw. Balakajan kung ayaw mo makinig," I groggily told him bago ako nagsimulang magkwento. "My dream state, my rules."

"Did you know I wanted so bad to shoot myself because I broke up with you?" he looked at me tiredly, resigned that I would talk his ear off. So, he closed the curtains and sat close to me. He placed his arm on the bed railing and rested his head on it. I smiled at my small victory and closed my eyes because I was getting dizzy.

"It's crazy. I know I needed that para mapatawad ko sarili ko. But I really missed you. Ilang beses kita gustong i-contact sa social media, i-email, but I had to stop myself, otherwise, I will always be broken. If I could not forgive myself, I would not be able to move on. Baka pati ikaw, masisisi ko pa.

"I didn't want to do that to you. I did not want to resent you, I did not want to unlove you." I felt the light touch of his fingers on my face as he brushed away stray hairs. "I couldn't stop loving you, Jaxx."

"Me too, love." I hear his strangled reply. Sinilip ko sya gamit ang isang mata. Nakatingin lang sya sa mukha ko habang patuloy na pinaglalaruan ang buhok ko. There was sadness in his eyes pero hindi sya galit. The fierceness was not there. His eyes were nothing but calm.

Sinabihan ko sya ulit, kahit alam niya na, na may anak kami at si Justin iyon. Naikwento ko sa kanya ang mga nangyari pagkaalis nya five years ago – yung pagbubuntis ko, yung kamuntinkan ako makunan. Humingi ako ng tawad sa kanya na hindi ko agad nasabi sa kanya dahil duwag ako.

At dahil hindi masamang mangarap ng happy ending sa panaginip, pinatawad nya ako when I told him na hindi ko binalak kailanman ipa-abort si Justin. Natakot ako but from the very start, I planned on keeping him and our friends supported me all the way. Kasabay ko silang nag plano how to juggle the responsibility, they offered their time, effort, even money, pero I declined the monetary help. Sabi ko, kapag kailangan na kailangan ko na lang talaga.

Ace was with me on my first ultrasound and siya rin ang nabalingan ng galit ni Dad. Seb was with me when I read the letter and he didn't judge me. They urged me to tell him but I refused. Lalo na noong nag threatened abortion ako, everyone was there to help. Kahit na nag-iinuman ang mga boys noon, they dropped everything and drove me to the hospital.

"Malas ko lang na narinig mo pa ang balita kung kanino man. E di sana napaliwanag ko sayo ang lahat before you assumed I had induced abortion. Kung ayaw ko yun, Jaxx, sana hindi na ako nagpa-opera. I could have just taken the pills you gave me, or I could have done something earlier, the moment I found out that I was pregnant.

In my dream, napa-awang ang mga labi nya at nabigla sya sa sinabi ko.

"Is that true? I thought all this time... I was told you didn't want him."

"Of course I wanted him, Jaxx. I might have regretted the act, but I would not dream of taking my child's life."

"I thought you regretted it so much, you hated me. And you needed to forget everything related to me."

"I would never. I could never hate you, Jaxx," I shook my head. "There were a lot of things I wanted to tell you, to explain to you, but because I was afraid and proud and stupid I didn't say them.

"Hush. That's enough. It's enough for me," he said pressing a finger to my lips. But I pulled it away. I had to say it, I had to tell him.

"One of which was that I never told you what you meant to me. I loved you, Jaxx. I never said it back, but I did, minahal kita..."

"...and up to know, I still love you."