After talking to my parents, the next person I spoke with was Derek, then my batchmates, Kaloy and Jasmine. Sabay ko na sila tinawagan sa Facetime just before call time. Alam kong magkasama na sila kasi OR day nila today.

"Ano ba yan, babe, kailangan enter and exit residency with a bang? Hindi ba pwedeng low-key exit na lang? Masyadong bongga na yung entrance mo e: food poisoning turned pregnancy, with a siding of threatened abortion, culminating in a premature delivery!" angal ni Jasmine.

"Bang na bang nang dahil sa lalaking hibang!" tawa naman ni Kaloy. "Okay so wait, papasok ka ba? Or is this the reason why you're calling?"

"Pwede bang emergency leave? May isang linggong leave pa yata ako e. I need to have this quiet down muna at bubugbugin ko muna yung lintik na Collin bago ako pumasok ulit."

"Ay tutulungan kita sa manyak. Kaloy, akitin mo siya tapos dalhin natin sa madilim na eskinita," sabi ni Jasmine.

"Gaga, baka ako ang mabugbog nun ng di-oras. Anyway, Cara, babe, sige go. Tutal perfect ka naman na sa mga ORs mo, kami na muna mag practice dito, " Kaloy said.

"OMG! Thanks, babes!!"

"Oy! Thank you ka dyan. May kapalit!" he raised his finger and looked at me mischievously. Napangiti rin si Jasmine at parang nagkaintindihan sila. Kung anuman ang kapalit noon, tingin ko hindi ganoon ka sama.

"Ano?"

"Research!" sabay nilang ibinunyag.

Oooof. Hindi madali ang pinapagawa nila, ha. Buti na lang malapit ko nang matapos research ko. Tapos na data analysis, pagsulat na lang talaga.

"Okay sige, fine! Akin na yung research papers niyo. Send nyo sa Dropbox or sa email. One week lang 'to ha! At hindi ko tatapusin research niyo!"

Pinag-usapan namin ni Chino kung pano namin harapin ang isyu ko. Unless someone was there as a witness to say that it was sexual harassment, hindi pa rin basta-bastang maipasa na harassment yung video. And as for cyber-libel, he said he will have to refer to Uno kasi mas na review nya ang elements of the Cybercrime Prevention Act.

"Bakit ba hindi pwedeng ikaw na lang lawyer ko?" I whined as Chino was about to leave.

Magtatanghali na ang wala pa rin kaming tulog at wala ring ligo. Nasa condo pa rin kami ni Val, pero umalis na para maghanap-buhay si Val kaninang alas-otso.

"Because I'm your ex's lawyer na nga," mahinahon nyang paliwanag for the nth time.

"Oh, so? Iba na naman isyu niya; labas naman ako doon. Hindi siya conflict of interest kasi ex na nga. Past is past, not present or future," giit ko.

"Ang hirap mo namang kausap. Eto na lang: I will agree to be your lawyer if and when you agree to kiss and make up with Jaxx."

"Sana sinabi mo na lang na ayaw mo tanggapin kaso ko forever," inismiran ko siya. Kung makabigay ng kundisyon akala mo madali. Bakit ba ako pinapahirapan ng mga tao?

"Ayun lang pala sagot sa tanong mo. Kung maka demand ka na tanggapin ko parang 'di to pro bono," he chuckled.

"Hoy, hindi naman 'to pro bono! Babayaran ko legal fees mo! Anong kala mo sa akin, cheap? Hindi ako milyonaryo pero may pera ako, bwisit 'to. Mukha kang pera! Kala ko kaibigan kita!" akusa ko.

"Uy, grabe siya kung makapagsalita, oh! Hindi ako mukhang pera, ipo-pro bono ko case mo kasi magkaibigan tayo. But as it is, I am already Jaxx's lawyer and I don't think it's a coincidence na magkasunod lumabas tong mga scandals niyo.

"With all the mudslinging going on between Jaxx and Grace – actually si Grace and her camp lang naman ang nagde-defame kay Jaxx – mahahalungkat ang lahat ng past ni Jaxx and malalaman na naging kayo once upon a time. And Justin will be in the picture. Kaya dun muna siya sa Valle and you can't be seen in public with him. Or me."

"What's that got to do with me? Sa dami niyang babae, why are you singling me out?"

"Dude, tanggapin mo na lang rejection ko. Ang hirap mo naman kausap e!" napakamot sya sa likod ng tenga nya, halatang nayayamot na.

"We care about you and Justin okay? That's why out of all the women linked to Jaxx, you're the one we're protecting because the others don't matter," napabuntong hininga sya ng malalim.

"We? Who's 'we'?"

"Kung sana ganito ka lang ka pursigido ipakilala si Justin kay Jaxx three years ago sana wala tayo sa ganitong sitwasyon."

"Ay walang hiya, low-blow yun!" singhal ko habang naghahanap ng maibabato sa kanya na hindi babasagin. Nanlaki mga mata ko, hindi ako makapaniwala na lalabas yun sa bibig ni Chino. "

Intsik ka!" Binato ko siya ng hand towel. Tumawa sya ng malakas. He was not even sorry. Son of a biscuit!

"Best 'insult' ever," he said as he controlled his laughter.

"Anyway, don't worry. I'll refer you to a lawyer who specializes in your case. Kayang-kaya niya yang si Collin and that stupid video. He will pay a hefty price and maybe get some jail time if it comes to that. And since that's bailable, he'll be spending more money. Hopefully ma-settle niyo out of court."

"Settlement lang naman din talaga ang gusto ko mangyari, pero how do I clear up my name? Tingin mo the medical society and the patients will still respect me?"

"I don't care about the price. I'm sure Collin doesn't either. I care about my reputation. I'm a doctor. Pano ako haharap sa mga pasyente ko?" I said, beaten.

"If we're able to prove that it's sexual harassment, I think everyone will respect you. But you have to be brave and tell them that. If you don't, people will assume the worst behavior on your part, and not on the offending party.

"This may sound insensitive but to be honest, hindi naman sya ganoon ka big deal since walang nakita sayo kundi underwear mong parang mini cycling shorts. In fact, I saw a lot of comments saying that it's not even cut to get media coverage or social media buzz kasi nga not even a sliver of the skin of your ass was seen. Manyak talaga yung mga tao and if walang kitang privates, it's not worth the view. Hindi siya 'scandal'."

"A, wala akong pakialam sa kanila. I was harassed! Mabuti nga hindi niya ako hinawakan sa ibang parte ng katawan ko. Mabuti nga na boyshorts and hindi thong ang suot ko. I'm scarred for life!"

"Dude, you're not listening to what I'm saying. I'm not discounting the fact that this is emotionally and psychologically upsetting on your part. Nobody can change your mind on that one. Pero, you're also worried about your patients and what other people think about you. You're worried about your reputation as a professional. Right?"

I nodded.

"Don't. Not right now."

Sinimangutan ko sya. Kailangan nya ata ulit matulog kasi hindi na sya matinong kausap.

"What I'm saying is, they don't think it's worth losing sleep over. I bet wala rin masyadong magshe-share nun kasi it's not exciting to watch. Like, so what? Parang mag boyfriend yung nasa video and you just couldn't take your hands off each other. Big deal. Get a room. Wala rin silang nakita sa'yo, kahit na pwet mo kasi naka shorts ka. Your video is tame, if I should categorize it.

"So get that concern out of your mind. Don't worry about your patients for now. Si Collin ang target natin and that person who uploaded the video, who is most likely his friend. Let's think about how to kick Collin where the sun don't shine. And let's kick him hard."

"Damn, boy, when did you get so smart?"

He smirked and headed to the door.

"You need to talk to people outside your medical circle. All you talk about is guts and shit, literally. Also, from talking with your ex," he winked at me.

--

The very next day, pumunta ako sa opisina noong lawyer na nirekomenda ni Chino sa akin. Pagka akyat ko ng third floor, binati ako agad ng guard at ng receptionist.

"I'm looking for Atty. Valverde," I told the lady at the front desk. She let me sign a logbook and called Atty. Valverde's secretary. When she had the go signal, she gave me directions to the office.

I was still walking in the general direction of Atty. Valverde's office when a guy caught me by surprise, walking by my side while sipping on his iced coffee.

"Hi, you must be Dra. Claraval. I'm Atty. Valverde. Johann, at your service," he smiled warmly and stuck out his hand. I shook it and already, I think I like him. I felt at ease in his presence and I felt that I could trust him. He led me to his office and once we sat down, he began talking.

"You know, we don't have to be so formal about this, doc. Chino told me about your dilemma, but I'd like to hear it from you because you know, I don't like hearsay, and Chino runs his mouth like a rumor mill," he laughed. "I'm kidding. He's the worst guy to ask for chismis because he is the last to know.

"That's so true but not this time though. This time, I was the last to know," I retorted.

"I heard. It's not unusual. The victim is always one of the last to know unless they were being blackmailed. But anyway, doc, I need you to tell me facts from your point of view. This is just like history taking nyong mga doctor."

"Please, call me Cara," I said and told him my story from start to finish, beginning at the night of the assault to last night when Chino showed me the video.

"Right. So, what's your relationship with this Collin guy?"

I told him our history, from college to the repeated encounters we had.

"Right," he drawled. "So what do you want to get out of this?"

I was rather taken aback by his question, and slightly offended.

"I don't want any monetary compensation if that's what you're asking."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. Aside from clearing up your name, what do you want out of this? If we agree on a settlement, which I assume is what you want and not a full-blown court case that will drag for eternity, then you have to give me a figure at least. How much do you want him to hurt?" he said casually.

"I have no idea, to be honest, Johann. But I want to hurt him a lot so he won't bother me again."

"Okay," he drawled. "Do you have a copy of the original video?"

"Sheesh, it's all over the internet," I pulled my phone out and looked for the video.

"Not that. I've seen that. I did my homework," he said. Napasimangot ako. Why did he ask if I have a copy of the video then?

"Ok, so anyway, I know, it seems like hindi ako pumalag. Chino already told me. But believe me, I didn't want that. With our history, that should be obvious," I explained. Bigla akong nangamba na baka sabihan nya ako na wala nang pag-asa complaint ko.

"Where and when did this happen again?" He put his hands together and pressed the tips of his fingers against his lips. I could see the cogs turning.

"In Amaryllis. Last month lang. Let me check the date," I offered, browsing through my phone. We found messages and conversations I had with Kaloy and Jasmine that night and checked the date.

"Okay, so I'll just talk with Chino and we'll make a draft of your complaint. Since you don't know how much you want him to hurt, I'll ask him. Maybe he'll give me an idea. Is that okay?"

"Sure."

Inabutan nya ako ng card niya at binigay ko naman ang number ko sa kanya. Sabi niya tatawagan nya ako kapag ready na ang draft so I can go over it bago pa man maihain kay Collin.

Hindi ako mapalagay pagka alis ko sa opisina ni Johann. Instead of heading back to my condo, umuwi na lang ako ng El Valle tutal nasa Pasig naman na ako.

After I put Justin to sleep, hindi pa rin ako makatulog. So I went to the playground to mull things over.

Do I really want to do this? Baka naman makalimutan na lang mga tao yung video after a few years. Kaya ko bang harapin si Collin? Kaya ko bang harapin ang kahihiyan?

All that matters naman ay ang opinion ng pamilya ko at naniwala naman sila na I was harassed. Val believes me. Chino and Derek believed me. Jasmine and Kaloy also believed me. I'm sure Seb and Ace will be on my side. Those are the only people that mattered to me right now.

Baka naamn pwede na rin akong sumunod kay ate Sam sa States at dun na lang ako magpractice or kahit man lang mag fellowship. Surely they'll forget about it after a year or two.

Yeah, maybe that's what I'll do. Ayaw ko na ng magulo. I'll be graduating in a few months anyway. And I'm sure the consultants will believe me, too. I'll just let this die down. I decided to call Chino first and tell him my decision. Hopefully, he'll find sense in it.

"Baliw ka ba? Bakit? What did Johann tell you? Did he tell you it was impossible? Did he say hindi nya kaya?" Chino bombarded me with questions.

"No, he didn't say anything like that."

"Mabuti naman. Kundi, ibibitin ko siyang patiwarik," he grumbled.

"Pero naisip ko lang na ang gulo kasi. I don't want to see Collin. And meron naman talagang magbabash and hindi maniwala. Baka lalo pang masira reputation ko if I act on it," yumuko ako and mahinang tinutulak pa likod ang swing. I continued to stare at my shoes.

"Again, have you lost your mind? What on earth are you blabbering about? Why would you let that slide? Cara, he's not going to stop."

"I don't know, A. What if meron pang ibang video na hindi ko alam? Pano pag nilabas nila 'yun tapos lalo akong mapapahiya? Wag na lang siguro, Chingks," pagmakaawa ko.

"May iba pa bang nangyari?" tanong nya; umiling ako.

"Cara?"

Ay, di niya pala ako kita. "Wala naman. Sorry, umiling ako."

"Ayun naman pala. Alam mo, he's going to continue to harass you if you let this slide. It took him a couple of years to muster the courage to ruin your life again after the first incident. To think nag settlement na kayo noon diba? See? That didn't even stop him from doing this," He explained.

"But if I do something, he's probably prepared for this already and he's going to hit back, harder. What else can he use against me?"

"Justin and Jackson, of course. Didn't you see that coming?"

I snorted. "Dude, as if! It's not a secret that I'm a single, unwed mother. Everybody in the hospital knows it, it's old friggin' news. What's he going to do about it? Oh, and alam na ni Jaxx that Justin is his son, so hindi nya na rin pwedeng gamitin 'yon for blackmail or whatever. Right?"

"True, but that's beside the point. The point is, don't let him get away with it. Stop being such a baby and deal with this head-on!"