"Doktora Claraval! Nakikinig ka ba? Naiwan na ata utak mo sa pansitan!"

This is what woke me up from my dream in the operating room. My eyes shot open, adrenaline suddenly pumping through my veins. It was 6 in the evening and I was dozing off while assisting.

"Sorry po, doc." I mumbled.

"Huh! How do you expect me to trust you to do your surgeries if tinutulugan mo lang ako? Senior ka pa naman na. Specimen out." Ani ni Dr. Ed Divinagracia.

"Sorry po, doc." Patuloy ako humingi ng tawad with my head down.

Nkakahiya talaga but then I have been awake for the past 36 hours. Not kidding. Pero hindi naman ito bago kapag surgical resident ka. It is expected that you go on duty for 24 hours, then the following day na post-duty ka, hanggang alas-singko ka magtatrabaho.

In theory. Pero alam naman natin na that theory does not always apply in real life situations. Hindi na rin bago ang basta na lang manirahan ang residents sa ospital kasi by the time they finish their work, 10 or 11 na ng gabi and it's dangerous to head home na barag-barag, either to drive, commute, or kahit na maglakad lang pabalik ng condo. More often than not, hindi nasusunod yung status nyo na pre-duty, duty, post-duty.

"Okay, Cara, ikaw na bahala sa patient. Thank you, everyone, enjoy the weekend!" nagpaalam na si Dr. Divinagracia, and this snapped me out of my drowsiness yet again. At kahit na wasak ako, I noticed that first name na ulit tawag nya sakin. Yes! Naka move-on na agad si doc E-di!

"Okay doc, thank you!" sagot namin ng mga OR staff. It's Friday na pala, hindi ko man lang nakita ang sinag ng araw the whole day today. Oh well, tomorrow's another day and it's the weekend so I can see Justin!

I hope walang emergency ORs tonight. I am so looking forward to sleep in my real bed. Sana tapos na silang mag rounds, I'm so hungry and tired and sleepy and dirty, baka pwedeng matulog na lang ako sa washing machine while naka NGT? Sana pwede, but no.

When I got out of the changing room, sinalubong ako nina Kaloy at Jasmine, my batchmates for life. Fifth year na kami. It was our last year and they were graduating this December. Whereas ako, I have a couple of months na extension dahil sa mga nangyari noong first year ako.

We went through a lot as first and second years, no thanks to my unplanned pregnancy. Nevertheless, hindi nila ako pinabayaan. And when they were in trouble, hindi ko naman sila iniwan. I can't help but smile, maswerte kami sa isa't-isa. Hindi kami nag bibilangan ng trabaho, tho minsan, nagnanakawan lang kami ng mga gamit ng isa't-isa.

"Guys, wasak na wasak na ako, please tell me tapos na kayo mag rounds." I begged them.

"Of course, babe! Ikaw pa ba pababayaan namin?" sagot ni Kaloy na nakangiti. I also smiled and my heart melted. I can go home tonight!

"Babe, how are you? Nasigawan ka raw ni Doc E-Di." Concerned na tanong ni Jasmine. Mukhang fresh na fresh ito galing sa paligo at ambango pa ng buhok. She looks pristine at 7 pm on a duty day. Just you wait when the party-goers are on their way home, you won't be so pristine. But damn this girl, I want what she had: a bath.

"Oo, antok na antok na talaga ako e, hehe. Pero naka move-on din sya agad kasi weekend at mukhang may lakad. " Proud ko pang ikinuwento. Napailing si Jasmine and Kaloy just chuckled.

"Sana di maging toxic tonight. Friday pa naman, pay day pa. Madami na namang vehicular accidents nito. Tsk!" Jasmine said disdainfully.

"Hoy, wag kang mag dilang-demonyo! May date pa naman ko mamaya with the boyfriends. Ipagdasal mo na hindi ako isa sa mga ma-VA." Kaloy playfully declared as we headed to the callroom.

When we got there, we sat around the table and began our endorsements. We did endorsements twice a day, in the morning to get to know the patients that arrived during the night, and in the evening, to update the status of each patient, whether na discharge na, or they need more diagnostic procedures, or change in medications, among other things.

Mabilis ang turnover ng patients who are in for elective procedures kasi napaghandaan na nila ang operation, emotionally and financially. The ones who get into accidents na nasa "charity" service, mas matagal sila nagse-stay because they come unprepared, and a lot of times they need to look for financial aides. At lalong tumatagal kapag may fracture involved because of the orthopedic implant.

We were almost finished with the endorsements when I heard keys jingling behind the door. Juno, our first year resident, then came in with dinner in hand.

"Whew! Daming tao kela Manang Ruby. Dapat talaga ibalik na nila delivery service nila kahit sa ospital lang. Sobrang hassle!" Juno ranted as he began taking out the styro packs from the plastic bag.

When I got to my condo, my eyes were already half-closed. However, I forced myself to take that well-deserved shower because lord knows how filthy I am. By the time I finished, I barely had enough energy to change. I was clean and fed, and also overly exhausted. My brain refused to function, it did not recognize the custom to actually clothe oneself before climbing to bed, so I ended up going straight to bed na nakatapis. God this feels soo goo..zzzz...

[Work, work, work, work, work, work... He said me haffi work, work, work, work, work...]

"Jeeezzuuzz what the hell??" I groaned, tapping around my bed and fumbling for my phone on my side table but I could not find it. God, I have to change my ringtone to something less distressing than Rhianna soon.

[He see me di mi dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt... So put me in work, work, work, work, work...]

I scrambled out of bed wearing only the towel I fell asleep in and padded to the dining room where I left my phone on the table, uncharged. Five missed calls in the past 5 minutes and 20% battery left. The most recent one was from Jasmine, another two were from Juno, our first year surgical resident on duty, and the first two were from Ace.

OMG Ano kaya nangyari kay Ace? Is he in the hospital? Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my...!

[Work, work, work, work, work, work...]

Ay jusko, ano ba Cara, get yourself together! Muntik ko na mabitawan ang phone ko nang bigla itong nag ring ulit. It was Jasmine, calling me for the third time.

"Hello?"

"Cara! Mabuti naman at gising ka na, ha! We need you sa hospital now. Sorry babe, "Friday Madness" tayo ulit sa ER, and OR. Puro private cases kasi kaya we need you back to help. Si Kaloy kasi is in QC pa, at nakipag inuman. May stat explore lap tayo, then baka may kelangan ng chest tube ---" Jasmine quickly gave me a picture of what to expect before I heard her shouting orders sa mga nurses and telling Juno to contact the orthopedic resident on duty.

"Sure Jas, no problem. Will be there in 15." I finished the call, washed my face and brushed my teeth, donned my hospital-issued scrubs and sneakers. It isn't allowed to wear the scrubs outside the hospital premises but wala naman makakakita sakin e and I have no time to change sa ER.

Habang nagwo-walkathon ako papuntang ER ng ospital, I kept on calling Ace. Nagpa-panic ako kung napano sya. Is he at the ER? Na aksidente ba sya?

Tae! Bat di niya sinasagot phone niya? Ace, c'mon! Di ko pa man din natanong si Jasmine kanina. Isa pang malutong na shit!

Pagkapasok ko sa ER, I was shocked to see that the triage area and resuscitation bays were swarmed with patients and their significant others.

To my right, there were sick children crying and toddlers throwing up and throwing tantrums. The Pediatrics residents and rotators were in full-force, from the most senior to the most junior rotating 4th year medical school student, attending to worried and borderline hysterical, mothers, grandmothers, dads, aunties, yayas and everything in between. Mataas ang kaso ng Dengue ngayon so the Pedia ER has been very busy the past few weeks.

The Adult division was to my left. Nanlaki din mga mata ko to see that the Internal Medicine residents were also had their hands full of patients having angina and abdominal pain. Three med techs were scurrying around carrying their tackle boxes of test tubes and syringes, looking for the patients who needed blood extraction.

As I was heading to where the patients under the Department of Surgery were assigned, an ambulance arrived. Sinalubong ito ng mga ER Med Residents. I waited with bated breaths to see anong kaso ang nasa loob ng ambulance. The EMTs swiftly and wheeled the patient in. As the Triage nurse was receiving a quick endorsement, the ER Med resident called out, "Code! Code! Move the patient to Rescu now!"

Shortly thereafter the PA system was calling all available Code teams to the ER. When it rains, it pours. This is pandemonium!

"Cara! Good, you're here. May isa pang patient paparating, VA din. Kasama ata nito" Dennis, the ER Med resident manning the code told me. "Nasan na ang epi? Ano ba, bakit wala pang line ang patient?" He said to his team irritably, turning away from me.

I grabbed an IV cannula from the side table and made myself useful. They were administering chest compressions as I was trying to insert the needle. I was successful on my second try and finally may line na ang patient.

"Great, thanks, Cara. Life saver ka talaga." Dennis said while looking for a pulse. "No pulse. Resume CPR!"

I had a better look at the patient and it seemed the vehicular accident was high impact. He had a large gaping wound on his left leg with the bones visible, which, his left hand also looked crushed, not to mention his head injury. The list of possible blunt force injuries to his abdomen and chest was running through my head when Dennis interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey, Cara. Yung isang patient nasa triage na. Kami nang bahala rito. Refer na lang namin sa surgery, neuro at ortho once ma stabilize namin."

"Sige, go." I headed back to the Triage to see Joseph, my 3rd year resident, was already there, talking to the EMT and the ER Med resident. I quickly turned around and jogged away. I needed to find Juno and Jasmine.

"Dok, good evening. Toxic ang Surgery at Ortho ngayon dok, na "Friday Madness" tayo." Bungad ng isang ER nurse sakin pagka pasok ko sa Trauma area.

"Onga e, post-duty pa naman sana ako, naka four hours pa lang akong tulog, eto na naman tayo. Haay buhay. Nasan sina Dra. Cortes?" tanong ko sa nurse habang patuloy na tinatawagan si Ace.

"Si Doc Jasmine po parang umakyat na ng OR, meron kasing vehicular accident, yung driver nung kotse malala." Sagot nito habang naglalagay ng IV line sa isang lalake na nakahiga sa stretcher. Marami itong gasgas pero gising naman at may hawak na ice pack sa ulo.

Whaat?? Oh my God Ace, sana wala ka dito and you were just drunk dialing me again from your house. Sana hindi ikaw ang lasing na naaksidente! Please, pick up your phone!

"Try nyo po sa OU dok, andun si Doc Juno tinitingnan yung mga involved sa suntukan at batuhan ng mga bote. "

Whaaat???

Napasapo ako sa noo and just let out an exasperated groan while heading toward the Observation Unit of the ER.

"Ma'am Scar! Ma'am Scar! Dito tayo beds two and three" my junior resident Juno called me.

"Pucha naman Juno, ilang beses ko ba sabihin sayo, either call me Scarlet or Cara. Ano ba naman yan, 'scar'? ano ako sugat??" inis ko tong pinagsabihan. It's two in the goddamned morning and tatawagin ba naman ako ng 'Scar'! Baka gusto nyang magka scar sa noo nya!

"S-sorry, Scar... uh, er-let. Scarlet. Cara. Anyway, pauwi naman na yung si bed three. Advised for CT scan ng wrist as out-patient na lang. Sabi ng Ortho may suspicious fracture raw but they can't commit based on the x-rays." Juno relayed while we were walking towards bed two.

I opened the curtain to bed two and I was surprised with who I saw.

"Bart?" I gasped. May masamang kaba na akong naramdaman.

"Cara? Wow buti nacontact ka ni Ace. Thank God you're here! Gusto ko nang umuwi, please," Bart pouted, looking mildly disheveled from the accident. He had an arm sling on his left arm, some gauze bandages on his head.

"Is Ace with you? Is he ok? I missed his calls actually and ngayon he isn't picking up." Now I was really panicking!

I heard low voices arguing coming from behind the curtain partition between beds two and three, and I swore I heard Ace's voice and some shuffling.

"Pare, just wait a little bit longer. Pino-process naman na discharge natin. Just make sure you get that CT scan ng wrist bukas" I heard Ace say to his companion.

"Whatever man, I'm pretty sure nothing's broken. I've had worse than this. I'll go ahead. Kayo nang bahala sa papers. Here's my card, swipe nyo na lang whatever needs to be covered." I heard his companion say. My heart stopped and my palms began to feel clammy. That voice, that voice that once soothed me and made butterflies erupt in my stomach now still made my heart race but for a different reason: dread.

I turned around to face the privacy curtain partition, getting ready to move towards bed three. I did not know how to feel at that moment: half of me wanted to see how Ace is and make sure he is fine, the other half of me wanted to run away para hindi ko makita ang may-ari nung boses.

I heard more shuffling and footsteps coming toward the partition, and I could not move. Nakapako na lang ako, staring ahead and waiting for my doom. Shit, Shit, Shit! Damn feet, move!!

He continued to speak, "Ikaw naman kasi, we were fine, pare. We were managed well by the other doctors. You didn't have to call her. Paalam lang ako kay Bart and I'll split before I see ---"

The partition was quickly swept to my left in one quick motion. My eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights, and I gasped when I came face to face with the gray-eyed devil that I have been avoiding for the past five years:

Benedict Jackson.