A/N- I started writing Fitoor 2.5 years ago and so many of you have stuck since then. I am forever grateful to you, even today when I've finished writing the book. I honestly would have given up if I didn't have constant supporters. There have been days when I have received messages out of the blue telling me how much they love Fitoor and that they are waiting for updates even when there haven't been updates for months together. So really, thank you! 

I'll keep updating the chapters as soon as every chapter hits 70 votes. I am working on a new story now, getting good motivation to write and storing chapters so this one doesn't have to go on for 2.5 years :P 

Much love, Aashi x

36 | Chattees

Apoorva.

That was her new name. Lekh stood in front of her apartment. A flat owned by her in a building where middle class families settled in after spending life's worth of income.

On his way to Pune, Lekh had imagine how she would be now. Was she married? Had kids? Or was she alone, maybe still waiting for him?

And what if what his mother said was true? What if she really did take the money willingly?

He was nervous. For a second, he considered going back. If what Indira had said was true, he would rather live in darkness than live with this truth.

Lekh took a deep breath. He had to do this. He had come too far along this. Whatever it was, whatever the truth was, he was going back to Tara after this. Tarini was her past, Tara was her present. For the longest time, he had forgotten hope. Tara had shown him that. He would never betray her by going after Tarini.

He rang the bell to the door numbered 201. And waited.

The last few days had gone in a frenzy; he hadn't had a chance to take it all in. Everything that he was doing was out of impulse. He wasn't sure he was in the right mind to give things proper thoughts. Things seemed to be just happening, flowing themselves like uncontained water, taking their own course not minding what came in the way.

But now, as he stood in front of this door, it felt like that time had stopped and things were finally hitting him in slow motion. And as a thousand thoughts started hitting him, the door opened.

It was her.

Her eyes bulged as she saw Lekh, an expression of astonishment etched on her face. Too dumbfounded to say anything, she only stared. She opened her mouth to speak something, anything, but nothing came out. She shut her mouth and pursed her lips. What were people supposed to do in situations such as these?

Lekh looked at her. He stared. He took a step back.

It was her. it was Tarini. She was not dead. She was here. Alive.

Lekh felt the floor sway beneath him, unable to speak anything himself, all he did was stare at her. What were people supposed to do in these situations, really?

Finally, he forced himself to speak, "You are alive." He was saying it to himself more than her, affirming to himself what he saw.

Even when Indira had given him her address, he still had doubts about her story. For all he knew, this was another one of his mother's dramas.

But she really was alive.

"Lekh." She finally said, "What are you doing here?"

Her forehead folded into a crease, her mind was engulfed in confusion.

"Can I come in?" he asked. He had to sit.

She nodded lightly, making way for him to enter.

No matter how much people tried to keep it away, their past always caught up to them. Perhaps, nothing ever disappeared forever, not memories, not the people in it.

"How did you find me Lekh? Tarnini asked, "how did you know I was alive?"

"I don't think you have the rights to ask me anything. You are alive and I spent my life thinking you weren't. Why did you do this?"

Tarini looked at him with remorse, her chin down, her eyes unable to face him.

"Lekh. Even if I tell you, you won't understand. You will not want to understand."

Lekh looked back at her and her eyes spoke the truth. Indira was right, Tarini did accept her offer willingly. Her guilty eyes said it all. She didn't have to speak anything to confirm what his mother had told him.

"I am not here to understand you. I am here to know the truth."

Lekh's voice was stoic. Suddenly, he felt sick. Tarini's betrayal got to him and though he had taught himself to numb his feelings over the years, he couldn't control the hurt right now.

It was too much. All of this. What kind of a sick person would do this to someone they claimed to love?

"Lekh. I come from a family who isn't even allowed to set foot in your house. Your parents won't even touch the water we serve them, let alone eat the food we make. We are from a lower caste, poor and under privileged. You will never understand what life is for people like us. There are days, when everyone in my family has eaten from the same plate because we couldn't afford enough food. There have been days when I have a month in one set of clothes.

If you are here, you probably know that I took money from your mother to leave your life. If you think it was an easy decision, it was not. Being selfish isn't easy either Lekh, but you will never get it."

"Right, and that's why you even chose to abandon your own family." Lekh looked at her bitterly. He was done believing crap that people kept throwing at him.

Tara gave him a sour smile. "You don't know the whole story, so mind what you say. I am a professor now. I, the girl whose parents couldn't afford to send her to school, teach students in colleges. Do you think that would have been possible if I had stayed in a village?"

Lekh opened his mouth to speak but shut it when he realised there was nothing he could say. He knew she didn't go to school when they were dating, he had never bothered much into it either. They were very young, their love was very flowery, and he realised now, also very ignorant. At least his was.

But still, could this really justify what she did?

Tarini shook her head, "You have all the luxury in the world Lekh. You have the privilege to say that money doesn't matter. You have the privilege to judge."

She set in on the sofa in front of him and threw her hands on her face. She did not want to do this right now, she had put her previous life behind her. She loved Lekh, but she loved herself more and she was not going to apologize for fending for herself.

When Lekh didn't say anything, she continued.

"When your mother found out about us, she caught hold of me and my mother. I was scared out of my life, if she'd only met me, I would have dealt with it. I was brave enough. But she my mother was with me and your mother started with insults, calling me a gold digger, calling out on our poverty and tattered life. And all my mother did was stand with her head lowered and listened. She couldn't do anything; she couldn't stand up to a woman who was practically abusing her. It made me sick to watch it in front of my eyes. I'd always felt the importance of money but never before had I so strongly felt the need to be rich, to have money and be an important person.

I realised then and there that I had to become someone important. Your mother bribed us, told her she'll pay for me to leave to another city, pay a huge amount and I could do whatever I wanted. She even offered my mother a job in the factory which played well enough for my family to never sleep empty stomach and also afford some luxuries from time to time when combined with my family's income. But I would have to leave, that was her condition.

Even before my mother could reply, I accepted her offer. This house that you are in was bought by the money your mother gave to me. My family lives sufficiently because of the job my mother got. I had the opportunity to make something out of my life because of the money your mother paid me.

Judge all you want Lekh, my life would have been rotten if I hadn't taken up on your mother's offer."

Tarini was crying now. It was painful, what she'd done, and even selfish to several people. But she didn't see her actions that way. For her, it was a choice she made. She chose herself over Lekh.

And if given a chance, she'd do it again.

"This free life without discrimination, without poverty, was more important than you." She said finally, "For a someone like me, it was a chance to be treated like an actual person."

Her voice was calm now, while some sadness lingered, what she spoke carried peace. And even forwarded a proposal of truce.

"When I step into a lecture room, my students look at me as a person who's dedicated her life to learning. They look at me as someone who can teach them something. They don't care about my family background or where I am from or what caste I was born into. Nothing matters. I am my own person now. And I can't give you an apology, and for that I am sorry."

Lekh finally looked at her. He really didn't have much to say. Nothing, really. What could he?

The pain was ebbing away but the anger of betrayal still hung. If Tara was here, he'd understand. If Tara was here, she'd help him understand. But for now, he alone and he was Lekh. And was not obligated to understand.

He nodded at her standing up. A signal of a fragile truce. Maybe, one day he'd come to terms with it. But for now, he couldn't.

Years of pain and anger wouldn't vanish in a day. Bitterness wasn't easy to let go.

But, it was going to fade, eventually. Because now, after everything was out in the air, clear as a crystal, he could leave it behind him.

He did fall in love with Tarini, she was the first girl he'd ever loved. But she really was dead now. Who stood in front of him was Apoorva. An ambitious woman, strong and ruthless who'd always choose herself, no matter what, no matter who got hurt. And her, he never loved her.

And so he was putting her behind him, putting away her memory for good once and for all. He was going to move forward now, he had a new life now.