The elevator door opened and Jai and I walked to the tenth-floor corridor. The key was under the flower pot as usual. I opened the door of our apartment. I sighed. I really did not want to walk inside. Jai gave me a push and we walked inside. I took out my mobile and texted my mom.

'I got home.' – I messaged mom.

'Oh good. See you at dinner, dear.' She texted back. 'I am hoping I can get off at 9. See you then. There is food in the fridge. Or feel free to take the money in the kitchen drawer and order some pizza. Love you.'

"You have unlimited access to the empty house till 9 pm." I declared to Jai.

"Oh good. Because I had been obsessing over about getting a house all to myself for two years..." She joked. "Show me your room." She said.

"My room is Room no. 305. In the boys' hostel of St. Xavier's School, Dehradun. And FYI, we are miles away from that place."

"Ugh..." She grunted and went in to explore the house. I followed her.

"I mean it," I said. "I mean, that had been my room since I was 8."

Jai opened the door to my parents' room. "Is this your room?"

"Nope. My parents' room." She looked inside. "Hm... Looks way too neat." She said.

"Yeah. They are barely home." I told her. "They practically sleep in the hospital" I went to my room and held it open. "This is my room." Jai went inside. I dropped our bags to the floor. She was looking around the room. There was nothing much in the room for her to look. I keep most of my stuff in the hostel itself. There was a basketball on the desk and a few books and stuff. Then Jai's eyes landed on the bed.

"Oh, you can use the guest room," I told her. There is only one bed in the room. And I am NOT going to sleep with Jai in one bed again. Her being that close threatens the lock on something I have locked away in the deep dark corner of my heart.

"So...we have the house to ourselves till 9. What do you want to do?" I asked.

Jai shrugged. "It's your house." She said.

"Are you hungry? We could order a pizza...or go out and eat. Watch TV. Or play basketball."

"TV and pizza sound good," Jai said.

"Cool." 

We were lazing around on the couch, watching a football game on ESPN, eating from one packet of chips when the first door opened and my mom came in. I looked at the clock. It was 9:30 pm.

"Hey... Veer," Mom said. Mom looked tired. She always looks tired.

I got up and hugged her. Even when I hate my parents I kind of love them too. I mean, mom is my mom. She gave birth to me. "Look at you..." She said drawing back from me, "Did you get taller? You keep growing so much. And you've got a beard." Mom's eyes rolled. I think she still pictures me as a kid. I moved my hand through my stubbles.

"Hai, Jai..." Mom beamed at Jai. Jai got up from the couch.

"Thank you for having me here these holidays, aunty," Jai said.

"Oh come on. You are more than welcome here. You are like Veer's brother." Mom squeezed my shoulder. "Did you boys have any dinner?"

"We ate a pizza at 6," I told mom.

"I will fix you something." Mom said. 

"No. Aunty..." I said suddenly. She looked so tired. She probably had some surgery or something the whole day. She need not come home and make dinner as well. "We will get our own food. We can make it." I offered her.

She looked at me questioningly. Was this too girlie? I mean would a normal boy not have noticed how tired she looks or spared her from making food after that?

"You look tired," I said. "You should take some rest."

"That's very thoughtful, Jai." She said, acting overwhelmed. "But it's fine. I will heat up something from the fridge."

"Okay," I said. "I can help."

I did not want to just barge in the hospitality and do nothing. I will feel guilty. I wanted to do something. I followed Veer's mother to the kitchen and began trying to help. Veer sort of stayed in the living room.

"So how is school going?" aunty asked me.

"Hm...Fine," I said.

Aunty put some pulao into a bowl and set it in the microwave. And she seemed to be hesitating. "Hm...Is Veer doing fine?" She finally asked me.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked.

"I don't know. He sounds so lost over the phone sometimes." She said. And I realized for the first time that Veer's mom does care about him. "And he never tells me much. So... And we get so busy in our lives that...we never get time to spend with him, you know..." She sounded so sorry about that. "Oh, I am sorry. I shouldn't be talking to you about this." She said.

"No," I said. "It's fine. And aunty, Veer is okay." I told her. Sure he misses his parents and has a lot of problem with them to deal with. But...Veer is okay.

She nodded. But I felt the love for Veer in aunty's eyes. That was enough to put me at ease. Veer need to see this and know this. He has to talk with his parents about what he wants. I smiled... 

We ate dinner. And while eating dinner I told mom, "Mom, you need to change the sheets of the guest bedroom. So as Jai can use it."

Mom looked up. "Isn't Jai sleeping with you in your room?"

"Eh..."

"Oh...I mean, Jai can't use the guest bedroom." Mom said.

"WHY?" I asked, a little too loudly.

"Oh, Didn't I tell you?" Mom asked. "Sameera has come over for a few days and she is staying with us. In the guest bedroom."

"Sam didi?" I asked.

"Yeah. She had performance in Delhi for ten days." Mom said.

Oh, crap.... I looked at Jai. She looked unaffected. She asked me what is wrong with her eyes. What's wrong is that I am supposed to share a bed with her for eight days!!!!

"Jai and you can stay in the same room, right?" Mom asked. "Why are you being weird, son?"

"Sure aunty," Jai said. "No big deal. I can cramp in with him." She hit my leg under the table and gave me that 'act normal' eye she gives me. I smiled for mom. Yeah...no big deal. Just two boys sleeping in the same room. Same bed. No big deal. Everything is just fine.

"So if Sam didi is here, where is she?" I asked. Sam didi is my cousin. And I like her actually. She is sort of the coolest person in this world. It's been a while since I saw her. So I wanted to see her if she is here.

"Oh, she gets home around midnight only. Her performance ends only around 11: 30."

I nodded.

"Is Sam didi the one who told me about?" Jai asked me. "Your cousin who is a stage actress?"

"Yeah," I said.

"She is in a play....or more like a ballet or musical or something. Performing arts." My mom said. "You should go watch one night if you two are free."

"Sure," I said. I would love to watch Sam didi perform. 

Veer's cousin sister came home at around midnight. We had stayed up in the living room to meet her. She seemed like a bizarre person. She seemed nice. But weird. She was wearing a torn jeans and a black tank top that bared her stomach and had the wildest curly hair that fell all over her. She wore a lot of chains around her neck and had a nose ring. And she had tattoos on her waist and on her collar bone. And she had the widest grin on her face. She almost looked like a hippie.

I liked her. She was cool. She seemed like freedom in itself.

But she was tired. So she said she will catch up with us later and went to her room. We were tired too. So we went to Veer's bedroom. Actually, I was a slight bit nervous about being in the same bed as Veer. But it was not like we were sleeping on the bed for the first time. It's not like something would happen. It was just Veer. So I felt okay. I feel comfortable with him.

When we walked in, I felt my chest a bit constrained. Veer's mom had kind of fed me too much saying young boys need to eat a lot. So I have been having difficulty breathing. Better if I get the chest binding out. Now that I sleep without it, I had got used to it. I will feel suffocated if II try to sleep in it now.

But the problem was that Veer's room did not have an attached bathroom. I looked around.

"What's wrong?" Veer asked.

"Can you go out of the room for a bit?" I asked. "I need to..." I pointed my chest. He seemed to understand.

"Yeah. Okay..." He said, and he went and opened the door. He looked outside and then came back in.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Mom is outside. She is sitting in the living room." He said.

Yeah, it will look weird if he waits outside the room. Dumbly.

"I can go get water or something." He said. But then our eyes fell on the water jug already in the room.

"It's fine," I said, giving it up. "Just turn around."

HUH???

"Turn around." She insisted.

"Okay," I turned around. This is torture. She is not doing this to me. I stayed turned around. And I could feel movement behind me. Jai moved to her backpack, and I heard the zipper open. I waited. I can do this. It's fine. Just Jai. 

"Don't look," I said to Veer as I pulled my t-shirt away.

"Yeah." He said behind me. My back was turned to him,so I won't know if he is cheating anyway

I put my hand in my pockets and I waited. My heart was pounding so damn hard. It was making me feel dizzy.

"You are not looking, right?" She asked.

"I am not," I assured her. I was not looking. Do I want to look??? NO. That will be dishonouring our friendship. She can trust me. And I did not want to risk anything to our friendship by sneaking a peek at her.

"You can look now." She said after some time. I turned around. She was done.

Jai began to climb into the bed. I hesitated. Maybe I should sleep on the floor or something.

"What happened?" Jai asked me.

"Hm... I can sleep on the floor." I said.

"Are you serious?" She laughed.

"Jai..." Why is she making this so difficult? She knows that I know she is a girl now. I already feel close to death at the thought of being in the same bed as her. Does she have any idea how she makes me feel???

"Come on. It's not the first time we slept on the same bed." She said. True. "I can't let you sleep on the floor in your own house," Jai said. "And what are you scared about? You are acting as if you will rape me or something if we are on the same bed. It's not like anything is going to happen."

That is sort of true as well. Sure my heart will beat harder, and I won't be getting any sleep. But it is not like something will happen between us. It's Jai and me.

So I climbed on the bed and lay down. Jai lay beside me.

I held my breath. I could see her just near me. Close enough to touch. I am just damn confused when feelings like that hit me. Because it's Jai. I had known her as a boy for two years. So it's confusing.

"All okay??" Jai asked me.

I nodded looking at her. 

He looked so damn nervous that it was almost adorable. And he was so near me that I felt weird too. I thought we were going to be okay in a bed together. But I was not so sure anymore. There was some strange air between us.

And Veer kept looking at me. As if he was holding his breath in or something. And my heart clenched inside me. I felt strange. I felt like I wanted him to touch me.

No. Not good... I looked away.

"Let's play a game," I said. Better to get this awkward air away. We need something to help us back into our friendship zone. The comfortable zone. To get us away, far far away from these dangerous feelings.

"What game?" Veer asked.

"The truth game," I said. "We used to play that a lot before, right?"

Okay... That is better. Playing will get me out of my misery right now. "Okay," I said.

So the truth game works like this. One will ask a question and the other will answer. It's more or less like truth or dare without the dare. But it's more like a questionnaire as well. But the questions can be kind of a lot boring than the truth or dare game. We used to play it to get to know each other. But now that I think about it...

"Hey, wait...have you lied in the game before?" Because many of her answers do not align well with the fact that she is a girl. "You so did lie," I yelled at her. Pissed off all of a sudden.

"And that's why...this is compensation." She said. "No more secrets."

"Okay... So this time it's real. Only real truth and facts." I said.

"Yup." She nodded. She held up her little finger, "pinky promise." I laughed at the girl notion in that.

"Okay, I will start," I said.

She nodded. Let's start with the basics. I will go on to important ones later.

"First memory," I said.

"That one was not a lie." She said. "It is watching a movie with dad." Okay. "My turn." She said. She thought of a while. "Football or basketball."

"Basketball. Cricket or basketball?"

"Cricket. I can at least hit the ball in cricket. I suck at basketball." I laughed. True. "You - cricket or basketball?"

"Basketball," I said. I happen to not suck at basketball. "Favorite spot??" I asked. Come on this is got to be different from what she said last time when she was a boy.

"Bowling." She said. "At least I don't suck at it. Dad and I used to go bowling." I turned to her in interest. I did not know she bowls.

"Bowling is technically not a sport," I told her.

"It is."

"It is not."

"It involves a ball. Everything involving a ball is a sport." She said. "And my turn..." She thought for a while. "Scariest movie you have ever seen."

I thought about it. "Insidious?" I asked. We watched it together.

"Yeah, that one was pretty scary." She agreed. "Same for me."

"All-time favourite movie," I asked.

She scrunched her face thinking. "Titanic," She said. That was unexpected. "Dad and I had watched Titanic on my 8th birthday. And the movie got stuck in my mind. I totally fell for Jack and Ross romance."

"How can your dad show you Titanic when you were 8?" I asked. "There is a sex scene in it. And people die in it."

"That is the perk of having a dad with no mom around," I said. Dad slipped about details like that sometimes. We were always more like friends than a father and daughter.

"What was your favourite movie as a kid?" I turned and lay facing him.

"Hm..." he said, "Spiderman. The original first one. Not Amazing spider man or Marvel one. 2002 one."

"I really liked that one too," I said. "We were born in 2001, so that makes the movie practically so old. But I like that one."

"Okay, my turn." Veer said. I nodded. Veer had this naughty look in his eyes that said that now he was moving on to serious or naughty ones. "First Crush." He said. "I know you totally lied about that in this game last time I asked."

"I didn't totally lie," I said. "It was not a girl from summer camp. It was a boy from summer camp." I told him last time that it was a girl from summer camp. 

"Oh... Okay..." I said. "So...what was he like?"

"He was cute." She said. "Light brown eyes. Nice hair. He got tiny dimples when he smiled."

I felt a sort of pang of uneasiness. I didn't like her talking about other guys like that.

"And he pushed me in a ditch," Jai said.

"WHAT?" I yelled at her.

"Yeah. It was a silly argument and he pushed me into a ditch. I got mud all over me."

"You had a crush on a guy who pushed you to a muddy ditch?" I asked. Un-freaking-believable. 

"Yeah. I got a crush on him exactly because he pushed me to the ditch." I said. I can't explain why. But he seemed different from other guys because of that. And he began to look at me a lot more often after that as well.

"What kind of logic is that?" Veer asked.

"Things like that don't have to have logic. Romance in movies always starts from a fight or brawl or misunderstanding anyway. It's similar." I said.

"Romance???" he made a face.

"I was twelve," I told him. 

Still...

"Okay... fine," I said. 

"My turn," I said. He went to the boy area. So I am going to the girl area as well. "Your favourite girl in our school," I said. "Oh...except for Ayisha. You can't say say "Ayisha'. Pick someone other than Ayisha." Otherwise, he will end up saying Ayisha. 

Hm??? That's tough.

"Do you even look at any other girl than Ayisha?" Jai teased me.

"Let me think," I said, my mind flipping over random girls in our school. I could not pick one girl. If Jai is excluding Ayisha, I could not find any girl that actually stood out. But then, wait...

His face spread with an expression of a newfound thought. He turned to me with a smart expression. I was interested now. Which girl did he pick??

"Who is it?" I asked, really curious. Who the hell is she for him to have that expression?

"Gauri Rai Chaudhari." He said.

HAA??

I sat up. "That's..."

"What?" he sat up. "You are a girl. You are in our school."

"I don't count," I said.

"You so do." He said. "And you said the favourite girl in school. It's you. You even stand above Ayisha. Honestly."

I know... It's sweet and makes me feel good. But... "Okay, fine... but then pick someone other than me and Ayisha." I said.

"What kind of rule is that?"

"That's the rule of the game. Come on."

He again fell to thoughts. "How hard it can be?" I asked.

"Then you say. Your favourite guy in school. Eh...you can't pick me." He warned. I began to think... "You can't pick Happy either. Or Varun or Dhruv or Sahil." He said.

I frowned. "What choice am I left with then?" I asked. Coz Veer is simply the best guy in our school. And if he is out of choice, I was going to go for Dhruv or Varun, because Happy is just Happy.

"See, if you leave you and Ayisha out what choice I am left with?" He asked.

"Okay... Forget the 'favourite' part. Say the prettiest girl in school." I said. "Just based on looks."

"Ayisha."

"Not Ayisha. She is out of the list. You have to pick someone other than Ayisha."

"You pick the most handsome and hot guy in school then. Then I will think of a girl." He said.

Okay, if I have to just look at looks and pick someone who looks good. "Shekhar."

"He is fifteen" Veer scowled at me.

"Well, I did not put an age restriction in the question. You can pick junior girls too."

He frowned. "Liya then," He said. Liya was in our class.

"Good choice," I said. Liya is pretty. She had a nice smile. "My pick was Liya if you had asked me to pick a girl in school."

"Liya's got a crush on you," Veer grinned.

"I know," I said. "But it's Liya's problem to deal with. Not mine." I lay back on the bed.

"God. How cruel can you be?" He asked, lying back with a laugh. "the poor girl have got no idea that she is crushing on a girl."

"And she will never find out. And years later, I will just be this cute boy she had a crush on back in school." I told him. He grinned and shook his head.

His hand gently brushed with mine then. I kind of froze. But he did not take his hand away from mine. Instead, he moved his finger over mine. It was casual enough, but still not at all casual. I turned and lay looking at him. 

I kept playing with her fingers. I knew this was stepping out of a boundary. But things felt so right with her. So comfortable, and real.

I looked down at her fingers. When I thought about it, her fingers looked so cute sort of... I threaded my fingers through them. She let me do that. I could not understand this air between us. It was somehow intimate...

"Is it my turn or yours?" I asked.

"Yours," Jai said.

"Okay..." I said.

"Ask something drastic," Jai said. 

Something to break this sudden development of hands holding. Something to again lift us back into friends zone. 

"Something I would have asked you if you were a boy?" I asked. Jai nodded.

"Or something to which I might have lied before," Jai said.

Okay... That is good. I thought about it. "Something naughty is fine?" I asked.

"Yup. Bring it on." Jai said. I laughed.

"Okay..." I turned to her. "You said it's okay."

"It's okay. Bring it on." She sounded confident.

"Okay. State three times in your life where you felt really really attracted to a guy." I said. "You have to say three separate incidents."

She squinted.

"We have had this question before." I reminded her. "And I know you totally lied that time because the question was 'three times you were attracted to a girl'."

"I remember," Jai said. "And yeah. I lied."

"See," I said. 

But this question won't help us get back to the friendzone. If anything, it makes this newfound boy-girl thing more prominent and this air between us more dangerous. I was scared now that we will suddenly start kissing each other or something. This is getting a bit crazy...

"What?" Veer teased me. "Too much? Shy?" That got to me I was most certainly not shy.

"No." I scowled. "Okay, here it goes... You asked for it." 

"Hm...First the camp boy." Why is that guy back??? "So we were talking behind the camp dorms. The camp dorms were shaped like small huts or booths. And we were standing in between two booths. It's a small space. And well he was pretty close to me. So..."

I began to feel weird. I didn't like this. Maybe I should not have asked this question.

"And I could see his brown eyes and the way he looked at me. And things began to feel weird in my heart." Jai was saying.

I clasped my hand over her hand tightly. I felt the need to touch her. To make her stop talking about this. I knew this was jealousy now. It was clearly jealousy. It was unmistakably jealousy.

"The second time..." Jai went on. "It was a friend's birthday party. I was fourteen. And it was boy from school. We were kind of friends. And we were sitting together, kind of close and talking... And well the talk began to go a bit flirty, and well...he sort of leaned into me. And I felt so damn dizzy inside."

I took both my hands and put them to my ear. "Stop. I don't want to listen to this."

"What?" She laughed.

Okay, I did ask her the question. But I did not want to hear the detailed account of how some dude made her feel weird inside her heart or made her feel dizzy. It burned a fire inside me. I felt like hitting something. It made me feel irritated and angry.

"Veer..." She pried my hand away from my ears. Laughing... Her laughter was so playful and happy. And I could see the twinkle of amusement in her eyes. I felt my stomach clench. I wanted to pull Jai closer to me and kiss her. So much... 

It's not like I don't understand what is happening. But I liked to taunt him a bit more. "He did not kiss me. I told you the truth before at this game when you asked if I have ever kissed before." Someone interrupted us that time. And we couldn't kiss. I have not had my first kiss yet. "There is one more left. I just said two times."

"Fine." Veer said. "What's the third time?"

I tensed. I just can't say that to him. 

She was hesitating. Okay...that is getting me interested. "You have to say it," I said. "Game rule."

"Thought you didn't want to hear." Jai smiled.

"I want to hear it now. Say it. Game rule." WHO the hell is for her to be this shy about it?? I felt the very need to know whoever that bastard is. I have to know.

She looked down and hid her face to the side of my hand and the bed. "You." She said.

"Huh?" I asked, not registering it the first time.

"I am insane to say this. But...you." She was talking rapidly. "The first day in the hostel. You came to me half-naked." She turned around and covered her eyes with her hand. "That was freaking hot."

I laughed out. "I knew it," I yelled out. "You were acting weird that time."

She groaned. I laughed and pulled her closer to me. Involuntarily I did that. I didn't think before I did that. The next thing I knew was that Jai was pressed to me close. She took her hand away from her eyes and she looked at me. And I felt my heart might explode. Like something was clenching my heart so tight. I could not breathe. Jai - she looked so nervous as well. Her eyes nervous, her lips slightly open, nervously...

I wanted to kiss her. But I could not bring myself to do it. I have never done it before and...this was like...how do you do it??? I was never that confident in things like that. This was the first time in my life I was this close with a girl. The first time I was feeling this way. The first time I was feeling like I want to kiss someone.

The feeling, everything - felt weird.

Plus it was Jai. I don't want to mess anything up. I can't do this with Jai. Jai is my friend.

I was scared to cross that line with her. When everything is at stake. 

I could understand the look in his eyes. But it scared me. It scared me how it made me feel inside. The intensity of what I felt inside me scared me.

I can't do this with Veer. It's too dangerous. It might mess up everything.

So I gently pushed him off.

He looked thankful that I pushed him. 

When she gently pushed me, I moved back... I could move away. I felt thankful that she did that. She gave me a polite smile. I smiled back. I turned around and lay looking up at the ceiling.

She turned and lay looking at the ceiling too.

We stayed silent for a long time after that. I don't remember who fell asleep first.