look..
i've been wanting to share these w y'all for a long fuckin time
and NOW
its here

a compilation of all the weird shit my family says during family gatherings, vacations, trips, etc..

buckle up!!

“The goat will pee in our assholes,”

“Be careful, they're all kinda peein’.”
“Euro-peein’?”

“Gotta take a little winkle!”

“MY NAME’S TARANTULA DON'T FORGET IT”
“YOUR NAME IS NOTHING”

“Have you played with Grandma’s bowl?”
“Yeah, wanna play with my bowl?”

“You gonna park in the tree, Danielle?”

“*points to the word ‘hashbrowns’* Bacon”

“It’s too early for me to be awake and NOT at work”

“GOAT PELLETS”

“IF YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF I'LL DO IT FOR YA”

*we drive past a bunch of hay*
*literally my entire family*: “hhHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY”

“Cussin’ and concussin’.”

“You didn't wear the helmet, you just licked the windows.”

“That’s kinda racist, Tarry.”

“*said in a weird, cockney accent* I gotta kniiife”

“You're cutting cabbage with a bread knife, jesus,,”

“We’re all honey badgers, right?”

“Oh, are you doing that conspiracy theory thing?”
“No, it’s origami.”

“My ball broke off of my sucker!”

“A hot ball-sucker~”

“Alright, let's see how long I can suck this before my ball gets too hot.”

“We’re Jewish?”
“It’s in there.”

“GRAB A PLATE, GRAB A SEAT
PULL UP A CHAIR TO EAT SOME MEAT”

“Your cousin, aunt great grandpa!”

“My genitals are swollen.”
“...Sorry?”

“Son of a biscuit-eating warthog…”

“Nobody has a different ball, all balls are the same.”

“Mushroom meat-less balls.”

“DINNER IS SERVED IF YOU WANT IT HOT GET ON IN ‘ERE”

“MOM DAD PICK YOUR SEATS SO WE KNOW WHERE TO SIT”

“You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your nose in front of your friends!”

“You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose?”

“Ever drink parmesan cheese before?”

“You drank TWO SHOTS OF PARMESAN CHEESE”

“NO THROWING UP AT THE TABLE”

“One bite: Mm. G o o d.”

“They’re mushroom’s balls”

“MUSHBALL”

“Why are you hitting people who taught you that”

“Hey Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Is that cheese hot and dry up there???”

“*the entire family, collectively*: JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY”

“The cupcakes are made out of mushrooms”
“I L I K E mushrooms!”

“Is he diabetical?”

“Got more BISCUIIIIITSSSS”

“Dan, what time is it?”
“7 o’clock.”
“*noises of pain*”

“1-40-2 means I love you”

“Y’know, once she says “K” I know she’s--”
“Busy?”
“No, I know she’s peeing”

“Bite your TONGUE, Hillary Clinton!”
“AMEN”

“Car!”
“Ah whatever, let ‘em run us over”

“Help me, help me, Mommy, I can't find us!”

“I got too excited and I came too fast-- thaaAAT’S not what I meant--”

“The beers, the batteries, and the bees”

“I’ll let her know that her invitation to Girl’s Night is open--”
“Capital ‘Girl’.”
“Make it a capital ‘Girl’--?”
“Make it a Big Girl?”

“Can I get a girl cheese?”
“You're makin’ cheese out of girls??”

“Do you know what “Girl Cheese” is? You don't wanna know!”
“Come ooon, don't make it bad--!”

“Come on, Jesus, don't take all the credit!”
“Jeeesuuuuus! Don't take all the credit!”
“He’s takin’ the credit!”
“For all of it?!”
“All of it!”
“*dramatic gasp*”

“Aaaw, is that a kitty--? No, that’s a plastic bag..”

“Oh, my butt is vibrating… NO IT’S NOT A MEDICAL CONDITION!”

“HEY AMAYA DOES YOUR BOOKBAG SAY ‘DEATH TO AMERICA’ IN CHINESE??”